Topic : Step-Parenting

Cancelling the shopping trip as a reaction to the truancy won't help unless your step-daughter's father or mother does the cancelling.  However you could make a minor point by playing truant from all domestic responsibilities this weekend and rearranging the shopping trip for next weekend.   

I grew up for 13 years not knowing who my real father was.  As a grown adult I was very angry he didn't pay any support.  He was very well off,a pilar in the community, and married. My stepdad adopted me when I was 6. We were kinda poor but my mom had to provide everything because my stepdad was selfish. 

 Legally, when I turned 18, I could have sued my real father for support.  I didn't know this until later and the time limit ran out.  Your daughter may be able to get it when she turns 18. 

YOU need to do what is best for you daughter.  Her biological father must understand though once the papers are signed to terminate his rights, you are within yours to cut him off from being in your child's life in anyway you don't want him.  I know a guy who terminated his rights to get out of child support.  He tried to make the kid's grandma, she had custody, to let him see her afterward.  He was refused.  When the girl got old enough, she decided for herself.  They have no contact.  He eventually lost his other kids born after her as well. 

  Spiritually, it is best for your child to be in a loving caring enviroment.  IF he cant comply, he needs to terminate.  The stepmom's actions can be considered child abuse.  Look into your daughters rights. Taperecord everything.  Tell your ex, as soon as you know it's him, at the beginning of the taping," I now tape all our phone calls.  Now that you are legally notified, what did you need?" IF he explodes, hang up.  You will have documented proof everytime.  The tape recorders are inexpensive and can be used really well with speaker phones.  Experiment before hand so you know how to get it just right.  Assessories can go right into some phones. 

  Your daughter needs to understand her parents problems arent suppose to punish her  in a healthy relationship.  She is just a child.  

My son got about $500-600 child support for the first 2 years of our separation due to no paperwork.   I still let my son see his dad as much as possible even though I had no visitation legally required.  It was hard because the girl he left me for is one year older than my stepson and was his bestfriends daughter.  I still supported my son and tried to make sure my feelings of hurt didnt hamper his feeling for his dad or stepmom.  It has been years now and I even go to birthday parties they throw.  BY the way, I now get more than 500 a month for ONE child. Sometimes things work out that way. 

I am hoping that someone on here can point me in the right direction or give me the right advice. 

My wife and I have been together for four years.  She had children when I met her and now we have one together, who is 3.  My personally is I am very caring but I do like some consistentcy.  My wife is also caring, but doesnt express it much.  She is very inconsistent.  When I came into the kids lives I always treated them like they were my own and never tried to distiguish the difference.  There biological dad really hasnt had much to do with them since they were very small and they had another man in their lives that walked out right before I met them.  So they had been hurt.   

So we all came together and everything seemed great until last year.  My step-daughter got to be 14 and she started to decide that she no longer had any alliance to her family or following any of our rules, which are very few.  Well, there started to be some problems between she and I because she started telling things to people in the family and at school about me to make me look bad because I didn't like her being around a friend that was a bad influence.  She is like that where if she doesnt get what she wants, she will do or say whatever she can to hurt.  In the small town that we are in, that is very frustrating as I have to see these people and they probably think twice about whether I am crazy or not now.  Well, as you can imagine this was very hurtful and I asked her to apologize.  She said she had nothing to apologize about.   That was the end of last year and since then anytime I ask her about something that she doesnt feel she has to answer to, she will just ignore it.  If I ask her in the room, she changes the subject.  If I send an email, she won't read it.  If I pass a note, she throws it away.  We get along fine as long as I don't ask her about anything that would be important like what classes she is taking, worried about her friends, or why she never answers.  So I became very frustrated about it and I have asked her mom repeatedly to help me out because her just ignoring everything I say like that just drives me nuts.  I just feel it is very disrespectful.  And keep in mind it is anything.  I can just drop her a note saying "I love you.  You are a great daughter" and she ignores it.  Yet, she comes out of her room five minutes later and starts talking as if it never happened about a different subject.  Anyways, in telling her mom this, her mom doesnt feel it is a very important thing.  I have told her that to me, her ignoring me was disrespectful, hurtful, and counterproductive to the family.  Her mom just says that I am making a big deal out of nothing and I need to act like an adult and just deal with it like that.  I am not sure what that means it that essentially means not to talk about anything other then superficial things.  So in the frustration of her ignoring what I said, I have taked away her cell phone, restricting calls, etc until her attitude improves.  Well, he mom not only reversed those, but told me that she saw on Dr Phil that in a step father cannot be the primary disciplinarion.  So since she has that, basically what I say means very little.  If I tell our daughter she needs to do something, she just says "mom" and her mom says "Dont you remember what Dr Phil and the experts said?".  So, it would seem from what the setup is now, I am supposed to be supportive and treat the kids like they are mine.  When they want to do something, they get money from me or ask me to drive them.  But if it has anything to do with discipline or demanding something from the kids, I cannot say anything to the kids.  And if I say somethign to my wife, she says she doesnt want to here about it anymore.  I told her we never do anything about it.  That is why I bring it up again.  But this just goes on and on. It seems the family is completely out of whack.  I cannot believe this can be good that as a step-father I have basically neutered of any authority.  My role is to be "fun" and "do things with the kids".  The problems I have with this is how you respect a parent that has no authority?  How damaging is it that I get undercut like that?  Then if I bring up how the stuff that was said about me was hurtful and caused me to have to talk to the school, my wife says I make a big deal out of nothing.  I am trying very hard here, but I don't see how I an be part of the family when I am essentially a side show?  Any advice would be great! 

Thanks 

Christian