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Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

Number of Replies: 7224
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:22:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/21/06) Being a parent is hard enough, but what happens when Mom and Dad can't agree on how many kids to have, how to raise 'em and how to get ‘em to sleep?  Sometimes, it can lead to an all-out baby war! Matt's baby battle ended up in front of a judge and made headlines. He was ordered to pay child support for the baby he had with his ex-girlfriend, but he says he shouldn't have to cough up the money because she told him she wasn't able to get pregnant, and he told her he didn't want to be a father. He, his attorney, and the director of the National Center for Men discuss the lawsuit they filed, known as “Roe v. Wade for Men,” arguing that men should have a constitutional right to avoid fatherhood. Next, Dan says even though he and his wife, Lisa, already have four children, he wants just one more. Lisa has been pregnant on and off for 11 years and says she's closed for baby business. Will Dr. Phil help Dan see Lisa's point that four is enough? Then, a frustrated husband is camping out on the roof of his house and living in a tent. He refuses to go back to his bedroom until his wife moves their kids out of their bed and starts paying more attention to him. Can Dr. Phil get him to come down the ladder? Plus, a sleep expert has a simple method for getting your child to sleep through the night. See the plan in action! Share advice and talk about the show here.

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April 21, 2006, 12:38 am CDT

Who knows

Who knows if she could or could not have children but for the doctor who diagnosed her. Has any one found out whether or not that it was fact she was lying to him. I feel that if he was really concerned about the outcome of there shared experience in the bedroom that he should have taken the extra precaution. And besides that even when a doctor says you can not have kids it does mean he is 100%  correct no ones perfect not even doctors. She could have trapped him or maybe she did not trap him. Do we really know. It takes two people to have sexual relations. It takes two people to decide whether or not those relations or protected. The only person I see suffering out of all this is the child herself. One more thing I have to say. I was a single mom and it is not just the father who has to work and pay for the child for 18 years. The mother raising the child has to work as well and make sure the child has all he or she needs no matter what it may be or how much it may cost. You can not tell me that 500.00 dollars a month is enough to support a growing child because I know different for fact.
 
April 21, 2006, 12:44 am CDT

Your choice, your responsibility

Quote From: jessaca18

Ok, first I know many people will disagree with this and maybe someone will agree but I think that this needs to be said.    

 First I have been in this situation and am now a single parent of a 2 year old boy. When I was 23 I was with someone that was 36 I will call him Mr. Doe. We were together for awhile and we both did not want any children. I was on birth control and was told by a doctor "That it would be impossible for me to conceive without fertility drugs" I took my pill everyday at the same time, i took the fake ones too. I did everything that I was suppose to do so that the pill works right. I WAS NOT on fertility drugs. Mr. Doe and I had sex unprotected a few times we were mainly using the pill. We broke up and about 6 months later I found out I was pregnant. I know this is shocking and I swear that I was going to the doctor trying to find out what was wrong with me the whole time. The doctors tried pregnancy tests, blood tests,  exams, and a lot more. I saw specialist I went to 4-5 different doctors all said that I was not pregnant and that I could not have children without fertility treatments. I did not gain any weight I was exercising and dieting. Eventually I felt my son kick in Aug. I went to the doctor still not believing that I was pregnant. They told me I was and that I was due in Nov.    

 I told Mr. Doe and he decided that he was not ready for a child, he did not want me to put him up for adoption. He wanted me to have an abortion. It became a huge fight because an abortion was not an option neither was adoption for me. He made the choice that he wanted nothing to do with the child. I have maintained a email address where he can contact me if he has any questions. He has never had any questions. He has seen my son twice in 2 years.   

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  In my case and in other cases a man does have choice. Just like Mr. Doe who choose not to use a condom every time. He choice just to depend on my pill and the doctors telling me I could not get pregnant with out fertility drugs. That was his choice. I choose to continue using the pill; But I did  not demand him to use a condom every time. The mans choice is 1) To wear a condom or not? 2) To get fixed or  not to get fixed? 3) I believe that they now have a pill for a man (I am not positive on this)  Are these not choice's... Or are they not enough of a choice?    

  A woman may have more of a choice. A woman may choice to have an abortion even if the man does not want her to have one just as she may choice to have the baby even if the man does not want her too.    

   

   

Your rant about pre-conception choices applies to both men and women.  Your boyfriend trusted you when you told him you could not get pregnant.  You trusted your doctor when she told you you could not get pregnant.   You both decided to have sex anyhow.   You BOTH made the wrong PRE-CONCEPTION choice.  Now let's move on, because pre-conception choices are COMPLETELY SEPARATE FROM POST-CONCEPTION CHOICES.

Once you got pregnant, YOU had several choices -- Adoption.  Abortion.  Raise the child yourself.

Who do you think should bear the responsibility for your choices?  You, or your boyfriend?

Women's choices, women's responsibilities.

Can you handle it?
 
April 21, 2006, 12:53 am CDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: purplepain

Have you told him straight out that he is being a complete jerk? Have you told him that this is an innocent child and he needs to step up or he needs to get into counciling?

Exactly how stern have you been with him? I find a lot of women who are married to jerks are very passive and let them be jerks.

I have told him exactly what I think of his behavior and went as far as to point out the front door.  When it comes to my children I dont let anyone walk over them or me.  I am usually a fairly relaxed person but this has gotten out of control.  I dont want this child to grow up thinking that they are unwanted.  I have told him about counceling but anything that interfers with his social sheduale is out of the question. 

 
April 21, 2006, 1:10 am CDT

What exactly is....

Quote From: lieven

This is a perfect example of man hating sexism. Lets consider adding one key point to women's slogan regards abortion: 

" Her body, her choice... HER *responsibility* ! " 

In an age where women have MANY means to void legal parenthood, POST coitally, it is nothing more and nothing less than man hating sexism to DENY men any such legal rights. 

Lets remember that abortion ISN'T a natural thing, that Legal Abandon Laws ( In 40+ states now ) 

AREN'T natural things, and so on.  

Either men should get legal post coital choices or women should have such post-coital choices 

as men get right now: NONE. 

Anything else is pure misandrous sexism. Ptui. 

Oh, one more point to the sow who posted this sexism: Men do the lion's share of the work that keeps society running. When women are ready to do *as much and as well*, then maybe equal 

rights at work might be tolerated. Hows you like that ? 

Agreed (And you read my last post wrong that you disagreed with.  I agreed with the woman and said the choices are one sided favoring the woman- My computer's been funky.  I replied but I don't think it worked). 

  

  

What exactly is the Legal Abandon Laws?  (I never heard of it). 

 
April 21, 2006, 1:20 am CDT

Baby

I feel sorry for guys in this day and age, you can get some really terrible women who decide to get a divorce, take the children away, the fathers never see them, she also takes his money, then complains about being a single mother, ouch, poor guys.Then there's some dead beat guys too, but some good guys get screwed also.
 
April 21, 2006, 1:22 am CDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: purplepain

Have you told him straight out that he is being a complete jerk? Have you told him that this is an innocent child and he needs to step up or he needs to get into counciling?

Exactly how stern have you been with him? I find a lot of women who are married to jerks are very passive and let them be jerks.

You're husband is an idiot and a jerk, and sad to say woman who allow those men to have their cake and to eat it too. are too.  Your husband wants the fun and games of making a baby but takes no responsibility of one when it  comes into the world then cut him off , no help, no sex. After all if he does not know by now that sex can and does produce a baby then he should stop  having sex .  WIth privlages comes responsibility and  he had the privlage as a husband to have sex and now he better start  taking responsibilities for it.   

  

My husband was just as stupid about birth control. because of church  beliefs  no pills or  such were allowed but he refused to give up his pleasure with a condom and would withdraw for birth control and subsequently  we have  4.  But it was always about him and what he needed. men are  jerks about sex and maybe need to be givein a shake to get it into their heads that a moment of fun is a lifetime of work and worry for a lot of mothers. 

 
April 21, 2006, 1:29 am CDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: purplepain

I think the current system works most of the time. But this case that Dr Phil has on his show is really out there. And I think this man should be free of child support. He never wanted a child and made that clear to this woman. This case is very easy to research on the internet.

It's complicated, I agree. But this woman does not deserve child support and she should have known that she wouldn't recieve support.

That is the crux of the matter. Women who trick men, and I admit it's not common but it's not unheard of,  into having baby's should realize they run the risk of thier child not having a father.

Woman need to step up and take responibility for thier bodies...COMPLETELY.
the woman is not getting child support her child is and like it or not he is a father and should provide for her.  If a man does not want to be a father he should never ever  leave that choice to the woman.  Things happen, many woman we all know or have heard of  have gone for years without getting pregnaunt and been told that they will not . But low and behold  a miricle. And  the child and the mother should not be punished just because he is to cheap and selfish to  pay up for his lack of good sense.  After all  no one drives around  looking for an accident  but if it does  happen they want to be repaid for the  damage that is done. And he needs to grow up  and grow a pair and maybe  stop being such a slut to be out there giveing away his life juices  if he does not want to be a father.
 
April 21, 2006, 1:30 am CDT

He should've taken responsibility for the child he helped to create.

 I'm unmarried, but I was involved in a non-committed relationship with a guy for a little over a year.  I got pregnant with his child a month after his second child was born and a couple weeks before he got a vasectomy.  Neither of us knew I was pregnant when he received it.  He's twenty, I'm twenty-one.  He's now become responsible for his daughter, and two other children by the mother of this child and will soon take over custodial rights of his son and son's half sister in June.  However, he's shown little or no interest in taking responsibility for my child who will be born in September.  Neither of us expected anything from the other throughout the... relationship- but we did have unprotected sex a number of times and he knew I wasn't on birth control.  I'm thankful for the laws that will require him to pay child support despite his obvious desire to avoid this responsibility.
 
April 21, 2006, 1:41 am CDT

Which baby??

I have only scanned over some of these posts.  Yes, ok men should have choices.  To darn bad they are in deed limited to only two.  One, don't have sex at all and two wear insurance.  Sexual relations are not only for enjoyment, sex is also for procreation.  To me it sounds like the men who are so upset over their lack of choices are whining like babies and talking children who are looking for excuses to not be held accountable for their own actions.  So which baby are we really debating over?  I think that maybe Dr.Phil was a little too easy on the proven biological father and that "lack of hair comb lawyer". So I say this for the men who have been "caught up in the I'm now pregnant game", do not lay down with someone when there are possibilities that there are consequences that you are not ready for.  Like Dr. Phil said, when you decide to have sex with or without a condom, if contact is made the ball is in the other court......literally. 
 
April 21, 2006, 1:51 am CDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: jai149

I agree...... I have two kids and am currently pregnant with my third.  The list of things mothers physically do each day is endless not to mention the sleep deprivation - I get 4 - 4 1/2 hrs sleep a night whilst my husband is curled up bisfullly unaware of what goes on in the wee hours.   

  

At the end of the day it comes down to responsability.  Children dont ask to be born into a legal battle.  If you dont want a child - dont have unprotected sex. 

  

I agree, don't have unprotected sex. Because of my own reasons I waited until I was married to have sex however everyone is different. If a women has unprotected sex she can get an abortion and the father has no say so in the matter. Why can't a father have that same choice? 

  

Yeah,  the ideal situation is that we all wait till marriage to have sex. To bad life doesn't work that way. We all make mistakes. Why do women have the option to fix it but men don't. If he would have got an STD would you won't him to treat it? Or is he suppose to die because he had unprotected sex? 

 
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