Topic : 08/02 "I Love Myself!"

While watching this show I saw something so clearly like never before: The dad said he sent Shannon to Mexico out of love, but I believe it was more likely out of *frustration.*

There is a huge difference.

And I know about frustration--I have a daughter who is now 26 and while she was a teenager I was often frustrated with her actions.  :)

But I never would have lied and then dropped her off in Mexico! Good grief. Until both parents get real, Shannon will not be helped. Is there a reason she can't move back in with that woman from the audience? I tend to be a hopeful person, but in this situation, well, I have little hope that things will improve between Shannon and her family.  Maybe it's just time for Shannon to move on and find a better life for herself and people who will believe in her and help her grow.

That daughter was sitting there so SMUG!!!  She OBVIOUSLY was a naughty child.  She ACTS like she is such the scapegoat, but it's not ALL true. 

I feel like you are really ATTACKING those parents because I bet they tried many things and I bet there were many tears (from the parents).  It sounds like she was a naughty girl even before her mom died.  When parents are at their wits end they do what they think they should.  We are not all in the  "counselor brain" mode as you are and the frustration builds and builds until one doesn't know what to do.   

It's hard to be a parent of a difficult child and sometimes we just don't know what to do.  Could you have given them a bit of credit for the things they did try??? 

Tracy

I am so glad to see that others who had posted prior saw the complete OBLIVION of Shannon's father and stepmother.  I'm not a therapist and I could plainly see that girl had been through so much and yet her father continued to interject that these problems had existed from the age of 4, as though the death of her mother, the introduction of a stepmother (who made changes that were traumatic to the child), leaving her in a "boarding" school in Mexico, had absolutely no bearing whatsoever.  If there has ever been anyone that needed a verbal one-two punch, that couple did.  The way Shannon's father and stepmother came across revealed so little compassion for how that child has been feeling for MANY years.  The way Shannon began demanding attention at age 4 when her younger sister was born is perfectly NATURAL, not manipulative.  A 4 year old doesn't have the mental capacity to maliciously manipulate situations, but all children can figure how to get what they want when THE PARENTS GIVE IN!   The one thing I saw consistently in every clip of Shannon's outbursts was a child literally SCREAMING for help.  She likely needed it on some level before her mother died, and I feel very confident she needed it even more after her mother died.  So a very large part of the failure in this whole situation rests SQUARELY on the shoulders of Shannon's father.   During the whole show, Shannon looked at Dr. Phil, she barely looked at her father and stepmother, and to me, it seemed as though she was so relieved to finally be championed, to finally have it brought forth that she isn't solely to blame.  I'm still struggling with the whole thing about the behavioral school in Mexico -- I got the distinct impression the father and stepmother believed this so called school would "fix" this child and then they would retrieve a sweet and precious child..........please.   Even when Dr. Phil was pointing out the positives, the stepmother, Hillary I believe is her name, pointed out something negative about Shannon (which Dr. Phil called her on) -- that said everything to me.  Please note, I have referred to her throughout this whole post as Shannon's stepMOTHER, not stepMOM -- there's a big difference between the two.  Perhaps Shannon might even be entitled to refer to Hillary as "my father's wife."  

Dr. Phil,

 As a parent I can't believe that her Father does not support or believe that he owns a part as u always say. He needs the help, as well as his wife. I don't believe that ethier one of her parents step or natural deserve to have this girl in their lives. I believe Shanna has problems but most are the results or come from her parents. PLEASE remove her from the home for her well being emotionally. Then get her some help, I don't believe there is any hope for her step mother she has a closed mind & doesn't seem to care in fact I believe she would love nothing more than for her step daughter to leave the house & never return. Just my opinion I could be wrong!

Never posted to one of these before and I'm no expert but I'm compelled to write because I just don't think these parents know how to love this girl. She's be better off separating herself from the family and building an alternate "family" until she's more mature and has her own life and can deal with their strange ideas of how to "help" her. Wish I could reach out and give her a hug.

BTW - I had a very happy and loving family of origin - no ax to grind.  

Were we watching the same show?

Okay, you seem to be looking at this situation from a stepparent's point of view, as you refer to Shannon as "the step-daughter."  Nothing wrong with that outlook.

Shannon is an original member of this family, not the stepmother (Hilary).  Yet they all treat Shannon like extra baggage that can just be dumped on the roadside.  Literally.

I didn't see a single attempt by Shannon's father or stepmother to show her love, kindness, or affection.  Instead, they tag-teamed against her, which I presume is their standard way of dealing with her.  When Dr. Phil asked how they expected Shannon to have manipulated him, they said "She's good," though Dr. Phil repeated that he'd never even seen the video.

Shannon does seem like a slightly volatile teenager, but I'm not sure why we have to jump in front of the bus here and start claiming there's a psychological disorder.  You should have seen me and the way I treated my family when I was a teenager!  Horrific.  But we love each other dearly now.

Perhaps you're just feeling the need to be a contrary voice, and I think it's surely a good thing to disagree with Dr. Phil, as he'd be the first to say that he's only offering opinions and suggestions, not God's own truth.  But I don't understand your taking the parents' side in this.

I couldn't agree more with Tracy's message.  I have a daughter who put me through the ringer, and still does sometimes even though she's 23 yrs old.  There was no talking to her; she was out of control, made life miserable for everyone.  It was no fun to take her anywhere or to have her over.  The mother that this kid lived with for six months who saw none of the bad behavior needs to get a clue.  Hello??!!!!  My daughter would NEVER act out in front of others the way she did at home or with me.  In fact, if I did take my daughter some place, I'd prefer to have her also bring a friend.  Then at least I knew she wouldn't ruin the outing.

These parents need some credit.  That dad used TOUGH LOVE and did the last thing he thought could possibly help the out-of-control daughter.  He needs some credit.  Sure, he lied to get her to the school, but do you think she would have gone willingly????  Helllooo??!!!  I think Dr Phil should apologize for being so sarcastic to the parents.  I usually agree with most everything Dr Phil says, but today I think he missed the mark!

NO ONE knows what it is like until you have lived through it.  Ask anyone who has!

Lynette

I can't believe these parents take no responsiblity in their daughters behavior!!!