Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

If only more people, men and women, would act in the best interests of their children. Your response, filled with love and concern for your beautiful little girl, says it all. Elisabeth is blessed to have you a mom who is focussed on her. 

I hope that you are comforted by all of the people who have also reminded others that only Matt's side has been heard. You have been Elisabeth's voice - for her privacy and for her right to paternal support. In every statement I have ever heard from you, you have behaved with maturity and grace. No accusations, no smearing, nothing but concern for Elisabeth. I have great respect for people who recognize that parenthood means subordinating one's own interests to the interests of another human being, a completely dependent human being who had no choice in being here. 

Bouquets of your favorite flowers to you for behaving with grace, dignity, and maturity during what has to be a difficult time. You are a real-life example of the words to the Christmas carol: "let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me." 

I am so sorry for your situation.  

Many states have a requirement that a father be registered in the putative father registry in order to receive notice of a potential adoption for a child that they might be have. But there are obviously problems with notice and when a man responds. I've seen and know of cases where tremendous injustice has been done to fathers who responded to notice of a pending adoption just a little too late to satisfy the judge. 

In the pain that I know that you must feel at the core of your being, I hope that you can somehow find it in you to specifically identify the injustices and try to resolve them legislatively. 

And more than anything else, I wish you the best with your son. 

.....but this is exactly what you said (I used cut and paste from your quote)  

It is completely untrue that men have the same rights as women when it comes to placing a child for adoption, child support  

This is what I am disputing. A woman cannot put a child up for adoption without the father's consent and a man cannot insist upon adoption without the woman's consent. Their rights in the area of adoption are THE SAME. Just because one partner would prefer the other to agree to this option, does not make it unequal.   

The ONLY "post-conception" (I'm really starting to despise that term) option that a woman has that a man does not is abortion. I don't know how to give a man a safe and legal abortion, so I don't think we can equalize this one.   

Nobody is cheering on unplanned pregnancies whether they are deliberate or truly accidents. Each partner knows their biology. Each partner understands what they can respectively do to prevent pregnancy and even then it's never 100%. The partner who adamantly does not want to create a life should either abstain from sex or insist upon EVERY possible form of birth control, especially the ones gender specific to that partner!!  

I can tell McDonald's I don't want to get fat....if I choose to eat there, I guarantee they'll take my money anyway. If I continuously and willfully eat Big Macs, do I have any reason to expect my butt not to grow?  

I don't think anyone is thrilled with women who deliberately get pregnant again and again to collect child support and milk the welfare system. It's definitely a warped and destructive abuse of laws designed to protect children.  

But what is the man's role here, You say BUT, the men/boys they used as their "donors" are stuck with paying for a kid they never see.   

I have a male family member who is Daddy #3 to a woman with 4 children (maybe more by now!). The rest of the family shake their heads and speak in hushed tones about this horrible woman and nobody mentions the fact that HE knew she already had 3 kids from 2 different men and was collecting welfare. HE chose to become involved, have sex, get careless, and we're supposed to be shocked and horrified when she gets pregnant AGAIN! Well, who would have seen that coming??   

Fortunately, aside from his previously insane judgment, he IS a stand-up guy. He sued for custody of his daughter, won, and is now battling MOM for child support.  

No one likes the "welfare" mom image, but if you are DAD number 3,4,5 and on.....WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??????????  

And I also hope we are all equally disenchanted with welfare DADS...you know, the ones who father many children by many mothers and have to be chased around for child support and allow their off spring to be the taxpayers' burden.  

BOTH OF THOSE PARENTS HAD CHOICES.  

I DIDN'T CATCH WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT PROTECTION ON HER PART....BUT IT IS HER BODY AND SHE HAD THE ULTIMATE RESPONSIBILITY TO HAVE OR NOT HAVE A BABY...IF HE DIDN'T WANT CHILDREN, NOW OR LATER, THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO PREVENT IT....AND THE ONLY 100% THING IS TO KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS......LEARN TO PLEASE YOURSELF....HAVE SURGURY (IT CAN BE REVERSED)  

THE CHILD CUSTODY/VISITATION PROCESS HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A CONTRACT WHEN THE PARENTS AREN'T TOGETHER ANYMORE....THIS IS PROBABLY WHY HE THINKS THAT HE CAN SUE AND WIN......BECAUSE SHE  'LIED' ON HER CONTRACT ( IF THAT'S WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED)....HE CAN COME BACK AND 'VOID' THAT CONTRACT....THIS IS A HUMAN LIFE.....NOT A CONTRACT....IM SORRY YOU ARE GOING TO LOOSE SOME MONEY......AND I REALIZE THAT 'IT'S JUST NOT FAIR'.....GROW UP......YOU PROBABLY DONATE MORE THAN YOUR CHILD SUPPORT TO CHARITY..UNLESS YOU DON'T EVEN DONATE TO CHARITY.....  

I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.  I UNDERSTAND BOTH SIDES...BUT WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE.....THIS IS HIS BABY......A BABY....A LITTLE.....DEFENSLESS.....BABY......MAYBE IF HE CAN ASSOCIATE THE FEELINGS HE HAS FOR THE OTHERS TO THIS ONE HE'LL BE ABLE TO COME AROUND...AND I HOPE THAT HE DOES....  

GOOD LUCK....