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Topic : Your Parenting Style

Number of Replies: 142
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:48:44 pm
Author : dataimport
What is your parenting style, and is it meshing with your child's personality? Are you an authoritarian or a permissive parent? And is your child rebellious or passive? There's no magic formula, so use this message board as a tool to define your styles, problem-solve, find support and share ideas.

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March 16, 2006, 8:39 pm CST

Your Parenting Style

Quote From: nicolem29

Three of my children (my youngest one is only 15 months old) do small chores around the home such as keeping their room tidy, making sure their beds are made and dusting. Minimum wage in Canada is $6.95. What my husband and I do is keep track of how long they do their different chores and then they get $7.00 if they've done all their chores. My mother in law thinks that this is a sort of  "child labor", but all I want to do is show my children the value of a dollar from an early age. My parents never taught me the value of money, as a result I was a spoiler brat. My mother in law feels that they're too young to be doing these chores and gives the children money or treats everytime they go to visit. Obviously the problem with this, is the children think that whenever they want something and my husband nor I will get it for them they can just go to Grandma's instead of saving up for it themselves. My husband and I have asked my mother in law not to do this, and recently she has stopped. Now my oldest daughter resents me for it because my mother in law flat out told her "I can't give you any more gifts, because mommy doesn't want me to." Just recently, my daughter has been lying about doing her chores saying that it takes her double as long as anyone else to make her bed etc., just so she can get that extra money. Am I right to ask my mother in law to butt out, or am I being to harsh on my children?
I think there needs to be a balance in everything that we do with and for our children. I believe children need to learn independence and how to care for themselves and to learn skills and so much more. When it comes to money, my girls (5 and 3) earn what they get from us, there is no such thing as a free money in my home and they are learning this quite well. I don't have a problem with others giving my children money but they know that they must be appreciative of it and say thank you and I am just beginning to teach my five year old about saving and giving to the church, and even money that is given to her by others must be taken care of in this manner. 10% to the church, 10% to savings and 80% to spend as desired on appropiate things of course. I feel it is not my place to tell others what to do with their money and if they want to give it away then that is fine but as the parent of my children it is my responsibility to teach them the value of money and to teach them how to spend and how to save. Now there are times when my mom will take the girls shopping and will give them some spending money and/or buy them something, I have no probelm with this, as long as ther is no greed and selfishness involved...................If my girls came home and copped up an attitude and felt that they could just run to mamaw for whatever they wanted then yes, I would have a problem with that and I would be putting a stop to it real fast, so I guess it comes down to attitude and intentions.
 
March 17, 2006, 12:02 am CST

Your Parenting Style

Quote From: jb7ctx

I just wanted to share with you what I found that works with my kids in order to get them to clean up their room and do their homework, practice on good manners, eat all of their dinner, brush their teeth, and help out around the house. This is working great with my 4 and 6 y/o. Not sure about teenagers though. I made up a sheet of all the things I want them to do each day. Each time they do one of the things listed, they earn points/ fake money. When they get enough money saved by doing these things each day, they then get to buy a reward out of our reward box. each night. I ordered alot of small surprises from Oriental Trading Company and put them in the box. (they are not costly either). I am glad I did this because I get what I want (from them) and they get what surprise they want. Each prize is labeled at different cost, so they have to complete everything in order to get the bigger surprises out of the box. When they act bad or argue, they lose a penny each time out of their savings for the day. By doing this it makes them want to do the things I ask of them so they can earn the money to get a surprise.  Each time they say "thank you" or "please" they earn 5 cent. That is really adding up for them! Their manners have improved alot! Their behavior as well. Just wanted to share the idea with others.
hi i am a new member and i just started reading about different parenting styles and your message is something that i would like to apply with my kids. but i have to ask, how much time do you have to do this? i work from 8:30 to 5:30 i go pick up my kids we get home at 6:00. i have my oldest son start doing his homework, i cant help much because im doing dishes and cooking dinner. we eat and watch tv after dinner the kids get their pajamas on brush their teeth and were lucky if we have time to have a decent coversation before they go to bed. i put them to bed at 9:00 because they are so not morining people and they need all the rest they can get. so in 3 hours i just dont see how i can do something like this. if you have any sugestions i would love to hear them
 
March 17, 2006, 1:26 pm CST

Hi There!

Quote From: eamartinez

hi i am a new member and i just started reading about different parenting styles and your message is something that i would like to apply with my kids. but i have to ask, how much time do you have to do this? i work from 8:30 to 5:30 i go pick up my kids we get home at 6:00. i have my oldest son start doing his homework, i cant help much because im doing dishes and cooking dinner. we eat and watch tv after dinner the kids get their pajamas on brush their teeth and were lucky if we have time to have a decent coversation before they go to bed. i put them to bed at 9:00 because they are so not morining people and they need all the rest they can get. so in 3 hours i just dont see how i can do something like this. if you have any sugestions i would love to hear them
Well, what you could do through the week is when they get done with their homework, give them a token for that. If they have time after homework to do a simple chore like, pick up some toys, give another token. When they get through eating all of their dinner, another token. During the time they watch t.v. maybe then they can spend their tokens on a surprise in the box. What works the best is on weekends. They have all day to clean up their room, put dirty clothes in the laundry room, help pick up the living room or even using good manners. OR, let them do these things throughout the week and then let them buy their prize come saturday mourning. BUT, dont forget to label each prize different amounts of money, so there fore, they will work hard at getting the "bigger prizes". My kids look forward to this every day. They know that right after they get their baths, they get to spend thier money on a surprise. This has really helped me to eliminate the arguing they do, because they dont like to lose a penny. My son gets home from school around 3:00 because he is a car rider. He gets to play unitl 5:00, then homework, then supper, then help pickup things, then baths. They go to bed around 8:30-9:00. I let them do their surprise box shopping right before bed. There have been plenty of times, my kids will fall asleep with the surprises in their bed. lol! If you get a chance. check out Oriental Trading Company here on the web. They have such neat things and they are sold in dozens or bulks. They arent expensive either. I decorated the surprise box with christmas paper and put all the prizes in it for them to choose from.  Sometimes, I will buy a few big surprises from the dollar store. Boy do their faces light up when they see them, and they RUN trying to get their chores done, so they can buy it. Let me know how it works for you. It has worked great for us. It also is teaching my kids the value of money. I have fake coins that they use to buy the prizes with. They have to count the money to me.
 
March 30, 2006, 10:45 am CST

Teenager driving me nuts!

I am a parent of an almost 18 yr old boy.  he gives me a hard time about everything.  I do my best as a parent but it seems it is just not good enough for him or he finds excuses to let me know that I am not living up to his "expectation".  what to do?  I raised two boys and never had the challenges that this one is giving me.  this is very frustrating for me because I know he is a good kid.  so why does he give me such a hard time!?  he is getting ready to go to college this year and I am looking forward to the peacefulness.  has anyone else experienced this?  thanks. 
 
April 4, 2006, 11:58 am CDT

Too Protective?

I am a mother of a 22 month old. I am very protective over her. I do not like her to go places where I am not at. Does it ever get easier to let children go places? My mother was never around while I was little. I guess that's why I hold my daughter so tight. It has caused problems with my mother in law and sister. I don't mean to make them mad to not let my daughter go places with them, it is just too hard. I am just tired of hearing the 'smart comments' they make about they way I do things. I'd like to hear some others thoughts. Thanks.
 
April 5, 2006, 6:44 am CDT

My thoughts..

Quote From: yellowbell

I am a mother of a 22 month old. I am very protective over her. I do not like her to go places where I am not at. Does it ever get easier to let children go places? My mother was never around while I was little. I guess that's why I hold my daughter so tight. It has caused problems with my mother in law and sister. I don't mean to make them mad to not let my daughter go places with them, it is just too hard. I am just tired of hearing the 'smart comments' they make about they way I do things. I'd like to hear some others thoughts. Thanks.
From my own experience, I am telling you this. I, too, hung on to my kids like that. I was very protective as well. But now, am regretting it. (my inlaws dont care to see my kids, so it is not about that). However, if you dont let them go off with other family or friends, then when it  is time for them to start school, you will be in for it. lol! My daughter is now 5 y/o and she is also very protective of me and WONT let me out of her sight! (because of me, I did it to her all this time). She starts kindergarten next year, and I am going to be in trouble because she dont want to go unless I GO! I think having time away from your child for an hour a day or which ever you choose, is not a bad idea. Trust me, because of you being protective of her, it is going to make her protective of you, and you will have problems seperating with each other, when it is time to start school. I only have a few months to work on this and trying to help her to understand, that she has to let me go, (without her) is really hard. Good luck!
 
April 5, 2006, 2:50 pm CDT

Your Parenting Style

Quote From: yellowbell

I am a mother of a 22 month old. I am very protective over her. I do not like her to go places where I am not at. Does it ever get easier to let children go places? My mother was never around while I was little. I guess that's why I hold my daughter so tight. It has caused problems with my mother in law and sister. I don't mean to make them mad to not let my daughter go places with them, it is just too hard. I am just tired of hearing the 'smart comments' they make about they way I do things. I'd like to hear some others thoughts. Thanks.
it is certainly hard to let little ones out of our sights. My girls stayed with their papaw and mamaw when they were very young but that was the only place they ever went as far as over night without me and/or hubby. They did go to their classes at church without us but other then that, they were always with us and they turned out just fine, very socialable little girls. My five year old is in preschool and loves it, ahead of her class already LOL. She will be going to kindergarten in the fall and very much looking forward to it. I went (still do) to play groups and story times at the library with my children, we go to the park and the mall play area on a regualar basis and they have made friends, including the neighborhood kids as well. I think the key is to get her involved in things that involve other people, get her used to people, 22 months is still a bit young but I am sure there is some one that you would trust with her for at least a short period of time, it would be good for you and her both. Kids do adjust to their environments, some quicker then others but they do learn through it, she may cry the first time or two or more when you leave her but once she realizes that you are coming back, not just leaving her, she will get used to it, I knew a kid once who cried every single time his mom left him and he did this for like a year but then all of a sudden he was telling his mommy good bye and went off playing, it does happen. it takes, love, patience and consistency..............................As far as the "smart comments" people make about how you do things, don't stress over it, you are the mommy of your child, not them. None of us as parents are going to agree with everyhting, that's life. I was told that my daughter would never make it through preschool because I didn't have her in daycare, boy, were they wrong! Follow your heart and parenting instincts, Keep your child as your high priority and you will be fine.
 
April 6, 2006, 7:13 am CDT

Thanks!

Quote From: jettav

it is certainly hard to let little ones out of our sights. My girls stayed with their papaw and mamaw when they were very young but that was the only place they ever went as far as over night without me and/or hubby. They did go to their classes at church without us but other then that, they were always with us and they turned out just fine, very socialable little girls. My five year old is in preschool and loves it, ahead of her class already LOL. She will be going to kindergarten in the fall and very much looking forward to it. I went (still do) to play groups and story times at the library with my children, we go to the park and the mall play area on a regualar basis and they have made friends, including the neighborhood kids as well. I think the key is to get her involved in things that involve other people, get her used to people, 22 months is still a bit young but I am sure there is some one that you would trust with her for at least a short period of time, it would be good for you and her both. Kids do adjust to their environments, some quicker then others but they do learn through it, she may cry the first time or two or more when you leave her but once she realizes that you are coming back, not just leaving her, she will get used to it, I knew a kid once who cried every single time his mom left him and he did this for like a year but then all of a sudden he was telling his mommy good bye and went off playing, it does happen. it takes, love, patience and consistency..............................As far as the "smart comments" people make about how you do things, don't stress over it, you are the mommy of your child, not them. None of us as parents are going to agree with everyhting, that's life. I was told that my daughter would never make it through preschool because I didn't have her in daycare, boy, were they wrong! Follow your heart and parenting instincts, Keep your child as your high priority and you will be fine.

Thank you for your kind words! It made me feel better! You know when people say things about my child, I do listen because I want to do what is right for her. We do go to the park and library and she does have children she plays with at church too. So she is by no means isolated from the world.  I feel as if what I am doing is right. Just this morning my dad told me I should go back to work a couple days a week. Thats not what I feel is right at this time in my daughters life. I do believe when she is about 3, I will put her into some type of class to prepare for school. Right now, I plan on enjoying the time I have with my precious child. These months are rolling by so fast. I will try to not worry when others make comments....I know what I am doing is right! 

Thanks again! 

 
April 6, 2006, 7:21 am CDT

Your Parenting Style

Quote From: jb7ctx

From my own experience, I am telling you this. I, too, hung on to my kids like that. I was very protective as well. But now, am regretting it. (my inlaws dont care to see my kids, so it is not about that). However, if you dont let them go off with other family or friends, then when it  is time for them to start school, you will be in for it. lol! My daughter is now 5 y/o and she is also very protective of me and WONT let me out of her sight! (because of me, I did it to her all this time). She starts kindergarten next year, and I am going to be in trouble because she dont want to go unless I GO! I think having time away from your child for an hour a day or which ever you choose, is not a bad idea. Trust me, because of you being protective of her, it is going to make her protective of you, and you will have problems seperating with each other, when it is time to start school. I only have a few months to work on this and trying to help her to understand, that she has to let me go, (without her) is really hard. Good luck!

I hope you wont have a real hard time when school rolls around! It's bad your in-laws don't want to see your children. We live (too) close to mine! They are able to just walk over her and try to get mine. Usually only when they have their other grandchild. I think that's my main problem! This grandchild, I do not trust with my daughter.  They never offer to do anything with just my child and I feel she is second place. This is sorta off the topic I started with...but this has been a big issue too. 

 
April 6, 2006, 8:49 am CDT

Your Parenting Style

Quote From: yellowbell

Thank you for your kind words! It made me feel better! You know when people say things about my child, I do listen because I want to do what is right for her. We do go to the park and library and she does have children she plays with at church too. So she is by no means isolated from the world.  I feel as if what I am doing is right. Just this morning my dad told me I should go back to work a couple days a week. Thats not what I feel is right at this time in my daughters life. I do believe when she is about 3, I will put her into some type of class to prepare for school. Right now, I plan on enjoying the time I have with my precious child. These months are rolling by so fast. I will try to not worry when others make comments....I know what I am doing is right! 

Thanks again! 

And that is what matters, that what you are doing is right for you and your child. We live in a daycare thinking society and many people believe that children can only make it in life if they are in a classroom setting and that is not true. I personally have chosen to stay home and will probably still stay home even when they start schooling , we are getting our home business off the ground now, And I would much rather work for us then Corprate America. Good loving parents know what is best for their own children and because we are all different with different views, there are going to be many opinions, so you are right in doing what YOU feel is right. I am sure you are a good mom so enjoy your time with your child. Time certainly is rolling by.........
 
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