Topic : 07/06 Baby Wars

Nowadays it appears that there is an immense lack of responsibility not only regarding men, but women as well. It is never ok to lie to another whether it be a woman lying to a man in order to get pregnant, or a man lying to a woman in order to get her into bed. Either way it creates problems.  

Regardless of whether or not a woman or a man says she or he incapable of bearing children....it is important to continue to wear protection for a variety of reasons...STDs being one of them.  This is why those individuals who are not ready to become parents (men and women alike), should always be protected.   

The assumption could be that she in fact tricked him and that is not as uncommon as people think.  If he were to win this case, it could become a catalyst and open the door to some major problems for our future. We are trying to create laws from morality, which never works and winds up becoming incredibly destructive. There is no easy answer other than to remain abstinent or to ensure that protection is used regardless of what the other person says. He does have the right to terminate his rights.  

As far as choices for men and women, it is true that women have more choices regarding their children then men do. There are a lot of arguments regarding the rights of women vs. men and likewise. There are double standards on both sides. There is a lot of bickering on this site regarding such standards however that does not solve the problem at hand.  Roe vs Wade was created to prevent girls from killing themselves while trying to abort the fetus. Though currently we don't hear of girls doing such atrocities, we still have the problem of continuing to have unprotected sex and using abortion as a means of birth control...the fact remains that we still have a society that for whatever reason...promotes sex in the young. The pressure is immense and girls and boys still do not realize that they can get pregnant the 1st time. People seem to think that it won't happen to them, that we're impervious. When will men and women take responsibility for their actions and teach responsibiltiy to the children they have? 

I find it outrageous to say that she is not being accountable because I heard loud and clear that there was no doubt that the child was his.  I'm assuming he accomplished this by way of sexual intercourse.    

While I agree that she clearly made a poor partner choice (ahem.. deadbeat), I find it hard to believe that she willfully decieved this man.  I watched the show and never heard mention of her actually lying about her inability to bear children.  And, if we're pointing fingers - maybe he lied about her saying she couldn't have children.    

In this matter, I am able to realize that I do not have all the answers - but it is of the utmost importance to remember that he willingly had sex with her and there is no 100% birth control.  No matter what, there was a chance she would get pregnant and Dr. Phil is completely correct in saying that a woman can't know for sure how she feels about pregnancy at such a young age and before the baby begins to grow inside of her (ie.. perhaps abortion took itself off the table as an option when push came to shove).    

Also, as another woman on this forum pointed out, single women pay more than deadbeat fathers are forced to pay. Single women put everything into these children and struggle to no end..  she would have to be a complete idiot to think that her becoming pregnant was anything like winning the lottery.  If we're looking at motives, perhaps it should be noted that he was in it for the sex but when it comes time to pick up the check for his deeds, he's not taking any responsiblity.  It takes two to reproduce... remember that.    

   I can't believe the guy that was on the show today. the one that would not assume the responsibility of being a father. Can you say looser ? He would not make a pimple on a real mans butt! " The right of an act is not the function of its"s consequence."  This is a universal law, one that will remain unchanged in time. What about STD's alone. Another thing is if he has such low self respect for himself as to sow his seed and not be a man and step up to the plate and own his own child, hope for the futuer, and place in the master plan of the universe.  You can give it all the phyico mumbo jumbo spin you want , but this guy is just two scoops of  way off the mark. To  hall out the guy from Amalgated Men's group blah, blah, blah . This guy was a nut job when talk shows were in their hay  day. I figured he would have a job by now. He couldn't get lucky in a womans prison with a fist full of pardons. In my eyes this punk that fathered this beautiful child is no better than the white slave owners that would go to the slave cabins and have his fun and not assume his responsibility for his own seed.  No respect for himself , family  and life.  A true reflection of ower times.  Must be a card carrying Republican. 

I've been thinking & have come to the conclusion that that precious angel baby is better off without  her biological father. The door is now open for a real man to come into her life someday. If not, I have no doubt that her mother will do a bang up job on her own.   

Quite simply & truthfully - they are both way better off without him.  

Can I get an amen??  

I believe that a man should have options when it comes to becoming a parent.  I am a woman who believes in abortion and adoption as necessary options for people who know they are not capable of providing the best parenting or the best situation for a child.  Yes, of course the most responsible action to be taken is that of abstinence and secondly safe sex.  But if we are all being honest with one another, we are not always responsible.  There often comes a time in the life of many, when they find themselves pregnant and do not wish to be.  Women are given choices once they become pregnant.  They may decide that this is not the time in their life when they want to have a child or that they cannot take care of the child.  Women legally have the choice/right to abort or give the child up to be adopted.  I believe that men should also be given options once they "become pregnant."  I realize that this notion might make many women cringe, I too may have cringed at this earlier in my life.  But hear me out, in a situation where a woman becomes pregnant and her partner in no way intends to be a part of the child's life, I believe that he should have the right to forfeit all rights as a parent and have no financial obligation to the child.  Forcing a man to bare the financial burden of a child that he intends no productive relationship with, is sure to bread resentment toward the child and the mother, and places the child in the position of the bargaining chip or worse.  What it certainly does not do, is place the child in a situation of love and support.  In addition, the legal battles, the constant ill will/ resentment between parents, and the general feeling of being unwanted is not something that should be imposed upon a child.  Society cannot force a biological father, or mother for that matter, to be a parent.  Now to the real heart of the issue, should a biological father be forced to be financially responsible for his child.  No, absolutely not!  At the time of birth, a biological father should have the right, just as the mother does, to give his child up for adoption and forfeit his rights as a parent.  Whether he be giving the child up to the biological mother or an adopting couple, he should have this right, just as the mother does, to give his child up for adoption.  Now, having said that, once he has assumed responsibility for the child, he should be obligated to the child, just as the mother is.  Taking away a man's basic right to chose is just another form of oppression, admittedly with an uncommon victim, but non-the-less wrong.  

Thoughtfully,  

Jennifer Harrison