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Topic : Step-Parenting

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:47:27 pm
Author : dataimport
If you are a step-parent, you deal with many frustrations and rewards each day that are unique. Share your story with us.

 
puptent
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hopeful
July 28, 2005, 5:24 am PDT

I know your story and I would be angry

Quote From: cdringl

Thank you for the positive feedback. I am angry with my life right now. I have had a lot going on and maybe I will just copy and paste my diary entry from my computer into a post so that I don't have to re-hash my feelings all over again. I would do anything to protect my step daughter as well. If that means going to court to prove my innocents and spending all the money I have to show my step daughter you can't abuse people and get away with it.

 

Anyhow I will post it and you can tell me if you would be angry.

Carlie ---

 

I have been away from this board for a while (due to the fact that I changed my email address and couldn't receive the confirmation email from here to re-register...) so anyway, how are you and yours?  Have you gone to court again since the first time against your stepdaughter's mom & grandma?  And how is your stepdaughter taking it?  Is she supportive of you but confused regarding her mom?  It is tough enough to be a stepmom and not to make the child feel like their bio parents are wrong even when we know they are because they are their parents but in your case she has been thrown into a position by her mom to have to choose "sides".  Does she know that her mom & Grandma beat you up and then accused you of wrongdoings?

 

Hang in there.  It is bound to get better....
 
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cdringl
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July 28, 2005, 4:11 pm PDT

NOthing has changed

Quote From: puptent

Carlie ---

 

I have been away from this board for a while (due to the fact that I changed my email address and couldn't receive the confirmation email from here to re-register...) so anyway, how are you and yours?  Have you gone to court again since the first time against your stepdaughter's mom & grandma?  And how is your stepdaughter taking it?  Is she supportive of you but confused regarding her mom?  It is tough enough to be a stepmom and not to make the child feel like their bio parents are wrong even when we know they are because they are their parents but in your case she has been thrown into a position by her mom to have to choose "sides".  Does she know that her mom & Grandma beat you up and then accused you of wrongdoings?

 

Hang in there.  It is bound to get better....

Poor little step daughter doesn't even get much contact with her Dad. She has sneaked calling him a couple of times. And I think she got caught and her Mom got on the phone and ragged my husband out. How she will never let Ashley around me again. And no Ashley don't know anything that I know of or my husband. My step daughter doesn't know anything about our lives right now. She don't know that we have moved or anything...We are not done with the court stuff. But as soon as we are were going to court for at least visitation. I really don't know it depends on how court goes. If I am found innocent than I am going to pray that the DA finds the truth and turns the tables on the people that did this to me. All this really is doing is causing psychological problems with Ashley me and her Dad. We are all so lost. His daughter obviously misses her Dad if she is sneaking on the phone to call him. But how would I know I don't know anything. I'm scared this woman did this to me in 2001 with her cousin and come to find out they dismissed the charges and the only thing else they have on her is welfare fruad but, that was dimissed also. Due to plea and abeyence...pay some restitution and she got out of it all.

 

What do I do about all of this? I just pray and pray and cry and scream and holler and pray and hope that I am going to be safe. All I want in life is to feel safe again. I don't want to look around my shoulders every time I turn around thinking I am going to get jumped. Or think I might run into Ashley and not know what to say or how to not show any emotion. I suppose it will all get better it has too. I can't deal with this any longer...
 
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cdringl
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July 31, 2005, 10:42 pm PDT

HELLO ANYONE OUT THERE

HEY PUPTENT

 

I am still around if you want to chat. I have been extremely stressed had to change lawyers. As my lawyer was scaring me not getting phone calls back and wanting me to take a plea bargain. I decided to get someone with more experience and went through my work too. Anyhow I hope I got a good one this time around. Someone that will at least return my phone calls. That is what I am hoping and stressing about. Anyhow this woman has now moved and so my husband has no contact what so ever. Shouldn't this be against the law or something. Oh I can't wait to have the court stuff over because than will get a lawyer to take care of the custody stuff. I'm not saying we want custody but, my husband should have rights to see his daughter. She just turned 13 years old and the presents we sent was sent back to Old Navy where we got them. And he hasn't heard from her or anything. I know she secretly called her Dad a few weeks ago. So maybe she is waiting for Mom to go to the store or something again. Well I had better go its bedtime...love carlie
 
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kkaren1966
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August 3, 2005, 8:47 am PDT

adult step mother

I am a step mother to 3 grown girls 21, 19 and 16. 21 lives with me, my husband and our 7yo doughter together.  the other live with their mother.  We have been together since the 16yo was 8 and to be honest I am glad they are grown now as it has not been a pleasant expeience at all.  Just last night the 19yo had her father take her to look at cars and I warned him that she would want him to co-sign a loan and of course I was right.  Anyway his credit is not so good and neither is the bio mom's so I was approached to co-sign and I refused and now I am the bad guy.  This child is in college working part time and I am not willing to risk my credit standing on her.  Am I the bad guy?
 
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qqqhhh
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August 3, 2005, 2:42 pm PDT

NO

Quote From: kkaren1966

I am a step mother to 3 grown girls 21, 19 and 16. 21 lives with me, my husband and our 7yo doughter together.  the other live with their mother.  We have been together since the 16yo was 8 and to be honest I am glad they are grown now as it has not been a pleasant expeience at all.  Just last night the 19yo had her father take her to look at cars and I warned him that she would want him to co-sign a loan and of course I was right.  Anyway his credit is not so good and neither is the bio mom's so I was approached to co-sign and I refused and now I am the bad guy.  This child is in college working part time and I am not willing to risk my credit standing on her.  Am I the bad guy?

Whether you choose to take on an additional financial obligation or not, should not make you the bad the guy. 

 

If I were in your shoes, I would weigh my decision on how responsible the child is.  Since you've lived with the girls for at least 8 years you should have a really good idea of how responsible they are.  If they aren't responsible the NO co-signing.

 

And if they need to look upon you as a bad guy, well, so be it.

 

What you might do is suggest ways for the 19yo to build up her credit FIRST and then she wouldn't have to have a co-signer.

 

Q
 
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qqqhhh
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August 3, 2005, 3:05 pm PDT

I read your story...

Quote From: cdringl

HEY PUPTENT

 

I am still around if you want to chat. I have been extremely stressed had to change lawyers. As my lawyer was scaring me not getting phone calls back and wanting me to take a plea bargain. I decided to get someone with more experience and went through my work too. Anyhow I hope I got a good one this time around. Someone that will at least return my phone calls. That is what I am hoping and stressing about. Anyhow this woman has now moved and so my husband has no contact what so ever. Shouldn't this be against the law or something. Oh I can't wait to have the court stuff over because than will get a lawyer to take care of the custody stuff. I'm not saying we want custody but, my husband should have rights to see his daughter. She just turned 13 years old and the presents we sent was sent back to Old Navy where we got them. And he hasn't heard from her or anything. I know she secretly called her Dad a few weeks ago. So maybe she is waiting for Mom to go to the store or something again. Well I had better go its bedtime...love carlie

So the gist of your story is you and your step-daughter had words -- abusive ones back and forth -- but you both made up.  Wasn't right but it ended up with forgiveness or so you thought.

 

And then the Bio-Mom got wind of it and she and another relative beat you up?

 

Is the right?  And this isn't the first time it happened?

 

Wow what a terribly dysfunctional family you married into.

 

Since you went to the hospital, you have pictures and witnesses to the outcome of the physical abuse, right?

 

And they were arrested for assault and battery?  Now you are waiting for court?

 

I am flabbergasted by the audacity of your step-daughter's mother.  I feel so sorry not only for you for having to deal with someone so out of control, but I even feel MORE sorry for your step-daughter who has gotten caught in the middle.

 

So sad...

 

I'm glad you got another lawyer, and I think any kind of plea-bargain for a SECOND round of battery is insane.

 

You hang in there.  Q

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
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cdringl
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August 3, 2005, 8:05 pm PDT

co signer decline good for you

Quote From: kkaren1966

I am a step mother to 3 grown girls 21, 19 and 16. 21 lives with me, my husband and our 7yo doughter together.  the other live with their mother.  We have been together since the 16yo was 8 and to be honest I am glad they are grown now as it has not been a pleasant expeience at all.  Just last night the 19yo had her father take her to look at cars and I warned him that she would want him to co-sign a loan and of course I was right.  Anyway his credit is not so good and neither is the bio mom's so I was approached to co-sign and I refused and now I am the bad guy.  This child is in college working part time and I am not willing to risk my credit standing on her.  Am I the bad guy?
You made a great decision in my eyes. I would never co - sign for any of my children. And they are only between 13 and 9 years old. I love them but, I will teach them the needs of life and let them go through the heartaches I did so that they can learn and become use. But than I have a college fund already set up for all 3 of them. And than they will have there own trusts funds but, that can't be touched till there 25 years old. So maybe they will think twice before they sign for a credit card or a car loan. And when the time comes I will sit them all down at once and tell them that we as parents don't want to spoil them that in time they will understand. There will be no cosigning if you don't have the money you don't need it. And if you do need it you will work twice as hard to get it. I never started out with a brand new car. But the car I did get was a 83 mustang and it was something I cherished and never took advantage of because it was bought with hard earned money. I am glad to hear you said NO as I would have too... Carlie
 
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cdringl
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August 3, 2005, 8:06 pm PDT

almost right

Quote From: qqqhhh

So the gist of your story is you and your step-daughter had words -- abusive ones back and forth -- but you both made up.  Wasn't right but it ended up with forgiveness or so you thought.

 

And then the Bio-Mom got wind of it and she and another relative beat you up?

 

Is the right?  And this isn't the first time it happened?

 

Wow what a terribly dysfunctional family you married into.

 

Since you went to the hospital, you have pictures and witnesses to the outcome of the physical abuse, right?

 

And they were arrested for assault and battery?  Now you are waiting for court?

 

I am flabbergasted by the audacity of your step-daughter's mother.  I feel so sorry not only for you for having to deal with someone so out of control, but I even feel MORE sorry for your step-daughter who has gotten caught in the middle.

 

So sad...

 

I'm glad you got another lawyer, and I think any kind of plea-bargain for a SECOND round of battery is insane.

 

You hang in there.  Q

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was the one that is on trial for all of this. They believe because I was at the Mom's house I tried to hurt them when I was conned over there...Any how tomorrow I go in and set a date for trial. Carlie
 
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cdringl
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August 3, 2005, 8:14 pm PDT

daughter is in the dark

Quote From: puptent

Carlie ---

 

I have been away from this board for a while (due to the fact that I changed my email address and couldn't receive the confirmation email from here to re-register...) so anyway, how are you and yours?  Have you gone to court again since the first time against your stepdaughter's mom & grandma?  And how is your stepdaughter taking it?  Is she supportive of you but confused regarding her mom?  It is tough enough to be a stepmom and not to make the child feel like their bio parents are wrong even when we know they are because they are their parents but in your case she has been thrown into a position by her mom to have to choose "sides".  Does she know that her mom & Grandma beat you up and then accused you of wrongdoings?

 

Hang in there.  It is bound to get better....

Hello and thanks for being there... Step daughter is in the dark. She isn't allowed to see us. Her Mom changed her telephone # so we can't call her. And now they have moved so we can't even send her birthday gifts and they were rejected and sent back as address unknown...etc. And than stepdaughter called her Dad in secret as Mom was at the store with her Grandma (wicked witch of the west) anyhow she told her Dad she can't give out her phone # and than she try to call again and she was caught or something. And Mom got on the phone was very mean saying that she will never be able to be apart of his already made family....etc. It just makes me sick to hear all this. This woman was my friend I thought. We went to temple grounds with her daughter my step daughter with my boys the step brothers for Christmas lights. We went out doing alot of things together. And I even took her to wendover for her birthday too. So I really don't know what happened to her unless she is so bad at her prescription habit that she got looney...Carlie
 
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cdringl
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August 3, 2005, 8:18 pm PDT

Wow

Quote From: my_bubba

Puptent

I'm sure your stepkids will realize what you have done for them when they are older.  It was only in the past few years that I started to realize what my parents and grandparents (Mom's parents) have done for me.  I didn't even trust  my stepdad until I was a little older.  On the weekends, he would take me and my Mom to the park to play basketball and when we weren't doing that we were playing with my koosh basketball that he gave me.  The only reason it took me so long to trust him is because before my Mom and I met him, my Mom was married to someone (x-stepdad) who physically abused my Mom and hated me.  I REALLY adore and look up to my stepdad that I have now.  Now that I know that I can trust him and feel safe around him, we get along great.  My stepdad told me that he would do anything to protect me and has shown me this.  My grandparents have stepped up for me as well. 

 

cdringl,

My biological father is actually not a part of my life.  He moved away to live with his finace leaving me and his other daughter who is still a minor behind.  I consider my parent figures to be my parents (mom/stepdad) and my grandparents.   

 

:o)

Wow thats alot to go through. Sorry to hear that the bio didn't stick around but, believe me it eats a person inside and out. And its to bad he missed out on a relationship with you. My bio wasn't around till I was much older also...but thats a story for a rainy day.... carlie
 
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