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Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:22:17 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 04/21/06) Being a parent is hard enough, but what happens when Mom and Dad can't agree on how many kids to have, how to raise 'em and how to get ‘em to sleep? Sometimes, it can lead to an all-out baby war! Matt's baby battle ended up in front of a judge and made headlines. He was ordered to pay child support for the baby he had with his ex-girlfriend, but he says he shouldn't have to cough up the money because she told him she wasn't able to get pregnant, and he told her he didn't want to be a father. He, his attorney, and the director of the National Center for Men discuss the lawsuit they filed, known as “Roe v. Wade for Men,” arguing that men should have a constitutional right to avoid fatherhood. Next, Dan says even though he and his wife, Lisa, already have four children, he wants just one more. Lisa has been pregnant on and off for 11 years and says she's closed for baby business. Will Dr. Phil help Dan see Lisa's point that four is enough? Then, a frustrated husband is camping out on the roof of his house and living in a tent. He refuses to go back to his bedroom until his wife moves their kids out of their bed and starts paying more attention to him. Can Dr. Phil get him to come down the ladder? Plus, a sleep expert has a simple method for getting your child to sleep through the night. See the plan in action! Share advice and talk about the show here.

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alicat34

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April 21, 2006, 7:39 am PDT

Having sex is an adult decision...

Quote From: jettav

Actually I think both women and men are selfish when they willing and ready to have the pleasure of sex and then when a child comes into the picture, they decide that the child is a mistake and not worth coming into the world. What I think about men is also what I think about women, if you don't want a baby then don't have sex and take chances or go get your self to the doctor and get fixed. I think if you are gonna lie down and have sex then you should be woman and man enough to take care of the responsibilities of the outcome..yes, sex is pleasureable and should be as I believe that it was created to be great but also for a husband and wife to enjoy one another as they have become one and sex was also created to create new life, it all goes hand in hand and if people, men and women would start respecting sex for what it was meant to be, then there wouldn't be these unwanted babies and the babies would grow up to be loved, respected and given a positive chance in the world. Children should not be conceived out of greed and out of control hormones, but out of love and they should and have the right to be wanted................................

...If you are going to have sex and are "adult" enough to be engaging in sex, then you need to sit down and discuss the "what if's" before! Too often it is taken for granted and then no one is around except for the woman to deal with the consequences! And about the jackass who wrote that the men should have choices too!!! Whatever! They have a choice to keep their business in their pants and if not, then they are faced with the fact that pregnancy could occur!!! Next they will be fighting for the right to be able to dictate what the woman's choice should be....abortion, adoption without the woman having any say in the matter???? This guy and his lawyer are both jackasses!! WHAT ABOUT THE CHILD???? My husband was abandoned by his father under the age of 2 and had to live with that for his whole life (the rejection, etc.)! What is this world coming to? These people should be ashamed!!!

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allieo

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April 21, 2006, 7:39 am PDT

find a god man who wants you and the baby

I hope the mother finds a good husband who will take on her and the baby and forget about the babys father. He should know better what can happen when two people have sex without any protection. if he wants rights he should of used a condom. what is wrong with this world? Good- Luck to the mother forget the loser

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poetik1

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April 21, 2006, 7:39 am PDT

Agree with the guy, not with the bill !!!

Dr. Phil,

I really think that in this guy's situation that she lied to him and in doing so his rights were violated. The decision to have unprotected sex came only after she assured him that she couldn't have kids. He let her know well in advance that he didn't want to be a father. She lied, therefore, he shouldn't have to pay her ANY child support.

Now, as far as the bill. I disagree wholeheartedly. Unless there are other cases like his (which need to be THOROUGHLY researched) only then, on a case-by-case basis should men have the decision.

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jennypooh4

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April 21, 2006, 7:39 am PDT

Men Have Choices

Quote From: bwisdom

Why do women get all of the chocies? Yes we ALL know what causes pregnacy and we all know how to prevent it. But WHY IN THE WORLD DO WOMEN GET ALL THE CHOCIES? Yeah, I know... It's your body. Well it's his life also. And no it's not the baby's fault, it's the man and woman's fault. Yet the woman has a choice to have or not have the baby. (Either way the child will be effected. By not having a father or having one who dosen't want him/her.) What if we start thinking about the tables being turned? What if the man wants the baby but the woman wants to have an abortion? What then? If women have choices, men should have choices. We as women want to be equals. We have faught for so long, and are still fighting, for our rights to be considered equals. Yet, we want to have the rules one way when it's in our favor and the other way when it's not??!! We can't have it both ways. We either consider the child a child and treat this child as if it were out of the womb OR we decide it's a choice and it's not a child until post-womb. We can't have both. We can't be selfish just because it's our bodies, just because we're the womb. Either it's a choice or it's not! After that is decided, then if it's a choice the man should have his choice, if it's not a choice and it's a child, then a father he should be able to refuse or use his parential rights! Brandy W, KS

Men have the choice not to have sex, the choice to use a condom, and a choice to have a operation to prevent them from making a baby. Why should a woman have to have an abortion. Why should she have to live the rest of her life with the knowlodge that she killed her baby. Why should she have to have the nightmares. And all the horrible things that come with abortion. Why does she have that choice because its her body that may get an infection from an abortion. It is her mind that has to live with the guilt. Thats why she has that choice it is her body. He has the choice to be safe about it. So men can go stick there things where ever they want and not put on a condom because it dont feel as good. Please!! That is just in sane.

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1karmac

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April 21, 2006, 7:39 am PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: jimkohl

I am a father of 4 and grandfather of 11... My four childred are from two different mothers, two each... In both divorces I was granted custody of the kids... The first time because my first wife and I lost our first daughter to Crib Death in 1969, and then she had two back to back tubal pregnancies and got extremely depressed and wanted out of the marriage and asked me to take the boys... I was glad to do so even though at the time I was in the Military and it almost cost me my carrier, but it all worked out...

My second wife and I had two children, son and daughter... When we divorced we agreed to share custody, with my son staying with me and the other boys, and the daughter living with her... She ended up in an abusive relationship, and six months later she asked me to take the daughter which I was glad to do...

My problem is that in both cases I was never asked about, or was offered any child support from either exwife... Yet when its the woman is left with the responsibility of raising the child or children its the first thing that comes up...

This is why this story about the young man who feels his rights were violated hits close to home with me... I hope that he wins his case, and that people wake up... Women have fought hard for equal rights under the law, and although we are not totally there yet, fair is fair...

Jim

you are so right, and have the proof

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wvnurse

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April 21, 2006, 7:39 am PDT

Not wanting to be a father

I was adopted at birth and I have always been against abortion because of that...what if my birth mother had chosen to abort me??? Anyway, I became involved with a "man" in my late 20's after a difficult divorce. We took precautions to prevent pregnancy. I was on the pill and we used condoms. To make a long story short, I became pregnant. He immediately blamed me and broke off our relationship. I already had 1 young child of my own and I could barely make ends meet. He wanted to abort the child and offered to pay for the abortion. After weeks of thinking over my options and trying to avoid the harrassment from this "man", I decided to have the abortion. I followed through with the abortion. It has been over 15 years since that and I still have nightmares and feel terrible about what I did. I am still single, but his life has gone on without any second thoughts or looking back. If you are going to have sex, whether protected or unprotected, it is the man's responsibility to step up and be a father whether or not he is ready for a child. Yes, women have choices, but they also have to live with that choice for the rest of their lives. My birth mother has contacted me several times and is still in agonizing pain because she gave me up for adoption...at the advice of the man who got her pregnant...go figure.

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benburky

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April 21, 2006, 7:40 am PDT

the male choices in pregnancy

I understand how it seems unfair that women seem to have all the choices. If you are going to participate in unprotected sex, then you need to be mature enough to accept any and all responsibilities of that decision. Protection should not be left up to just one party. It is the responsibility of both the man and woman. "The pill" is the woman's protection, not the man's. The man is responsible for securing his own method. If you are not willing to own up to your responsibilities then you should choose to be abstinent until you are mature enough.

How is this little girl going to feel when she is older and learns that her real father didn't want her. The child should be the priority. Who is looking at what is best for this baby? There are many troubled children in society today with some of the reasons being neglect by parents.

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powers009

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April 21, 2006, 7:40 am PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: lynne6

In regards to the Roe vs. Wade debate--legally, I think he is actually correct. Morally, I think he is 100% incorrect. Okay fine, he didn't get the choices she did, but now there is an existing child that needs his love and support. Many women that plan to give a child up for adoption quickly change their minds once they meet that child. If he were to actually meet his child, he too would probably feel the need to protect and love her.

It is easy for a man to suggest abortion it isn't his body that has to go through this process. It isn't his emotions that suffer from making that choice. It isn't his mental stability that has to face the challenge of an abortion.

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deewalton

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April 21, 2006, 7:40 am PDT

we can't have it both ways

i strongly believe we can not have it both ways, we either have to say we have soul control over our bodies and take the full responsiblity for that or we don't. ;timate;y it should be a womens right to chose, to have sex, to have a baby, to work outside the home and so on. But once we make that chose we should hold the responsiblity for that choose. It is not logical to say i should not be forced to be a mother but a man should and can be forced into being a father. they should be given the right to termanate their rights at the beginning of the childs life and if they chose to do so also not be made to feel guolty. Weman have abortions, or unprotected sex and have many option. It is unfair to not give men any recource after a bad chose or incomplete information. I believe most men are stand up guys, but i also believe not all weman are thinkingbefore they have sex to expect men to do something we opurselves are not willing to do is a double standard.

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jaroszek12

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April 21, 2006, 7:40 am PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: jayriddle

Uh, hold on there stupormom. Divorced or unmarried men like Matt Dubay are on the hook for 18+ years of child support when a woman has a kid. How the heck do you think a man comes up with $500 per month for 18 years? Here a clue -- he uses his BODY to earn that money. If he refuses, off to jail!

Women, on the other hand, have completed their physical burden after 9 months. Let's see, 9 months vs. 18 years -- who's got the greater burden? Who bears greater consequences?

Women get the choices, men get the responsibilities, and that's just how the women want to keep things. It's about time somebody stood up for equal reproductive rights for men!

when men dont stay around women are the ones who have all the burden for the duration of that childs life how can you say itsd just for 9 months. because after the baby is born then the women have the childs life to raise them feed them cloth them and love them while the deadbeat dad just has to pay a little child support so you tell me who has the biggest burden???????????

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