Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

Frankly I'm quite concerned by the number of women who state Matt's responsibility as being financial, as in "I hope he has to pay child support until this girl is eighteen".   

Nobody seems to mention emotional support for the baby. It's sad when a father's singular role in the family is to provide cash.   

Perhaps if the custodial parents had to account for the way child support money is spent, there would be less emphasis on it.  

Just observations...  

Dear Dr. Phil,  

     I was Seeing this girl for about 2 months when I found out she was married.  After that I basically stopped hanging around her at all.  About a month and a half later she told me she was pregnant after telling me before she couldn't get pregnant.  I was taken aback to say the least.  We talked and she told me she wanted nothing from me and that I was a sperm donor to get her out of her marriage.  I wrote a letter renouncing my rights to the child and 3months later moved to Florida in October.  The child was born in the middle of October and I heard nothing from the mother.  3 years later I met my wife and it was like a whirlwind romance.  In  3-4 months we were setting a date for our wedding the next year.  A couple of months after that I got a letter in the mail stating that I owed child support from the day he was born.  Upon more research I found that my name had been signed to the birth certificate and my DL# given as ID.  I then wrote a letter to the state and brought this to their attention and they quickly closed the case.  A year later I received another letter court ordering me to pay child support to which I found that not only had the county changed but that this paperwork had been filed by the baby's grandmother stated that she had custody.  I then found out that while this was going on that the mother and child were living in a different state.  I wrote the state again and they closed the case again.  I heard nothing until 4 years ago when I broke my leg and was bedridden for 10 months.  My wife and I had to declare bankruptcy.  At the bankruptcy the state of Florida served me with papers stating that they were taking over the case.  When I tried to talk to them about the case closings they told me I had to contact the original state to handle it.  Now, to date I have never seen this child nor have I ever talked to this child.  Everything was fine until word got back to her that I was getting married.  I don't understand this sort of behavior.  I did what was asked of me yet I have no rights in the matter.  All this because a woman had a child told me I meant nothing and wanted nothing from me and now has the right to do whatever she feels.  Numerous times she has called me and asked if she could send paperwork for me to sign allowing her new husband to adopt to which I agree only to then send more child support paperwork to me.  I am now waiting until this child turns 14 to go to court against her once and for all.  How fair is it that the state keeps tabs on the father for child support issues yet the mother can move from state to state answering to no one.  I have never been given a telephone number or address to properly deal with her as adults only on her terms and her conditions.  I do not doubt the validity of this child being mine nor do I shirk the responsibility but I had to draw the line somewhere.  She will not let me see him, talk to him, or have any contact with him.  Yet,  she wants me to pay and allow her to badmouth me to the child.    

Signed,  

At Wits End  

I wonder how nice it would be if cancer patients could say.. "Gee.. you know what.. now that I think of it.. I don't WANT cancer" , and it would go away? 

What about people with roaches in their houses.. they don't want them.. yet .. there they are.. 

And how about all those bug bites we get when we go outdoors.. I don't want them.. do you?? Hey.. maybe if we can all be delusional.. you know.. collectively.. maybe.. just maybe.. all the scary realities will just.. go away.