Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

I am bewildered by this man who has brought a lawsuit to get out of taking responsibility for his child.  First of all, I would like to correct one thing that they stated on your show.  They stated that a man has no choice if their child is given up for adoption.  That is not true.  Both parents have to sign on giving up thier child for adoption or at least a man can contest it.  I know this because that is what happened with my brother's baby.  He contested and got his little boy back.  The other thing I wanted to state was that he keeps stating that he did chose to be a father at this time.  Well, this baby did not chose to be born to him either.  How fair is that?  Are we gonna start suing God for unplanned events like a heart attack or a tornado that swept our house away?  Why people are refusing to take responsibility for their actions is crazy and is a bad model for our children.  I hope that the courts do not allow him to get away with this.  He may realize one day that this baby is a blessing and not a mistake. 

The only answer is abstaining from having sex.  We know from other people that it is possible to get pregnant even with protection so if you are not having sex at all then there is no possible way to impregnate or get pregnant.  Deadbeat dads is another subject. 

I am a somewhat young father, and at the age of 24 I have two children. One daughter and one son. I would like to begin with I will make my argument as unbiased as possible. In fact I feel there is only one perspective that is unbiased, and that's the perspective on the child. I'll also say before I begin, that I love my children more than life itself. In fact I am holding my son right now as I type this message while his mother is at work at her partime job.  

The simplest solution, and indeed is the best choice should involve all the parties involved. There is an quote by an unknown author that states : "That which affects all, should be decieded by all." There is no greater decision that that of child birth and should be agreed upon by both parents plain and simple. If one parent does not want to have the child, there should be no child. Of course all measusres should be taken to prevent this. Refraining from sex, using a condom, birth control, even abortion. What ever that case, there should never be a time where one party involved should have to sacrifice there opinion, or in this case be completely powerless.  

All other agruments are too self righteous. "If he didn't want a baby he shouldn't have had sex." "Mother's get the lions choice because they do the lion's share of the work." Forgive me if I am an idealist, but I was under the impression that both parents should share the work and thus the choices. I attended every pre-natal visit, every hospital visit, every birthing class, every aspect of my childrens lives, I've been there. I've give my last amount of money to by diapers, bottles, milk, onesies, blankets, gas in her car and what ever else is necessary because that's what I'm supposed to do as a parent. Now you'll have to forgive me if I disagree with the fact that becase I didn't carry my children, or can't carry my would-be children, I should have less say in their lives. That is ridiculous! I would not trade either of my kids for the world, however, make no mistake that I did not want either of them at the time that they were concieved. I stand on that as well. If the time arises I'll have no problem telling my children as well. It still should not and will not allow that to dictate the amout of choice making power I have.  

I say that because I completely understand what Matt is saying. Men should have a choice, just as women do. In fact, perhaps if women had more children with fathers who were willing and ready to have kids, there might not be as many "dead beat dads"  

I am the ONLY one responsible for my actions, and the ONLY one in charge of my own destiny.  Be smart and don't get yourself STUCK in such careless situations.  USE your brain - THINK ahead - make SMART choices!!  Thats what I think... thats what I tell my daughter EVERY DAY after a kiss on the cheek. 

I'm not trying to sound like i'm all for the dead beat dads, because I see such men as pathetic. But I kinda see where the boy is coming from. Young teen girls, for some reason have a strong so called "need" to have a child. and sometimes they will do and say anything to get that. That even goes for some adult women. I'm not sure what went on in the room with those two young people, but I do bleive she did say that she couldn't have children. When a teenage boy is in a room with a naked girl and a hard penis and the absolute assurance the he's gona get some, their thinking diminishes, and will believe what she says. I can understand this because I was placed in a simular situation. When I was seventeen, a girlfriend I had just started going steady with. we were sexually active. I was a verry cautious kid. I used protection all the time. One day she confided in me and said that she was incapable of getting pregnate because she was molessted as a child. And I believed her. She knew that I was afraid of beeing a father at that time. And had no inttention of having a child. One day when we were about to have sex she didn't want to use a condom. I figured since she cant get pregnate, why not. one month later. She tells me she is pregnate. and I'm in the very situation I didn't want to be in. Did I make a mistake? Yes. And was I tricked? Yes. Don't worry I stepped up to the plate to take care of my buisiness, but I was also forced into that situation.    

At the end of all this, there is nothing we as men can do about it. regardless of the situation in which conception happend. Many women do this. I'm not saying all. But many. and after its done. we have absolutely no coices in what to do. and the women get all the choices.. And the men pay the child support. I don't think its fair that people can just say since you din't use protection, You just have to deal with it. We should have choices in what should happend only in the condition we were trapped.. The young lady admited that she told him these things. He should have a choice if he wants to be in the child's life or not. How he could denie his child knowing its in his reach, I don't know. Thats the only thing Crazy to me. But he should have that constitutional right. She made him believe that she couldn't have children. Said she was on birth control. For sure hes gona take the comdom off. He was a kid. Kids are Kids. Immature, kids. Hormones temporarily destroys a kids mind, for a few minutes. The boy thought he was taking precautions, by actually talking with the girl. Regargless of how Nieve he was, he doesn't deserve to be striped of all choices to be made.    

On my final note. The boy does need to man up and take care of this child. that is the right thing to do. My argument is only, in this particular situation he should be able to choose if he is going to do the right thing.