Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

I must agree with Dr. Phil when he asked the question to this gentleman's attorney if he thought this could be a loophole for deadbeat Dad's.  Has it come down to a contractual agreement between two adults who choose to have sex whether or not one or both parties will be emotinally and monetarily responsible for any child born to that relationship? I think that Dr. Phil is also correct when he said that a woman may not be able to answer the question if she wants to have a child before she is preganant.  It is an emotional decision and should never be made in the heat of a moment.  I am in favor of choice for both men and women.  His choice was to have unprotected sex and trust his girlfriend.  Also, if they are fighting for equal rights for men and women in this situation, why has HE decided that it was up to his girlfriend to be sure she could not get pregnant.  If he did not want a child, then it certainly should become HIS responsibility to be positive that a pregnancy did not occur.  Now, this gentleman said that he trusted his girlfriend when she said she had a medical condition that prevented her from getting pregnant; if that is the case, why would she bother spending the money and taking the risk of birth control pills.  That should have been a clue that perhaps SHE was NOT 100% sure that she could not get pregnant; therefore, he should have ALWAYS used a condom for his own protection.  In this particular case, I would have to go onto the side of the woman; it should not be her sole responsibility to be sure not to get pregnant because he didn't want a child.  That became his responsibility.

 I just watched Matt Dubay make a complete fool of himself on your show. I totally agree with you Dr.Phil....he made his choice the night he decided to remove his condom. Give me a break. As a former mother-baby nurse.....I would see mothers commonly give birth to beautiful babies -of whom were told there was not a chance in the world that they would be able to conceive. There are no guarantees in life....not even in medicine. Did he read a guarantee on his box of condoms? There's not a chance that Matt Dubay will win this one. It's a "she said, he said" case. He needs to step up to the plate as a man and pay his dues....live up to his mistake that he made months ago. If he doesn't want to be a father - get a vasectomy.

I'm absolutely disgusted with what he's trying to pull.

I think men should have a choice. He told her from the beginning that he did not want children, she should have not gotten involved with him. I don't think he should have to pay anything. It's true women have many choices to choose from when they get pregnant and men don't. She should have respected the fact that he did not want kids. For her to stay in a relationship with someone who did not want kids is her fault. She trapped him. She probable that this baby would change his mind. Like most women who think a baby will change a man. She should take responsibility all on her own. 

Your cousin is very wrong for lying.. but in the years since 1950, men know to use condoms. They know that EVEN If the woman IS on the pill things can happen.. oh, yeah, and by the way, 'recreational sex'.... give me a break.. you take your chances??? With a CHILD??? Accidents happen.. but completely avoidable accidents are NOT accidents. He knew what chances he was taking. They are BOTH in the wrong.

Don't want to be a mother?  then don't have sex and take chances or go get your tubes tied!!  goes both ways

Very good point Bonnie.   

   

First, as a Dad who deeply loves his 2 kids, I don't agree with Matt's mindset and harshness toward his child.  But, just as Dr. Phil said about the mother not knowing how she was going to feel after she got pregnant, none of can know how betrayed Matt feels unless we've been thru a similar scenario.  Regardless, I would NEVER suggest abortion but might be able to understand his suggestion on adoption.   

   

I'm very disappointed (but not surprised) at all the female bashing of males on this board.  Most, not all, of you act like unprotected sex is the singular decision of the male and if he gets the girl pregnant, it's his fault alone.  Very few of the posts on the board that I've read thus far say anything at all about the mother's actions and deceipt.  Clearly a double standard ...   

   

The primary thing I wanted to point out is, based on what we heard on the show, it seems that Lauren lied to and manipulated Matt.  It was easy to see on the faces of the audience, especially the ladies, that their thoughts were so focused on the beautiful child that they were looking right past Lauren's deceiptful actions.  While the child's welfare is of utmost importance, Matt is still quite young and Lauren's actions have now changed his life forever too. Dr. Phil had a show just a couple of months ago on the topic of manipulative spouses ... suggest you read those transcripts to see what manipulation can do to a relationship.   

   

I agreee that Matt gave up any control of the situation when he stopped using condoms but how solid a foundation is a marriage & parenting partnership that is built on lies & manipulation?!?!  I really can't state it any clearer than that.  I'm living in a similar situation with my wife, though the manipulation wasn't conception of a child, and it definitely is not good for our kids.  In such a situation it's near impossible to show children what a loving & caring marital relationship is like ... and forget faking it because they'll see right thru it.  In any marriage, if the marital foundation is not firm, the child(ren) will be directly affected for the rest of their life and will likely have relationship problems in their own marriages.     

   

It was no mistake that God blessed Matt & Lauren with their beautiful daughter but it was indeed a very poor decision on Lauren's part to manipulate Matt into fatherhood.  Hopefully he'll be able to overcome his anger & frustration and become a major influence in his daughter's life.  It's also unfortunate that Lauren declined to appear so she too could be held somewhat accountable for her actions.   

    

I have been an avid watcher of the Dr. Phil show since it started running.  This is the first time I have been moved to voice my thoughts on a topic.   

  

I am a proud mother of two beautiful children.  Neither of them were planned.  My husband and I wanted to start a family around three years after we got married.  My daughter was conceived while I was on the pill.  I used it properly and got pregnant during my first year of marriage.  With our next child my husband and I wanted to wait two years between so not only was I back on the pill we were using condoms with every "encounter" My son was conceived 10 months after my daughter was born.   

  

My point in sharing this is the only true birth control is not to have sex. I am living proof that conceiving a child can be unexpected even with precautions. If you are having sex you are risking the possibility of conception whether the woman has professed sterility or not.  If a child is a result then I feel the sire still has an obligation to provide for the child whether that be in a parent role or at the very least  a financial role.  I think this man on the show is a coward and a slacker for not taking responsibility for a child that is here because of his mistake.  It is unfair to the child and the mother.   

I agree that men should have a choice about parenthood IF they make it very clear to the woman, BEFORE SEX, that they don't want to be a father.  If a woman tells the man that she can't get pregnant, that she's using birth control, and otherwise assures him that she is unable to get pregnant then the man should be able to take her at her word.    

   

I got pregnant at 19 years old with a man that I had been dating for about 4 months.  He asked me every time we had sex if I had taken my birth control pills.  I always said yes.  He made it very clear that he didn't want to be a father at that time in his life.  We both chose not to use a condom.   Because I continually assured him that I was taking my pills, and because he had made his wishes clear, I felt (and feel) it was my responsibility to take care of the situation when I ended up pregnant.  At that point, I had a choice...  keep the baby, have an abortion, or adoption.  I chose to keep my daughter.  I don't believe that my choice should have taken away his choice.    

   

Bottom line, I raised my daughter on my own (she's now 17) and she knows the truth about why I didn't involve her father.  I've offered over the years to find him, and we both decided to wait until she is 18 so that he won't feel like we are finding him just to hold him financially responsible.  If we are able to locate him, it will be his choice whether or not he wants to get to know her and be part of her life.    

   

It was my choice to have my baby; it was his choice to make sure I wasn't going to get pregnant; and I don't believe I have the right to demand his money and force him to be a father when he had been so careful to avoid that very situation.    

   

That's my opinion, Dr. Phil!  I think if women want rights, then we have to respect the rights of others, including men's!    

   

--Gail K., Spokane, WA  

   

   

I think everyone by now has figured out where babies come from. Sex.  

And the only 100% guaranteed way not to have a baby is don't have sex. 

If you have sex and then have a baby DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT IT!!!!!!
Why make the child whether born or unborn pay the price because the "mommies and daddies" couldn't maintain some self control?  

Yes there are some of you that will bring up rape, well that of course is different and doesn't belong in this conversation. I am talking about a Man and a Woman who decide that a few moments of gratification is worth the risk of having a child.  Cause and effect people! If you strike a match chances are pretty good you will start a fire. If you have sex chances are pretty good you will mix an egg with some sperm. 

i do understand where this "man" is coming from with his opinions but his additude towards his child makes me sick. how can he look at that beautiful little face and say the things that he does. this is a human life a person that is going to be expected to grow up and be a contributing member of society. how sad this will be for her knowing that her father wanted nothing to do with her . especially if he does go on to have other children.  it is upseting of she was trying to trap him which it doesnt seem he even suspects but otherwise. things happen to everyone all of the time that we dont expect and may not want to deal with but as an adult this is not how we deal with things. the only person in this situation that is innocent is this little girl  and for her i hope she realizes that she was better off not to have matt as a part of her life because he doesnt seem like anyone i would like to know. and the man that was the representative for whatever it was . seemed like a total idiot and should never be allowed on tv again!!!!!!!!!!