Topic : 04/17 Dangerous Kids

After watching today's show and reading your message, I would like to share my experience with you in hopes that you find a solution.

 I have a 16 yr old son and have been divorced from his father for 13 yrs. From early on, (about age 3 or 4) our son was always angry and I never knew why. He was in and out of counseling for many many years but it seemed that nothing was ever resolved. About the age of seven, he became violent towards me and for years I threatened to call the police on him but never did because I thought they would think I was crazy. The last time my son assulted me, he was 13 yrs old. I was at my witts end with him and I  called the police. He was taken to juvenile hall and left there for a day or so. To this day, he has never laid a hand on me or even threatened too.

I still have struggles with him and ,at this time he has choosen to live with his father because he will not live by my rules. It was the hardest thing to let him go but I am standing firm in my rules and I won't budge. Kids need rules and boundries.

It's unfortunant that your ex wife is playing the role of enabler as this only makes matters worst. Perhaps she will change roles when the situation becomes unbearable.

Good luck and stand firm.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I WAS WITH HER FATHER UNTIL SHE WAS 8 YEARS OLD!!! SO UHHHH DATES, I DONT THINK SO! JUST FOR THE RECORD, I NEVER WENT OUT, AND HER FATHER WAS OUT WHILE I SAT AT HOME NIGHT AFTER NIGHT!! I WAS WITH MY KIDS DAY AND NIGHT WHEN I WASN'T WORKING.

SO BEFORE YOU GO JUDGING SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW, MAYBE YOU SHOULD PUT YOUR TIME AND ENERGY TOWARDS A HOBBY! I THINK YOU ARE ACTING ON SOMETHING OTHER THAN COMMON SENSE.. WHINING, YEAH RIGHT! JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE REACHES OUT FOR HELP DOESN'T MEAN THEIR WHINING.

OH AND BY THE WAY!!! ONLY HAD 2 RELATIONSHIPS OVER A TWENTY YEAR PERIOD IN MY LIFE. SO MEN WERE NOT HIGH ON MY LIST OF THINGS TO DO!  

Abuse is the intent to cause great bodily harm for your own sick pleasure.  Spanking is done without the intent of causing harm but to bruise the ego a bit. I grew up and was spanked as was all my friends.  We (1964) aren't the generation of gang bangers, violent juveniles that run wild today.  We didnt bring guns to school, we didn't attack teachers, we didnt disrespect authority like today.  We weren't perfect but we sure were not as violent.  I had a heathly fear of my parents knowing if I didnt do right I'd pay the price.  A tap on the butt is alot better than a dead kid.  I think in my son's life he's been spanked twice...both for serious issues.  Its all about balance and making sure the punishment fits the crime.  No one who spanks, at least in my book, would get enjoyment from spanking their child...people who abuse do get enjoyment...  Why does everyone think its better to have kids that don't have parents that care where they are, what they do or who they hurt.  I'm a responsible parent as are my friends.  I've never seen spanking used in excess...its the last resort when you need to get attention.  Its a swat on the butt...not a beating...not anything damaging.  It didnt damage me or my sister.  It damage my husband and it sure hasnt hurt my son or neices.  I am yet to be convinced time outs and saying no are the way to go...Seems to me they are the kids that run wild in stores, have no discipline and rule the house...its not a good thing.  (and I do realize there are exceptions to every rule)

And if a child has had enough of being spanked and it ends up with the cops called..that wasnt getting spanked..that was getting beat...  I've NEVER beat my child...spanking is one or two swats on the butt and made to go to his room or whatever. 

AJ

I agree...I think this girl needs Don...but he needs to deal with his grief and then work with her on rebuilding a shaky past.  It seems to me she hasnt had it that easy and is acting out in frustration with situations she cant begin to know how to deal with.  I'm sure if she felt the relationship changed when the son died, she took another step backwards in her own self worth.  Don seemed like a good guy or that he could be but he's not working thru the grief. My mother in law has done that with the death of her daughter about 6 months before I met my husband.  She now 3 1/2 years later still acts like it happened yesterday.  For anything to change with them, one thing is Don HAS to deal with the grief and not confuse the issue with resentment toward his stepdaughter.  She deserves that regardless of her behavior.

Go to court and request custody, request a evaluation of the child...you have to step up and fight for this kid before its to late to help him.  Mom obviously is in some denial but you will never forgive yourself if you don't try to make a difference...

AJ