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Topic : Step-Parenting

Number of Replies: 809
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:47:27 pm
Author : dataimport
If you are a step-parent, you deal with many frustrations and rewards each day that are unique. Share your story with us.

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September 29, 2008, 4:41 pm CDT

I have a step-father.

In my house, there's no family at all. There's my step-dad and step-brother, me, and my mom. My step-dad parents my step-brother fairly and not me. And vise versa with my mom (sort of). It's really unfair to watch your step-brother, just because he's older, get more privileges then you. Only because your parents don't want to see you grow up because then they'll feel old. And, the pure fact that I actually want to grow up, I want to major in something for college, I want to get my license and not mooch of my friends, I don't want to live with my parnets anymore (all unlike my brother except the last one, he's finally realized he needs to move out, but at one point they were all unlike him.) and I'm being punished for wanting to grow up. It's really unfair. I hate it. They doubt that I'm even moving out the moment I turn 18, and when I mention it, they get upset. They both make me feel so inadequate to growing up and going out to the real world, it's like they can't even trust that I can do it. That I can't really succeed without them. They don't give me positive reinforcment at all. It's really depressing. All I want to do is prove them wrong and it seems like they arn't going to let me. Please help. :(
 
October 2, 2008, 10:32 am CDT

My blended family is not blending

I have been a single parent for 16yrs and have a 16 and 18yr old daughter, I also have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 yrs. We are now living together for the past almost 3 months and my 16yo daughter just does not want him around every day. She says she doesn't care that we are together but just doesn't want him living with us until she leaves for college. Now I feel like my boyfriend is being as childish as she is because he does not speak to her because she doesn't speak to him. It's like they are invisible to eachother. We are beginning to argue about things almost on a daily basis. He makes comments how I did not teach my daughter manners and how to be polite and courteous because she does not acknowledge him. I am tired of the ridiculous nit picking and comments he makes. I've gone to family counseling w/my daughter and he was supposed to make an appointment w/the therapist so he can have a session and its been 2 weeks and he has not called yet. I feel like my daughter is willing to make more of an effort than he is and he is supposed to be the adult.

Has anyone gone through this same situation that is willing to give me advice. I appreciate all help.
 
October 2, 2008, 7:31 pm CDT

help me

me and my husaband have been toghter for two years before we got married. we just got married in aug 08 thats when everything changed. his family thinks im nothing to his daughter and i have no say in anything that involse her. also my husaband thinks she should be treated like a baby and she four years old i think not. when no ones around she does stuff for her self and she  knows that she cant act like a baby.but my husaband gets madd when i tell her no or put her in time out for acting up. he also does not stand by me when i set rules in less i tell him if you dont do this i think we should go our owen way even thoght i dnt mean it.what should i do?

 

also she has been askin for a brother our sister. my husband tells her no . well i want to have a family because i had a misscarge  recantly and i feel alot of pain from it. i cant walk by the baby section with out getting sad and crying. he tells me he wants a family but then his actions show other wise. he tells me lets adopted, i dont know how to take care of a child even though im with his daughter 24/7,i might have took a period as a misscarge,i dont know how hard it is or the responsbilties,and hes not ready money wise. my husaband has a job making 15 an hour and works over 12 hours a day so i know thats a lie. what should i do? i feel like he hurting from his ex that cheated on him right after they had a baby and he always toled her when she was pergo that it wasnt his. i dont know what to do i feel like a babysitter some time and im really said i feel like we arnt the same seance we got married.can some one please help me

 
October 3, 2008, 4:23 am CDT

In Hopes He Gets The Picture

Quote From: pdcbrown

I HAVE A 27 YEAR OLD SON.  HE MARRIED 3 YEARS AGO TO A WOMAN WITH A SON..  HE WAS 6.  AS TIME GOES ON HE REALLY IS VERY TOUGH ON HIM TO THE POINT OF BEING ABUSIVE, HITTING, SLAPPING AND KICKING.  I HAVE TRIED TO TELL HIM HE WASN'T RAISED THAT WAY.  HE REALLY NEEDS TO SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH HIM  HE NOW HAS 2 OTHER CHILDREN, BOTH GIRLS, WHICH ARE TREATED BETTER.  IT BREAKS MY HEART TO SEE HIM MISTREAT HIS STEP-SON.  HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY  (STEP-SON ) DOESN'T LIKE HIM.  WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP.  WORRIED MOM AND GRANDMA. 

Thank you for being a very good grandmother. I have see so many that didn't think as much about the step child as their own grandchildren to worry with that it made me so up set . My X-mother in-law was one of those weman. She would treat my brother in-laws step-sons so allful for x-mas that I just stap going. But anyway what I wanted to know was what does your sons wife say. If It Were me he would not kick slap hit abuse my son in any way. And do the other chidren say anything about it to. My be if everyone put up a stand for him he would stop or is he just a big bully to everyone? UPSET READER!!!

 
October 23, 2008, 9:17 am CDT

MY STEPCHILD WANTS TO MOVE IN WITH HER TODDLER

ok i am very stressed right now. me and my husband married 12yrs and he has a daughter and son with ex wife. i have a daughter in college with my ex. his ex was awful using her kids as pawns,etc...so my husband's daughter gets pregnant at 18 her mom says not to let us know and she shows up with a four month old asking for a car cuz she didnt have one. so we got her a car, furniture, everything...she doesnt make enough money to support her two yr old and lived with us for over two months time and let me tell you it was super tough. she is an absolute slob. you cannot even begin to imagine. and we are neat freaks. she has no respect for anyone else's stuff either. so two months later i told her i cannot do it anymore and she moved in with her boyfriend. he cheated and it didnt work out. now she wants to move back in and i outright said no. now i am the bad guy so to speak. i cannot afford her and her son. she works making minimum wage delivering pizza and also works at the counter. his ex asked if she could move in with us and i said no way. his ex with her own parents and she is 50yrs old!!!!!
 
October 27, 2008, 11:51 am CDT

Protective Parent And Aggrevated Wife

Let me start by saying there is a significant difference in age between hubby and I. I'm only 6 years older than his oldest son and 10 years older than the younger one (I have an 8 year old).

Both of his boys have zero respect for women and managed to use me...or rather I let them....the entire time they lived with us. The older one terrorized the neighborhood, drank, did drugs, and who knows what else until I confronted him one morning and he 'moved out'.

The younger one has gotten into trouble with the police and gotten his girlfriend (who has some serious mental issues herself) pregnant. Due to some issues with the police lying to us about a situation that involved them talking to me, we felt it's best to send him back to his real mom.

Unfortunately, that hasn't helped anyone. My hubby and I get along great and have been together for more than 5 years. However, every time one of his kids do something and get into trouble, he allows it to happen and automatically assumes their innocent. In some instances, he almost indicates the entire situation is my fault. They have both lied to us about almost everything and my hubby knows this. I have allowed things to go on, but I'm reaching the end of my rope.

In one unrelated incident, his oldest was stealing my lingerie and doing I don't even want to think about it with it. He would ask why he had my unmentionables and gave me a look that made me feel like he was accusing me of...uggh I don't want to even think about it. Anyway, he has this way of accusing without saying anything. When I get upset and confront him, he says he never said anything of the sort.

Anyway, with the youngest one, the conflict is coming to a head because I am almost certain he is lying about a situation that the police are wondering about. When the cops asked if I thought he was lying, I had no other choice but to tell them I don't know! Hubby is irritated about it. Plus, he's now talking that since the police situation has calmed down, he wants to let his youngest move back in with us.

I have had all of the degradation I can handle. Hubby goes to work and it's my responsibility to man the fort all day. The child sneaks through his window even though he was told he has no curfew and comes and goes as he pleases. It's become some big joke because he basically lives here and takes what he wants.  His taking our things and breaking the furniture I can handle, but this lying is dividing and ruining an otherwise dream marriage. The only thing we ever argue about are the kids. Hubby refuses to see that he lets them get away with murder and even buys them $500-1000 gifts!

Anyone else on this big globe have this problem? What the heck do I do? I love hubby, but I've already seriously considered moving out on several occasions. I realize that these are his kids and I won't make him choose between us, but I'm not going to keep taking this!
 
October 27, 2008, 2:11 pm CDT

Worry about your 8 year old

Quote From: kindnkaring

Let me start by saying there is a significant difference in age between hubby and I. I'm only 6 years older than his oldest son and 10 years older than the younger one (I have an 8 year old).

Both of his boys have zero respect for women and managed to use me...or rather I let them....the entire time they lived with us. The older one terrorized the neighborhood, drank, did drugs, and who knows what else until I confronted him one morning and he 'moved out'.

The younger one has gotten into trouble with the police and gotten his girlfriend (who has some serious mental issues herself) pregnant. Due to some issues with the police lying to us about a situation that involved them talking to me, we felt it's best to send him back to his real mom.

Unfortunately, that hasn't helped anyone. My hubby and I get along great and have been together for more than 5 years. However, every time one of his kids do something and get into trouble, he allows it to happen and automatically assumes their innocent. In some instances, he almost indicates the entire situation is my fault. They have both lied to us about almost everything and my hubby knows this. I have allowed things to go on, but I'm reaching the end of my rope.

In one unrelated incident, his oldest was stealing my lingerie and doing I don't even want to think about it with it. He would ask why he had my unmentionables and gave me a look that made me feel like he was accusing me of...uggh I don't want to even think about it. Anyway, he has this way of accusing without saying anything. When I get upset and confront him, he says he never said anything of the sort.

Anyway, with the youngest one, the conflict is coming to a head because I am almost certain he is lying about a situation that the police are wondering about. When the cops asked if I thought he was lying, I had no other choice but to tell them I don't know! Hubby is irritated about it. Plus, he's now talking that since the police situation has calmed down, he wants to let his youngest move back in with us.

I have had all of the degradation I can handle. Hubby goes to work and it's my responsibility to man the fort all day. The child sneaks through his window even though he was told he has no curfew and comes and goes as he pleases. It's become some big joke because he basically lives here and takes what he wants.  His taking our things and breaking the furniture I can handle, but this lying is dividing and ruining an otherwise dream marriage. The only thing we ever argue about are the kids. Hubby refuses to see that he lets them get away with murder and even buys them $500-1000 gifts!

Anyone else on this big globe have this problem? What the heck do I do? I love hubby, but I've already seriously considered moving out on several occasions. I realize that these are his kids and I won't make him choose between us, but I'm not going to keep taking this!

You have 2 out of control young adults showing your child how not to behave and making it obvious there are no conseqences in your household for bad behaviour.  I'd forget the marriage and leave.

 
November 18, 2008, 9:01 am CST

Step-Parenting

Quote From: a_n_other

You have 2 out of control young adults showing your child how not to behave and making it obvious there are no conseqences in your household for bad behaviour.  I'd forget the marriage and leave.

Im in a similar cituation, My bf and I are 10 yrs apart, and he has an 8 yr old boy. His son thinks he can disrespect me because im younger than his mother.  Personally I think my bfs son is very spoiled. MY bf however doesnt see it.  When I say No to him, my bf will say to his son he doesnt have to do that right infront of me!! With everything I say to his son, my bf thinks he has to add in his 2 cents. Im capable of having a conversation that doesnt require his input . His son has a tendancy to cry whenever he doesnt get his way ro get what he wants. AS soon as he whines and crys, he gets it!! I think that silly, but my bf thinks nothing of it and gets mad at me when I point out of ridiculous it is!!,  My bf alsdo got mad at me and said I as jelous because I commented on the 600$ he wants to spend just on his son at Xmas. He wants to get him an XBOX 360, NHL tickets to Calgary Flames wich are like 300 bucks, and than on top of it he wnts to get his a $200 remote controll car. we have a daughter now, christmas, can be just about him.. I dont know what to do, everything is my fault, Im the bitch when I point things out..
 
November 18, 2008, 4:31 pm CST

Step-Parenting

My fiancee has a son who is 11. He is a GREAT kid! I adore him to bits. The problem his my fiancees ex! She hates me, she's more jealous I guess. She tires to make my fiancees life miserable and acts crazy just to drive me away.  And yes she has admitted to doing  this. This is only hurting her son.  He has tried to talk to her but she wont listen, she's always right and everyone esle is wrong. She can't get it through her head that I'm here to STAY. She constantly calls and writes him emails telling him how much her life sucks and how he broke her heart. The funny thing is she is the one who cheated on him and left him for another guy. He tried to take her to counseling right after it happened but she wanted out. So when I came into the picture, 6 years later, she tried to get him back. He does not talk to her unless its about their kid but she is a constant problem in our lives and refuses to have an adult conversation. I just don't know  what to do anymore. I am sick of being called a tramp. I just want her to put more effort into her sons school work and well being.  I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I just hope someone else understands what I'm going through.
 
December 17, 2008, 9:43 am CST

Help with a step child/family problem

My boyfriend and i recently became engaged after five years.  My problems with his child started five years ago.  I should note that my sons are now 15 and 13.  Three years ago my future stepchild starting taking my children to churck on Wednesday nights.  When she arrived she would let the boys grope her breasts in front of my sons.  Then she started relating to them her sexual experiences.  This behavior has since escalated.  She is sending them perverse links on their my space accounts and I have recently learned that she is working as a dancer at an all nude club.

 

I have tried to relate to my future husband and his mom that this behavior is inappropriate for my children, but his mother thinks i should just let it go and explain to the boys that it's wrong.  They never really let her know that her behavior is wrong and I could give numerous examples of this, but I have stated to everyone that my sons would not be put in this position again and that since she has continued this behavior, that we would not be joining them, with her, for Christmas.  My future husband keeps telling me to pick my battles, because he doesn't want to stress out his 73-year old mother and I understand this, but my children are important and I feel as though this is the right decision at this point.

 

I would appreciate any comments.  I have struggled with this situation for a long time and I really feel like I need to protect my boys from any further contact with her until they're older or until she changes her behavior.

 
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