Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

So you are a mother.  What if your husband or partner or whatever had said to you  all of the things Matt said to the woman?  What if he demanded you have an abortion or else?  But you ask what if it had been the woman who wanted the abortion and demanded he go along.  Yes he can force her into doing certain things concerning the baby, by using the law.   

Courts can rule in all sorts of ways.  The right judge and he could in fact force her to carry the child to term and then take the baby and make her pay child support.   

She was on birth control for a medical issue besides the fact that she wasn't supposed to be able to conceive a child so for her side she was protected.  Yes she could and probably should have said use a condom but lets face it I can't think of a person I know that hasn't had sex without a condom at least once and that is all it takes.  It was just as much his responsibility as hers, at least she had a birth control pill on her side, he didn't even bother to make sure of any precaution. 

I said before that he is whining and it is all about the money.  He doesn't care about the baby, not at all, he cares only about himself and that is disgusting.  He is a dead beat dad and should be ashamed of himself. 

You didn't think your arguement over clearly before you complained about the $500 a month and claimed that it doesn't cost you that much to take care of your son a month.  

You have a husband.  Your child has a father in the home which means you have his income and you stay home and take care of the child.  That is why it doesn't cost you that much a month to take care of your son. 

Think this through clearly.  IF you didn't have a husband to work and take care of you and your kids then what?  You would have to work.  You would have to find a place or person to take care of your child, which depending on where you live can range from around $200 to $300 a week.  You would have rent or mortgage and then all of your normal bills and don't forget gas, car payments and groceries and cell phone etc.   

Now tell me that after you pay rent to house you and your child and pay care for the child so you can work and after all the other bills that $500 is too much. 

I will agree that some women pop kids out and use the men and the system for money.  I have personally seen it happen and it is disgusting but that isn't the case in this situation.  The main fact is that Matt isn't being responsible for his actions and he is being made to be. 

The law is in place because so many men were not taking responsibility for their actions.  Lets face it some men don't like to be adult and responsible. 

You have a husband and you are lucky you do.  You have a man that does what he is supposed to do, both legally and morally.  BUT what if you got a divorce?  Wouldn't you demand he pay his part of what it costs to raise his children?   I bet you'd be the demanding he pay half of the fees for insurance and all health care and everything else you would have to worry about.  Then again you could always end up applying for aid from your state.  Oh wait, no, you think it's a scam  to profit off your child so you would never do that.  Right?  

THAT"S THE TRUTH!!    These men are whiners and I loved how Dr. Phil told them!!!  Now there is a real live baby who needs a dad....Stop Making Excuses and take responsibility!   

~Dianne in Ludlow, Mass  

Friday's show left me very saddened for the little girl that was born of  the union of Matt and the baby girl's mother.  I remember while watching the show saying "yes!" when Dr. Phil asked the question "is anyone here concerned about the baby?"  While I can relate to Matt's frustration in not feeling ready to be a father, nor wanting the financial burden of supporting a child he was not ready for, I am disappointed that now that the baby is a "reality", Matt--at the child's expense, does not choose to be a part of the child's life and feels he should be released of any financial responsibility towards this child in the future.  I wonder what long-term effect that fact will have on this child later in life when she learns the extreme measures Matt and his attorneys were willing to go to make their point.  If Matt wanted to guarantee that he would not become a father until he was ready, he needed to use a condom EVERY TIME or abstain from premarital pre-commitment sex to protect himself from any accidental situations. My heart goes out to the child that was born of this union.  Matt and she will miss out on a very special father/daughter relationship which can be wonderful.  I will be VERY surprised if Matt and his attorneys win their argument in court.  Whether this child was wanted or NOT, she is here--and she deserves to be at least supported financially.  In a perfect world, it  would be nice if she received all the love and care that she, the innocent victim deserves.   

Let's look at this situation: 

• Two people agree to have sex.
• They decide on a type of birth control.  In this case they decided that the woman should take the pill; a far more reliable source of birth control than if they had decided that the man should use condoms.
• The woman gets pregnant.
• He wants abortion.  She doesn't.  Her choice wins.
• He wants adoption.  She doesn't.  Her choice wins.
• He wants to step out of the child's life (just as she could have done, if she had chosen adoption).  She wants him to financially support the child for eighteen years.  Her choice wins.

How is this equal rights?  It seems like simple fairness  that if an unmarried woman chooses to have sex,  get pregnant,  carry the baby, keep the baby and  raise the baby.  Then inherent in her choice is supporting  the baby herself.   

 If she had put the baby up for adoption would it be fair for the adoptive parents to garnish her wages for support and call her a dead beat mother?  Would all of you be saying she shouldn't have had sex if she didn't want to pay ?  Would you be calling her immature and selfish for not wanting to be in the baby's life?   

Let's go back to the basics!   BEHAVIOR gets a RESPONSE and results in CONSEQUENCES.  

Offering unprotected sex and agreeing to it can result in pregnancy.  DUH! 

It doesn't matter who is offering or who is unprotected. 

I always thought that if all of the energy, time and resources that are poured into the abortion issue were directed toward RESPONSIBLE SEXUALITY, abortion wouldn't be an issue!  This could happen.  If we, as a socieity, can make an addictive legal habit (smoking) undesirable & unpopular, what if we worked just as hard to make irresponsible sexuality undesirable & unpopular?  Unwanted pregnancy is just plain STUPID! 

There are plenty of men & women that NEVER want to be a parent.  Let's make safe vasectomies/tubal ligations & ongoing followup convenient & free to them.  Hey, we could even offer some kind of reward to them.  Bravo for being SEXUALLY RESPONSIBLE! 

There are plenty of men & women that don't want to be a parent YET.  Let's make safe birth control & ongoing followup convenient & free to them.  

If a child is not wanted, then BOTH parties must use protection.   IT'S PLAIN DUMB NOT TO.  Pregnancy rarely happens when both parties ALWAYS TAKE RELIABLE PREVENTATIVE MEASURES.  

What if ALL CHILDREN WERE WANTED BEFORE THEY WERE CONCEIVED?  Imagine the AWESOME CONSEQUENCES TO EVERYONE!  WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN!!!! 

WE CAN DO THIS IN OUR LIFETIME!  LET'S GO! 

Matt made his choice when he decided to have sex at all.  Although only his daughter's mother knows the real facts he can't just say he was lied to and then deny support to his daughter.  Let's say that his "girlfriend" really thought that she couldn't have children.  Could you imagine her surprise to find out that she was?  There's no guarantee that she would ever be able to conceive again and Matt had the audacity to expect her to give the child up for adoption!  HOW DARE HE!  

Although his excuse for not using a condom was because she was sterile and was on birth control for other medical reasons, I'm sure that he was more than happy to not use a condom.  I think most men prefer to go without a condom for their own pleasure.  Using a condom could have still resulted in a pregnancy, but he would have been in more control of the situation.  

Matt, if you really aren't ready to be a father YET then you shouldn't be having sex YET.  That's the bottom line.