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Topic : 04/17 Dangerous Kids

Number of Replies: 260
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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:12:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

What happens when a child you’ve loved and raised turns against you? Meet families who are afraid for their lives because their children are angry and incredibly violent. Thirteen-year-old Nick is so out of control, he has used an ax to destroy his home, often chokes his little brother, and has threatened friends and family members with a knife! His aunt, Tonya, fears for the family's safety so much that she calls every morning just to make sure her sister is still alive. Dr. Phil informs Nick's parents, Greg and Trisha, that they have a tough decision to make. Then, Laurie says her 14-year-old daughter, Mariah, hates her so much that she feels Mariah is capable of killing her. They get in knock-down, drag-out fights at least twice a week that don't end until Mariah is physically pulled off her mother by her stepfather. Laurie's husband, Don, is ready to call it quits because he can't deal with his stepdaughter's violent and rebellious behavior. What is behind Mariah’s anger? Talk about the show here.

 

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April 17, 2006, 12:47 pm CDT

Sound Advice

 Y'know, I actually used to make a lot of fun of Dr. Phil, thinking the idea of a psychiatric show was ridiculous. When I started to watch the show, my respect grew very quickly, because I saw he gave excellent, sound advice. One of the best pieces of advice was one given in todays show, an opinion based on personal experience. The Aspen Education Group, a large group of inpatient programs for troubled teens (and in fact a few for adults), was mentioned as a possibility. Three years ago, due to escalating drug problems, problems with school, violent tendencies, and legal issues, I was sent to the Aspen Achievement Academy, in Loah, Utah, a member of the Aspen Group. Although I didn't realize it at the time, the good it did me was innumerable. I learned to be independent of others without pushing others away, to express my emotions in ways that do not harm others, learned how to forge bonds and relationships I never could have had before. Aspen gave me ways of dealing with and facing life, tought me how to survive and be a successful human being. At the time I went to Aspen, I was on several medications, seeing several different psychiatrists and psychologists, about to be entered into the court system, in risk of expulsion from high school and of having to repeat the ninth grade, and nobody wanted to be around me, even my closest friends had abandoned me, save one (who is still my closest mate to this day). Now, three years later, I see only one therapist biweekly, and that lately has been simply time to plan for the future, I take no medications, have no legal trouble, have a good job, a beautiful girlfriend, friends who are very dear to me, and am preparing to graduate high school and start college. I could not have gotten where I am without the skills I got out in the wilderness in Utah that summer three years ago.
 
April 17, 2006, 1:08 pm CDT

Mom of 1 trouble teen

HI all,

I am the mother of 7 children and I have 1 child that is out of control.  Discipline isn't the thing that makes or breaks a child because the 1 child that I have that is out of control did have discipline....everything from spanking, grounding, and taking things away from her. 

 

She started acting out at 12 because I would not let her do what her friends were doing, for example dating high school boys in middle school.  She would take her baby sisters "for a walk",  I thought cool she is spending bonding quality time with the girls.......guess what, she wasn't.  My youngest 2 children were her cover for having sex with a 16 year old thug.

 

She has assaulted me 2 times and i filed charges on her, instead of touching her.  She pled guilty.  She assaulted me a third time at which time all my children were there, so to protect me and my other kids, I held her down.  I was the one arrested.

 

I decided for the sake of my family and myself, she needed to be removed from my home.  I put her into the state's care in foster care. 

 

LIke I stated before, that some children are just not right in the head even though they are diagnosed with no problems and everything is the parent's fault.  My 18 year old will be graduating high school this year with a 3.85 gpa, was honored with a $44,000.00 scholorship for a very nice college.

 

My 13 year old son gets good grades also and has goals of going to college then into the air force to become a pilot.

 

The problem child is 15.  Since going into foster care, her grades have fallen, and she still isn't getting the proper diagnosis for whatever is wrong with her mentally because she is a master manipulator.

 

Some children just need some very tough love even if that means they miss holidays and birthdays with the family, by being removed.  I will not have her back home until she is properly diagnosed and medicated. 

 

Many have turned against me for what I have done, and that is ok.  They don't live here and have the other children to protect.  My conscience says I did what was best for my other children and that is all that matters to me.

 

 

 
April 17, 2006, 1:16 pm CDT

Living with a dangerous kid and parents in denial

I grew up in a home of 6 kids, 4 girls and 2 boys.  I was the oldest girl, 2 child.  My younger brother, 4th child, was a child in need of some intervention and did not get it till he was imprisoned for assult and sexual assult.  As I watched the show today, my heart went out the the younger son of the parents of Nick.  I can relate to him having lived in similar circumstances.  My older brother and I were often accused of causing alot of the violent behavior in our brother.  The episodes of violence were unpridictable and most often unprovoked.  On several occasions, knives, baseball bats and on one frightening occasion a rifle (I found out later to be loaded) were used in these violent episodes.  Our parents refused to allow for outside intervention as this was a "family issue".  I hope that the parents of Nick get him the help he needs.  My brother has spent several terms in jail as a result of his inability to control his anger.  I remember the fear and asking to have a lock on my bedroom door,  No child should feel that way in their own home.  I even ended up walking down the isle at my wedding with 3 broken ribs as a result of one of his violent episodes that occured 2 days before my wedding.  In my case things did not get better by ignoring the problem.  As a result of the lack of intervention in our home, I have very little contact with my father, my parents are divorced, and I have no contact with that brother.  Sometimes keeping the family together at all costs, tears them apart.
 
April 17, 2006, 1:18 pm CDT

Hi Icool,

Quote From: llcoolt

  I AM ONE OF THE PEOPLE THAT APPEARED ON THIS SHOW.

JUST FOR THE RECORD, HERE IN CANADA OUR LAWS ARE IF YOU HIT A CHILD THEN YOU ARE CHARGED WITH CHILD ABUSE. WHEN YOUR CHILD LEAVES HOME AT 14 YRS OLD THE POLICE WILL NOT GET INVOLVED AND THEY WILL NOT MAKE THE CHILD GO HOME.

HERE IN CANADA OUR LAWS HAVE TAKEN AWAY OUR CONTROL OF OUR CHILDREN BUT YET IF THEY DO SOMETHING THAT IS AGAINST THE LAW THEN WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM. GO FIGURE!! AS FAR AS IM CONCERNED, IF A CHILD RUNS AWAY BEFORE THE AGE OF 16 THEN THEY SHOULD BE BROUGHT BACK TO THE HOME IMMEDIATELY. BUT NO!!! OUR RIDICULOUS LAWS DON'T DO THAT.

THAT IS ONE TOOL THAT MY CHILD USES AGAINST ME BECAUSE SHE HAS SAID IF YOU TOUCH ME THEN I WILL CALL THE POLICE! OH AND YOU CANT MAKE ME COME HOME BECAUSE IM 14!

BUT LETS FACE IT, THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS, PHYSICAL VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER!

I HAVE 2 OTHER CHILDREN WHO ARE PERFECTLY WELL BEHAVED AND RESPECTFUL 

 I sympathize with your situation. None of us are perfect and we all could benefit from help with professionals out there when it comes to raising kids.I understand what you've gone through  because my daughter went through a horrendous  time with my oldest grandson.It took years of  begging and pleading and DR.visits and he kept the whole family on a constant cycle of 'what will he do next'.  We have a terrible shortage of therapists to deal with kids like that. I sure hope that you do get the support you need for your family.
 
April 17, 2006, 1:18 pm CDT

Would like to talk with you more.

Quote From: morgan2963

I am a child of abuse that resulted all from my older brother.  Not only did he physically abuse me, but he also sexually abuse me.  He has turned my life into a complete hell.  I was stabbed multiple times by my brother.  He began to collect knives at a young age, and my parents did nothing about it, so I got the short end of the stick.  I remember waking up in the middle of the night, to see my brother standing over me in my bed with a knife to my throat.  I would always scream for my mother and she would come in to the room and comfort me, but Nathan was just sent back to his room.  He distroyed everything I ever had.  He broke everything, including my bedroom door, which meant that I had no way to keep him out.  He used to punch me and throw me down the stairs on a weekly basis.  He tripped me in the school hallways so that I would fall completely on my face.  When he got older the violence just got worse.  He got a car for his 16th bday, and when it wouldn't start, he totaled the car with a baseball bat.  When he and my father got in a fight, Nathan hid a rock behind his back, came up behind my dad, and tried to hit him with it but my dad instead turned and got him to the ground.

I have almost all horrible memories of childhood, and I will never be able to fix all the damage.  In attempts to make something out of my life, I am working on getting my Ph.D in Abnormal Psychology at a nearby University.  It helps me to try to sort out all the damage and pain that I am left with.  My parents never sent my older brother anywhere, he lived with me only one room away for 14 years, until my parents got divorced. 

I will always hold resentment toward my father and mother for NEVER doing anything to protect me.  Please if this is your family, don't forget about the innocent siblings who are tortured and ruined all because as parents you aren't sure of what action to take.  Any action is better than none.  I have all the odds stacked against me, and I am fighting to survive with myself and my pain! Don't allow this to happen to your children!  It was and is the worst thing a parent could ever do to a child!

 

If someone reads this and feels that there family may be in this position, please email me, I have only my personal experiences to speak from, but I am very open and honest. 

Hi, I read your message on the bulletin board on Dr. Phil.com.  I would really like to talk to you more.  My email is jmlee.6@insightbb.com.  I have also posted a message about my family and what we are going through.  I hope it posts soon so that you may read it.

 

Thank you,

mlee

 
April 17, 2006, 1:19 pm CDT

Spanking is not violence, It's Love

 

 It really amazes me to hear these parents cry that spanking is to violent and parents shouldn't hit their children. I am one of eight children raised in a "Spanking household". IT WORKS, I am 33 years old and the only reason my parents are not on DR.Phil asking his advice on what to do with me is because my parents loved me enough to Spank me when I was young and getting into trouble. I would never dream of hitting or talking back to my parents like some of these children on the show. I needed a spanking to help me realize that what I was doing was wrong and to make me think twice about doing it again. Never once did I feel like I could get away with breaking my parents rules and do what I wanted to do. I was not perfect or was I always in the right, but when I needed correction my FATHER gave me correction. If more children knew that they had consequences for their actions and knew that their parents were going to discipline them if they were bad maybe they wouldn't act the way they do. I thank God my parents LOVED me enough to SPANK me. The discipline my father and mother gave me would be considered child abuse by most of these parents and people who protest spankings, and they are the ones who are making a way for todays young people to get over on their parents and teachers who have no control over them.

Instead of making excuses why you think it's so wrong for children to be spanked, show them you love them enough to inconvenience yourself by taking the time guide them into responsible adulthood, even if it means you have to spank them. Otherwise just keep saying how wrong it is to spank children and let your out of control child tell you what they are going to do as they go through life disrespecting teachers, friends, family any authority figure, and most of all YOU, the GUTLESS parent who won't accept responsibility of raising  your child and making your child accountable for their actions

 
April 17, 2006, 1:21 pm CDT

Dangerous Kids

Quote From: alinda

Parents should have total control back of their kids.  That's what's wrong with them today, they are taught in school (thanks to the government) that they don't have to listen or behave to their parents and if the parent does correct them, they (the kid) can turn them into the authorities..of course the school personnel doesn't tell the kid what happens to them once their parent is turned in for correcting them!........THE KID IS REMOVED FROM THEIR NICE PRIVATE BEDROOM WITH TV, VCR, STEREO, GAMES, ETC!......my own grandson threatened to turn his mother in if she were to hit him or correct him, that's when I went off on him and told him to NEVER let me hear him say that again and I then explained the cold truth to him as to where HE would go, not his mother!!!..the parent does come back home but the kid does not!.........Kids are taught this in school!!!  It needs to be changed, an idiot can see that it's gotten worse over the years with kids and parents are scared to death to correct their kids anymore because of it.........time for a change!...........Parents, take back your control, don't let kids run your household..at any cost!.........your kids will thank you one day!

I cannot imagine living in a home with a child like Nick.

He obviously has major problems that his parents have ignored.

I am amazed at how much control parents have relinquished to their children in this country.  Adults seem to feel guilty making decisions and setting boundatires for their households.  It is devastating to watch a mother go to sleep at night, wondering whether she and her other family members will survive the night. 

 

Nick's mother does not seem to have much self-love and that may be the problem...That reflection has been passed onto Nick and goodness only knows how it has effected the youngers on to have been born into a WORLD OF MISERY.  Therapy must begin with Mom and seperately for Nick.  Nick should be REOMVED from the family until he can "get a grip" on himself versus his parents throats.

 
April 17, 2006, 1:21 pm CDT

04/17 Dangerous Kids

Quote From: sonsissues

Help is not always easy to find for children who become dangerous. My son is also 13, he has been dignosed with Aspergers.  Trying to get councling for him and even with insurance, its to expensive, I can barely keep up with the medication payments. As a mother I try not to cover up what he does, and I will not give up on him, we do the best we can for the time being.  I have read books and checked the internet, but still I can't help my son. Insurance company would not let him stay in the hosptial for extra help. He is a good person, who needs help. I feel helpless!!

I have a grandson that lived with us that is in the same shape as your son. We finally had to sign him over to the state for the help we need. DCFS is still trying to have us take training for him.But, he was in Boys & Girls Town for 13 months and they were able to do absolutely nothing. Yet, the state thinks we will learn how to cope in 6 months. It was so hard to do what we did, but when you reach out for help and there isn't anymore, what do you do? We have cried many tears over this boy. Yet, his mom is holding things up because she won't sign and she also won't take him. He has abused his little brother and tried to abuse him mom. The state will help if you do sign him. Terrible isn't it? We are in constant contact with the state and with the mental health department.

He will eventually go to a group home that deals with boys with these problems. I hope you will be able to get help for you son soon. God Bless.

 
April 17, 2006, 1:25 pm CDT

Some kids need more than parents

I know how these people feel or at least how they will fell feel when their son is taken. My son is leaving tomorrow for a Boot Camp. He too was out of control, failing in school, cursing the teachers,violent towards family, disrespectful to ALL adults, sneaking out of the house, smoking, and I heard he had also been doing drugs. He's 15 and has been in a childrens shelter for a month waithing for a spot to open at the boot camp. In this last month he talks to us, he has said he is sorry and has admitted to things he knows were wrong. Not much but I have seen some progress. And I am hoping we can be a family again someday.

Believe me we've tried counselors and doctors he would go when I could find him but he would snowball them and tell them what they wanted to hear and just laugh when we would leave.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It breaks my heart to not be with my son. His brothers have been there to support him and in the past they wouldn't even speak. They now talk when we go to visit.

I'm not saying he will be perfect when he comes home but I don't want perfect. I want a son who just sees that he has a family that loves him and one that will always be here for him.

 
April 17, 2006, 1:26 pm CDT

04/17 Dangerous Kids

Quote From: alinda

Parents should have total control back of their kids.  That's what's wrong with them today, they are taught in school (thanks to the government) that they don't have to listen or behave to their parents and if the parent does correct them, they (the kid) can turn them into the authorities..of course the school personnel doesn't tell the kid what happens to them once their parent is turned in for correcting them!........THE KID IS REMOVED FROM THEIR NICE PRIVATE BEDROOM WITH TV, VCR, STEREO, GAMES, ETC!......my own grandson threatened to turn his mother in if she were to hit him or correct him, that's when I went off on him and told him to NEVER let me hear him say that again and I then explained the cold truth to him as to where HE would go, not his mother!!!..the parent does come back home but the kid does not!.........Kids are taught this in school!!!  It needs to be changed, an idiot can see that it's gotten worse over the years with kids and parents are scared to death to correct their kids anymore because of it.........time for a change!...........Parents, take back your control, don't let kids run your household..at any cost!.........your kids will thank you one day!

they are taught in school (thanks to the government) that they don't have to listen or behave to their parents and if the parent does correct them, they (the kid) can turn them into the authorities.

That is a ridiculous assertion.  Chidren are not taught that in school and it isn't true.  Parents are entitled to correct children and the authorities support the parent's discipline.

 
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