Topic : Your Parenting Style

Dee, I think your whole situation with this man, his children, his Ex, and his DRAMA is honestly not a place you need to be in.  They have been in his life for what, 24 years or so? And he has probably been allowing all of them to behave this way & treat him with disrespect for all of those 24+ years. You have only known him for 8 months. Do you really think you or he can rectify or change 24 years of this type of drama, or suddenly demand respect from these people and actually get it immediately. Honey, they have no respect for him after all these years so they will probably will never have any for you.

That is WAYYYY more drama than I would deal with, especially from people who dont care anything about you. I just think you need to search your soul and honestly ask yourself if your relationship with this guy is worth all the crap that is and probably will continue to come along with him and causing you to be unhappy.

I really hope you can figure all this out. Commit to yourself and your own happiness FIRST!!  

well my advice is that there are 5 steps to this

step 1: you need to practice what you preach, meaning dont ever raise your voice to him nor smack him. You cant punish your child with a smack for hitting his brother.

step 2: he needs praise for what he does right. Even down to eating his breakfast, let him know constantly that you are proud of him for doing a good thing.

step 3: He needs one on one time with you. Read him a book before he goes to bed or take him somewhere where its just going to be you and him. Talk to him cause he must be feeling a little angry about something, and when you talk to him ask him questions and never let him feel like there is a right or wrong answer. The way he sees things isn't going to be always right but he should be able to tell you anything without worrying about the outcome of what he says. Otherwise he will not comunicate with you.

step 4: Give him options, so if he is going to do something wrong let him know that if he decides to do that he will be punished by being sent to his room, but if he decides to do something eles that is a nice thing to do he will be rewaded. and when i say rewarded i mean not with posetions but with a little "at a boy im proud of you or if you play nicly you can keep playing"  this will not only improve his behavior but it will make him confident in his decisions and want to do the right thing so that he is proud of himself.

step 5: be consistant, dont back down make it so that there is one punishment for doing such and such wrong for eg. if he cant play nicely he cant play at all so send him to his room and pay no attention to him at all. After a while when he has calmed down he can try playing again and if he goes back and does it again he gets that same punishment again and make the punishment really boring. Punishment is not something that can be negotiated but always give him 1 warning first and then if he keeps it up he is in his room. But he cant leave his room unless you have given him permision and explained to him the options he had when decided to do that and how next time he could handle it in another way. 

Hope this helps, dont worry you can do it!

Okay, I have 5 kids that I am raising with my husband, 3 are not biologically mine but they live with us daily.  My husband and I recently moved closer to his family and ever since his family ie(mother and sister) will not stop telling us how to raise our children.  The issue is I do not provide my children with sweet food ie(candy, ice cream, etc) daily.  They get these items maybe once or twice a week.  His family feels that we should have a cabinet or drawer full of candy for the children to get atleast once a day.  Are we doing something wrong not allowing the children to eat sweets all the time?

We desperately need some advice in a recent matter.

We got a climber/slide for our 20 month old son, and put it in our small front yard, that is sorrounded with fence. The neighbor's son, who is 3 years old, came to the fence, looking very interested in the slide. His mom followed him, and finally both of them were standing in front of the house, outside the gate. I felt that they wanted to get in. I went through agony, standing in my yard, and did not invite them in. I tell you why (and my reasons do not justify why I didn't do it, only I tell them as facts).

I am not American. I have been here for only a few years.
I don't know the neighbors very well , and what I know about that family is not very good.

I wouldn't want them to get used to coming here anytime they want, and don't want to get involved in their troubles. I generally prefer to keep a certain distance from people .

At the same time I feel REALLY bad, because of the child. He is only a child. He cannot help who his parents are. He just wants to play.

(The mother wanted to get a slide for her son, after she saw ours, I even helped him somehow, but she didn't use my help).

Now I feel that the mother is hurt and angry with me (partly I can understand, I am a mother too), it seems to me that they don't want to come outside when we are in the yard, and when we see each other I feel a very bad vibe. Do I feel this becuase of my guilty conscience?

What should we do next time this happens (they are standing at the gate)?

We wish we knew what Dr. Phil would say about this.