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Topic : 04/17 Dangerous Kids

Number of Replies: 260
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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:12:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

What happens when a child you’ve loved and raised turns against you? Meet families who are afraid for their lives because their children are angry and incredibly violent. Thirteen-year-old Nick is so out of control, he has used an ax to destroy his home, often chokes his little brother, and has threatened friends and family members with a knife! His aunt, Tonya, fears for the family's safety so much that she calls every morning just to make sure her sister is still alive. Dr. Phil informs Nick's parents, Greg and Trisha, that they have a tough decision to make. Then, Laurie says her 14-year-old daughter, Mariah, hates her so much that she feels Mariah is capable of killing her. They get in knock-down, drag-out fights at least twice a week that don't end until Mariah is physically pulled off her mother by her stepfather. Laurie's husband, Don, is ready to call it quits because he can't deal with his stepdaughter's violent and rebellious behavior. What is behind Mariah’s anger? Talk about the show here.

 

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April 17, 2006, 8:20 am CDT

I live with a child like this

My son has ADHD and  aspergers tendencies .. while he was little it was difficult .. but i have to tell you .. once he hit  puberty.. its been a nightmare. 

 

While  some parents  dont  disapline their kids .. we have .  But  its like  he dont even care anymore.  All the doctors and councellors and medications  since he was 5 makes no difference .  It seems .  They  all tell me what he needs.. and  I  have them look back .. with all the councelers and drs  in the past.  We keep saying.. when is he going to get it????

 

The worst thing you can do is  not keep trying .. even though it seems hopeless Their  kids .. i wont give up on mine.  But I wont and cant let him think the things he does are acceptable, cause that  will surely let him end up in jail one day. 

 

I ave never posted in a  forum  here before, but  this one hit so close to home.. Im sittin here in tears.. it isnt easy when you see something so upsetting .. let laone .. thinking.. Oh My God..  its  my son in a different body..

 

 

 
April 17, 2006, 8:22 am CDT

dangerous kids

i so identified with these parents and children.  only my son is only 3 and 1/2. i remember very clearly that he started when he was 1.  he would have rages, i remember my mother saying it's the terriable twos early, well needless to say it never stopped. he is volient with his sisters he has torn his room apart he has thrown his tv. after going to the primary care doctor they suggested that maybe his speech delay was the problem. When we got that on track.  then they said suggest a neurologist who said yes he probably has adhd and suggested the "1,2,3 magic" approach.  which didn't work. he suggest a behavior therapist who after several sessions suggested that there was something more than adhd or behavior issues she then reffered us to a pschyistrist. who put him on meds.  then his dad who refuses to believe anything is wrong, called the dr. and threatened to legiations if he continues to put our son on meds.  because he didn't think he needed them.  the dr. refused to treat my son without a court order! so now we are in letigation.  and even though i i custody, dr.s are very reluctant to treat him , well refuse would be the correct word.  waiting for help, still!!!

 
April 17, 2006, 8:28 am CDT

As a nurse in an adolescent treatment facility....

I see kids like this everyday. Only about 10% fall in to the category of being mentally ill (Bipolar, schizophrenic, oppositional defiant, intermittent explosive etc...) The rest of these kids have problems that are purely behavioral and a direct result of their upbringing. In almost all cases we see a pattern of maladaptive parenting skills designed to keep the kids "happy". When I meet the parents I have no problems seeing why the kids are the way they are. We get oversexed promiscuous kids whose mother's show up in clothing that leaves nothing to the imagination. I see fathers who have violent tempers and no respect for the world. I see kids who are depressed and suicidal whose parents haven't a clue there's a problem because they are just too busy to pay attentiuon to their kids. These are kids who didn't ask to be brought into the world and are treated like inconveniences once they are here. They are dragged through divorce and custody battles, left to raise themselves because parents are too busy pursuing their own lives to be concerned about their children.  As long as the kid is not getting into trouble these parents feel that they have been successful. But there is a multitude of silent, hurting angry children who have not been taught any self control or decision making skills. Nor have they ever had to face the consequences of their actions. The prisons and drug courts are full of adults that grew up this way. We are seeing the results of the divorce culture that has become so much a part of American society.  Then these parents want us to give their kids a pill and fix them with therapy. It doesn't work this way. When a child is sick in this way it's a fact that the whole family is sick and needs help as well.

 

Spanking these kids is not the answer nor is sending them off to boot camps. There are some wonderful residential programs out there but the horror stories of the many so called residential treatment camps (especially the cheaper ones) abound and often the kids come back more rebellious than when they left. The answer is for parents to pick up the slack when children are young. The only acceptable reasons for divorce in a family with children are abuse, addiction and adultery, any other excuse for breaking up a child's home is outrageous and irresponsible. If we want to raise happy, responsible and  well adjusted children we have to parent in happy, responsible and  well adjusted ways.

 

Of the 10% that have mental illness the entire family needs to be involved in the treatment. The answer is not just a pill away. Adolescents with bipolar disorder were often mis-diagnosed with ADD/ADHD on the recommendation of a family Dr or school therapist. Then Guess What the parents are handed a pill that's supposed to fix the problem. No cognitive behavioral training, no classes on how to parent a child with these type of problems. This in unconscionable.

 

OK I'm done ranting - just one more thing That poor dog needs to be removed from that home!

 

 
April 17, 2006, 8:42 am CDT

04/17 Dangerous Kids

Quote From: llcoolt

  I AM ONE OF THE PEOPLE THAT APPEARED ON THIS SHOW.

JUST FOR THE RECORD, HERE IN CANADA OUR LAWS ARE IF YOU HIT A CHILD THEN YOU ARE CHARGED WITH CHILD ABUSE. WHEN YOUR CHILD LEAVES HOME AT 14 YRS OLD THE POLICE WILL NOT GET INVOLVED AND THEY WILL NOT MAKE THE CHILD GO HOME.

HERE IN CANADA OUR LAWS HAVE TAKEN AWAY OUR CONTROL OF OUR CHILDREN BUT YET IF THEY DO SOMETHING THAT IS AGAINST THE LAW THEN WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM. GO FIGURE!! AS FAR AS IM CONCERNED, IF A CHILD RUNS AWAY BEFORE THE AGE OF 16 THEN THEY SHOULD BE BROUGHT BACK TO THE HOME IMMEDIATELY. BUT NO!!! OUR RIDICULOUS LAWS DON'T DO THAT.

THAT IS ONE TOOL THAT MY CHILD USES AGAINST ME BECAUSE SHE HAS SAID IF YOU TOUCH ME THEN I WILL CALL THE POLICE! OH AND YOU CANT MAKE ME COME HOME BECAUSE IM 14!

BUT LETS FACE IT, THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS, PHYSICAL VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER!

I HAVE 2 OTHER CHILDREN WHO ARE PERFECTLY WELL BEHAVED AND RESPECTFUL 

IMHO,  it seems  a good possibility your daughter has biologically based problems.  Dr. Phil kind of delicately approached that,  but at minimum she has some very severe fear/anger/anxiety issues that she simply never was able to learn to control, and may never learn to control without the help of therapy and medicine.   And if  she doesn't,   abuse or abandonment issues severe enough to affect her may have occurred.   If your husband smacked you around, as was hinted at in the show,  that's scary enough.... was he alcoholic?  COUld he have hurt HER?


Reality is a harsh teacher, though I doubt she's equipped to deal with it and could end up exploited, hurt, or in jail if she decamped at 14.   I wonder what I would say if my fifteen year old son pulled that "you can't make me come home" crap on me!  Probably,  I would say rather quietly..."are you really prepared to live alone?"  


 
April 17, 2006, 8:43 am CDT

YOURS HIT HOME WITH ME THE MOST

Quote From: killerb255

To an extent, I was actually one of those dangerous children. 

 

My sisters annoyed me so much when I was 12 that I scared them by stabbing knives in their bedroom door. 

 

I also hit my mother after getting so angry when I was 16. 

 

I had major anger problems back then.  At that time, anger was a blanket of protection for me--a blanket of protection for the ridicule I've taken from peers and the lack of understanding my family had for the problems I had.  Eventually, I had to do something which I never heard verbalized until I started watching Dr. Phil six months ago: give yourself the love you wish others would give you. 

 

Was there any excuse for any of my past behavior?  Of course there wasn't.  I have to live with the memories of these incidents for the rest of my life, learn from them, what's behind that anger (as Dr. Phil says, behind anger, there's always something else).  My mother didn't deserve any of that, and neither did my sisters.  I wish I never did any of those things, but that's reality.  

 

I'm not violent at all now.  In fact, I'm actually quite calm now, often a mediator for many disputes, knowing how little fighting solves and how much more problems it causes.  A lot of my positive changes over the years is because I'm now aware of some of the problems I had: ADD in particular, although my current counselor is looking into possiblities of Asperger's syndrome and depression, and whether any depression symptoms are because of true clinical depression or if they were a result of trying to cope with society's reaction to my various issues, which happens often with ADD/ADHD and autism spectrum disorders). 

 

I was in counseling twice during my teenage years: one for communication skills, the other for anger management.  My mom still insists, to this very day, that I got nothing out of these sessions, although I beg to differ (from her perspective, she was desperately looking for a solution, and was frustrated that dramatic changes didn't happen--I was only in these sessions for a month each: one at age 14, the other at age 17).  If I didn't get anything out of these sessions, I would have probably been in jail at various times in my life (and I currently have no criminal record, and no plans on having one).

 

I've also taken martial arts at age 14, which, unfortunately, made things worse, as, at the time, I didn't want a fix for my anger problems (again, it was a blanket of protection for me). 

 

So my advice goes to two different groups of people:

 

1) If you are a teenager with major anger problems, you need to ask yourself what's behind your anger.  Is it fear?  Is it frustration?  Are you afraid of someone within your family or something bad happening?  Are you frustrated because the ones close to you don't understand you?  Are you using your anger as way to dominate others or look tough?  If any of these things are true, then you need to talk to your school counselor, church pastor, or anyone you can reside confidence in so you can get whatever's hurting you under control and find some closure before you hurt the people you care about the most any further. 

 

2) If you are living with a teenager who has major problems with anger, then look at #1 above and ask this person some of these questions without getting angry and frustrated yourself.  In addition, you may also want to take them into counseling.  There can be other problems as well:

 

- Depression

- Bipolar Disorder

- ADD/ADHD

- Oppositional Defiant Disorder

- Conduct Disorder (which is often a sign of future Antisocial Personality Disorder, psychopathy, or sociopathy)

 

if nothing is done about their issues, it could lead into some grim possibilities:

 

- suicide

- homicides

- aggravated battery

 

Although, to be honest, if your teenager does have Conduct Disorder, then I think everyone here should be saying prayers for you, as psychopathy is some really bad stuff: your son/daughter has no conscience, no ability to learn from his/her mistakes, and no remorse when hurting others.  Some say there's no cure for this.  I personally would like to find out if there are any reformed psychopaths, sociopaths, or people that have had ASPD...

After watching Dr. Phil today, as I do on so many other days, this show most mattered to me because I have a teenager (just turned 13) who sounds alot like you.  There has always been something in the back of my mind about him since he was a toddler of 18 months.  It seemed to start with foot stomping and even hitting me with his little hand to get my attention.  After YEARS of dealing with teachers and "good advice" from family members, I am no better off with solutions for him.

 

I have had him diagnosed with ADHD, then ADD with oppositional defiance.  i took him to a psychiatrist when he was 6 years old who diagnosed him. The last counselor I took him to was this past year who worked with his aggressive behavior and defiant attitude. 

 

He has had a brain MRI due to a problem noticed during an eye exam this past year, which showed two "spots" on his lobes.  So then I took him to a pediatric neurologist who broke everything down for me and just ended up with "childhood migraine syndrome".  He told me not to "worry" about the spots on his brain.  Said he was just born that way. 

 

I'm not any better off than I was when I started.

 

His pre-puberty "stage" is starting to worry me, because he absolutely acts like he doesn't hear me.  He never listens to my instruction.  I am pro active, but don't know which step to take next.  I know the right things to do to help him, but it just never happens.

 

He isn't a severe as the boy on the show this morning, but does tell me things like he will kill me, or hopes I die, he hates me, etc., etc. - and this could be just because I don't go pour him a glass of milk.   He has some inexplainable fears that almost sound ridiculous - flushing toilets, always having to have every light on - goes through the house turning them all on, but won't turn them off no matter how many times I ask - tell him it takes power to have them all on; afraid to come up from the basement because he thinks "a monster" will be lurking behind him.

 

His worst time is in the morning, he can't seem to wake up without spewing  anger out and stomping and calling me names and all I am trying to do is wake him up to get ready for school.

 

I talk to him on a daily basis, have written him letters to heighten his awarness of how he comes across.  I know there is something inside that needs to be dealt with.  But I just don't know where to turn.  I can't afford to keep finding people to take him to.  They aren't fixing him.  Everyone is just making money.  I need someone who really cares like Dr. Phil to guide me in the right direction.

 

There's a good child inside.  I love him very much and can't rely on things just "getting better when he gets older" or hoping he grows out of this.

 

He has an appointment this week with his neurologist who prescribes his meds for ADD, but there again - he has go come back because it's been 6 months - they have to make their money you know?   I think he may need a dosage check.

 

Do you have any suggestions?

 
April 17, 2006, 8:54 am CDT

04/17 Dangerous Kids

Quote From: annaliese

If there is no event or series of events that point to these kids problems, or medical/psychological diagnosis, is there a possibility that these kids might be possessed?

 No.
 
April 17, 2006, 8:57 am CDT

04/17 Dangerous Kids

I have looked up Aspen Education Group and it look like they are not part of the WWASPS programs. But that does not mean that its is a good school or programs. WWASPS are very abusive programs. You can type in the name of your school you are looking at sending your kids and add abuse to the end of it and search it out. (WWASPS Abuse) ( Tranquility Bay Abuse)  also here is a link to look at: http://www.askquestions.org/details.php?id=209

 The name of the WWASPS Schools are:

  • Jamacia
  • Tranquility Bay
  • South Carolina/Costa Rica shared
  • Pillars of hope

    These schools are located in the 4 corners of the United States.
  • Up State New York
  • Ivy Ridge Academy
  • South Carolina
  • Carolina Springs Academy
  • Georgia
  • Darrngton Academy
  • Iowa-Illonis/Kansas
  • Midweat Academy
  • Mississippi
  • Respect Camp Boys Academy
  • Montana-Washington/Oregon
  • Spring Creek Lodge
  • Northern Utah
  • Majestic Ranch Academy
  • Southern Utah
  • Cross Creek Center Boys
  • Cross Creek Manor Girls
  • Northern California-Nevada
  • Trek
  • Southern California-Nevada
  • Horizon Academy

    The following are unique schools and services.
  • New Beginnings Maternity Home- Utah
  • Costa Rica-College Study Abroad-17 and older
  • Pillars of hope
  •  

     
    April 17, 2006, 10:55 am CDT

    Finding the Solution

    First and foremost, I don't know these children.   However, If after having a thorough mental and physical examination and there wasn't  something significantly off balance they would be put out of my home.

    I am a mother of two little girls, and I love them enough to discipline them. Under no circumstance do we hit, raise our voice or throw things.  If you are angry then you go in your room until you are ready to be around the family again.

    I love in a small town and we have 9 third grade teachers 7 of them teach "special ed".  What a commentary on Amercia that we would rather label our child as mentally challenged rather than teaching them discipline.

    The teenagers on the show today ore going to find it impossible to make it on there own in the world. Unless soemthing drastic happens they will both be prison inmates before they are 21.

     
    April 17, 2006, 11:15 am CDT

    angry kids

    I watched the dr. phil show today thinking back to my own son's rebellious behavior in his childhood.   We are a family of 5, 2 girls and 1 boy.  I'll call my son A.  A was a problem child from the beginning.  He was almost always angry and didn't seem happy unless he was getting all the attention, which he usually did, being he was the "baby" in the family.  He has been in and out of trouble since the age of 16, when I turned him into the law for drugs use.  I didn't know then what a long road i'd have to travel.  He was sent to rehab for 6 weeks, came home and started drinking, and i'm sure using drugs again.  So, we went to counseling, individual and family counseling and continued that on an outpatient lever for about 2 more years.  He just would not tell the truth!  He would rather lie out of it than to deal with it.  I felt like such a failure as a parent.  But as time went on, he continued with this on again off again behavior.  He met a girl 10 yeaars ago and now they have four boys, three that are his and she already had a boy by a previous marriage.  Her life has been hell, he has been in rehab 3 more times, is there now, under a court appointed one.  He has made almost everyone around him miserable, and I am so sorry for the things that he has done to his wife and children.  I don't know what will happen when he is released this time from rehab, but this is his last chance as I see it.  Whatever happens it will be up to the courts, and the judge.  I am so worried about him, somewhere deep down inside I know there is a little boy trying to get out and I don't know how to make that happen.   I watched today's show with awe that we have such kids in our homes destroying families and also themselves.  I hope the kids on the show get the help that they need and I belive they will if they follow dr. phil's advice.  It seems every avenue has been exhausted in A's case and it is now out of my hands and into the law's.  I hope if anyone reads this and recognizes themselves in this situation, please get help before it is too late, and thank you dr. phil for being there for people like us.

     

     
    April 17, 2006, 11:15 am CDT

    04/17 Dangerous Kids

    Quote From: swchick

     No.
    I agree completely. Possession (sp) is something that people used to explain mental disorders long long long ago. We are in an age now where we understand that the brain is an organ and a complex one, and as complex things can be amazing, things can go amazingly wrong too.
     
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