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Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:22:17 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 04/21/06) Being a parent is hard enough, but what happens when Mom and Dad can't agree on how many kids to have, how to raise 'em and how to get ‘em to sleep? Sometimes, it can lead to an all-out baby war! Matt's baby battle ended up in front of a judge and made headlines. He was ordered to pay child support for the baby he had with his ex-girlfriend, but he says he shouldn't have to cough up the money because she told him she wasn't able to get pregnant, and he told her he didn't want to be a father. He, his attorney, and the director of the National Center for Men discuss the lawsuit they filed, known as “Roe v. Wade for Men,” arguing that men should have a constitutional right to avoid fatherhood. Next, Dan says even though he and his wife, Lisa, already have four children, he wants just one more. Lisa has been pregnant on and off for 11 years and says she's closed for baby business. Will Dr. Phil help Dan see Lisa's point that four is enough? Then, a frustrated husband is camping out on the roof of his house and living in a tent. He refuses to go back to his bedroom until his wife moves their kids out of their bed and starts paying more attention to him. Can Dr. Phil get him to come down the ladder? Plus, a sleep expert has a simple method for getting your child to sleep through the night. See the plan in action! Share advice and talk about the show here.

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andjay

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April 21, 2006, 2:27 pm PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: uwood2_2

I may be a minority in this I know, BUT I have, for a long time I have felt as though the child bearing issue was extremely one sided. (and Yes, I have children of my own!)

Women have ALL the rights when it comes to having children.

Courts automatically presume that women are the better suited parent.

If a woman gets pregnant and does not want a child, she has options (yes abortion or adoption). Men have NO options.

The BIG issue here is that she lied! - If a woman tells a man she cannot bear children then she alone should have the responsiblity of the child IF he does not want children. She should have kept her mouth shut!

If a man decides that he does not want children he should have that option. Along with that option, he should also have to sign a legal document stating that he will never have contact with that child and if he should decide to (later in life) then he should have to pay back 100% of the assessed support for the child.

If he chooses to step up and do what the law (now) states he should do, he should (perhaps) be able to claim that child as a tax deduction at the very least (which does not always happen).

A woman can decide that she does not want "her" child to see its father- whether out of spite or concern. A man must then go to court, if he chooses, to get that right.

With ALL that said! I do not EVER think this lawsuit will go anywhere. It would set a precedence

that would have men in court from now till dooms day! I think their opinions would NOT be based on whether the issue is right or wrong, I think it will be solely based on the repercussions it would have on past, present and future cases.

Who says she lied? Him? The loser trying to get out of paying. Did my friend lie to me when she told me her husband and her were trying for over 10 years to have a child, was told she couldn't have them, adopted a baby boy and now she's due to deliver any day now??? She had a medical condition. Was she lied to by her doctors??? Things change and things happen for a reason and with all that is going on right now I'll bet she is so glad because she now has a little baby girl.

Was Matt living under a rock his whole life or did he skip the sex-ed class where he was told NO FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL IS 100% EFFECTIVE. I think he got off easy.

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barbborak

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April 21, 2006, 2:27 pm PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: uwood2_2

I may be a minority in this I know, BUT I have, for a long time I have felt as though the child bearing issue was extremely one sided. (and Yes, I have children of my own!)

Women have ALL the rights when it comes to having children.

Courts automatically presume that women are the better suited parent.

If a woman gets pregnant and does not want a child, she has options (yes abortion or adoption). Men have NO options.

If he chooses to step up and do what the law (now) states he should do, he should (perhaps) be able to claim that child as a tax deduction at the very least (which does not always happen).

A woman can decide that she does not want "her" child to see its father- whether out of spite or concern. A man must then go to court, if he chooses, to get that right.

With ALL that said! I do not EVER think this lawsuit will go anywhere. It would set a precedence

you are so far from the truth. I was told for years that I couldn't have children my husband(who was not my husband at the time)Stood beside me after we concived our first .Even doctors make mistakes honey(becasue now I'am pregant with our secound). This child was gods will and Matt is a freakin butthole for not resuming his resonsiblity.

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evalion42

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angry

April 21, 2006, 2:27 pm PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: julie1418

I must be doing something wrong....I have two children and between the 9months for each pregnancy plus months and months of breastfeeding, the fact that I have become a living jungle gym for my toddlers, changing endless diapers, wiping noses, lifting heavy strollers, lifting heavy children...........well, it seems my physical burden has surpasses the nine month mark!!!!

The problem with this issue is that there is a vast difference between what we can agree on morally and what we can enforce legally. In the end, tough decisions are made to protect the children who had no say in either biological parent's immorality or irresponsibility.

i dont get where you think after the 9mo of carring a baby is all there is for raising a child your an idoit you go through the 9mo that a man gets off the hook of the morning sickness he gets off the labor pains then the mother still has the 18mo you are complaing about to raise and provide foe that child i have a grandaughter raising 2 kids she works 40hr a week morethanlikley making less than you just begause she is a woman then she comes home cleans house feeds the kids helps with home work dose the laundry gets there baths dose what shopping she has to do takes care of the runny noses and more and all she ask for is a little finacal sport where as you all you have to do is go to work go out that night and see what girl you can find to cant say have sex it is plain for you men ---- if you get my drift if a woman choice is not to abort that baby good for her if you dont wont kids go get it cut or dont have sex

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jvisalli

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April 21, 2006, 2:27 pm PDT

GIVE ME A BREAK

First off let me start by saying that I completely believe in the right to choose but not in the right to be a LEGAL deadbeat dad. That's all that will come from this lawsuit.

I completely understand where Matt is coming from but if he didn't want a child, why did he leave the whole responsibility of birth control on the woman? I think it's a cop out for him to say that she knew he didn't want to be a parent and therefore he should not have to bear any of the burden now. Excuse me, but you made your choice at conception. As the saying goes "if you do the crime, do the time." Matt chose to not protect himself and therefore he should be responsible.

Now I also believe that the mother should have insisted on both of them using forms of protection but at least she attempted it. What did he do other than contribute to the conception? Most guys are all for the action but not for the consequence. It's pathetic.

I also think that both of the parties involved should think about the child more than themselves. I think that eventually the child will be old enough to realize that on one side of the parenting line she is not wanted and that could have a very damaging outcome. I think that he should at least give the baby the respect of meeting her and then deciding whether or not to continue with this behavior.

Maybe it's just me but I think the child is paying for the bad relationship of the parents, and that's very sad.

I am a mother of two and can say that I have never been in this position. That is to say that my husband and I found out that we were expecting our first child when we were young and not yet married but our only question was "Is it a boy or girl?" . We also discussed having children and made the decision to conceive both times. They were never unwanted or debated.

Here's a strange thought: If you don't want kids, don't have sex. Plain and simple!

MAN UP MATT!!!!

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mijill

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April 21, 2006, 2:27 pm PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: mummy2two

OK life happens! He really sounds like a miserable little boy, who is selfish and uncaring! Of course I hate to pass judgment! Just glad he is not my son.. I would hope I would raise him better. Know matter what! There is a child at stake! A child who will eventually grow up! Think of the pain this child will feel knowing that her biological father did not and does not want her.. Pitty!!

My opinion is: Men can have a choice on what a women does with her body, when they grow ovaries and can actually have a baby. Until then, which will never happen.. They need to take control over their actions. Birth control is not 100%. That was a risk he obviously was willing to take.. I consider him responsible. Yes, a women does feel different when she is pregnant. Opinions do change...Hello!!!

I am glad the mother is willing to continue with the lawsuit, because there can not be anyway he will win! I PRAY!!!! After that I would cut ties with him and get sole custody, eventually he will want this child in his life.. Its just a matter of time after all the Publicity wears off and he realizes its not a joke this child will not go away. Of course that is the vindictive side of me.. How dare him deny a Innocent child an opportunity to know her father. It is not her fault, that is the BABY!!!!.

Of course I find it hilarious and not surprising that the man that represented Men, whatever the name is, did not have kids... Probably a women hater anyways or can not have children!

LISTEN! Women and men can not ever have equality in this area. We are the only human being that can carry and have a child,. Sorry guys...

I thought that man representing men was suspicious as well. Like he has some anger towards women. Next there will be a lawsuit against men having any responsibility because they don't give birth.

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pardonma

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April 21, 2006, 2:27 pm PDT

Ridiculous

I think that it is absurd for this guy to argue his point the way that he is. I think, if anything, this should lead to no abortion and not a choice to be a father or not. The choice for the man lies in wearing protection or in restraining his sex drive till he knows he can handle it, whatever happened. There are no guarantees in any situation. Even with operations, they aren't 100%. I know because three of my 10 brothers and sisters were born even with them and my dad had it done TWICE! Either way, I believe that the women SHOULD have more choice 1) because its HER body that that baby will grow in, 2) because she is the one who will suffer most during the pregnancy, and 3) because after the baby is born, she is the one with whom the baby will spend most of its time. Of course, my belief in choice only goes so far as to say she should either keep it and raise it herself or put it up for adoption. I believe that abortion is wrong in every case. Many may say that I'm close-minded, but I believe in life at conception. A baby has a heart beat at only a few weeks. To me that is MORE than indicative of life. Either way, the man has choice, he simply chose to forfeit those choices when he 1) didn't wear protection, and 2) had sex in the first place.

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bikergrama

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April 21, 2006, 2:27 pm PDT

Men's Rights

I am not a man, but I believe that men should have the same rights as women when it comes to making a choice to have a child. That choice should be agreed to by both the man and the woman. I also believe that each person, if either is not agreeable to having a child, should take the responsibility for contraception unto themselves and not rely on what the other person is telling them. I'm flabbergasted that women still get themselves pregnant in order to hang onto a man. I know for a fact it happens often. How could such a deception ever work? And do people even consider the effect it has on a child when there isn't a decent father & mother who have the financial and emotional means to raise it properly? It's hard enough under the best of circumstances to be a good parent, but people should think about it from all angles before they make an educated decision about having a child.

As the man and his attorneys on today's show put it, why should women be the only ones to have a choice in having or not having a child? That's simply sexiism. Especially when men suffer financial hardships for something the women ultimately have control over.

I hope the baby girl will have a good life, in spite of her parents' poor decisions. But I also hope this case goes to court and wins. Perhaps that will teach each individual that we must each be responsible for our choices, and if we have any love in our hearts for our children, will keep their best interests at heart always.

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nativef_99

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April 21, 2006, 2:27 pm PDT

Are u Crazy!

Quote From: bbink11

Excuse me, I don't know if you're male or female. However. you aren't seeing both sides. It is completely irresponsible of both of them to have un protected sex. Though they did reproduce, it is STILL his responsibility to take care of the child as well as hers. They BOTH made a mistake and they BOTH should pay for it. You aren't seeing "both sides." That's complete b/s. There are plenty of women out there that have been diagnosed not to have children from doctors and those woman have had a miracle child. Doctors aren't always right. He's a moron for putting a lawsuit on this issue, it is totally and completely absurd. She made the choice to be responsible and take care of the child, like most normal adults should do. He's being childish about this and crying. What freakin' damages?!?!?

This guy could have bought and used a condom or 2 to protect himself from this happening, if you are a woman you ou't to be ashamed of yourself! Like I said in my message he should feel lucky he got a beautiful baby out of this instead of one of the STD's that are floating around out there and are passed on through unprotected sex even if someone is "unfertile'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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diane3639

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April 21, 2006, 2:28 pm PDT

Matt needs to take resposiblity

Matt needs to step up and be a man. He was there at conception with no protection, weather he wants to see the baby or not, he owes child support. I hope his lawyer is wrong and looses the case.

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nuckey

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surprised

April 21, 2006, 2:28 pm PDT

Stereotype..?

Quote From: jesse_w

Its typical Dr Phil would focus on something totally diferent then the point you are origonaly trying to make, as soon as we as men become a father, wether or not it was on purpose, the government automatically steps in, and without fail, the father is the one individual responsible. Equal rights? I dont think so, the law poses a stereotype unless the father can afford to take the mother to court in a costly fassion and prove her unfit. Yeah Dr Phil, lets worry about the children and whats best for them, doesnt mean you have to follow the stereotype, there are deadbeat moms, please dont throw me in jail for saying so though, i mrean i have the right to say that dont I? Most will see the phrase "deadbeat mom" and think pfff, no such thing. I am sick and tired of the dad always being the stereotypical bad guy. Am I a little upset about the child support issue? Well yeah, no one has ever sent me a weekly check while I sat around all week, for 2 whole years and took night classes a whole 2 nights a week, but what do I know, if im not paying child suport, I'm the worst person on the face of the earth. I wish you, Matt? I think it was, the best of luck in your case, you're gonna need it with the stereotype. I'm also wondering if good ole Dr Phil helped the mother write her statement, it was perfect wasnt it?

No one is calling this guy a deadbeat for missing a check...he's a deadbeat for openly admitting he had unprotected sex and refuses to take part in the responsibilty of the aftermath. What, if it was an STD would it still be her fault? I can see it now, he sues her for not showing him the results of an STD test. Why would you take someones word anyway? He didn't ask for proof and he didn't take any precaution in this matter at all! Guys can get girls pregnant without influence. Infact, there have been cases where men have purposely gotten a woman pregnant. You don't hear about those, because that would be rediculous. As for those Checks..there not for shopping sprees or lipo. Those checks are for the child and the childs needs. Both present needs and future needs. I think people are really missing the point here. Its not about this guy losing $500 a month to go to the bar with, its taking care of our own. Making sure their safe and provided for in everyway imaginable.

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