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Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:22:17 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 04/21/06) Being a parent is hard enough, but what happens when Mom and Dad can't agree on how many kids to have, how to raise 'em and how to get ‘em to sleep? Sometimes, it can lead to an all-out baby war! Matt's baby battle ended up in front of a judge and made headlines. He was ordered to pay child support for the baby he had with his ex-girlfriend, but he says he shouldn't have to cough up the money because she told him she wasn't able to get pregnant, and he told her he didn't want to be a father. He, his attorney, and the director of the National Center for Men discuss the lawsuit they filed, known as “Roe v. Wade for Men,” arguing that men should have a constitutional right to avoid fatherhood. Next, Dan says even though he and his wife, Lisa, already have four children, he wants just one more. Lisa has been pregnant on and off for 11 years and says she's closed for baby business. Will Dr. Phil help Dan see Lisa's point that four is enough? Then, a frustrated husband is camping out on the roof of his house and living in a tent. He refuses to go back to his bedroom until his wife moves their kids out of their bed and starts paying more attention to him. Can Dr. Phil get him to come down the ladder? Plus, a sleep expert has a simple method for getting your child to sleep through the night. See the plan in action! Share advice and talk about the show here.

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dannay

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April 21, 2006, 7:35 am PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: cenpamom

..I know in a number of states, the biological father *can* sign away his paternal rights....there must be something along those lines in the state where Matt lives where he has this option. If he's so sure he doesn't want to support this child in any fashion, then sign the paperwork and move on.

well i think with this situation as is mine, that the man has to pay childsupport if the woman cant afford the child completely on her own, and in order to sign off his rights in some states you have to have another guy who will take over the responsibilty.

im sure she doesnt want to take this assholes money, but needs to, to be able to help support her girl. just like me i need the child support money for the children, but oh i hate having to use it! i am going to college and cant wait to get a very good paying job, so i could maybe pay him all that he's paid and tell him to go drop off the face of the earth.

this isnt the answer... the consequence has occured and he needs to take responsibility!

Prevention is key here men!!!!!

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gmbr56

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April 21, 2006, 7:35 am PDT

doesn't ever deserve to be a dad

Quote From: heidimomo3

I just wanted to comment on the man who is trying to get out of the responsibilities of fathering a child. I believe since he is so shallow and cold hearted that he should not have to pay child support, also his child was concieved out of wedlock. It is a cold hard world out there and usually it is us women who have to rear the children by ourselves. She needs to just grasp the concept that he is selfish and is acting like a spoiled child who needs to be given his way and cannot own up to his actions. Guess she should have thought about that before she had sex with him. Most men don't want to be responsible for a woman they are not married to any way and vic a versa. I believe for this mere fact that she should give him his way. They weren't married but still it is hard to believe that he, a working man can get out of his fatherly responsibilities so easily. If she was involved with someone else I could see him pursuing this. He knows this child is his and should take resposibilities for his actions and simply BE A MAN, BE RESPONSIBLE AND be a father to his little girl. The facts are he is a father now. It's just sad that he doesn't want to be.

This young man wants the pleasure of sleeping around as do most young men, but in the event a child is created, because he doesn't want to be a dad now tuff. For years women never had equal rights. Even today when many fathers are very helpful, the majority still feel it is the mothers' responsibility to care for the children. As a result, why should he have choices, she really never has had the same choices as men when it comes to children. Several female disorders can leave women being told they can't have children and magically they do. It has always been the responsibility of women to keep from getting pregnant (i.e. birth control) or if they did get pregnant, they were the ones stuck. He has no clue what responsibility is or he would have made sure he also took precautions to prevent pregnancy and once again it was the girls fault, and since he didn't want a child she should have gotten rid of it. What a mindset for young men today. I thought the days of women being screwed (literally) were over.

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marilynm45

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April 21, 2006, 7:35 am PDT

Does Not Want To Be A Father

So typical!
There you have a perfect example of the difference between a man and a woman and our thinking!
Men are such jerks! All those guys on your show today are jerks in reference to the guy not wanting to be a father.
Always looking for a way to get out of being responsible when it comes to sex!
All men think about is wanting it 24/7 and women think about the closeness and the love and when a baby is given as a gift from God a woman embraces that and all the man can think about is himself and the "what about me thing"!!
I praise that woman for being a loving mother to that baby girl. God Bless them both. And may God forgive that man. He will be so sorry some day when that child grows up and he missed out on her beautiful life.

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shemac3

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April 21, 2006, 7:36 am PDT

Agree 100%

Quote From: bourgeois9

Wow Matt, how fortunate for you that you were able to find someone to represent you that had the same distorted way of thinking as you do.

Whether or not you like the fact you are a father...WHICH YOU ARE...I'm sure you enjoyed all the pleasures leading up to the conception. Why is it that sex is okay as long as it doesn't come with any sort of responsibilities? You were supposedly dooped...BOO HOO...shut your pity party down and start getting down to business. Be the father that this little girl needs and deserves.

I get so tired of the man's mentality that their responsibility and accountability ends at conception. Your sperm...Your responsibility, simple math. Worried about your financial future? Well, let's see...how much would that 1 little condom have cost? You wouldn't have had to worry about college expenses, diapers, etc. just one little condom.

Be a man...step up to the plate and be a father. Anyone can be a sperm donor...it takes alot more than that to be a parent.

I hope the judge that hears your case (if there is one that will) sees this for what it really is...another deadbeat dad who wants to walk out on their responsibility and sticks it to you BIG TIME!!!! I think you're getting off kind of easy at $500.00/mth. Heck, that's not even child care.

I hope from now on you learn that if you can't keep your pants on you will splurge for that condom.

You are so right....How lucky Matt is to have found Lawyers to represent him...although many foolish lawsuits are often bought to court. What didn't you understand about PROTECTION Matt or how about NOT HAVING SEX if you didn't want a child?? Even if you thought there wasn't a chance she could become pregnant, that was the risk you took in your moment of passion. I don't feel ONE BIT sorry for you...Only for that poor innocent child that didn't ask to be brought into this world without a father to nuture and care for her. Maybe next time you will think before you jump in the sack before you are ready and willing to pay for the consequences and take responsibility. You do have a choice right now and you are doing exactly what you want...you are not seeing your child or paying support... Also, if the mother had wanted to give the baby up for adoption it would have been your choice too to not allow that to happen and keep her....That's your Choice!!!!! You think you should have the choice whether the woman butchers her body with an abortion huh? I think not!! Her choice was to take responsibility and raise her child to the best of her ability. Poor, Poor, Matt...I feel so bad for you...NOT!!!!! :(

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pixiesmom2

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April 21, 2006, 7:36 am PDT

Baby wars

As a mother of 2 and a step-parent of 1, I whole-heartedly agree with this guy. My step-son is 15 and the oldest of our children. I wouldn't give him away for all the world, HOWEVER, a woman has a lot of choices when she discovers she's pregnant, intentional or not. A man has NO choices when a pregnancy happens. For years and years, women have fought for equal treatment in conjuction to men's rights. In my opinion, the road travels both ways. As for the child support issue...my husband never missed ONE support payment for 11 years. Not one!!! However, when my step-son's mother was ordered to pay first $85/mo, then $65/mo, then $25/mo in support of HER son, she never paid. She wasn't ever arrested, or given any kind of sanctions for non-payment. The laws governing child custody and child support are heavily sided with women and in many, many cases, the men are left with little to no choices.

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froglette

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April 21, 2006, 7:36 am PDT

Is there another reason for wanting another child?

Could there be more to the issue than the father just wanting a big family? I have a similar issue going on at my home. I also have 4 kids, and my husband who when we got married originally said he only wanted 3 is now dogging me for a 5th. In our case, however, I have suspicions it's not simply a matter of him wanting kids. I know he is feeling unfulfilled in his job and that he isn't having a permanent impact on the world. He feels helpless at so many other things, and this permanent creative endeavor makes him feel he is making more of a difference in the universe. Really, the more insecure he feels in his employment and other matters the more desperately he seems to want another child.

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twnzmama

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April 21, 2006, 7:36 am PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: jeshati

It seems that more and more people don't want to own up to the responsibility of taking care of their children. What if one of your parents had treated you that way? Or aborted you, you wouldn't be here now...

A child is much more a blessing than it is a burden. I for one was happy to see this show and know that I am not alone. My first child is 8 weeks old and her father doesn't want to be responsible for her and i quote him as saying "I'm sorry I ruined your life". What strikes me odd is that most men that have these children, or get women pregnant, move on to the next woman to have 'recreational sex' and think/act as if this next woman can't get pregnant either. Sex was intended for procreation...if its time for the miracle of life, its going to happen regardless of birth control...etc etc...

If a man doesn't want to be a father he does have choices as women have choices...he can keep it in his pants and be abstinent, use a CONDOM each and every time, or he can get a vasectomy. The same goes for women. Most women aren't 'tricking' men into getting pregnant so she can have his finances. Give me a break. It is so not worth it.

And what men/women that pay child support fail to realize that it is much easier to make payments than to have to take on the role of being mommy/daddy to the child 24/7 365!!!

For all single mothers/fathers out there that are taking care of your children I say God Bless and much success to you, keep your heads up and know that you are not alone and things will always work out fine.

I love this!!! Everyone should be made to print this out and read it every day. What is wrong with people that they feel they have no responsibility for their actions and everything bad that happens to them is everyones else's fault. Poor guy. I feel for him and his parents that they have so little substance to themselves. So many people seem to only care about themselves. Life is not always the way you would choose for it to be. Life is RESPONSIBILITY. How sad that this boys parents were not taught this and choose not to teach this. They are going to have so many joys they will miss out on. I waited til I was 34 to get married and start a family. I was lucky. If you are sexually active, YOU make choices. Not just one or the other--BOTH of you. FYI to the boy-- I dated a guy who wanted me to get pregnant. I didn't want to. He decided to take my pills and flush them, hoping I would get pregnant. By the time I figured this out, it could have been too late. Thank god it wasn't. But-- If I did get pregnant, I certainly would not have made the baby pay for this. That is just plain crazy. If you sleep with someone, you take the chance---Like it or Not!!!!!! I am absolutely appalled that people think this behavior is okay. You made a child, both of you must decide to give it up OR if one does not want to--Take care of the baby. It did not choose you either. Be a MAN ( or woman in some cases) and take RESPONSIBILITY. Nobody gets pregnant by themselves!!!!! Thanks

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grannylu5

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April 21, 2006, 7:36 am PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

WHAT ABOUT THE BABY??????????????? Does the child have a say in this situation. The baby still needs to eat, have clothes, and a roof over its head. It takes two to make a child and two to support it. This man is THE father he should take the responsibility to pay the price for his actions whether he wants to be a father or not. Why should someone else pay for his decision? He did have a choice in the matter, he chose to go to bed! God bless this little one!

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pekemom

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April 21, 2006, 7:36 am PDT

dont wanna be a dad?

I bet this mans parents are soooo proud of him! I wanna know where the line forms to KICK HIS BUTT!

I dont think we need to worry about this man ever becoming a father AGAIN..cause I doubt he will ever get another DATE! Talk about selfish and self centered.

Maybe this mens group should spend money on finding reliable birth control for men... they have viagra and such. Men should have thier own form of a birth control pill if they dont want to wear a condom.

I had my daughter at 19, and even though there are alot of things I wish I could go back and change in my life, I would not change having had my daughter.

A great big hug to all the loving caring, reponsible MOMS and DADS out there.

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kdca_02

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April 21, 2006, 7:36 am PDT

Oh please....

Quote From: bwisdom

Why do women get all of the chocies? Yes we ALL know what causes pregnacy and we all know how to prevent it. But WHY IN THE WORLD DO WOMEN GET ALL THE CHOCIES? Yeah, I know... It's your body. Well it's his life also. And no it's not the baby's fault, it's the man and woman's fault. Yet the woman has a choice to have or not have the baby. (Either way the child will be effected. By not having a father or having one who dosen't want him/her.) What if we start thinking about the tables being turned? What if the man wants the baby but the woman wants to have an abortion? What then? If women have choices, men should have choices. We as women want to be equals. We have faught for so long, and are still fighting, for our rights to be considered equals. Yet, we want to have the rules one way when it's in our favor and the other way when it's not??!! We can't have it both ways. We either consider the child a child and treat this child as if it were out of the womb OR we decide it's a choice and it's not a child until post-womb. We can't have both. We can't be selfish just because it's our bodies, just because we're the womb. Either it's a choice or it's not! After that is decided, then if it's a choice the man should have his choice, if it's not a choice and it's a child, then a father he should be able to refuse or use his parential rights! Brandy W, KS

Wait a minute, Brandy. The "equal" thing is the most over abused word in the dictionary of humans. We are more than "equal." The reasons are: 1). We give birth; 2). We can feed our offspring; and 3). We can bleed for an entire week and NOT die. If these things don't make us AT LEAST equal, then I don't know what does! It is time that you look at the whole picture, and stop acting like a hostile woman toward women. Some of what you say makes sense, but most of it I do not agree with, as I am sure most feel the same. Do not talk about abortion, as your government is trying to do away with it. Roe vs. Wade may be overturned. Or, haven't you been listening? Thanks for your comments, but no thanks.

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