Quote From: mskaliaI am a 33 year old mother of 2 teenagers. my daughter is 14, going to be 15 in less than a month. my son just turned 13. My husband is truck driver so he is unable to be here in the home nightly. The kids act great when he is here, but the moment he is gone, all hell breaks loose and havok is upon my household daily. My daughter is, how can i put this. she constantly tells me to shut up, and that i am constantly acting stupid. she speaks to me as if i was a thug on the street. she has no respect for me whatsoever and no respect for my authority as a parent. she will physically, emotionally and mentally hurt her brother because he looks at her wrong. my son has ADHD and believe me, my hands are very much full. my son acts like a 2 year old and my daughter thinks she rules everyone. the abuse that i have been dealing with between the two kids fighting all the time and the way my daughter treats me and talks to me on a daily basis has lead me to feel that i am a horrible mother, and where did i go wrong. I am emotionally, mentally and physically drained because of the constant tension and fighting that is in my house. the raising of my children have not been the way that I see fit, but the way that an outside influence has seen fit. this outside influence has threatened to call CPS as well as the cops if i were to even remotely lay one hand on my kids to discipline them in anyway shape or form. I am not a thug on the street, i am not one of my daughters buddies she hangs out with, but she will continually talk to me as if i was one. When speaking to her, she will begin the attitude with me, tell me that its non of my business, to get out of her room, to leave her alone etc. BUT the moment she wants money or wants something, i am the best mother in the world. When i do go to discipline her, telling her she is grounded is a joke to her. when i tell her she is grounded, she replies no I'm not, and this is my body and you cant tell me what to do. i get so angry and upset with her as well as my son that i cry on a daily basis, and frankly, i do not want my daughter here no more. i cannot take her abuse on me or my son any more. am i wrong to feel that way? i am beyond my wits end with them, and i have no where else to turn to, i just don't know what to do anymore to make them both see that I am the boss not them, i make the rules, not them, and they have to listen to me and face their consequences when they disobey me and that they cannot continue to run to the outside source that i lay 85% of the blame for the way they are today. I just don't know what to do anymore, i really don't. i feel so helpless and such a horrible parent. any suggestions on what i might do? Frankly i wish we could just go back to the good ole fashioned spankings and switches off the trees i think our kids today would be a whole lot better than they are now. we had that done, and we are ok.. i am in desperate need of advice. thank you
Don't beat yourself up over what you're going through, it's not your fault. If you have to cry, try to do your best not to cry in front of them and if you can, Eliminate that outside influence that you mentioned that has been causing you 85% of the blame. You aren't a bad parent, you are just over whelmed and nothing more. You need to do your best to assert yourself with both of your kids but in small steps. I know it sounds like it can't be done but believe me it CAN be done!
I'm 42 years old and a step parent to a 17 year old daughter who has been molested, been to Juvenile Prison in Texas and thinks she knows it all but she hasn't a clue as to what is involved in being an adult. There were many times when she lorded over me and once, even physically attacked me too. I changed my way of parenting by being strict in the sense that when I said NO I meant NO and there were no if's and's or but's. I made sure that I was consistent and that I didn't slip and give in to her whims and manipulations. I also made sure that she knew that no matter what, what I say goes and that she was just going to have to live with it because I'm the adult, the mom and the one who feeds and nurtures her and if she didn't like it, she'd have to get a job and pay her own way or just live with what we, her father and I chose to do. I'm not saying that I don't have any problems with her now but now she knows that she can't and that she better not ever try and raise another hand to me ever again. STAY STRONG AND BE FIRM WITH THEM. Don't let them intimidate you and even if you do feel imtimidated, don't let it show. Ask your family general practioner and/or your pediatrician, if there's some other alternative medical and or medicine treatment therapy that you can get for your sons ADHD. If the pediatrician can't help, then try going to parents anonymous and seeking out others who are looking for help with their children too. Another thing you can try to do, is to phone your local WIC Office- Women Infants And Children, ask them if they can give you any advice as to where you could go for help. I agree with you on the old taking a switch from a tree and a good old fashioned spanking too, it did me wonders when I was a kid and it kept me out of a lot of trouble. So hopefully, maybe some of the things I mentioned will be of some help to you, I really and truly hope so because I know you need it and deserve it too. Oh and a few other things....
1.Don't let them make you raise your voice in anger and go into a power struggle with them.
2.Don't let them make you angry, no matter what is said to you.
3.Don't let them manipulate you.
4.Don't let them get anything they haven't worked to deserve to get from you.
5.Don't let them use tears to make you cave in to their wants.
6.Don't let that outside influence be a part of what you decide to do with your kids.
7.Make sure that they know that that outside influence's opinions don't count for anything in your home.
8.What is said in your home to your kids by you, stays in your home, the kids have no say so in the decisions you make regarding them because you're the Mom and that's all that they'll ever need to know.
9.Warn them that if they make any false claims of you physically hitting them or beating them, that they better think long and hard before they do this, calling the police dept. and making up lies can even cause children to get into kidie jail, AKA The Juvenile Atention Center.
10.Remember, YOU ARE A GOOD PARENT, YOU HAVEN'T ABANDONED THEM YET, RIGHT? That above all shows that you are, so don't listen to any of the BS that they'll throw your way.
I Wish You Good Luck and take care of yourself.
Sincerely, Hope~
