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Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

Number of Replies: 7225

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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:22:17 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 04/21/06) Being a parent is hard enough, but what happens when Mom and Dad can't agree on how many kids to have, how to raise 'em and how to get ‘em to sleep? Sometimes, it can lead to an all-out baby war! Matt's baby battle ended up in front of a judge and made headlines. He was ordered to pay child support for the baby he had with his ex-girlfriend, but he says he shouldn't have to cough up the money because she told him she wasn't able to get pregnant, and he told her he didn't want to be a father. He, his attorney, and the director of the National Center for Men discuss the lawsuit they filed, known as “Roe v. Wade for Men,” arguing that men should have a constitutional right to avoid fatherhood. Next, Dan says even though he and his wife, Lisa, already have four children, he wants just one more. Lisa has been pregnant on and off for 11 years and says she's closed for baby business. Will Dr. Phil help Dan see Lisa's point that four is enough? Then, a frustrated husband is camping out on the roof of his house and living in a tent. He refuses to go back to his bedroom until his wife moves their kids out of their bed and starts paying more attention to him. Can Dr. Phil get him to come down the ladder? Plus, a sleep expert has a simple method for getting your child to sleep through the night. See the plan in action! Share advice and talk about the show here.

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judyblue22

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April 21, 2006, 11:26 am PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: keith_orn

Sure it is ! That is why she moved to CA. That is one state that puts a woman on welfare and as long as the woman keep having kids they have an income where as for a guy to live there rent is high yet the income doesn't come close to living expense. I have looked into helping him move there but once again the state of CA because she is now a resident has given all rights to her. My son has now developed the attitude that when the time comes his son will understand what she has done just as my son now understands what part his mother did to prevent a relationship as father and son. Like my son's mother did to him. The mother of his son will have to answer for her actions and explain why he was not allowed to see his father. What goes around comes around! It hurts me to see this happen but like I said before, this is what happens when children have children.

I would encourage you and your son to look at research on the effect of absent fathers on the child. Just googling "absent fathers" will get you started. There are several books about this too because fathers like you and your son are very common.

Children with absent fathers (like your son was) have 3 times the risk of having or causing a teen pregnancy (like your son did). His child is in the same position your son is and he will be damaged in the same way. Absent fathers like you and your son are one of the prime reasons that children are having children.

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kjhamilton

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Peaceful

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confused

April 21, 2006, 11:27 am PDT

why

Quote From: jai149

I have just recently just found out that I am pregnant with my third child. My husband and I had discussed the possibility of a third but had said we'd talk about it "later". My husband knew that I wasnt on any form of contraception, but was happy for us to have sex whenever he wanted to. Now that I am pregnant he is saying that it is my fault and that this baby is going to be my responability in full. Not to ask him to do a thing. Since we had our two gorgeous kids his life hasnt changed a bit. I do all the nappy changing, feeding, bathing - the list is endless. He hasnt even gotten up once during the night and our kids are 3 and 2. He still gets to go out with his friends, socialises and I am always left at home. I dont mind this, but is it too much to ask for the occasionally hand. I have an ultrasound next week and he wont even come to it with me. it really hurts me that he is rejecting this child. i have told him to get used to the idea or he knows where the door is. I love my husband very much, but to me his behavior is a deal breaker. Am I right in my thinking? What I should I be doing to make this work out for the best? And to make it easier for my other two children - My 3 year old is already picking up on what his father is saying and keeps telling me he doesnt want a baby. I just know what to do.

Why do you continue to make babies with someone who obviously doesn't want to care for them? I just don't understand why women subject themselves to this kind of person. Why would you think his behavior is going to change just because you have a 3rd child? He appears tohave little interest in taking day to day care of the first two children?

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lieven

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Happy

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April 21, 2006, 11:27 am PDT

Kewl !

Quote From: racdeeghan

I do agree with Dr phil , This will be a way for dead beat dads to get away with not paying child support.

Tht would be a very good thing, then. If women faced the knowledge, when making a choice ON THIER OWN, that the *responsibilities* would be *equally* 100% theirs, perhaps some women who cannot afford to have a child might decide that they're not going to have one, and then demand

that someone else pay for THEIR CHOICE.

As that would be... quite irresponsible. Parhaps Matt should have made the sole choice to buy an Acura, and then demanded to stick the woman with half of that bill...

" Her body, her choice... HER *responsibility* ! "

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kyrosemom

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Cheerful

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April 21, 2006, 11:27 am PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: cmford

I have to start by saying I love Dr. Phil's shows and he has taught me alot. And when it comes to everyones lives we have to look out for ourselvse and when a baby comes along its not just you anymore. I have been a single mom for 9 years now (even when I was married) and raising a child is a big responsibility. If you don't want to be a parent then you do what you need to, the choice is yours, don't have sex or you use protection. While listening to the story about Matt who didn't want to be a father, I heard him say he made it very clear that a child was not in his plans, and yes she told him that there was no way she could get pregnant according to the doctors. The bells went off in my head when he said she was taking birth control pills. If she couldn't get pregnant what were the pills for? I think if it were me I would have been asking more questions or makeing sure I used protection EVERYTIME!! Do I agree men should have rights? Yes I do but only if he made sure he took every precaution possible to prevent the pregnancy to start with. In this case I think Matt was probably thinking with the wrong head and didn't see the signs and as much as Matt beleives he is the victim here he is wrong the child that was born is the victim. He can be as mad as he wants at the mother but be a man don't left the child suffer because you two messed up.

You can use BC pills to regulate your periods. I did and got pregnant while using them, correctly, I might add.

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groovy

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April 21, 2006, 11:32 am PDT

I agree with your conclusion

Quote From: purplepain

I just wanted to say that after some thought on this topic since yesterday I have changed my mind.

YES a woman does need to responsible for birth control, she needs to be even MORE careful then a man because after all, it is her uterus and her body that will be going through pregnancy and birth.

BUT men do need to be responsible for their sperm. Even if this woman said she is infertile and lied, he is still responsible for what resulted from his sperm.

Men need to be responsible for their sperm. If for any reason (other than where they sign away parental rights such as sperm donation) their sperm results in a baby, the man is at minimum, legally obligated to pay child support. Even if she lied.

This being said, I knew a woman who lied to her boyfriend that she was on the pill, when in fact she was not on the pill & knew was ovulating! And of course a baby resulted. I find her behavior reprehensible! And the woman has proven herself untrustworthy in many areas of life. But the baby should not have to suffer as a result! In this case, the baby didn't. The father found out the mother lied, but didn't want his child to suffer. He quickly released he is the better parent, & took custody of the boy who has a great relationship with his dad. The boy has no clue he was the result of a lie intended to entrap his father into marrying his mother. If the man had held off on having sex with the woman longer than the 3 weeks they had been dating, he would have soon realized she's a pathological liar & would not have trusted her when she claimed she was on the pill. He realizes it was HIS choice to trust this woman & HIS choice to have sex.

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atutugirl

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Happy

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hopeful

April 21, 2006, 11:34 am PDT

Sex is Fun

Matt is just plain lazy. We all know what sex leads to; fun, fun, more fun and procreation. There is a reason why it is best to be in a committed relationship before sex because nothing is 100%.

As an adult, Matt needs to realize by now that every action has a ripple effect that we cannot control. Maybe the universe is out to get him.

I have 3 wonderful children and only 1was planned, and he took 8 months to happen! The first happened while I was taking the pill and the other happened with a condom. We were adults and knew that there are sometimes unexpected hiccups.

He has plenty of choices, he may not like them but they are there. Grow Up.

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alienmum

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Mellow

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April 21, 2006, 11:34 am PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: johnfrank

This is purely my opinion and here it is. No matter what is said between a man and a woman before.... If they engage in sex whether they are using contraceptives or not they should always know there might be that slight chance of pregnancy. If one of the parties is absolutely against pregnancy in his or her life at that time, the only real way to not have that happen is to abstain from sex. Nothing is 100% safe except abstaining. Matt should own up the the consequences and quit trying to stir up something that will be an out for every "deadbeat dad" that exist.

You are exactly right. Sex = babies, anyone who wants to think they can trump mother nature is a fool. The child is his and that is the bottom line. It is not the childs fault that they were brought into the world under dubious circustances. Any woman who tricks a man into having a child is deplete in character but that is her problem not the childs. It could be considered a form of child abuse. If the mother of a child was start abusing the child at 3 years of age would that allow the father to walk away and say she is not a good person living up to my expectations so therefore I bear no resposibility, of course not, infact the opposite would hold true. Many woman have been tricked by men lying to them, yes we will marry you, can we force men to marry women ,of course not. Matt was either careless or just placed his trust in the wrong person. The person he will have to answer to will be his child, she will grow up and want answers and mommy tricked me will not cut it.

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judyblue22

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April 21, 2006, 11:35 am PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: filiagape

The problem with your point of view is that the law doesn't say this same thing to women.

Women can spread their legs, get knocked up, and still get a second chance at making their "choice," presumably because the "feminist" decisions that allowed abortion claim, implicitly, that we're incapable of the forethought necessary to predict the consequences of our actions. It's offensive, really, for men and for women.

As a woman, as a feminist, I agree with this man.

Men should be able to force abortion on women if they can force abortion on men.

Men should be able to refuse child support if women force children on men.

End of discussion.

Men should be able to force abortion on women if they can force abortion on men.

How exactly (regardless of consent or force) can a man have an abortion?

Men should be able to refuse child support if women force children on men.

How do women force children on men? By rape?

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lieven

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Happy

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April 21, 2006, 11:36 am PDT

More Sexist Double Standard Claptrap

Quote From: minniep25

If men aren't willing THEN KEEP YOUR PANTS ON!!!!!! if you don't want a baby that badly keep your lil snake in YOUR PANTS. Im judging from your comments you have a child outta wedlock and you weren't ready. well let me tell you one thing HONEY. If you kept your pants on you wouldn't have a problem. END OF DISCUSSION. EVERYONE KNOWS THE RISKS WHEN THE CRAWL INTO BED. I have a child out of wedlock and his dad wasn't ready but that is not the childs FAULT. Yes he pays child support waaaaaaaaa but I get up in the middle of the night I take care of our son when Im hurt, sick, and tired! I have a full time job IM IN THE MARINES and I run 3 miles before I go to work and its very hard for me. Yes it would have been easy to give him up for adoption but I knew "SEX = BABIES" AND IM WOMAN ENOUGH TO OWN UP TO MY RESPOSIBILITIES My life has changed completely upside down but do I whine because of it NO!!!!!! Cry me a river you have to write a check but you don't have to be a father, if you don't want to be, send a check and do nothing else. if you don't wanna do send a check, then sign over all your rights. Im SO SICK OF WOMEN BEING MADE OUT TO BE GOLDDIGGERS because we are ADULT enough to own up to our responsibilites when stuff happens and then ask for the man to do the same. MEN ACT LIKE COWARDS AND TURN THEIR BACK ON THE SAME WOMAN THAT THEY JUST GOT OUT OF BED WITH. so here is a man's choice GROW UP BE A MAN OR KEEP YOUR PANTS ON

My son's father loves his son. We get along. He knows that out of the situation I have it harder than him. We both love our son unconditionally. Our son has a happy healthy life and couldn't ask for more. It seems like it would be his best interest to have to parents that are together but you can make it work being apart too.

No, you don't get to tell anyone " end of discussion ". Deal with that. Next, lets see you tell WOMEN to keep their pants on, if they don't want a kid. Uh huh, right, your man hating sexism is so busted.

And, no, women having kids WITHOUT a willing father are not " adult enough ". Not when they demand 100% of the choice but only 50% ( Or, less ) of the responsibilities of that sole choice.

" If raising kids is so menial and degrading, why do women fight us so bitterly in court for the

opportunity to do it ? " Jack Kammer, If Men Have All The Power, How Come Women Make All The Rules ? ", page 92. Jack well knows that your cover of " boo hoo, I have a kid, its so terrible ! "

is a flat out... lie.

" Her body, her choice... HER *responsibility* ! ".

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purplepain

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April 21, 2006, 11:37 am PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: filiagape

The problem with your point of view is that the law doesn't say this same thing to women.

As a woman, as a feminist, I agree with this man.

Men should be able to force abortion on women if they can force abortion on men.

Men should be able to refuse child support if women force children on men.

End of discussion.

Now I am personally against abortion (some of you who know me might be suprised at that) but it's a legal choice.

But please, don't pretend that an abortion is easy for a woman. My mother was raped in her 20's and had to go through an agonizing choice. She had the abortion, but to this day feels sick about it. She just feel horrible about it still.

It's also physically traumatic. It's not like having your teeth cleaned...the choices women have are tough.

Men and women are different....that is all there is to it and you need to accept that.

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