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Topic : 07/24 Teen Dating and Abuse

Number of Replies: 570
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:16:29 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/19/06) It's every parent's worst fear – his or her teen daughter hooking up with a “bad boy.” But what do you do when your worries come true, and your daughter comes home with a black eye? Melody feared for the safety of her 17-year-old daughter, Coryn, so she filed a restraining order against her boyfriend, Brian. Coryn says her mom has it all wrong, and Brian treats her well. What does Brian have to say? And will Coryn learn to see her mom's point of view? Then, Jack and Wendy brought their 20-year-old daughter, Katie, to the show because she has broken up with her boyfriend over 20 times. She keeps getting back together with him even though they say he has called her names, thrown her to the floor, choked her and hit her. Will Katie continue the cycle after her talk with Dr. Phil? Share your stories and talk about the show here.

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April 18, 2006, 10:51 am CDT

been there, done that

I was seriously involved with a boy that was extremely abusive and it took me a while to get out of that. I even saw him on occasions after we broke up for quite a few years.  Its nothing to play around with and, even though I am a pretty strong soul, I didnt feel it was safe for me to get out of. The night I ended it, I had bought  a knife to protect myseld & would have used it if needed. Thank God my friend was with me and called my mom and my ENTIRE family was there to help me (I'm talking grandfather, grandmother, mother & my pregnant aunt!!)...watch for changes in you r child's life & BE INVOLVED...you will see a difference.
 
April 18, 2006, 10:57 am CDT

Fairytales... PROMISES, PROMISES

  A princess  is standing in all her beauty and finery ......beautiful she stands ........holding a big green frog......she says   

   

BUT JOHN, I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU'D TURN INTO A PRINCE?   

   

   

The big green frog replies ........   

   

GROW UP MARY, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD !   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

 
April 18, 2006, 11:14 am CDT

See it and stop it....a great web site

SEE IT AND STOP IT...........a web site reference on teen dating and abuse.  

  

  

www.seeitandstopit.org  

  

  

There is a difference between a good relationship and a bad one.  

  

Abuse is a choice that the abuser makes willfully.  

  

CHECK OUT THIS WEB SITE. 

  

  

  

  

 
April 18, 2006, 6:44 pm CDT

I'm a bit worried....

Quote From: alpha12

I am college woman who has never dated.  That does not mean I never had guy friends.  I have had guy friends, girl friends, gay friends, straight friends, weird friends and every one in between.  I was able to maintain these friendships so easily because I did not date.  Dating is a fine doorway into backstabbing and malice.  Or it was at my high school.  Now that I am in college I would rather avoid an exclusive relationship.  This is probably the only time in my life when I will be able to selfishly explore my own wishes and my self and everyone will understand.  I have enough going on without worrying about some other person!!!!!  You tell those teen gals of yours that they don't need a "boyfriend."  The likliehood is he will not last through high school, let alone college.  The important things are the things that don't throw a temper tantrum and leave, or go after a bigger pair of boobs.  They are independence, self worth and an EDUCATION! 

At 15 the gal should wait.  She can date in college if she chooses but right now she needs to focus on taking advantage of being at home another few years and lining up prospects for her future.  Mom needs to enforce it.  If she has a guy friend and she wants him to come over for movies and a pizza, that is fine.  But no ERs!!!

Sorry but your whole post strikes me as something written by someone who distrusts men a lot.

I agree for the most part, dating, at least exclusive dating at 15 is young. Group dating, group activities that involve both sexes are good at that age. It's not like they aren't interested in each other, so it's healthy to introduce the dynamics between the many sexes. (Yes, I said many...lol)

But dating is not a "find doorway into backstabbing and malice"....it's practice and education for finding out who you are interested in, what kind of person you are interested in and it's FUN!

I'm sorry if you've had a hard time in life with men...I honestly am...but that doesn't mean it's a universal rule.
 
April 18, 2006, 7:35 pm CDT

You're Right...Partially

I do not exactly trust men.  My mother dated my father through high school and married him after college.  When I was little my father was verbally abusive and divorced my mother for a prettier chick.  He can still be manipulative and viscious when the mood strikes him although he has matured quite a bit and it happens rarely.   

Additionally, I went to a school where there were fewer guys than gals.  Consequently there was a lot of mayhem as couples broke up and reformed.  Dating may have been fun when it was working but all of the tears I saw after makes me think that remaining friends and not going exclusive would have been a better move.  Some friendships were permanently destroyed.  These were friendships that had existed for over ten years.  What is so great about that? 

I am sure dating can be wonderful, but with teen girls you need to make sure it is not all consuming.  It is too easy for a gal in such an insecure time of life to get too wrapped up in the dating scene and not cultivate her other interests and talents.  Trust me here, her passions will likely last longer than her boyfriend.  My horse is far more loyal than any of my friends and brings me far less stress.  He has also taught me a h#!! of a lot about life. 

 
April 19, 2006, 5:00 am CDT

04/19 Teen Dating and Abuse

Quote From: purplepain

Sorry but your whole post strikes me as something written by someone who distrusts men a lot.

I agree for the most part, dating, at least exclusive dating at 15 is young. Group dating, group activities that involve both sexes are good at that age. It's not like they aren't interested in each other, so it's healthy to introduce the dynamics between the many sexes. (Yes, I said many...lol)

But dating is not a "find doorway into backstabbing and malice"....it's practice and education for finding out who you are interested in, what kind of person you are interested in and it's FUN!

I'm sorry if you've had a hard time in life with men...I honestly am...but that doesn't mean it's a universal rule.

for someone who hasn't ever dated i think that this is a poor one sided response. Dating and Relaitonships can be fun. Parents who woory too much or not enough are the ones who's children will have hard times getting through bad break ups and first loves.  I was the "ugly duckling" in High school, and i had a steady boyfriend, he was my first love and even though it didn't work out didn't he long run we have been friend for years now.  My husband and i met when we were 20, and our friendship and relationship blossomed into so much more after being to gether a few months, we were both Active Duty and went to college part time. We have benn married for 2 years and are expecting a baby in the near future.   

  Datign isn't easy and will never be easy for any one. just make sure to instill good beliefs on your daughters and make sure they know the difference between Love and Lust.  

  

 
April 19, 2006, 5:23 am CDT

From a Father

Our daughter is now 20 and we are still trying to figure out where we went wrong.

   

  

From the time she turned 17 is when the problems started.  We have tried everything and I mean everything tough love, restriction, rewards, trying to get her involved in different hobbies, counseling, doing things as a family and church. I truly believe most of the problem was peer pressure and wanting to be part of a group. So and so does it, so why can't I? Sound familiar?

   

  

 As a parent we have always been up front with Katie, telling her she can come to us about anything and if we cannot answer her question then we would find someone that could. It didn't matter if it was drugs, sex anything. Of course it is hard for young people to come to their parents with these questions so they turn to their peers. You have to become their friend as well as their parent. One thing these young people do not want to hear is "when I was your age" and I am sure we can all relate to that.

   

  

We have never given up even with the latest issue of the abuse. Now that she has been away from this guy form some time she is seeing more and more of his bad side. Counseling is starting to make her see things in a different light but it is still early days. Katie is now working towards getting her High School diploma, a job and make a better life for herself and her son. She like so many other young people has so much to be thankful for.

   

  

Although it has been a long hard road, there is some light at the end of the tunnel.

   

  

Thank you Dr. Phil and staff,

   

  

Jack

   

  

 

   

  

   

 
April 19, 2006, 6:45 am CDT

I saw myself

This is a typical issue that is not so typical. I was 18 years old when I encountered an abusive relationship. I am now 27 years old. This show has hit home. I actually can see myself in Corin. The way she is sitting and afraid to speak up. I even went to a counselor who was a female to talk. The only way you can get out of the relationship is if you, the person being abused wants to get out. All the family support in the world can help but they can't make you get out. My abuser stalked me, hit me, mentally abused me and in the end it takes every ounce of strength you have to get out and stay out. Brian seems to be the typical abuser, low self esteem, trying to blame others and look like he is seeking help. It's such a sad situation. However, it hit home today.
 
April 19, 2006, 6:58 am CDT

For katie

 Oh, honey, I just saw you on the show and I hope you'll read this message.  You are so beautiful and kind and sweet looking and you have a beautiful baby and loving parents.  You'll be OK if you just start to believe in yourself.  Do anything you can to get the help you need to trust in  yourself again.  A man who loves you will never ever hurt you.  Not even with words.  You are a sweet girl and will be a wonderful woman.  Believe in yourself -- find that sp irit again!

From a mom out here in cyberspace who knows this:  YOU CAN MAKE IT!
 
April 19, 2006, 7:00 am CDT

For Coryn

Hi Coryn...I hope you see your Mother really Loves you... She is trying to Help you!! Please Know as an adult...we have seen things and lived a life where we can Teach you...shes not trying to take away your fun....Its her Natural instincts to protect you...and one day when you have a child of your own you will understand that feeling....it feels like LIFE OR DEATH to her!!! She  is afraid he will hurt you!!! And if you don't stand up for yourself now you will have a problem later !!! Also KNOW this, you have one Mother....ONE........one day She will be very important to you....she will hold your  hand through every Pain sorrow child birth...You can only see the right now but please see her as she see you with eyes of Love & protection!!!....Remember she gave birth to you she has a connection with you that no other person can change She is the MaMa...Bear....and one day you will be glad she was.....Hugsss to you and your Mom......  

Annette....Mother of 3 Grandmother of 4  

 
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