Quote From: rgranthamI am worried about my 2 natural children and a step child that I love dearly. This is a long and complicated saga so I'll try to shorten it. I married my first husband when I got out of college at the early age of 22. He was 17 years older than I. My father whom I was extremely close to had passed away when I was 16, I was looking for a father figure I suppose. He had a step daughter from a previous marriage that he essentially had adopted for all intents and purposes. Her mother and he had married when she was a mere 2 years old and she never really met or knew her biological father. After we married, she became a vital part of our lives and when we had our 2 children, a boy and 14 months later a girl, we now had 3 children to love and adore, which we did. We had many many happy years together. All three children were very close, all recognizing that they had 2 siblings.
My first husband and I divorced when the natural children were 10 and 11 years old and the step daughter was 27 and married with her own children. That seemed to work out as well as a divorce situation could, my ex-husband and I remained focused on the children's best interest and did a good job, according to those closest to the family and the step daughter who always admired our ability to keep the children's best interest 1st and foremost.
The children grew up so close in age, they were always together, my daughter even went to summer school to graduate early from High School so she wouldn't be there without her brother. They graduated the same year. She married the following year and after living with me and my current husband off and on for about a year, they moved into a mobile home on her husband's family's land near here. My son had moved into his grandfathers very small house near his father's house and both children were working and attending the local technical college pursuing relative career degrees for their respective fields. Life was good, or so I thought.
Their father was diagnosed with cancer and died about a year and a half later. He had a will with everything covered ....he thought. He had put the house in a "Life Estate" in all 3 children's name. Complications arose with who was going to get the house, as our son was living there at the time, going through the process of purchasing his first home in a nearby big city. He completed the purchase of his house just after his father's death. There was a small amount of money left, but my natural daughter had taken her father during his illness while on chemo and radiation treatments (a little disoriented) and had an investment rep move what monies were left to an account that she was the only benficiary. The transfer was not complete according to this rep as he never got the other 2 names and social security numbers for the other 2 children.
At his death, my daughter wanted to sell the house, she was the one having it appraised a week later, and denied having any money left in their fathers account. To this day, she has not admitted that there was any money disbursed from this account and we have confirmed through final statements sent to his house after his death that there was a small amont of money sent to my daughter. This is the worst, but there are alot of little things that have happened to destroy my children's relationship. I can't say that I blame my son and step daughter for not associating with my daughter, but I sure need help for me as well as them in how to get past this. Any suggestions? How do you forgive and go on in this situation?
Call a family meeting. With everyone there who is involved. Tell them that you want everyone's thoughts on the matter.Take your daughter aside first and ask her if she received any money from her Dad's estate. if she says no, say you have proof, so you would like it if she admitted to this. you would like her to come clean to the family about it. After that. Sell the house and split the money 3 ways. Tell your children during this meeting that life is short and not worth this fighting. With your daughter's secret out of the way, that is the first step to clearing the air and her conscience. If the house has already been sold, whoever benifitted from that shoud pay the other's their fair share. Maybe (or maybe not) you have the money and can pay them, then the sibling wh received benifits from the house can pay you back instead. Tell them how much their fighting upsets and distresses you to the very core. Tell them you cannot keep up with this B.S. and it WILL stop today. Period. Tell them you are done, and will not have it any other way. during the meeting, let them ALL talk, let them argue a bit. Don't let it get out of hand however. If the splitting the house money does not work, come to a different conclusion. If one sibling no longer wants the money, make sure they really mean it. try to get them to apologize to eachother and end the meeting with hugs and kisses for all.
