Topic : 07/24 Teen Dating and Abuse

You have the right…

  

 

 
to joy
to a life without any abuse
to make your own decisions about your future
to be human and to make mistakes
to change your mind, plans, and goals
to laugh
to sleep the whole night through
to eat what you want when you want
to visit with family and friends
to privacy
to be treated with respect
to not hide the actions of another (the guilt doesn't belong to you)
to go where you need and want to go
to love
to do what you want (and accept responsibility for that)
to be healthy
to feel hurt and to cry
to be angry and to say so
to say "no" without feeling selfish or guilty
to not need another's permission to do things
to share your thoughts and emotions
to a life without shame
to be complimented without sarcasm
to live without the fear of abuse
to assistance from the police
to financial independence
to work in your choice of jobs
to not be patronized or put–down
to develop your own identity and talents
to be safe
to be loved
to be with a partner that you love and like
to ask questions
to change yourself in the ways you want to
to control your own appearance
to not be humiliated
to not be threatened or intimidated
to protect yourself and your children
to your personal beliefs
to the truth
to help yourself
to succeed
to choose your own friends
to be at least as angry at or fearful of a lover as you would at a stranger who did the same things to you
to share plans and decisions that affect you both
to not be interrupted
to have your thoughts and opinions listened to and seriously considered
to feel how you feel — not necessarily how you've been told to feel
to be right without being made to feel guilty
to be comforted by your partner
to your sexual interests, desires, and fulfillment being as important as your partner's
to not be harassed by a partner "checking on you"
to come and go without having to "report in"

  

 

to come and go without having to say where you went or what you did or who you saw
to have friends of both sexes without accusations of unfaithfulness
to fulfilled promises
to survive
and to live! 

  

From this web site:  http://www.wadv.org/rights.htm 

  

  

i was abused in high school i wrote this poem.... may it help anyone who has ever been hurt by someone... pass it on.. may god bless you and give you the strength to leave and/ or heal!!! WHAT KIND OF LOVE   Pain consumes my body his words they stab like knives. Each breath i take is harder, my heart it rips apart inside. Afraid to cry it will feed the fire, maybe if i just hold still he just might stop. Dose he know how he hurts me so, i have told him so many times, is it worth my shallow breath? But here we go,there's another blow,  my body is numb with pain, he strips me and holds me down he does his deeds to me. He says he loves me, he says he cares, he says that i'm his world What kind of love leaves you beat and bruised? What kinda of love makes you fearful of all the world? What kind of love makes you a slave? What kind of love makes you his maid? This is not love, it is not, not in any way! Never again will he hurt me again! i must get away, i must break from the chains he has on me. I must be set free, before he takes away what i have left, before he takes my very living breath! 

Expect it to happen again!  I've been through it just like Coryn through high school.  I delt with this torture for too long and im still recovering and it's been 3 years!  I've delt with symptoms of ADD and PTSD because of what I went through. I was always a happy healthy girl that was so successful.  He tore me down physically and mentally and finally I realized what it was.  ABUSE.  I got out and im so much happier!  I have a loving boyfriend that would do anything and everything to make me happy.  If a guy does it to you 1-2 times and apologizes and blah blah blah it won';t happen again Ilove you ... He's sorry for a minute till he finds another flaw and flips out agian.  It gets worse too..

If you are short on $$$ --- try the library! 

  

  

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans  

  

 

Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

  

 

 

  

 

The Emotionally Abused Woman by Beverly Engel  

 

Violence in Families: What Every Christian Needs to Know by Al Miles

  

 

  

 

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward 

 

Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control  

You by Patricia Evans 

 

Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman: Wisdom and Hope for Women At Any Stage of Emotional Abuse Recovery by Beverly Engel

  

 

  

 

Your Perfect Right by Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons (Assertiveness and Equality in your Life and Relationships) 

 

It's My Life Now : Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence By Meg Dugan

  

 

  

 

HOW TO FORGIVE WHEN YOU CAN'T FORGET Healing our personal Relationships, by Charles Klein

  

 

  

 

SELF MATTERS by Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D. 

 

  

 

 

 

 

I was in an abusive relationship for over a year and almost lost my life because of it. I never told anyone until it got to the point when it was almost to late, my family couldnt tell that my boyfriend was abusive, he was a very friendly, nice, charming boy, but he seemed to be a different person when we were alone together. But just to girls out there, if your in an abusive relationship, tell someone and get out!!

Coryn - What are you thinking?!?!  Please come to your senses, listen to your mother - sounds like she's "been there,done that", pick up the interests you had before Brian, become friendly with your old friends again, and for God's sake, take an interest in yourself!  If frightens me the way that you can't see that this boy has ruined your life (for now).  I think that he has probably told you a lot of things that divulge HIS insecurities, and you somehow feel responsible for his well being - - - you ARE NOT!  You are only responsible for Coryn!  Listen to what we are all trying to tell you before it is too late.  PLEASE.  He is NOT interested in your future, just trying to prove parents of his conquests wrong.  Go to the counseling that Dr. Phil is setting up for you, talk to your minister, your friends, your mom, or anybody, but do not, I repeat do not talk to that poor excuse of a man!

I really feel for these girls, these girls need to get out of these relationships before it's too late. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years.    

  

  

  BB  

Hi I just watched the show today and it really hit home.My daughter Brittany is 18 yrs old and was in an abusive relationship at 16 we found out and put a restraining order against him and fought with her for 6 months to stay away from him.She finally saw the light when he threatened to kill her.Well now she is 18 and I believe she is in another abusive relationship she has been with him for 1 year and she has become a person I dont know anymore.She quit school ran way 3 weeks ago I found her and she wouldnt come home.She has been so sad for a long time,she dresses so diffferent now everything is baggy no makeup anymore, loosing weight, she has no friends anymore,and when she was here she was constanly on the phone with him explaing her every move.I have never saw any bruises but have heard he is verbally abusive.I tried to get her to talk to a counselor but she went and never really opened up to her. Her self esteem is so bad.What can I do?I am so scared for her and I miss her so much.She has never witnessed any abuse in our home or any verbal abuse either.Why does she allow herself to be treated like this?I need advise.

  

  

  I'm a mom of 2 boys. Most of the abusers in teen relationships are boys. Having boys will probably not have me experience that situation, but  it is my responsability as their mom, to educate them. As parents, we often talk about this to our girls and totally forget our boys. I think that education of our boys would definitely be helping this matter. Abuse toward anybody is totally innaceptable and my sons know! I would definitely stand up for the girl in any of my sons abused any of them! I would be on my son's case believe me!! What do the parents of these boys think? What is their side of the story? We often hear  the girl's parents, but what about the boy's? Do they defend their sons or condemn their actions? Parents opinions matter in a teen's life..boy or girl.. What if the boy's parents spoke up and condemned the abuse? Would it change anything?  

  

My daughter is 19 years old and has always been an honor roll student, received 2 scholarships to college is in her 2nd semester in college her first semester she made the deans list with a 3.885 gpa. She was a virgin up until a couple of weeks ago. She has now met and started dating this guy who I don't believe is physically abusive but I do know since she has started seeing him she has completely changed she is as I said no longer a virgin..she is very lacsdazical about school, she is staying out til 2-3 in the morning and is very disrespectful to me and her father. Now she is telling me she is going to move out and into an apartment with him as soon as they save enough money. This guy does not like to work..his pattern has been work long enough to get unemployment receive unemployment til it runs out then work again a little while. He is now living with his mom. He is 22 years old. On the other hand my daughter works 8 hours a day and goes to school 4 hours a day.She says let her grow up and live her own life ..is that what i should do?? quit asking questions and expessing my concerns? any suggestions? I am being an over bearing mom that doesn't know when to let go??