Quote From: killerb255To an extent, I was actually one of those dangerous children.
My sisters annoyed me so much when I was 12 that I scared them by stabbing knives in their bedroom door.
I also hit my mother after getting so angry when I was 16.
I had major anger problems back then. At that time, anger was a blanket of protection for me--a blanket of protection for the ridicule I've taken from peers and the lack of understanding my family had for the problems I had. Eventually, I had to do something which I never heard verbalized until I started watching Dr. Phil six months ago: give yourself the love you wish others would give you.
Was there any excuse for any of my past behavior? Of course there wasn't. I have to live with the memories of these incidents for the rest of my life, learn from them, what's behind that anger (as Dr. Phil says, behind anger, there's always something else). My mother didn't deserve any of that, and neither did my sisters. I wish I never did any of those things, but that's reality.
I'm not violent at all now. In fact, I'm actually quite calm now, often a mediator for many disputes, knowing how little fighting solves and how much more problems it causes. A lot of my positive changes over the years is because I'm now aware of some of the problems I had: ADD in particular, although my current counselor is looking into possiblities of Asperger's syndrome and depression, and whether any depression symptoms are because of true clinical depression or if they were a result of trying to cope with society's reaction to my various issues, which happens often with ADD/ADHD and autism spectrum disorders).
I was in counseling twice during my teenage years: one for communication skills, the other for anger management. My mom still insists, to this very day, that I got nothing out of these sessions, although I beg to differ (from her perspective, she was desperately looking for a solution, and was frustrated that dramatic changes didn't happen--I was only in these sessions for a month each: one at age 14, the other at age 17). If I didn't get anything out of these sessions, I would have probably been in jail at various times in my life (and I currently have no criminal record, and no plans on having one).
I've also taken martial arts at age 14, which, unfortunately, made things worse, as, at the time, I didn't want a fix for my anger problems (again, it was a blanket of protection for me).
So my advice goes to two different groups of people:
1) If you are a teenager with major anger problems, you need to ask yourself what's behind your anger. Is it fear? Is it frustration? Are you afraid of someone within your family or something bad happening? Are you frustrated because the ones close to you don't understand you? Are you using your anger as way to dominate others or look tough? If any of these things are true, then you need to talk to your school counselor, church pastor, or anyone you can reside confidence in so you can get whatever's hurting you under control and find some closure before you hurt the people you care about the most any further.
2) If you are living with a teenager who has major problems with anger, then look at #1 above and ask this person some of these questions without getting angry and frustrated yourself. In addition, you may also want to take them into counseling. There can be other problems as well:
- Depression
- Bipolar Disorder
- ADD/ADHD
- Oppositional Defiant Disorder
- Conduct Disorder (which is often a sign of future Antisocial Personality Disorder, psychopathy, or sociopathy)
if nothing is done about their issues, it could lead into some grim possibilities:
- suicide
- homicides
- aggravated battery
Although, to be honest, if your teenager does have Conduct Disorder, then I think everyone here should be saying prayers for you, as psychopathy is some really bad stuff: your son/daughter has no conscience, no ability to learn from his/her mistakes, and no remorse when hurting others. Some say there's no cure for this. I personally would like to find out if there are any reformed psychopaths, sociopaths, or people that have had ASPD...
Hi Killerb255. My username is Susanpear.
I have just become more healed by following that advise: "Give yourself the love you wish others would give you". It started by my listening to my favorite style of music (music that invigorates my soul and brings out the good endorphins), pursuing my craft hobbies, and improving my conduct and role as wife and mom. Also, I brain-stormed on how I could escape the oppressive situations in my home - what kind of goals I could set. I learned to use the internet to gather information. I can get away from home for a few hours to calm down and reflect. I am also working on what kind of gainful employment I might do, and improving my skills. For years, I resisted working on MYSELF! After all, I thought, it's others who are doing the hurting! But I finally learned and it works.
I have two daughters who are 17 and 13. The 13-year-old has a problem with anger and frustration. I think she feels like no one understands her, and only recently have I tried to be more sensitive and instructive in positive ways. Yet I haven't got all the answers and we will continue to have set backs I'm sure. Her problems include: bossing us around about bedtime, getting too technical in arguments, always fighting for the last word, fighting back (verbally) when I have to remind her of her responsibilities, cutting me off when I try to explain, using rude tones and expressions, acting equally authoritative to me (as if I am not older than her or deserving of respectful parent status), yelling/screaming when things escalate. Fortunately, she doesn't use foul language nor does my other daughter. I admit I have used foul language for years. Am trying to stop now. Although nothing dangerous is going on, destructive behavior has been executed by me, my husband, and her. My 17-yr-old has come to my defense against her many times, because I have usually fallen apart during the battles and disintegrate into crying. My stomach has been turning near the time she comes home from school.
I have recently been in a severe depression, endured a loveless marriage for 22 years, and just recovered from breast cancer treatment. I really value your message and believe you are right on the button. Thanks! Susanpear
What happens when a child you’ve loved and raised turns against you? Meet families who are afraid for their lives because their children are angry and incredibly violent. Thirteen-year-old Nick is so out of control, he has used an ax to destroy his home, often chokes his little brother, and has threatened friends and family members with a knife! His aunt, Tonya, fears for the family's safety so much that she calls every morning just to make sure her sister is still alive. Dr. Phil informs Nick's parents, Greg and Trisha, that they have a tough decision to make. Then, Laurie says her 14-year-old daughter, Mariah, hates her so much that she feels Mariah is capable of killing her. They get in knock-down, drag-out fights at least twice a week that don't end until Mariah is physically pulled off her mother by her stepfather. Laurie's husband, Don, is ready to call it quits because he can't deal with his stepdaughter's violent and rebellious behavior. What is behind Mariah’s anger? Talk about the show here.
