Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

I got pregnant by a huge suprise since the doctors told me it was medically impossible for me to get pregnant. I found out jan 23 1997 I will never forget the day. I was so happy. I was dating a very well known comedian at the time in los angeles and I called to let him know. He said he wasnt ready and he needed time to get his life together and wrap his head around the idea of being a father. So I let him have that time. I didnt know we really didnt have time. There is nothing worse than forcing a man to be a father. I had a stepmother and a father who hated me for years because my father was forced to pay a lowsy 12.00 a week child support until they disappeared so they didnt have to pay anymore. I was literally hated.  

 Men should not have to be a father if they arent ready. I gave chris time. He ended up dying and never had a chance to be a father. However I would have much rather given him time to get his life together .Its so much better on the child to have one solid loving parent who really wants the child. I make it known everyday to my son how much he is loved and appreciated and wanted. I would never want my child to go through what I did,,,It tears apart your self esteem. My child is honor roll. and he is happy because he knows he is loved and wanted. Had chris had the time I am sure he wouldve come around to being a good father but the choice wouldve been his. Yes its financially difficult to be a single mom raising a growing boy but he is well adjusted and he is happy and thats all that matters. Weigh the perks of being a little broke all of the time and having your child happy and well adjusted or having a little extra monthly cash and your son being treated like a stray dog and his self esteem broken and him feeling horrible, I choose being broke a little with a happy kid.  

I thought I had heard all the stupid excuses of not wanting to be a DAD, but this takes the cake.  The "man" had unprotected sex and she got pregnant. CASE CLOSED!!!  He needs to pay child support.  I don't believe that she was lying about her not being able to get pregant for a medical condition, and I do know that birth control pills are not always effective.  He should have used a condom. His attorney and  the other guy there (who has no kids and the ponytail) need to insert their foot in their mouths and never speak again and Matt needs to keep his pride tied   

Someone with the attitude that he has is not a REAL MAN!!!   

Just my .02   

He had a choice..he had the choice to not have sex to start with.  

It takes 2 to make a baby, she did not just all of the sudden decide, oh I am going to have a baby so lets see I will make it Matt Dubay's baby. For it to be his bilogical child he had to chose to have sex. 

So to me the issue is clear, you don't want to be a father at all, then don't have sex. No birth control is 100% effective except not having sex at all. (Unless a woman has had a hysterectomy.-which is not a birth control method) 

I am not a zealot who says that no one should have sex that is not married or anything like that. I just believe that, when you have sex you are taking the chance at making a child. So you need to be responsible for your own actions if they result in a child.  

Beth

"life is a learning experience learn from everyone you meet"

I was surprised to hear repeated refernce to consent to sex as cause for the man to be responsible for support. I am all for this application if it is applied equally under the law.  

For anyone who actually believes that consent to have sex equates to acceptance of the responsibilities of parenthood, you must agree that abortion except in the case of rape is always wrong.  

If you believe that consent to have sex only binds the male to accept the responsibilities of parenthood (if the female so decides) while the female is free to choose to eliminate her responsiblity through several mechanisms, then you have stated an exception to equal protection under the law.  

Since Matt clearly stated that he did not want to be a father prior to the pregnancy, his consensual partner had the option to take that into consideration in determining what to do about this child (whether to pursue adoption, abortion, or find a way to meet the responsibility on her on.  

For the person who posted that both parents are required to sign off on adoptions, this is not the case when one parent disavows all responsiblity for the child. Further, any Fire Station or Hospital in most states are suitable places to leave an unwanted infant, no questions asked no penalties applied. Typically, such a child would be considered an orphan as its parents abandoned it.  

The mother has these options, but under current precedent the father MUST be responsible and has no way to absolve potential responsibility for parenthood save through abstinence. Again, I'm all for that solution if equally applied.  

By the way, Dr. Phil, condoms are not 100% effective birth control. Had condoms been used by Matt every time would you feel differently, or was this just a convenient way to pin a responsiblity on him that he never accepted as his?  

I enjoy your show, but I really didn't understand the repeated appeal to consent as proof of acceptance of responsibility. In effect, such a view would throw out Roe v. Wade as unapplicable in all but rape cases (non-consensual sex). If Roe v. Wade stands, it must be equally applicable.  

Respectfully,
AuldSoul  

My opinion changes everyday on things like this.  Today, I think the biggest gift this sperm donor can give is to walk away, just like he wants to do.  This baby is not a theory, she is not a discussion, she is not a law, she is a reality for her mother and every person in her life that loves her every day.  This man is very selfish, and could really damage this child emotionally if he is forced to be involved.  My sperm donor did not want me.  Another man raised me.  I have a dad and a great life based on a foundation that my dad (not my biological father) gave to me.  NOW that I am thirty years old, my sperm donor wants a relationship with me.  I didn't go looking for him!  Sorry! too late!  I've been raised.  I don't need him now.  My opinion today is based on my reality today because I am experiencing the results of this kind of selfishness in my life right now.  Not some long drawn out debate where the people involved in the discussion do not have a clue about the experience only the discussion. 

Hi  Everyone!!  

    This is the first time I have written a message, but............  

The first guest on Dr. Phil's show today was HORRIBLE!  If he doesn't want to have children, then HE NEEDS TO PROTECT HIMSELF!!    Leaving it all to the woman, should the "mistake" happen, is both selfish and immature!  If he can't handle the chance of being a father, then don't take the chance!!!  Thankfully, this man's selfish ways will NOT be taught to "his" child. I don't even think the baby should be referred to as "his child", as  he DOES NOT deserve to be a father!  Thank You.  

After watching today's show I was absolutely floored that Dr. Phil was less than supportive for the fella fighting for his rights.    

About a year ago my cousin was having recreational sex with a young man getting his feet off the ground and working on his career.  He was assured by her over this 2 month period that she was on the pill.   Guess what.......ooops, she got pregnant.........with twins!!!!!  This wasn't her first ooops either, it was her fourth while practicing poor "safe sex" methods.  Fortunately, the first 3 ended in miscarriages.  This poor guy did not want to have these children as he knew a lifetime committment with my cousin was just not in the picture as she is not an easy person to get along with.  So now, he is slapped with $1000/month child support payments and once they enter daycare he will be forking out another $800/month.  How's the poor guy to survive?  She has NEVER been able to afford to drive a new car and guess what........she's now driving a new one!     

I've got 2 boys that are not sexually active yet as well I have a daughter.  I often get comments from people saying that they are glad they don't have a girl because they wouldn't want the worry of her getting pregnant.  My worries are absolutely the opposite.  As my boys are approaching the age of sexuality I will never stop the nagging about being very careful about sex and ALWAYS protecting themselves as one mistake can cost you a lifetime.  I worry much more for them than I do our daughter.......at least she's got a choice.   

I would have posted my message earlier but I had a 3yr old to take care of.  I'm holding her in my arms & trying to type at the same time.  When I first heard about this story about Matt on the radio on my way to work.  When I got to work I went to the Internet & read the story.  I then posted a message  about the story.   

I do not know how to express how mad I am that this man thinks that its illegal for him to have to pay child support because he told the mother he didn't want to be a father.  How many woman tell the men that they don't want to be a mom & get pregnant?  I have so many emotions going through my head & have no idea where to begin.   

I was not ready to be a father when my daughter came along.  That didn't mean I was going to abandon her.  This guy is a real jerk!!!  If he doesn't want to be in the child's life thats his loss but to sit on that stage & say that his rights were violated because he is made to pay child support is absolutely ridiculous.  At least his face will be seen by millions of viewer's & hopefully other women will stay away from him!  

I'm very sorry for who ever reads this, I am having a very hard time putting my emotions in writing.  There is one last thing I would like I am a father & very proud of it.  There is nothing I wouldn't do for my daughter.  I would gladly give my life to save heir's!!!!