Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

I agree completely with this, he is just looking for attention.

The young man who insisted that he should not be expected to take any responsibility for the child he helped conceive sounds like a real jerk.  If you decide to have sex, decide to believe what the other person tells you about not being able to conceive, and decide not to use a condom, good luck.  You chose to take chances, so now you get to share responsibility for that child's welfare, and expenses, etc.  Grow up and get a backbone!   

My sympathies are with you.  I can't imagine knowing a child of mine to be out there and fighting for parental rights that I should be biologically entitled to and knowing the courts are refusing to allow your parental rights to be invoked.  You didn't mention if you had an attorney, but if you haven't, I'd contact legal aide.  I would also make your case public because it just doesn't make sense.  What were their reasons for terminating your rights?  Can you prove her lies?  Have you appealed the case?  At minimum, you need to make your case aware with your local representatives to change the law that did not work for you and provide a proposal on how to make the system better.  I wish you the best in winning your case and having a loving relationship with your son.

My husband and I have been married for 16 years.  We have four children ages 11 (boy), 8 (girl), 7 (boy), and an adopted son who is 2-1/2.  We did not have sex prior to marrying and couldn't be happier about that decision.   I was 23 when we married and he was 22 and both of us had some college under our belts and had experienced life in a foreign country as well, so we weren't naive about life.

The decision to not have premarital sex was an easy one to make but created many challenges for us living in a world where casual sex is the norm.  Over the past 16 years we have watched morality as a whole decline as we have watched the selfishness of the individual (men and women) increase.  Serious threats to the family unit seem to be caused by this selfishness.   Everyone wants things their way and working at creating a relationship that is not only functional, tolerable, but incredibly loving and exciting just seems to be too much work nowadays.   It seems to be easier to throw back the fish you got and try again instead.

The birthmother of our adopted son was in love with the birthfather.  They had consentual sex , not at all believing that she could possibly get pregnant from it.  He didn't want anything to do with her or the baby once he found out about her pregnancy.  She carried the baby to term and placed him in my arms with her family and ours together.  It was difficult, probably one of the most difficult and yet thrilling and suspenseful events of our lives, not to mention the heartbreak and worry for her.  We kept an open relationship with the birth mother; allowing her to come and visit and hold our son until she could comfortably pull away seeing that he was loved and well cared for.   She married six months to the day of his birth and her husband also has interacted with our son in a very positive manner.  They now, in the past few weeks have had a son together, whom we are thrilled to finally see.  

Talk about a potentially complicated situation...but you know what?  Just like any other situation in life...any other big decision you wil make like marriage, premarital sex, adoption, divorce, you have to be the adult and make the choice that is responsible.  You do not have the luxury, or at least I do not think that you should, to decide to have sex, but not have to be responsible for the outcome.  To me, that is like saying that I can drink, and I can drive, but if I kill someone I can simply say that I was under the influence and therefore not really responsible for my actions.  Grow up! 

I feel sick inside to think of the types, personalities, and irresponsible men and women that will be available for marriage to my children when they feel that they do not need to be responsible for anyone but themselves.  I think that it is already a pretty sad situation that we have gotten ourselves in as a whole when we can play God in deciding who gets to live and who doesn't.  If you have sex and do not feel you are ready to be a responsible parent, then look for someone to adopt your child.  Do you have any idea how many people are out there searching with all their might to find a child they can adopt and be able to pay for it.  Potential adoptive parents have to spend a minimum of $16,000 to adopt a child.  There are other ways for this to be done, but only when selflessness comes in to play.

I guess as a whole, I disagree with the continued direction of selfishness and unaffected behavior that our society seems to keep heading toward and this is just one more huge example of it.

 Men, I can understand why you would be upset. The woman does ultimately have the choice of what do do with the child. From the dicussion on the show, this is an issue that doesn't seem like it could be resolved when one is only looking out for him/herself. When one side cannot agree with the other it seems, I think the way it should be looked at and handled is simply this; a life has been created by two people.... Do what is best for the child. I believe a child deserves two loving parents. (That's not to say single parents couldn't raise a wonderful child)  When you have an unwilling partner, doing what is best for the child is the greatest gift you could give them! I personally don't agree with abortion, so I think placing the child for adoption is definatly the way I think it should be handled if two people cannot come together for the sake of a child.

  I am the mother of a beautiful 12 month old and soon to be mother of another precious baby.  I also have very strong feelings on the issue of parental rights.  I am truly against abortion and all for adoption, but in the end it is legally a womans choice.  So having said that ,why is it that men have no legal rights?  Women can go ahead without consent of the father and terminate their pregnancy so why is it that a man ,who truly is not ready for the very life changing role of fatherhood, cannot take part in the decision?  

  Mothers, put yourself in the shoes of the women.  Would you want your child to grow up happy and healthy with a mother who loves them knowing that their daddy was not ready to be a father or would you want them to grow up in a game of tug a war over money thinking that they are not good enough and that they are unwanted?  Is the money the be all and end all?  I know that if it was me i would want the father to have a say and if that say was ," I am not ready for this", money would not be an issue.  The only issue for me would be the happiness of my child and can i alone give that to him/her?  

 A prson cannot be tried as an adult until the age of 18 (Canada), so these young parents having babies at 16 or 17 are expected to stand up as parents?  

   

  Ladies.... women lie everyday to have babies.  Women have the choice everyday whether to keep an unexpected baby.  Not every man that " is not ready for the responsibility" is looking for a free ride.  The argument that you should keep it in your pants then does not work.  In that case every women that has ever had an abortion should have kept her pants on!!  

I am about to become a single mother. I wasn't planning on becoming a mother at this time of my life, either.    

If this young man did not want to be a father, he should not have had sex. That is the only way to prevent pregnancy. If the young lady had not had a medical condition,but was on the pill, they still could've gotten pregnant.  He should've been a responsible, informed adult before making the decision to have sex.  

I don't see a law changing for men to be able to opt out of fatherhood. His option was the day of conception.  

Talk about not knowing the facts.  She didnt know what the hell she was talking about. Do you really think 500.00 a month pays for jack squat. Get real. By the simple action of unzipping ones fly,,,,,,,,you take the chance of becoming a parent. Like it or not. Even a 1% chance,,,,,,,,,,,its still the responsibility of both parents. I suggest that this young man not engage in sex until marriage, or become gay, to absolutely 100% prevent being a parent. A real man would stand up and take responsibility for his own actions.

Sounds like your making some quality choices in the men you choose to sleep with. No offense, but 1st time shame on them, second time, shame on you for poor judgement.

 I think when these to people chose to have sex they also chose to have baby.  Thats where they come from!  Reguardless of whether he said before he didn't want to have a baby or be a father.