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Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:22:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/21/06) Being a parent is hard enough, but what happens when Mom and Dad can't agree on how many kids to have, how to raise 'em and how to get ‘em to sleep?  Sometimes, it can lead to an all-out baby war! Matt's baby battle ended up in front of a judge and made headlines. He was ordered to pay child support for the baby he had with his ex-girlfriend, but he says he shouldn't have to cough up the money because she told him she wasn't able to get pregnant, and he told her he didn't want to be a father. He, his attorney, and the director of the National Center for Men discuss the lawsuit they filed, known as “Roe v. Wade for Men,” arguing that men should have a constitutional right to avoid fatherhood. Next, Dan says even though he and his wife, Lisa, already have four children, he wants just one more. Lisa has been pregnant on and off for 11 years and says she's closed for baby business. Will Dr. Phil help Dan see Lisa's point that four is enough? Then, a frustrated husband is camping out on the roof of his house and living in a tent. He refuses to go back to his bedroom until his wife moves their kids out of their bed and starts paying more attention to him. Can Dr. Phil get him to come down the ladder? Plus, a sleep expert has a simple method for getting your child to sleep through the night. See the plan in action! Share advice and talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More July 2006 Show Boards.


 
millertas
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March 8, 2007, 6:11 pm PST

The Women's Decision but please consult the Man

G'day from Tony of Tasmania, Australia.

My wife and I have two sons, (Twenty and Seventeen years old). I was present at both their births and saw the intense stress on her body. I was exhausted afterwards, so to be a woman with that physical intensity - you have my total respect and I believe the ultimate decision to be the woman's but surely she should consult her man. Our first son is healthy and training to be a teacher but our second son has a rare and fairly serious physical disability. It was this disability that finally made us decide not to have any more kids as we put our efforts into looking after him. I am amazed when people on the show, complain about little things. I only wish to live a happy and longish life (over seventy?) and for both my sons to be at my funeral.
 
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cjachristy
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March 8, 2007, 7:18 pm PST

what a crock

Quote From: selaine925

I am just watching the show right now and not the whole thing, yet.  But if men get to choose what happens to their babies, then what about women who choose not to have babies?  Will the father have a right to force a mother to have a baby? 

  

If you don't want a baby, don't have sex.  It's not unreasonable. 

  

And as far as constitutional rights, EVERYONE has constitutional rights.   That means that a baby has a constitutional right to life and liberty. To allow some deadbeat father like this Matt guy to take her liberties away is against her civil liberties and rights.   

thsi is soo crap , let me say this 10 years + ago i fell pregnant after being told that i couldnt have kids for real doctors dont know everything , even though i was only 17 i still had the baby and am very glad that i do . Now 10 years later i can not get pregnant at all perhaps with ivf but that isnt for sure , who can say that this woman wasnt really ill with endometriosis blocked tubes polcystic ovaries ? IWe are thilled that we made the choice to have the baby so young what happens if i didnt and now i cant have anymore ?? this guy is crap he is just trying to get out of it . miracles happen and that is just what it is . what about the husband that had sex with his wife 8in her sleep now thats a lawsuit . this guy should have a vasectomy or just wear condoms , spermacide and ask the woman to take the pill . what about the poor little girl ? what is she supposed to  do without a father ?
 
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cjachristy
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March 8, 2007, 7:27 pm PST

guy wanting 12 kids

Quote From: pprincess

I felt sorry for that poor little baby - so much I wish I could give her a hug.    At least the mother has taken responsibility for her actions by raising the child.   However, I can't believe the father wants to escape responsibility of paying maintenance. What a mongrel!   Surely, someone couldn't be so stupid to think if he has unprotected sex that the woman won't end up pregnant. He chose to have sex, so he should take responsibility for his actions. Condoms break and the pill doesn't always work 100% of the time, especially if the woman is taking anti-biotics.   Too often men railroad their women into having sex when they're not ready or they don't want to. Many men won't take "no" for an answer and then they shoot through when the woman does become pregnant.   JMHO.

however i found it most comical that the other dad was the complete oppoite 12 kids crazy!! but what a loving father and ob a loving couple i still reckon they will have five at least though .

 
 
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taewalsh
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March 20, 2007, 7:55 am PDT

07/06 Baby Wars

Quote From: jayriddle

Uh, hold on there stupormom.   Divorced or unmarried men like Matt Dubay are on the hook for 18+ years of child support when a woman has a kid.  How the heck do you think a man comes up with $500 per month for 18 years?  Here a clue -- he uses his BODY to earn that money.   If he refuses, off to jail!

Women, on the other hand, have completed their physical burden after 9 months.  Let's see, 9 months vs. 18 years -- who's got the greater burden?  Who bears greater consequences?

Women get the choices, men get the responsibilities, and that's just how the women want to keep things.  It's about time somebody stood up for equal reproductive rights for men!

$500 does not raise a child; do you know how much it costs to raise a child per month?  The other half comes out of the mother's pocket, as it should.  The fact of the matter is, there's NEVER a guarantee that a female doesn't get pregnant - no condom, medicine, operation, disease, or sickness can guarantee that.  Therefore, you always know if you have sex that there's a chance a child will come of it.  The reason that it's the MOTHER'S choice is because it's the mother who goes through 9 months of pregnancy, delivers the child, pays the medical expenses, nurses the child, and raises the child.  It seems the $500/month is the easy end of the deal... so what is the problem? Half of the DNA of the baby is the mans and the CHOICE the man had to make was to have sex with that woman.  That's the only choice he gets in the matter, and it's the one he made.

 
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honeyrp
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May 17, 2007, 3:27 pm PDT

Chip on your shoulder??

Quote From: dustmop

Unless a woman is braindead she won't get pregnant unless she MEANS to. She can always say " But I thought I couldn't get pregnant " or " I only missed one pill, it was an accident " blah, blah, blah...in the mean time she has sex without a condom opening herself up to god only knows how many STD's,  or unplanned babies, then all of a sudden she wants monthly checks from Mr. Man himself, who through no fault of his own has to live with WHATEVER choice SHE makes, ie. birth, abortion, adoption. 

Yes he made a mistake too by not using a condom, but that in NO WAY is a contract to allow her to decide his parental,  or financial fate.Why does she get all the choices?? That is what is not fair. 

Lot's of men are going to penetrate as many women as will allow them to. It's a part of life that no body can change and to think otherwise is a fantasy. 


 

This is not always the case and I'll I hear in this message is a way to pass blame.  Yes, there are people that deceive and in many ways...but if your grown you should know that the only person you can truly trust is yourself and if you don't want the woman you are sleeping with to get pregnant and are adamant about that then you should protect yourself as well...protection should not always be on the woman's shoulder to be the only one responsible....If you didn't protect yourself and find yourself in this situation than you are responsible...you can cry poor me all day long, but in the end you also made the decision not to use a condom.  Men can be very deceptive too even in this situation (I've been there)...  Men and woman will tell you that they don't have std's and could be deceiving you...if you truly don't want to catch anything then you should still take steps to protect yourself despite what the other person says - whether that is getting checked before having intercourse or using condoms every time (which won't always protect you).  If you end up with an std, you can blame the other person all you want for not being honest..but you chose not to protect yourself and go off of another persons word.  SAME THING!
 
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daniellemarie
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May 25, 2007, 3:58 pm PDT

yes i think thats what shes saying

Quote From: lillskr

Then you're saying if a woman gets pregnant by accident and doesn't want to keep the baby, she should get fixed too?  

  

  

As for staying up with a crying baby and taking lesser jobs, I've known men who've done that too (Depended on the family job).  As for carrying the baby, of course that isn't possible for the guy  :).  

  

It's a complicated thing (Due to different situations like BC accidents, women who get pregnant on purpose when the guy says he's not ready, or if they plan and one bails out).  It should all probably  be based on a case to case thing.  

IF YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX YOU SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO HANDLE THE CONSEQUENCES! MAN OR WOMAN!

 
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faythesmom
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June 21, 2007, 9:00 am PDT

I comletely agree

Quote From: cjachristy

thsi is soo crap , let me say this 10 years + ago i fell pregnant after being told that i couldnt have kids for real doctors dont know everything , even though i was only 17 i still had the baby and am very glad that i do . Now 10 years later i can not get pregnant at all perhaps with ivf but that isnt for sure , who can say that this woman wasnt really ill with endometriosis blocked tubes polcystic ovaries ? IWe are thilled that we made the choice to have the baby so young what happens if i didnt and now i cant have anymore ?? this guy is crap he is just trying to get out of it . miracles happen and that is just what it is . what about the husband that had sex with his wife 8in her sleep now thats a lawsuit . this guy should have a vasectomy or just wear condoms , spermacide and ask the woman to take the pill . what about the poor little girl ? what is she supposed to  do without a father ?
OMG! I completely agree with you. My fiancee and I have a daughter that will be a year old in 2 weeks. We of course weren't ready for a child and I was told that it would be very hard for me to get pregnant. We had only been dating about 5 months when I found out surprisingly that I was pregnant. Of course we werent ready to be parents. He just graduated college and i was away at college. But we welcomed her with loving arms and hearts because we never know if we will be able to have more or not. And for the women that this has happened to and you have become pregnant with your miracle child I'm so happy for you! for those that do get pregnant and don't want the baby... like i said before...USE PROTECTION!
 
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amsmiley
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November 4, 2007, 1:45 pm PST

It's really quite simple ...

If you are not ready to have a child then you have a choice to make.  Either don't have sex or have protected sex.  Why is this so complicated?? 

 

Regardless of what she said or what he said - it was his personal choice to have intercourse with her without a condem - case closed.  She didn't make him not wear protection unless she tied him up and raped him.  He claims that men don't have a choice .... he had a choice and he chose to have unprotected sex!

 

The only thing that I can understand what he is saying is that if the woman didn't want the pregnancy then she has options and the man doesn't and I do understand that point.  I think the man should have the option to decline rights as the father.  If the women can choose to terminate the baby then the man should be able to give up rights.  But I believe the man has that option anyway in some states. 

 

Bottom line, my heart goes out to that little girl who will someday learn about how her biological father felt about her.  Together they made a baby girl.  Planned?  No.  But a miracle all the same.  The lawyer commented that one day this guy will make a great dad -- he's got his chance right now. 

 

Famous Quote:  The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. 

 

I think that speaks for itself. 

 

I wish nothing but the best for the little baby girl whose is in the middle of all of this. 

 

 

 

 
 
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chikara1
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November 7, 2007, 12:21 am PST

Dubay v. Wells et al

The Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals issued its  ruling today in Dubay v. Wells.  The Court upheld the trial court's dismissal of Dubay's case and also upheld the awards of attorney's fees and costs in the lower court case. The full text of the decision can be accessed at:

http://www.ca6.uscourts.gov/opinions.pdf/07a0442p-06.pdf
 
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kennyllc
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April 25, 2008, 5:28 am PDT

Beyond Equality

Quote From: bwisdom

Why do women get all of the chocies? Yes we ALL know what causes pregnacy and we all know how to prevent it. But WHY IN THE WORLD DO WOMEN GET ALL THE CHOCIES? Yeah, I know... It's your body. Well it's his life also. And no it's not the baby's fault, it's the man and woman's fault. Yet the woman has a choice to have or not have the baby. (Either way the child will be effected. By not having a father or having one who dosen't want him/her.) What if we start thinking about the tables being turned? What if the man wants the baby but the woman wants to have an abortion? What then? If women have choices, men should have choices. We as women want to be equals. We have faught for so long, and are still fighting, for our rights to be considered equals. Yet, we want to have the rules one way when it's in our favor and the other way when it's not??!! We can't have it both ways. We either consider the child a child and treat this child as if it were out of the womb OR we decide it's a choice and it's not a child until post-womb. We can't have both. We can't be selfish just because it's our bodies, just because we're the womb. Either it's a choice or it's not! After that is decided, then if it's a choice the man should have his choice, if it's not a choice and it's a child, then a father he should be able to refuse or use his parential rights! Brandy W, KS

I agree.

If the man wanted to keep the baby but she wanted an abortion, it would be a fiasco of horror for him. In any other setting we would be outraged and appalled at someone killing someones child, but the woman still retains that right in the U.S.. In fact, in New York a man must get permission from his wife in order to get a vascectomy, whereas she can get fixed or have an abortion on her own.

I remember some of the equal rights issues when I was young, and how the lesbian community got their dibs in on that, amplifying the abortion issue. Leave it to them to try an kill off the human race.

The main issue then became abortions, rather than equal righs, pay, treatment, opportuinity in the workplace that so many women TRULY fought for.

 
 
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