Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

Try using proper spelling you ignorant hillbilly.

 It makes me so angry to hear this story about him not getting a choice. He made his choice when he had sex without a condom.  In this world the best thing you could walk away with is a child he could have got alot worse.  This is a case of an immature boy who should not be having sex.  And how will this poor little girl feel when she hears the remarks made by her " Father". 

What's wrong with this guy? He says he's "Not Ready For A Child" then why is he having sex?  

The act of sex was meant for procreation. If a person does not want to become a parent, the solution is obvious; don't have heterosexual sex!  

This story really got me. I work on an obstetrics ward and see single moms and young girls having babies all the time. If the man who chose to have sex - it is up to him to UNDERSTAND THE REPERCUSSIONS of his actions, whether the outcome was intentional or not. Granted that yes, the ultimate decision to have the baby is up to the woman - but this responsibility would not rely solely upon the woman if she was in a committed relationship and the decisions were made as a couple. This is obviously not the case in this scenario - however the decision to carry through the pregnancy is ultimately up to the woman because it is her body. Keep in mind though, that women don't get pregnant by themselves. If Matt Dubay did not want to be a father to this extreme, it only would have made sense for him to take HIS responsibility and wear a condom, or even remain abstinent (which I know is a farce these days). If his girlfriend was honest in that she was unlikely to become pregnant - it is no one's fault other than Matt's to believe that miracles happen - women who have been diagnosed as being infertile still manage to become pregnant. Heck, couples who have undergone sterilization techniques still become pregnant sometimes.  

Therefore - it is in Matt's own ignorance and irresponsibility that he became pregnant. His unfortunate situation could have been avoided by a) education about infertility b) providing his own methods of contraception, and c) by having sex with women only with whom he has a committed relationship, where open discussions about pregnancy and the future occur (stating 'I don't want to be a father is not a deep conversation! Obvsiously the couple did not discuss what their feelings would be if a pregnancy did occur, especially since the pregnancy would be a rare occurrance for her).  

This whole "men need equal rights" thing is absurd. NO ONE FORCED YOU TO HAVE SEX! Didn't they teach you to be responsible for your actions in grade school? Didn't they tell you how babies were made? All that you are advocating for is to keep more money in your pocket - sorry buddy, but you agreed when you had sex without a condom that you may have to deal with the outcomes - but I guess you didn't think that far ahead, right? Perhaps thinking ahead is something that only responsible people do, and sex is something that should be reserved for the responsible. So, I guess it could be surmised that you thought of yourself as responsible enough to have sex - so why do you think you're exempt from the responsibility? 

Sorry Matt, you have no one to blame but yourself.  

I, myself do not want children for some time - and strangely enough I don't have any. I take the proper precautions, as well, my partner and I have discussed thoroughly a plan of action should a pregnancy occur. It doesnt' seem outrageous to think that yes, my partner does have a choice - because we have made and agreed on what our decisions will be BEFORE we had sex. Novel idea, hey? 

   When I saw the preview of Matt's story, I was definitely on the woman's side and thought he was a jerk.  But now, having watched the whole segment, I am no so sure.  He actually made some good points....  I agree whole-heartedly with Dr. Phil that it is BOTH partners' responsibility to protect themselves during intercourse.  But Matt did have an interesting point about the lack of choices men have in the event of an unplanned pregnancy.  (I never thought I would actually agree with him!)  But now what? It's unrealistic to expect both parties to agree all the time.  Therefore, when a conflict arises, sides must be taken.  And while I think it should be taken on a case-by-case basis, generally, I would have to side with the woman.   

   Having had 2 children, I can tell you that my body will never be quite the same again.  Not to mention the emotions involved!  So while you hope you can at least reach a compromise, it is still, ultimately, the woman's body.  Therefore, it has to be, ultimately, her choice.  If the tables were reversed and he wanted to have the baby and she wanted to abort, would it be fair to "order" her to have the baby?  No.  So the same has to be true here.   

   But I think the point made on the show that has most stuck with me, is when they said that a woman could abandon a baby without the same repercussions.  That is true.  While "deadbeat dad" has become a well-known term in our society, have you ever heard of a "deadbeat mom"? Maybe we need to be more strict with the women who want to walk away too.   

I am 21years old.  That said he told his ex that he didn't want children and wasn't and he has every right to tell her that.  But when you have sex with protection you have to be prepared for what will happen.  Birth Control or not Matt even said it that even if he did use a condom there is not always 100% promise and that is the same there birth control.  Yes it is 99.9% effective but there is still that chance.  I think he needs to grow up and be a man ans show and good example to his daughter.  Even if he doesn't ever get back with his ex-girlfriend.  The Hardest thing to find out is that the person you call dad all your life is not really your father, that it is someone else.  It is like a piece of you is taken away a piece of you is gone and now you don't know where it is.  He feels that he should have equal rights as that mother well he does it is called Condoms or no sex at all.  The mother wasn't planning on getting pregnant either but there is a connection that is formed while carring a living being in you for nine months.  He should have thought of he actions and the pro and cons that could happen with those actions.  he has the same rights as a women and just wasn't prepared for the outcome and doesn't want to take on that challenge or responiblity that comes along.  He needs to realize that he did help bring a life into this world and that it does take two to create a living being that cute.  Some people don't plan to have child it just happens and you just have to learn to take the experience and learn from it.  I might not have a child yet and I am planning on having one when my Husband and I are ready.  It takes a boy to have a child but it Takes a MAN to know that he is the father of it and will do anything he can to help that child grow up healthy.  It TAKES A MAN TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. 

I just saw the show on Matt and the baby he isn't claiming as his. I cannot believe we are even giving air time to a jerk like this. Unfortunately, now dead beat dads like Matt are getting attention and probably money from it to say they won't take responsibility for an action they were (obviously) involved in. The facts remain he has a daughter he is choosing not to take responsibility for. That's NOT o.k.!

Regarding today's show, and the "gentleman" that didn't  want to be a father; Bottom line is that he chose to have sex. If he is so bent on only becoming a father when "he says" he is ready, then he needs to either not have sex, or get neutered. He can get it reversed this day in age. I think this male person needs to grow up and realize that he is not always going to get his way. I wonder what kind of parents he had, and what kind of values he was brought up with. Also, what do his parents think of all of this?  I think he is simply trying to hang on to his $500. every month. I find him selfish, immature and irresponsible. Are his attornies and organizational buddies neutered? They should be! Take precautions or don't take the chance.  

It is pretty sad that my husband and I had to go through IVF in order to conceive a child and yet, this "boy" has the gift of life handed to him - he made the decision to not use a condom and he needs to wake up and smell real life...if you can't handle the heat...stay away from the bedroom until you are grown up enough to handle what may or may not happen. I sincerely hope that the judge hands down a lashing to this "kid" who can't seem to get a grip on reality!!!!

 I feel the gentleman (pri#%) had the option to NOT have sex protected or unprotected. It is the #1 cause of "pregnancy".  He is now liable. He is over the age of 18 and a so-called adult.  I too had a son before planning.  I have successfully lived thru it.  He turned 18 Friday and is one of the best things that ever happened to me.  No. I am not married. I was and that was a disaster...