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Topic : 07/24 Teen Dating and Abuse

Number of Replies: 570
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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:16:29 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/19/06) It's every parent's worst fear – his or her teen daughter hooking up with a “bad boy.” But what do you do when your worries come true, and your daughter comes home with a black eye? Melody feared for the safety of her 17-year-old daughter, Coryn, so she filed a restraining order against her boyfriend, Brian. Coryn says her mom has it all wrong, and Brian treats her well. What does Brian have to say? And will Coryn learn to see her mom's point of view? Then, Jack and Wendy brought their 20-year-old daughter, Katie, to the show because she has broken up with her boyfriend over 20 times. She keeps getting back together with him even though they say he has called her names, thrown her to the floor, choked her and hit her. Will Katie continue the cycle after her talk with Dr. Phil? Share your stories and talk about the show here.

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April 15, 2006, 12:09 pm CDT

My cousin and my Aunt

Hey thats my cousin coryn and my aunt melody
 
April 15, 2006, 5:07 pm CDT

Let's talk

I have three girls. Ages almost 12, 14, 15. I've always considered myself cautious, but alot say in strict. But I'm about to let my oldest date. I worry about this topic because, what if they cover it up or abuse their date also? My oldest does have a temper, and when she gets real upset she can really blow her top. So how do I know what's happening. I mean what other signs are there besides the obvious ones? Plus what if they hide it from us? I hope that this show explains a little more detail then what you can see, and to approach them with the right questions . I know he only has so little time to do his show. So if anyone out there can give some advice. I thank you very much.

 

                                                                                                      Mary

 

 
April 15, 2006, 6:40 pm CDT

These girls need a hug

My heart really goes out to anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship.  I was also involved with a drug addict who was verbally and emotionally abusive as well as on the verge of being physically abusive.  The day a closet door went flying across the room was the day I left.  I was only 20 years old and had much more important things to do with my life than trying to "save" him from himself.  I thought that he would quit drinking for me, quit doing drugs for me and that he would eventually show me how much he loved me (he always said it so he had to mean it, right?).  Eventually I smartened up and left, I hope that any girl in that situation will find the courage to do the same.  Get out before it's too late.  Lucklily I found out I was pregnant with his child after I left or I just might have stayed.  Thankfully, it hurt his pride enough when I left that he hasn't come around to try and see my daughter.  Things do work out girls!  I moved on got married to a wonderful man 4 years ago and he and I are raising our daughter and son together with absolutely no contact from him what so ever.  I beg any young girl in a similar situation to find your courage and believe that there is something better waiting for you.  You deserve it.  I hope you find your happily ever after like I did. 
 
April 15, 2006, 7:46 pm CDT

1 in 4 girls will be in abusive relationship

The numbers are frightening.  1 in 4 girls will be in an abusive relationship.

 

95 % of teenage girls in this type of relationship  do NOT reach out for help.

 

Learn to recognize the warning signs

 

 

ISOLATION   

Does your daughter have less friends now than before she met her boyfriend?  An abusive boy will isolate his girlfriend from her friends....in overt or covert ways, he may isolate her from friends, then outside activities at school, then her family.  Without this social support system she will then become dependent on him emotionally and when necessary find it hard to leave.

 

EMOTIONAL CHANGES

In the beginning or early on in the infatuation stage she will be happy. Once the boy becomes abusive she will become sullen, sad...desperate.  May cry more or want to be alone.

 

CONSTANT COMMUNICATION

Does your daughter boyfriend constantly page her, call her and she must call him back immediately?  He might ask her where she is , whats she doing, who is she with, what time will she be back and how many boys has she spoken to that day.

 

JEALOUSY ISSUES

You might notice the boyfriends jealousy, if she looks or speaks to another boy. Does he get upset?  Does he tell her how to wear make-up or not...criticize her clothes, her friends?  Did he tell her that he loves her early on in the relationship?  This is his "hook"   your daughter might find this romantic, but it can be a "red flag" for jealousy or control issues.

 

BOYFRIENDS BACKGROUND

If the boyfriend comes from a tragic background a tragic home life, it could mean trouble.  Is there alcohol, drugs, or abuse in the home?   He may not be far behind in one or both parents behavior.

 

NEED TO IMPRESS

When he gives her "advice" in clothing, friends, makeup, hairstyle...does she follow his every word?  Your daughter may be completely in denial and be in fear of what he may do if she doesn't change these things to suit him.

 

MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM

Your daughter may stick up for the boyfriend...defending his words and actions.   Don't let her denial force you to  ignore your "gut."  He may have convinced her that she is too sensitive to what he says, or that he is only kidding when he really meant what he said and did.

 

 

 
April 15, 2006, 7:55 pm CDT

love doesn't hurt

Love doesn't hurt.

 

Ask yourself these questions.

 

Is he jealous and possessive of you?

 

Does he try to control what you do, where you go...how you dress?

 

Are you called names and put down?

 

Has he ever hit, slapped, pushed, shoved, pinched you?

 

Does he threaten you, does he threaten to hurt you or someone you care about or love?

 

Has he ever pressured you for sex?

 

You may be involved in a very dangerous relationship...turn to an adult or a family member that you trust and  reach out for help.

 
April 15, 2006, 8:14 pm CDT

some informative web sites

Here are some teen dating violence relationship websites.

 

 

www.acadv.org/dating.html

 

 

www.acadv.org/teenpcwheel.html                 This is the teen power and control wheel       You will want to look at this

 

 

 
April 15, 2006, 8:29 pm CDT

Some books on teen dating violent relationships

 

 

In Love and in Danger: A Teen's Guide To Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships  by  Barrie Levy

 

 

But I Love Him: Protecting Your Teen Daughter    by Jill Murray

 

 

What Parents Need To Know About Dating Violence:    Learning the Facts and Helping Your Teen    by Barrie Levy , Patricia Occhiuzzo

 
April 15, 2006, 8:34 pm CDT

Isn't that young?

Quote From: hmeow29

I have three girls. Ages almost 12, 14, 15. I've always considered myself cautious, but alot say in strict. But I'm about to let my oldest date. I worry about this topic because, what if they cover it up or abuse their date also? My oldest does have a temper, and when she gets real upset she can really blow her top. So how do I know what's happening. I mean what other signs are there besides the obvious ones? Plus what if they hide it from us? I hope that this show explains a little more detail then what you can see, and to approach them with the right questions . I know he only has so little time to do his show. So if anyone out there can give some advice. I thank you very much.

 

                                                                                                      Mary

 

Isn't 15 too young to start dating?

 

 

 
April 16, 2006, 8:01 pm CDT

Dating as a teen

I am college woman who has never dated.  That does not mean I never had guy friends.  I have had guy friends, girl friends, gay friends, straight friends, weird friends and every one in between.  I was able to maintain these friendships so easily because I did not date.  Dating is a fine doorway into backstabbing and malice.  Or it was at my high school.  Now that I am in college I would rather avoid an exclusive relationship.  This is probably the only time in my life when I will be able to selfishly explore my own wishes and my self and everyone will understand.  I have enough going on without worrying about some other person!!!!!  You tell those teen gals of yours that they don't need a "boyfriend."  The likliehood is he will not last through high school, let alone college.  The important things are the things that don't throw a temper tantrum and leave, or go after a bigger pair of boobs.  They are independence, self worth and an EDUCATION! 

At 15 the gal should wait.  She can date in college if she chooses but right now she needs to focus on taking advantage of being at home another few years and lining up prospects for her future.  Mom needs to enforce it.  If she has a guy friend and she wants him to come over for movies and a pizza, that is fine.  But no ERs!!!

 
April 17, 2006, 8:22 am CDT

warning signs

Quote From: lemondrop

The numbers are frightening.  1 in 4 girls will be in an abusive relationship.

 

95 % of teenage girls in this type of relationship  do NOT reach out for help.

 

Learn to recognize the warning signs

 

 

ISOLATION   

Does your daughter have less friends now than before she met her boyfriend?  An abusive boy will isolate his girlfriend from her friends....in overt or covert ways, he may isolate her from friends, then outside activities at school, then her family.  Without this social support system she will then become dependent on him emotionally and when necessary find it hard to leave.

 

EMOTIONAL CHANGES

In the beginning or early on in the infatuation stage she will be happy. Once the boy becomes abusive she will become sullen, sad...desperate.  May cry more or want to be alone.

 

CONSTANT COMMUNICATION

Does your daughter boyfriend constantly page her, call her and she must call him back immediately?  He might ask her where she is , whats she doing, who is she with, what time will she be back and how many boys has she spoken to that day.

 

JEALOUSY ISSUES

You might notice the boyfriends jealousy, if she looks or speaks to another boy. Does he get upset?  Does he tell her how to wear make-up or not...criticize her clothes, her friends?  Did he tell her that he loves her early on in the relationship?  This is his "hook"   your daughter might find this romantic, but it can be a "red flag" for jealousy or control issues.

 

BOYFRIENDS BACKGROUND

If the boyfriend comes from a tragic background a tragic home life, it could mean trouble.  Is there alcohol, drugs, or abuse in the home?   He may not be far behind in one or both parents behavior.

 

NEED TO IMPRESS

When he gives her "advice" in clothing, friends, makeup, hairstyle...does she follow his every word?  Your daughter may be completely in denial and be in fear of what he may do if she doesn't change these things to suit him.

 

MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM

Your daughter may stick up for the boyfriend...defending his words and actions.   Don't let her denial force you to  ignore your "gut."  He may have convinced her that she is too sensitive to what he says, or that he is only kidding when he really meant what he said and did.

 

 

i wish i would have known these signs years ago. my daughter is and has been in and out of an abusive relationship for 6 years now. these girls think they can change these monsters i worry everytime i know shes with him. i know the signs now and what to do to get it reported to the authorities,(wish i did 3 yrs ago). my daughter has endured bites on her arms, legs, chest and back to the point that you can see teeth marks in them. he has busted her teeth out by hitting her w/beer bottles, and some of her girlfriends have told me several times that he has grabbed her by her neck and slammed her into walls w/her feet dangling, there has been times it has taken 5 to 6 other people to pull him off of her. i fear for her life. she is now over 18 and nothing i can do, he also waited til she was of age before he started this abuse. i know he did that knowing she wouldnt press charges on him. i beg other moms to watch for and know this signs before it is to late for your daughter. do what u can to get her out. i have but they still need to make thier own decision. believe me it is the hardest thing ive done trying to get her out without ruining our relationship. dont let your daughter be a victim
 
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