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Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

Number of Replies: 7224
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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:22:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/21/06) Being a parent is hard enough, but what happens when Mom and Dad can't agree on how many kids to have, how to raise 'em and how to get ‘em to sleep?  Sometimes, it can lead to an all-out baby war! Matt's baby battle ended up in front of a judge and made headlines. He was ordered to pay child support for the baby he had with his ex-girlfriend, but he says he shouldn't have to cough up the money because she told him she wasn't able to get pregnant, and he told her he didn't want to be a father. He, his attorney, and the director of the National Center for Men discuss the lawsuit they filed, known as “Roe v. Wade for Men,” arguing that men should have a constitutional right to avoid fatherhood. Next, Dan says even though he and his wife, Lisa, already have four children, he wants just one more. Lisa has been pregnant on and off for 11 years and says she's closed for baby business. Will Dr. Phil help Dan see Lisa's point that four is enough? Then, a frustrated husband is camping out on the roof of his house and living in a tent. He refuses to go back to his bedroom until his wife moves their kids out of their bed and starts paying more attention to him. Can Dr. Phil get him to come down the ladder? Plus, a sleep expert has a simple method for getting your child to sleep through the night. See the plan in action! Share advice and talk about the show here.

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April 20, 2006, 4:29 pm CDT

FUNNY!

Quote From: jayriddle

Uh, hold on there stupormom.   Divorced or unmarried men like Matt Dubay are on the hook for 18+ years of child support when a woman has a kid.  How the heck do you think a man comes up with $500 per month for 18 years?  Here a clue -- he uses his BODY to earn that money.   If he refuses, off to jail!

Women, on the other hand, have completed their physical burden after 9 months.  Let's see, 9 months vs. 18 years -- who's got the greater burden?  Who bears greater consequences?

Women get the choices, men get the responsibilities, and that's just how the women want to keep things.  It's about time somebody stood up for equal reproductive rights for men!

I must be doing something wrong....I have two children and between the 9months for each pregnancy plus months and months of breastfeeding, the fact that I have become a living jungle gym for my toddlers, changing endless diapers, wiping noses, lifting heavy strollers, lifting heavy children...........well, it seems my physical burden has surpasses the nine month mark!!!! 

  

The problem with this issue is that there is a vast difference between what we can agree on morally and what we can enforce legally. In the end, tough decisions are made to protect the children who had no say in either biological parent's immorality or irresponsibility. 

 
April 20, 2006, 4:36 pm CDT

GET WITH THE PROGRAM

I am tired of hearing men whining about having to pay for the care of all these kids. I know a man ( I use the term loosely) who is ordered to pay child support to three different women for three different kids. He is 25 and never been married. His life and the lives of the mothers and children are suffering because of his inability to be responsible and keep it in his pants. Like with drugs, JUST SAY NO. Yes. It take 2 to tango. The girls need to own 1/2 the responsibility for the kids suffering so they could have a 5-minute good time! In the end the kids are the ones who suffer the most! Who says the children shall not suffer the sins of the father? Not me!
 
April 20, 2006, 4:41 pm CDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: jsmom4

I just wanted to start out and tell you that it's sounds like you are a great mom. You need to find out what is up with your husbands feelings.Maybe counseling would help. How long have you been married. This sounds alot how my first marriage was.

Thankyou, I try to be.  My kids are my life.  there isn't anything I would do for them.   

My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years but have lived together for 10.  I have suggested counseling but he has refused.  his attitude is unbelivable, I cant belive that we have been given a third fantastic gift and he doesnt want him/her.  There are so many couples out there that would love to be in our situation.  We really are lucky.   Finacially we do ok, were not swimming in cash but we get by.  We are paying off our own house, own our car and are not in a great deal of debt.  He doesnt go without anything he wants, the kids have everything they need and more.  I just dont get him.  I just dont feel that I can stay, for my sake and the kids.   

 
April 20, 2006, 4:47 pm CDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: julie1418

I must be doing something wrong....I have two children and between the 9months for each pregnancy plus months and months of breastfeeding, the fact that I have become a living jungle gym for my toddlers, changing endless diapers, wiping noses, lifting heavy strollers, lifting heavy children...........well, it seems my physical burden has surpasses the nine month mark!!!! 

  

The problem with this issue is that there is a vast difference between what we can agree on morally and what we can enforce legally. In the end, tough decisions are made to protect the children who had no say in either biological parent's immorality or irresponsibility. 

I agree...... I have two kids and am currently pregnant with my third.  The list of things mothers physically do each day is endless not to mention the sleep deprivation - I get 4 - 4 1/2 hrs sleep a night whilst my husband is curled up bisfullly unaware of what goes on in the wee hours.   

  

At the end of the day it comes down to responsability.  Children dont ask to be born into a legal battle.  If you dont want a child - dont have unprotected sex. 

  

 
April 20, 2006, 4:50 pm CDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: purplepain

I agree...if you have the uterus, you have the power and the responibility for what ends up in your uterus.

If a man is TRICKED into having a baby then he shouldn't have to pay for it.  The woman knew the man didn't want the baby, she lied, tricked him, got pregnant and is now demanding support for this baby?

A person who is that unstable should probably have the baby taken away from her anyway...

At first glance, it's easy to agree with this, but I think it's dangerous territory. Although I have no respect for anyone who intentionally gets pregnant against the expressed desires of her partner, to withhold financial support punishes the child. My cousin was told she could not conceive, and was surprised (luckily, it was a happy surprise). That child was called a miracle. Ten years later, she had another miracle. This is rare, but not unheard of. 

  

I also question the mothering ability of someone selfish enough to bring a child into this world in such an irresponsible manner. But who makes the decision to take the child away? There is a lot of gray area in this situation, and I don't think I would want the government sorting it out. 

 
April 20, 2006, 4:51 pm CDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: julie1418

I must be doing something wrong....I have two children and between the 9months for each pregnancy plus months and months of breastfeeding, the fact that I have become a living jungle gym for my toddlers, changing endless diapers, wiping noses, lifting heavy strollers, lifting heavy children...........well, it seems my physical burden has surpasses the nine month mark!!!! 

  

The problem with this issue is that there is a vast difference between what we can agree on morally and what we can enforce legally. In the end, tough decisions are made to protect the children who had no say in either biological parent's immorality or irresponsibility. 

 The physical burden of raising children (i.e., after birth) should be shared equally between fathers and mothers.  If there is inequality there and you are doing vastly more than 50% of the daily tasks associated with raising your kids, then yes, you are doing something wrong and need to bring the kids to their Dad. 

If he's out working all day to bring home money for food, rent, and diapers, then I might suggest your kids' father's burden would be about equal to that of stay at home mom, except that the poor father doesn't get to bond with his children all day.  That's called the "daddy tax."

Just because a father changes fewer diapers or wipes fewer noses because he's busting his butt outside the home to provide for the kids doesn't mean his burden is any less than stay-at-home mom.

Equal reproductive rights for men NOW!  Men are not merely walking wallets!!
 
April 20, 2006, 4:56 pm CDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: jai149

Thankyou, I try to be.  My kids are my life.  there isn't anything I would do for them.   

My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years but have lived together for 10.  I have suggested counseling but he has refused.  his attitude is unbelivable, I cant belive that we have been given a third fantastic gift and he doesnt want him/her.  There are so many couples out there that would love to be in our situation.  We really are lucky.   Finacially we do ok, were not swimming in cash but we get by.  We are paying off our own house, own our car and are not in a great deal of debt.  He doesnt go without anything he wants, the kids have everything they need and more.  I just dont get him.  I just dont feel that I can stay, for my sake and the kids.   

I am no advocate of breaking up families, but your husband seems to be emotionally breaking up your family. I think you need to insist on counseling, and if he won't go, you need to leave. It would be tragic to raise a child in a home where he/she felt unloved and unwanted by a parent. I also think you should get some counseling for yourself, even if he won't go. 

  

 If you leave him, make the separation legal. This sounds awfully cold, but people do crazy things when they are backed into a corner. You wouldn't want to deal with the aftermath if he started hiding money or running up credit cards. If you are not legally separated, his debts are yours. 

 
April 20, 2006, 5:01 pm CDT

smile

Quote From: jayriddle

 The physical burden of raising children (i.e., after birth) should be shared equally between fathers and mothers.  If there is inequality there and you are doing vastly more than 50% of the daily tasks associated with raising your kids, then yes, you are doing something wrong and need to bring the kids to their Dad. 

If he's out working all day to bring home money for food, rent, and diapers, then I might suggest your kids' father's burden would be about equal to that of stay at home mom, except that the poor father doesn't get to bond with his children all day.  That's called the "daddy tax."

Just because a father changes fewer diapers or wipes fewer noses because he's busting his butt outside the home to provide for the kids doesn't mean his burden is any less than stay-at-home mom.

Equal reproductive rights for men NOW!  Men are not merely walking wallets!!

My husband is a phenomenal provider and father. He never did figure out how to breastfeed, but I can forgive him for that. I have no complaints about my own situation, I am just disputing your ridiculous "women's physical burdens are over in nine months" argument. 

  

  

 
April 20, 2006, 5:10 pm CDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: julie1418

At first glance, it's easy to agree with this, but I think it's dangerous territory. Although I have no respect for anyone who intentionally gets pregnant against the expressed desires of her partner, to withhold financial support punishes the child. My cousin was told she could not conceive, and was surprised (luckily, it was a happy surprise). That child was called a miracle. Ten years later, she had another miracle. This is rare, but not unheard of. 

  

I also question the mothering ability of someone selfish enough to bring a child into this world in such an irresponsible manner. But who makes the decision to take the child away? There is a lot of gray area in this situation, and I don't think I would want the government sorting it out. 

I think the current system works most of the time. But this case that Dr Phil has on his show is really out there. And I think this man should be free of child support. He never wanted a child and made that clear to this woman. This case is very easy to research on the internet.

It's complicated, I agree. But this woman does not deserve child support and she should have known that she wouldn't recieve support.

That is the crux of the matter. Women who trick men, and I admit it's not common but it's not unheard of,  into having baby's should realize they run the risk of thier child not having a father.

Woman need to step up and take responibility for thier bodies...COMPLETELY.
 
April 20, 2006, 6:06 pm CDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: jai149

I have just recently just found out that I am pregnant with my third child.  My husband and I had discussed the possibility of a third but had said we'd talk about it "later".  My husband knew that I wasnt on any form of contraception, but was happy for us to have sex whenever he wanted to.  Now that I am pregnant he is saying that it is my fault and that this baby is going to be my responability in full.  Not to ask him to do a thing.  Since we had our two gorgeous kids his life hasnt changed a bit.  I do all the nappy changing, feeding, bathing - the list is endless.  He hasnt even gotten up once during the night and our kids are 3 and 2.  He still gets to go out with his friends, socialises and I am always left at home.  I dont mind this, but is it too much to ask for the occasionally hand.  I have an ultrasound next week and he wont even come to it with me.  it really hurts me that he is rejecting this child.  i have told him to get used to the idea or he knows where the door is.  I love my husband very much, but to me his behavior is a deal breaker.  Am I right in my thinking?  What I should I be doing to make this work out for the best?  And to make it easier for my other two children - My 3 year old is already picking up on what his father is saying and keeps telling me he doesnt want  a baby.  I just know what to do. 
Have you told him straight out that he is being a complete jerk? Have you told him that this is an innocent child and he needs to step up or he needs to get into counciling?

Exactly how stern have you been with him? I find a lot of women who are married to jerks are very passive and let them be jerks.
 
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