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Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:22:17 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 04/21/06) Being a parent is hard enough, but what happens when Mom and Dad can't agree on how many kids to have, how to raise 'em and how to get ‘em to sleep? Sometimes, it can lead to an all-out baby war! Matt's baby battle ended up in front of a judge and made headlines. He was ordered to pay child support for the baby he had with his ex-girlfriend, but he says he shouldn't have to cough up the money because she told him she wasn't able to get pregnant, and he told her he didn't want to be a father. He, his attorney, and the director of the National Center for Men discuss the lawsuit they filed, known as “Roe v. Wade for Men,” arguing that men should have a constitutional right to avoid fatherhood. Next, Dan says even though he and his wife, Lisa, already have four children, he wants just one more. Lisa has been pregnant on and off for 11 years and says she's closed for baby business. Will Dr. Phil help Dan see Lisa's point that four is enough? Then, a frustrated husband is camping out on the roof of his house and living in a tent. He refuses to go back to his bedroom until his wife moves their kids out of their bed and starts paying more attention to him. Can Dr. Phil get him to come down the ladder? Plus, a sleep expert has a simple method for getting your child to sleep through the night. See the plan in action! Share advice and talk about the show here.

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julie1418

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April 23, 2006, 9:22 am PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: jaxxxxxx

Right now, right here, look at your son or some other young man.

ANY female has the right under law to force him to become a father. She has the right to use rape to force him to become a father. She has the right to force him to become a father if she can in ANY way get a sample of his sperm: That includes robbery using a gun.

No male has ANY reproductive rights at all. That is the law of the land for Canada and almost all of the US states.

Now, you DEMAND, loudly demand, that this is right, reasonable and proper. Why should any male, any male at all, listen to any female shen she squawks about her rights? WHY?

We must make changes to give males reproductive rights. That is essential. YOU, you personally, are killing people, you've got the blood of innocence on your hands becasuse of your loud demand that no male is ever human enough to be worthy of rights.

That's the facts folks.

Now is this case the best one available? I don't know and I doubt you do either.

None-the-less, we must give males some right to choose to be or not to be a father ... You women and dominant men oppose doing so. Why are you in any way different from the people who say "so in so isn't human enough to have rights"???? Think about it.

My two sons will be taught the BIOLOGY of procreation and responsibility for their own actions. They will be taught that regardless of what a girl or doctor may tell them, they are responsible for their behavior because they are NOT stupid and they know all possible outcomes when they choose to have sex.

If either of my sons turns out to be like Matt, I will hang my head in shame.

If they are victim of rape or the oh so prevalent sperm robbery, I will assist them in prosecuting the crime....ALL rapists should be in jail....there are no special laws for female rapists. Get real and Grow up!

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buttercups

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April 23, 2006, 9:22 am PDT

Men's Baby Rights

My husband was also told woman was on birth control and wasn't and he also made it clear he wasn't ready to become a father and she became pregant and he was forced by the state to pay back support and monthly support. She told state reps and lawyers she just wanted what was best for the child yet when it came to visitation and being a part of the child's life she put up every blockade she could. It was all fine when we were doing & giving yet when she was responsible to do her part it was NOT done. It's now very clear she just wanted/wants the money has NO intention on him being an active father in his daughter's life. The state only cares that she gets her money but just can not seem to help us with visitation, in part telling us the money is ONLY what is important. Yes, we can get lawyers but since we are having to pay child support (which is based on an income he made 5 years ago but was laid off from because of 911 and now makes much less but child support hasn't been lowered, nor does he get to claim the child for tax purposes) and back support there just isn't the money to pay lawyer fees also.

So not only did my husband not get a choice NOT to be a father but he now doesn't even get the choice to be an active father to his daughter. There are men out there trying and trying to be a part of their children's lives and they are not properly represented. It seems much easier to talk about the Dead Beat Dads but what about the dads that are controled by the women's rights and choices. It's been proven it's important the father's be involved with their children yet the woman can control that.

Men have rights too!

Buttercups!

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jules17330

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chillin'

April 23, 2006, 9:24 am PDT

What??

Quote From: skormann

I have 4 children and planned none of them. The last 2 I was so sad when I found out I was pregnant that I considered adoption. I had a hard time during the pregnancy with the guilty feelings and knowing deep down inside that this is not what I wanted. However, the split second I delivered these babies, I feel so totally in love with each one of them. They are all a gift and all 4 bring something so special to my life. I can say for sure that my life would be easier with fewer children or even no children at all. But how boring....

I feel sad for Matt. He has no clue what he is missing or the feeling you get when your baby looks at you and smiles. It's all worth it. Matt is the kind of person who cannot see beyond his nose. Too bad for him, he's missing lifes greatest miracle!!

P.S. My mother has never hidden the fact that I, too, was an unplanned pregnancy!! I wonder how many of us were planned.

"I feel sad for Matt. He has no clue what he is missing or the feeling you get when your baby looks at you and smiles. It's all worth it. Matt is the kind of person who cannot see beyond his nose. Too bad for him, he's missing lifes greatest miracle!! "

Why is he the type who can't see beyond his nose? Because he is admitting he doesn't want children right now? So because YOU feel that children are life's greatest miracle, which is YOUR opinion, he is a selfish man? He never said that he didn't want children at all or that he didn't like kids. I think that people who admit they aren't ready for kids are just being honest and shouldn't be frowned upon. They are trying to make good choices for them. I think you're just jealous because someone else is fighting to have a voice and you have four unplanned kids to raise.

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marydowns

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April 23, 2006, 9:27 am PDT

legal contract?

Quote From: grrrafx

I am distressed enough by the topic to register on this site (in case you're keeping track of opinions). I'm writing in favour of Matt - and men in general- NOT having to pay for a baby they don't want. When the criteria are met, and he/they were indeed misled (both parties have to agree that they did not intend to have kids, had discussed this in advance and precautions were taken), In this case she claimed to be both infertile and on the pill. The man should ABSOLUTELY be "off the hook" in a case like this unless he chooses to be involved. Men are getting screwed (no pun intended) in this arena, we women have choices, legally they do not. It's not necessarily about the best interests of the child (claimed by the women who think their desire for motherhood is paramount?) if it were, may of these same kids would be adopted out to 2 parent households dieing to adopt a healthy infant. If the woman chooses to go through with the pregnancy, by all means, but when the inadvdertent sperm donor has declined fatherhood, she should absorb the financial burden on her own. Maybe then people would think twice. There are already too many children being born with too little forethought, women have several options. The proverbial shoe was on the other foot 20 years ago, I was pregnant, in college, with a drug and alcohol problem. My boyfriend had a job that kept him away for months at a time, In complete role reversal, he DID want the baby, I was afraid I'd be raising it (mostly) alone, and of course there was a possibility of birth defects, therefor I had no desire to go through with the pregnancy. Thank god he didn't have the power to force me to deliver, & then make me pay him child support for 18 years. It's time we women take more responsibility for our own actions, and shoulder the consequences. Our sexual partners should have equal rights in this enoormous a decision.

Look, you're talking about rights, responsibilities and legalities. How would you enforce such a concept? Should the couple go to a lawyer and sign a contract before having sex? Because you are talking about the welfare of an innocent child here, and thank God there are some people who see that they are little people with rights. Although in theory you may be correct, but these types of verbal contracts between two people (sometimes minors) would have to be on the honor system or you'ld get a "He said, She said.."

So my question is, how in the world do you enforce an honor system where everyone is responsible for what they agreed to? Even simple car accidents end up in court because of either deception or misconceptions. Would you agree to have millions of cases brought to our already expensive and overloaded court system? Are you willing to pay an extra $1,000 / year in tax dollars to support this?

The only way this could be a legal issue is through a legal contract, like the "pre-nup". Only this would be the "pre-sex". And even then, somebody, somewhere would be waving the rights of an innocent child who deserves better.

Realistically, what kind of man would pay a lawyer to protect his parental status? A rich one. Let's face it the majority of men in Matt's position are not going to go see a lawyer before having sex.

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menomomma

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April 23, 2006, 9:28 am PDT

"I don't want to be a father"

To the man who didn't want to be a father........

There are two solutions to your dilemma; Keep it in your pants or take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Wear a condom!

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jules17330

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surprised

April 23, 2006, 9:36 am PDT

Have you lost your mind?

Quote From: loreleimb

Obviously, you are missing the point of the devastation that an abortion can cause the entire family. This woman is devastated because her sister killed this baby that was to be her neice or nephew. "Taking responsiblity" would have been to either have the baby and raise it, or have the baby and give it up for adoption. What was right for HER does not matter in the slightest once there is a baby on the way. The only person who should be considered is the baby. What about what is right for him or her? If "we all realize that sex can result in pregnancy" then we give up the right to do what is right for ourselves when we decide to have sex. Once you are pregnant, you have forfeited that right in deference to the rights of an innocent child. Get your head on straight! You're championing the wrong victim! This nineteen year old girl has her life but her baby is dead. Who is the real victim here?

How is having an abortion not taking responsibility? She made the decision to abort and obviously felt it was the right decision. This person who is upset that her sister had an abortion needs to realize that the woman is the most important person in this equasion, not an embryo. She has people who depend on her and a history on this planet and if she felt that she could not bring that child into this world and had an abortion then she was absolutely responsible!! We all do realize that sex ends in pregnancy but can you honestly say you make love to your partner only when you wish to conceive? You do not have to forfeit your rights once you become pregnant. Women have fought long and hard to earn the right to decide when to have a family and who are you to tell her what to do with her own body, regardless of her pregnancy. You don't know this person, yet you know what's right for her and her situation?? And what's "championing"? You mean "campaigning"? You are the one who is wrong, madam. YOU need to get YOUR head on straight!!! When it comes down to it, the nineteen year old girl and her life is the most important. Deal with it.

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marydowns

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April 23, 2006, 9:39 am PDT

Game of Procreation

Quote From: freeride57

I think it's about time that someone gave a voice to the males involved in these situations. Do you people realize that it's NOT just the guy who should think before having unprotected sex, but the girl, too? And do you all realize how much of this crap goes on, simply so that the "moms" can hope to get child support AND state aid....and end up living better than the dad.....who has NO rights. Yes, it may be stated in court that he has rights, but those are never enforced. But let him fall behind one month in child support and they'll take it out of his check, regardless if he has enough left to eat on or not. They pay big money for child support, and end up strapped for money, but they have to live that way for 18 years.....while the "mom" sits there, collecting $500/month support, and twice that in state aid. I think it's become a career for many young people......just have a baby and you'll be taken care of. But the Dad's get nothing.........they're the ones who need a little help after giving half their income to the moms who already get help! But no one puts food on the table of the Dads.....and the more they make the more they take. The moms don't have to work, they can go to college free, as can their kids......their health care is taken care of..........food stamps.......housing......utilities paid. Sounds like a nice way to live, don't ya think? And some of them will do whatever it takes to make it happen. These girls never intended to have the father involved......except for money. It's a way to make money for them. And yes......I know that it's a "hard 18 years" to do it just for the money, etc. But most of them don't raise their kids......the grandparents do. And they end up with 2 or 3 children.......with different Dads. The mom has a choice to keep it, abort it or put it up for adoption. If SHE chooses to keep and raise it, and the guy chooses not to.......then let it go! She'll be well taken care of anyway!!!! Why would you want to force someone to be a DAD! The dad has NO voice in the matter. He's just the sperm donor and money source. .I think it's about time someone took a good look at how the guys are getting screwed-over. Time for the girls to stop looking at the guys as a FREE RIDE!

In the game of procreation, I'm sorry fellas there is no "even playing field" because mother nature made the rules and she's not going to change them. You men are the quarterbacks in this game. You throw the ball to us and we run it down field for 9 months to the goal line. Sometimes you throw it to the wrong lady, sometimes we just aren't equipped and can't catch it, or we catch it and drop it! The point is, once that ball leaves your hands, what happens next is out of your control. Many of us agree that it's not fair, but mother nature isn't going to bring us a fair fairy anytime soon. How many young girls would love to pass back their menstrual cramps to their boyfriends... How many wives would like to see their husbands plop down on the birthing bed and relieve them of a few hours of hard labor? I'm not even going to get into the emotional and physical pain of miscarriage, abortion, endometriosis, hysterectomies, etc etc. You see guys, many of us would agree that it would be a wonderful thing for mother nature to equip you with the ability to run that ball down the field yourself. But she's not completely unfair. She gives you some choices: You can choose to hold that ball for a while until the right receiver comes along, you can pass it to any gal and take your chances, you can put on some protective gear so that if one of us isn't following your plays, you won't get injured, or you can opt out and choose not to play this game at all!

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mmhudson

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April 23, 2006, 9:44 am PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: geckoluv

I don't believe anyone is blaming Matt. We are saying Matt is responsible for his own actions.

Yes, she made a choice too. The big difference is she is raising the child and taking responsibility.

Matt is pretending he doesn't have any responsibility. Why should the father be able to walk away ? The child deserves support emotionally, mentally, and financially. The law can only give her the financial support she deserves. So no matter the outcome, she will be deprived.

I wish the mother and child all the best !

But she made the choice to have the child and raise the child. Why should he be forced to just accept her choice. She does NOT deserve financial support. She made the choice to raise the child. Therefore, she should raise the child by herself. But I wish the CHILD the best. The mother made her own bed, now she needs to lay in it.

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fedup100

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April 23, 2006, 9:44 am PDT

My opinion on the biological fathers not wanting to parent….

I don’t think that the men should have a say on a woman facing the option of having a child or not.

Women are the ones that have to devote the rest of their lives to this child and if a woman feels that she is not ready then she may choose not to be a parent.

For the women that feel that it’s necessary for a man to be a part of the child’s life, ASK your self this…” Why would you want to force a man to be there when he is not responsible or mature enough to be a FATHER and take on the responsibility?

“Yeah kids cost a lot of money but women should stand up and be strong and not ask for a dime, asking for money makes you look weak.” If a man doesn’t want to be there, why should we beg him for anything?
I’m pregnant and “my so call perfect man” walked out on me after finding out that I was expecting.

I don’t want to have anything to do with him. I don’t want him to be a part of MY child’s life and I certainly don’t want a dime from him. I’m not planning to ask for anything, I’m giving him the option to be a father or not. If he wants he can look for me and the baby…and if then he wants to be there then that’s when he will be obligated to help financially.

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araminta

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April 23, 2006, 9:49 am PDT

are you for REAL???

Quote From: oleannder

"Until a man can carry a child for nine months and has the torment of the changes of a pregnancy, he CANNOT make these decisions."

Well that WAS just about the most ignorant and childish statement I had read here until I completed reading the rest of the post. I also think that it is pretty clear that you did not watch the entire segment of the show.

I agree that in these times it is essential to ensure that you are wearing a condom. With all of the diseases out there & the surprising number of people out there that don't even know that they have been infected with one thing or another, it is a critical aspect of our sexual society now.

The man in question & his girlfriend had been using condoms for the earlier part of their relationship. A completely responsible act on both of their parts. Here is where it gets a little tricky & I will use my own life as a reference:

My partner & I have been together for 3 years. I have known since I was very young that I do not want to have any children of my own (I am a woman) and have been on birth control since I became sexually active in my early twenties. I made a decision a long time ago that if I were to change my mind then I would either attempt to adopt or become a foster parent to someone who needs a home. When my partner (who has two children of his own) and I first got together we used both the pill & condoms. However after a year or so, with some medical testing to ensure that we were both healthy, we stopped using the condoms & just relied on the pill instead. As long as we know that we are not transmitting some disgusting STD to each other we feel pretty good about our decision to discontinue the condoms.

So I can understand Matt's decision to stop the condom use. He was supposed to be in a relationship with someone who shared a mutual bond of caring & trust. As I do not know all of the details of went on between the two partners I can not say for sure that this is what happened, none of us really can.

It is very unfortunate (and I am not saying that this is the case here) but there is a growing number of women out there who attempt to use an 'accidental' pregnancy out of desperation in order to keep a partner that may be growing away from them.

"WHAT A JERK!!!! WHAT AN IDIOT!!! WHAT A COMPLETE BRAIN DEAD FOOL!!!!! "

What about her? Honestly sit back & think about it for a few moments. They had a discussion about birth control as they had been using condoms, she told him she was on the pill & as an added bonus brought up the information about her supposed infertility. Clearly, she was well aware in advance that he was not interested in having a child at this time so what is her resposibility in this? Is she a jerk? An idiot? A complete brain dead fool?

Instead of juding him so harshly you should try an honest attempt at looking at the situation from his point of view.

You seem to be the angry one!!!

AND by the way, women get blamed every day for getting pregnant. We ALWAYS have to take responsibility!!!

The fact that the statistics prove that MEN (not women) are the biggest scum bags when it comes to being "deadbeat". DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?????

Because WOMEN always have to LIVE with the problem. Men can just leave.....

And by the way, I have heard people say, ALL THE TIME, "Well she is SOOOO stupid and brain dead for getting pregnant!!!!" They have said things to women like that for years!!!!

I guess you would never know that since you are so stuck in your own world!!! (Literally)....

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