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Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

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Created on : Thursday, April 13, 2006, 01:22:17 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 04/21/06) Being a parent is hard enough, but what happens when Mom and Dad can't agree on how many kids to have, how to raise 'em and how to get ‘em to sleep? Sometimes, it can lead to an all-out baby war! Matt's baby battle ended up in front of a judge and made headlines. He was ordered to pay child support for the baby he had with his ex-girlfriend, but he says he shouldn't have to cough up the money because she told him she wasn't able to get pregnant, and he told her he didn't want to be a father. He, his attorney, and the director of the National Center for Men discuss the lawsuit they filed, known as “Roe v. Wade for Men,” arguing that men should have a constitutional right to avoid fatherhood. Next, Dan says even though he and his wife, Lisa, already have four children, he wants just one more. Lisa has been pregnant on and off for 11 years and says she's closed for baby business. Will Dr. Phil help Dan see Lisa's point that four is enough? Then, a frustrated husband is camping out on the roof of his house and living in a tent. He refuses to go back to his bedroom until his wife moves their kids out of their bed and starts paying more attention to him. Can Dr. Phil get him to come down the ladder? Plus, a sleep expert has a simple method for getting your child to sleep through the night. See the plan in action! Share advice and talk about the show here.

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harold5454

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April 21, 2006, 2:46 pm PDT

Consenual sex

I must have missed the boat somewhere along the line but I always thought that consenual sex was that each party consented to have sex and be responsible for anything that arises from it. I guess maybe they changed all that with the ninetendo generation---after all parents were giving thier kids anything but responsiblilits when they were growing up

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steve66oh

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April 21, 2006, 2:47 pm PDT

Informed consent??

Many make the point that Matt should have known that his girlfriend could get pregnant despite her (alleged) statements to the contrary. If Matt honestly reports what she told him, then the chance of her pregnancy was presented as a remote, hypotheitcal improbability. Just like the remote, hypothetical improbability that he could have been killed in a car accident/drive-by shooting/IED explosion/subway nerve gassing/etc... When she decided all by herself to keep the baby, SHE chose to accept the remote hypothetical possibility that his death would prevent her from receiving any financial support from him. When one person makes a decision on their own, they should make the decision with the understanding that they alone will be responsible for the result of the decision. If a "right" like abortion can't be granted equally (or at least equivalently) under the law, maybe it isn't really a "right".

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the_cassie

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April 21, 2006, 2:47 pm PDT

yes

Quote From: lehargis

Read your Bible! God created love making for pleasure between a husband and wife, not as a recreational outlet. Animals have sex to reproduce out of necessity; humans have a choice! Even in a marriage, love making is the icing on the cake, any husband can tell you that when you are fussing with your wife, forget about making love! Since you chose to unzip, you are responsible for the consequences of your actions, which this time resulted in the conception of a child. No if, ands, buts about this!

you should keep your pants zipped up

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user3473

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April 21, 2006, 2:47 pm PDT

Money???

Quote From: jovonadays

I think that men should be able to not have to pay for a child that they dont want. Its not right that women trick men into it. There should be a law to protected men against women like her. All she wanted from him is money, I could never do want she did to that poor guy she should be a shame of herself she calls herself a woman she acts like a child herself. I'm never for men I'm always for womens rights but this time it was wrong for her to do that to him. I really hope that he wins his case because there should be a law from them.

Are you crazy? Do you have children? $500 a month to raise a child is nothing. She isn't getting any of his money it will take that $500 and more to care for and raise that baby.

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renee21

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April 21, 2006, 2:47 pm PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

I am a single mom that was the same promble as that girl is in. My son dad left me when i was 2 1/2 to 3 months along with my son. He has olny said once that he was not the father of him but after the DNA test came back he has not said that but my son father is not around. But i think that she is in the right about keeping the baby because who would be able to handle carring the baby for 9 months and have to give the baby up. i would not be able to handle it myself. But about Matt he should be happy that he was a baby and go on with he life and not fight about all this there are men out there that would give the world to be a dad

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ahbinya

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April 21, 2006, 2:47 pm PDT

Sex simply as "pleasure"

Why is sex often the main focus and marriage/family an annoying by-product, like the thorn on a rose? Sex and marriage/family I believe are fused together and make the whole flower, and sex by itself is the real thorn.

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inthenest

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April 21, 2006, 2:47 pm PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: britt510

I am very shocked at what I heard from this man about not wanting his child. I am pregnant, and I would be completly crushed if the father of my child, whether he was my husband, boyfriend, even just a guy friend didn't want to have anything to do with our child. I see his point about the equal rights, and he seemed like a nice man, but how could anyone evil or not, want nothing to do with something that is a part of them. A child is a wonderful gift to me.

The trouble is that women have an instinctive NEED to nurture. Men do not have this strong natural instinct; after all it is women who carry in pregnancy and breastfeed their babies; they are designed that way. The trouble is when a woman is so desperate to be a mother that she tricks an unwilling man into getting her pregnant . She should know that in so doing she will have to assume full responsibility for the baby. Then she can make up her mind whether it is worth it all. If a woman gets pregnant by mistake, which happens all the time, the father should have the right to refuse to support the baby if the mother will not either abort or give the baby up for adoption. I told my son as he got into his teens that as a 'man' he has to be so careful because the woman has all the rights. I told him that if a girl he has sex with gets pregnant he can be saddled for 21 years supporting that child; a BIG price to pay when he has ZERO power once a girl is pregnant. It is not fair but until the laws change and give equal rights to our boys, they are 'screwed'!

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momof5ohmy

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April 21, 2006, 2:47 pm PDT

Dads opting out

A gift from God

I have a child that is now 11 that when I conceived her I was the mom of two invitro babies and was told that I couldn't have any children. When I turned up pregnant with a new boyfriend I was shocked but out of my mind happy that I could have kids after such a horrific time trying for the 10 years prior. The father of this baby already had grown children and did not want to be a father to this baby and I accepted that he pays no support and stayed around just long enough to know I had a new father for her and she was looked after well and he went on his way. His choice was just that his choice. My baby has a wonderful father who loves her and has chosen to be her father. Forcing the other guy to pay or be her father is completely wrong. I just want to add also that the father of the invitro twins who is not the biological father, even after divorce continues to be their father and pay support because he chooses too. Thats what makes a father a dad and its not something you can force on anyone and you shouldn't force on anyone.

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gdtlbb

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April 21, 2006, 2:47 pm PDT

04/21 Baby Wars

Quote From: no1gymmom

This guy made a decision to take the girls word that she could not have children. If he truly did not want to have children, he should have used and/or insisted on some form of birth control. This however is not a 100% guarantee.

Since a child was conceived out of this relationship, it is the responsibility of both parties involved to take responsibility. Why should it be the sole responsibility of the girl? Obviously this guy is looking for an out and does not want to pay support. He truly needs to grow up!

Matt made a decision to have unprotected sex which created a child, a wonderful gift from God. He should be responsible enough to step up and take responsibility for the upbringing of the child. If he refuses do so, then cut him off - he will regret this in later life when his daughter comes looking for him and asks him why he did not want her.

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pmf250

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April 21, 2006, 2:48 pm PDT

To be a father or not to be a father

Dr. Phil,

After watching the session with the young man who felt he has no choice in the matter of being a father I have a couple of questions . . . . . . If you are not ready for that role in life why take the risk? What's wrong with abstaining from sex until the right one comes along? Apparently the mother of this child isn't the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with as her husband. I say abstain and avoid the pain. What pain? . . . . . . the pain of broken relationship, possible STD, unwanted pregnancy, financial responsibility (that can hurt some guys), and the possibility of loss of goals and dreams not to mention the pain of growing up without your father. Control the urge until the time is right.

Just one more comment to the parents that put their babies in bed with them . . . . . that is a very dangerous thing to do. One of our clients at the crisis pregnancy center lost her baby because the father rolled over on the child in the early morning hours. A loss that could have been avoided if the child was in his own crib.

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