Quote From: killerb255To an extent, I was actually one of those dangerous children.
My sisters annoyed me so much when I was 12 that I scared them by stabbing knives in their bedroom door.
I also hit my mother after getting so angry when I was 16.
I had major anger problems back then. At that time, anger was a blanket of protection for me--a blanket of protection for the ridicule I've taken from peers and the lack of understanding my family had for the problems I had. Eventually, I had to do something which I never heard verbalized until I started watching Dr. Phil six months ago: give yourself the love you wish others would give you.
Was there any excuse for any of my past behavior? Of course there wasn't. I have to live with the memories of these incidents for the rest of my life, learn from them, what's behind that anger (as Dr. Phil says, behind anger, there's always something else). My mother didn't deserve any of that, and neither did my sisters. I wish I never did any of those things, but that's reality.
I'm not violent at all now. In fact, I'm actually quite calm now, often a mediator for many disputes, knowing how little fighting solves and how much more problems it causes. A lot of my positive changes over the years is because I'm now aware of some of the problems I had: ADD in particular, although my current counselor is looking into possiblities of Asperger's syndrome and depression, and whether any depression symptoms are because of true clinical depression or if they were a result of trying to cope with society's reaction to my various issues, which happens often with ADD/ADHD and autism spectrum disorders).
I was in counseling twice during my teenage years: one for communication skills, the other for anger management. My mom still insists, to this very day, that I got nothing out of these sessions, although I beg to differ (from her perspective, she was desperately looking for a solution, and was frustrated that dramatic changes didn't happen--I was only in these sessions for a month each: one at age 14, the other at age 17). If I didn't get anything out of these sessions, I would have probably been in jail at various times in my life (and I currently have no criminal record, and no plans on having one).
I've also taken martial arts at age 14, which, unfortunately, made things worse, as, at the time, I didn't want a fix for my anger problems (again, it was a blanket of protection for me).
So my advice goes to two different groups of people:
1) If you are a teenager with major anger problems, you need to ask yourself what's behind your anger. Is it fear? Is it frustration? Are you afraid of someone within your family or something bad happening? Are you frustrated because the ones close to you don't understand you? Are you using your anger as way to dominate others or look tough? If any of these things are true, then you need to talk to your school counselor, church pastor, or anyone you can reside confidence in so you can get whatever's hurting you under control and find some closure before you hurt the people you care about the most any further.
2) If you are living with a teenager who has major problems with anger, then look at #1 above and ask this person some of these questions without getting angry and frustrated yourself. In addition, you may also want to take them into counseling. There can be other problems as well:
- Depression
- Bipolar Disorder
- ADD/ADHD
- Oppositional Defiant Disorder
- Conduct Disorder (which is often a sign of future Antisocial Personality Disorder, psychopathy, or sociopathy)
if nothing is done about their issues, it could lead into some grim possibilities:
- suicide
- homicides
- aggravated battery
Although, to be honest, if your teenager does have Conduct Disorder, then I think everyone here should be saying prayers for you, as psychopathy is some really bad stuff: your son/daughter has no conscience, no ability to learn from his/her mistakes, and no remorse when hurting others. Some say there's no cure for this. I personally would like to find out if there are any reformed psychopaths, sociopaths, or people that have had ASPD...
After watching Dr. Phil today, as I do on so many other days, this show most mattered to me because I have a teenager (just turned 13) who sounds alot like you. There has always been something in the back of my mind about him since he was a toddler of 18 months. It seemed to start with foot stomping and even hitting me with his little hand to get my attention. After YEARS of dealing with teachers and "good advice" from family members, I am no better off with solutions for him.
I have had him diagnosed with ADHD, then ADD with oppositional defiance. i took him to a psychiatrist when he was 6 years old who diagnosed him. The last counselor I took him to was this past year who worked with his aggressive behavior and defiant attitude.
He has had a brain MRI due to a problem noticed during an eye exam this past year, which showed two "spots" on his lobes. So then I took him to a pediatric neurologist who broke everything down for me and just ended up with "childhood migraine syndrome". He told me not to "worry" about the spots on his brain. Said he was just born that way.
I'm not any better off than I was when I started.
His pre-puberty "stage" is starting to worry me, because he absolutely acts like he doesn't hear me. He never listens to my instruction. I am pro active, but don't know which step to take next. I know the right things to do to help him, but it just never happens.
He isn't a severe as the boy on the show this morning, but does tell me things like he will kill me, or hopes I die, he hates me, etc., etc. - and this could be just because I don't go pour him a glass of milk. He has some inexplainable fears that almost sound ridiculous - flushing toilets, always having to have every light on - goes through the house turning them all on, but won't turn them off no matter how many times I ask - tell him it takes power to have them all on; afraid to come up from the basement because he thinks "a monster" will be lurking behind him.
His worst time is in the morning, he can't seem to wake up without spewing anger out and stomping and calling me names and all I am trying to do is wake him up to get ready for school.
I talk to him on a daily basis, have written him letters to heighten his awarness of how he comes across. I know there is something inside that needs to be dealt with. But I just don't know where to turn. I can't afford to keep finding people to take him to. They aren't fixing him. Everyone is just making money. I need someone who really cares like Dr. Phil to guide me in the right direction.
There's a good child inside. I love him very much and can't rely on things just "getting better when he gets older" or hoping he grows out of this.
He has an appointment this week with his neurologist who prescribes his meds for ADD, but there again - he has go come back because it's been 6 months - they have to make their money you know? I think he may need a dosage check.
Do you have any suggestions?
What happens when a child you’ve loved and raised turns against you? Meet families who are afraid for their lives because their children are angry and incredibly violent. Thirteen-year-old Nick is so out of control, he has used an ax to destroy his home, often chokes his little brother, and has threatened friends and family members with a knife! His aunt, Tonya, fears for the family's safety so much that she calls every morning just to make sure her sister is still alive. Dr. Phil informs Nick's parents, Greg and Trisha, that they have a tough decision to make. Then, Laurie says her 14-year-old daughter, Mariah, hates her so much that she feels Mariah is capable of killing her. They get in knock-down, drag-out fights at least twice a week that don't end until Mariah is physically pulled off her mother by her stepfather. Laurie's husband, Don, is ready to call it quits because he can't deal with his stepdaughter's violent and rebellious behavior. What is behind Mariah’s anger? Talk about the show here.
