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Topic : 08/02 "I Love Myself!"

Number of Replies: 1934
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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:18:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/20/06) Do you know someone who craves attention so badly that he or she will do anything to get it? One family believes their loved one is a master manipulator and her ways are causing a major conflict in the household. Hilary claims she wouldn’t shed a tear if her stepdaughter, Shannon, died tomorrow. She calls Shannon a narcissist and says she will lie, fight and cuss just to be noticed. Shannon feels like a scapegoat, and thinks her stepmother is simply out to get her. When Shannon was younger, her biological mom died, and now she believes Hilary has turned her father and sister against her. Is Shannon’s behavior all an act, or do her father and stepmother need to change how they deal with her? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 17, 2006, 12:11 am CDT

FINALLY!

...a show that might address Narcissistic Personality Disorder directly?

 

Okay, so it may not, but this is probably the closest thing to it.

 

Shannon might also have Histrionic Personality Disorder (feels as if they need attention or else they feel like they're nobody).

 

I guess we'll just have to wait and see!

 
April 17, 2006, 10:01 am CDT

It's about time....

I am so glad that Dr.Phil is tackling this difficult topic. Finally, a voice for the many victims/survivors of NPD. I belong to several NPD forums and the actual damage and chaos these N's create is amost unbelievable. The horror stories I have heard and been witness to is shocking. I'm looking forward to watching this show and hoping for some honest feedback from Dr. Phil.

 
April 17, 2006, 12:14 pm CDT

Sorry to say im one of those

i abserlotly hate my step father & always take it out on my younger brother to get my mothers attention. I dont like being this way but its not what i chose for myself i am just like that i kinda abuse my brother & smack him & sometimes i fear i will one day hurt him badly. He makes me angry & says things to me then i get real mad & really take it out on him. i also sometimes find that i also demand attention with the wrong people like people i go out with & stuff. I need to stop before i actually get myself killed.
 
April 17, 2006, 10:32 pm CDT

04/20 "I Love Myself!"

Quote From: thando1

i abserlotly hate my step father & always take it out on my younger brother to get my mothers attention. I dont like being this way but its not what i chose for myself i am just like that i kinda abuse my brother & smack him & sometimes i fear i will one day hurt him badly. He makes me angry & says things to me then i get real mad & really take it out on him. i also sometimes find that i also demand attention with the wrong people like people i go out with & stuff. I need to stop before i actually get myself killed.
did you know that it actually takes more effort to hate then it does to love. Try doing something nice for your family and appreciate the good things in them. Life isn't all about you. it is good that you see that you have a problem, maybe try talking to your family about some family counseling or something, get your self some help, there are good people out there who would be willing to help you to figure this out. Why are you the way you are? what has triggered your attitude? What has these people done to make you so full of hate for them? Whatever, tehre really is help for you, if you really want it.............................Life is too short to be miserable and to make every one else miserable.
 
April 18, 2006, 1:51 am CDT

04/20 "I Love Myself!"

Quote From: thando1

i abserlotly hate my step father & always take it out on my younger brother to get my mothers attention. I dont like being this way but its not what i chose for myself i am just like that i kinda abuse my brother & smack him & sometimes i fear i will one day hurt him badly. He makes me angry & says things to me then i get real mad & really take it out on him. i also sometimes find that i also demand attention with the wrong people like people i go out with & stuff. I need to stop before i actually get myself killed.

Well, I'll go ahead and dissect this one:

 

i abserlotly hate my step father & always take it out on my younger brother to get my mothers attention. I dont like being this way but its not what i chose for myself i am just like that

 

I'm calling BS on this one. 

 

That's an excuse.  Unless you have some kind of neurological disorder like ADD/ADHD, an autism spectrum disorder, schizophrenia, ODD, conduct disorder, or something else of that sort, you are choosing your behavior. 


I used anger to get attention as well when I was in my teens.  More info:

http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/topic/1212

 

Either way, I chose my actions and I chose the consequences to that behavior. 

 

If you have issues with attention, then you need to think about whether or not you really like yourself.  Ask yourself:

 

1) Why do I hate my step-father?  Is he trying to replace my real father?  Am I angry at my real father, but taking it out on him?  Is Mom paying too much attention to him and not enough attention to us?  Or is it only me that I'm concerned with, as opposed to us?

 

2) What are my good qualities?  What am I good at?  What do I like to do?  What do I have to offer to the people around me?

 

3) Am I really mad at my brother?  Or am I mad at myself, but am taking it out on him?  (when you have an undesirable quality about yourself, but instead, blame someone else for it, that's called projection)

 

However, on some level, you do seem to realize that what you're doing is wrong, considering that you said that you need to stop before you actually get yourself killed.

 

If you really do feel that your actions may threaten your life, you need to talk to a counselor: school counselor, therapist, somebody.

 
April 18, 2006, 6:55 am CDT

Only you can affect change in your life...

Quote From: thando1

i abserlotly hate my step father & always take it out on my younger brother to get my mothers attention. I dont like being this way but its not what i chose for myself i am just like that i kinda abuse my brother & smack him & sometimes i fear i will one day hurt him badly. He makes me angry & says things to me then i get real mad & really take it out on him. i also sometimes find that i also demand attention with the wrong people like people i go out with & stuff. I need to stop before i actually get myself killed.

You obviously see your behavior as wrong and this can be a positive thing.

 Is there some reason that you hate your step father? Has he done something to you? Or is it that you feel that he takes up your mother's time and you feel left out? It is normal to feel jealousy when one of your parents re-marries. There is an adjustment period and children will sometimes act out. However, this is not justification for willing "attempting" to hurt your own brother. That is totally inappropriate and you should STOP immediately. You could seriously injure him and you could end up in a juvenile facility. Think of the emotional damage you're doing to him and yourself.

 

I think you should discuss these things with your mother. Open up to her about how you're feeling. If you can't do it one on one, try writing her an honest letter. If this isn't an option for you, seek help from a guidance counselor, school psychologist, or even a trusted friends parent. Let someone help you to help yourself.

 

As far as demanding attention from the wrong people... you know and understand that you are doing this.... that is another positive. Are you seeking attention from these people because you're not getting your needs met at home? Or do you just feel the need for excessive attention, admiration, adoration, etc... but, don't really care where you get it? Another reason to talk to a trusted adult.

 

Children who are searching for attention will do almost anything to get it. Whether that be positive or negative. It seems to me, that the negative isn't working out for you so well. Why not try to put a positive spin on your situation? You seem willing to admit that you need help. Believe it or not, that is a step in the right direction. Please be kind to yourself. Give yourself some credit for admitting to your behavior. Trust that you mother wants you to be a happy, healthy, productive person. Allow yourself to become all of those things. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

Take care and God bless.

 
April 18, 2006, 3:52 pm CDT

First Time Ever

Quote From: vabtrfly

I am so glad that Dr.Phil is tackling this difficult topic. Finally, a voice for the many victims/survivors of NPD. I belong to several NPD forums and the actual damage and chaos these N's create is amost unbelievable. The horror stories I have heard and been witness to is shocking. I'm looking forward to watching this show and hoping for some honest feedback from Dr. Phil.

I've never message boarded anything in my life, but when I saw the previews to this show, I had to find out more information.  I never heard about NPD until my last boyfriend.  After we broke up, I spoke to a friend in the mental health business and he said the Ex sounded like he had NPD. I never new such a thing exhisted.  But, as I read more about the disorder, I felt as though someone had been following us around taking notes. The Ex fell into every category: gregarious, funloving, to controlling, aloof, blameshifting, emotionally abusive.  It wasn't until I was well away from the relationship that I was able to see it for what it was.  I've never been in an abusive relationship before, so I tended to rationalize and overlook many red (pink) flags.  Reading how other survivors reacted was also comforting, as that was textbook for me as well.  One book that was very helpful is "When You're Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong".  It's not clinical, but written from a survivor's point of view.  I hope Dr. Phil is able to address some of these issues, even though the subject at hand is a child.
 
April 18, 2006, 7:31 pm CDT

04/20 "I Love Myself!"

Quote From: mdungan

I've never message boarded anything in my life, but when I saw the previews to this show, I had to find out more information.  I never heard about NPD until my last boyfriend.  After we broke up, I spoke to a friend in the mental health business and he said the Ex sounded like he had NPD. I never new such a thing exhisted.  But, as I read more about the disorder, I felt as though someone had been following us around taking notes. The Ex fell into every category: gregarious, funloving, to controlling, aloof, blameshifting, emotionally abusive.  It wasn't until I was well away from the relationship that I was able to see it for what it was.  I've never been in an abusive relationship before, so I tended to rationalize and overlook many red (pink) flags.  Reading how other survivors reacted was also comforting, as that was textbook for me as well.  One book that was very helpful is "When You're Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong".  It's not clinical, but written from a survivor's point of view.  I hope Dr. Phil is able to address some of these issues, even though the subject at hand is a child.
I have never message boarded anything myself...but I had to reply to this.  NPD is something that affects so many more people than we realize.  It's effects on us can deeply scar us.  I have chosen to not be the victim anymore.  I know first hand what these people can do to our lives, and it's very sad that they exist.  How can they even be called human?  I am excited to hear that this subject is being addressed because I think that many people will be shocked to see that the beast they are living with is actually not imagined...it is reality.  And YES they really DID say that!  Understanding the disorder is the first step to getting past the pain that they have caused in our lives.  With each and every word comes shock and amazement.  Did they really just have the nerve to say that?  or do that?  It's so hard to believe that someone could actually be that way and we try to believe in the overall goodness of people.  They are very attention seeking and manipulative.  I will no longer associate myself with such people.  I'm happy to hear that someone is finally educating the public on this horrible personality disorder!  Very looking forward to watching the show...thanks.
 
April 18, 2006, 7:46 pm CDT

Couldn't have said it better myself...

Quote From: lilpeach06

I have never message boarded anything myself...but I had to reply to this.  NPD is something that affects so many more people than we realize.  It's effects on us can deeply scar us.  I have chosen to not be the victim anymore.  I know first hand what these people can do to our lives, and it's very sad that they exist.  How can they even be called human?  I am excited to hear that this subject is being addressed because I think that many people will be shocked to see that the beast they are living with is actually not imagined...it is reality.  And YES they really DID say that!  Understanding the disorder is the first step to getting past the pain that they have caused in our lives.  With each and every word comes shock and amazement.  Did they really just have the nerve to say that?  or do that?  It's so hard to believe that someone could actually be that way and we try to believe in the overall goodness of people.  They are very attention seeking and manipulative.  I will no longer associate myself with such people.  I'm happy to hear that someone is finally educating the public on this horrible personality disorder!  Very looking forward to watching the show...thanks.

Very well said! All that's left.... is to add a few links, lol.  

  

narcissism 101 Index  

  

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) : How to Recognize a Narcissist  

  

What Makes Narcissists Tick  

  

Just some helpful information for anyone interested.  

  

For people who think they need additional support.... there are many great NPD forums, full of caring, supportive, and understanding individuals. All you need to do is google Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  

  

Take care and God bless.  

  

  

 
April 18, 2006, 8:19 pm CDT

NPD and Living Through It

Thank GOD!!!  I just posted not too long ago that Dr Phil should do a show on NPD (Narcissisist Personality Disorder), and I find out that he is doing a show on Thursday.  From watching the tape preview it is not what I thought it might be, but I will be glued to my television.  Please don't soft shoe this personality disorder!!! 

  

I survived a relationship/marriage with an NPD not too long ago, and the turmoil and difficulty and mostly the pain they leave behind is unbelievable.  You are left spinning, wondering "what did I do wrong, how come I was so flawed," until deep therapy revealed this horrifice behavior/pathological symptoms were NOT my fault.  It has been almost a year until "he was done with me as his supply" and brutally tossed me out (which is actually a God-send now that I look back).  He took me to the cleaners in a 9-month marriage, $40,000.00, when he quit his job and I was left supporting him, his son from a previous marriage and his ex-wife's child support while he kept promising to get a job.  He is a user, an abuser, and never looked back on what he did.  He was sexually horrific to me, but I put up with it in order not to "lose him."  I thank GOD every day that he is gone from my life. 

  

Dr. Phil, keep helping the survivors' of this mess, we never know we are in it until it is too late or we are thrown out and left reeling and not knowing what happened, when we had to deal with these horrific monsters.  Relationships are no longer an option because there is NO trust left due to the tragic damage NPD's cause.  Again, thank you for this beginning show, but keep delving into the survivor end of it -- we need each other.  I am a member of an invite-only NPD survivor's email group and I am amazed that we are all alive to tell about it (emotionally).  Read the book by Les Carter, Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me -- I am currently looking for a copy but it comes highly recommended and anything that will help me continue to heal (with the great help and strength of the Lord by my side) and understand this will one day make me a whole person again.  NPD's are NOT human. 

Debi 

 
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