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Topic : Your Parenting Style

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:48:44 pm
Author : dataimport
What is your parenting style, and is it meshing with your child's personality? Are you an authoritarian or a permissive parent? And is your child rebellious or passive? There's no magic formula, so use this message board as a tool to define your styles, problem-solve, find support and share ideas.

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melandgirl
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November 12, 2005, 10:19 pm PST

What if Family first confused you?????

I read family first and when I got to the part about if I  was an authoritarian, Equalitarian, or Permissive, I ended up scoring high in all three!?  And my daughter scored high in all three catorgorizes for being rebellious, cooperative and passive!  I see where Dr. Phil says that can happen, but which parenting role do you end up taking!!!!  She is sooo bullheaded and stubborn!  She just turned 5 and is also very manipulative.  Any help please, I love the book but don't really understand it!
 
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linusida
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November 14, 2005, 6:41 am PST

don't worry

Quote From: jennife72

i would like some advice  

i have a 7yr old son and i am a single mother  

he does see his dad every weekend  

and he does tend to talk back and disobey me  

i know he does not do this to his dad  

and he does not tend to od that when my b/f is over  

any advice here? 

  

Your son feels safe with you.  

He know that you are there for him.  

That is why he talk back and disobey you and no one else. 

My children do the same thing to me, but not to anyone else. 

In public they are well behaved. Try not to give in to him when 

he is talking back to you or disobey you. Be stubbern. 

When he is with his father try to rest so that you can be calm 

and have a lot of patience when he returns to you. 

  
 
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pjddlee
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November 21, 2005, 7:08 am PST

I Know I'm Wrong - What do I do?

I am the mother of two boys ages 5 and 10.  My ten year old has ADHD and is very successfully treated with his medication.  He has been on maintenance for more than 2 years and does wonderfully.  His personality is still in tact, he does not "zone out" and he is extremely intelligent. 

  

My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years.  He is stepfather to both of my children.  He loves them very much and tries to do everything that he can to let them know that he loves them and wants what's best for them.  

  

The problem in this situation arises because of my parenting style.  I do not get on the boys, particularly the 10 year old, as much as I should for being disrespectful of me.  He does not follow my directions and almost always has something to say after I speak to him or after I have told him to do something.  For many years, I just did not realize that he was doing that, largely because  of the verbally abusive relationship I was in with his father.  I was desensitized what he was saying to me.  Now, I realize that he does it, but I feel that if I reprimand him every single time he does it, all I will ever do is reprimand my child. 

  

My husband is disgusted with the entire situation, to the point that he had threatened to leave because of the way that I allow my child to speak and act toward me.  I realize that I am not doing what I should, but I don't know what to do without feeling as if I am reprimanding my child every one of the precious moments that we have to spend together after working and schooling all day. 

  

Does anyone have any suggestions? 
 
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jettav
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November 21, 2005, 11:40 am PST

Your Parenting Style

Quote From: pjddlee

I am the mother of two boys ages 5 and 10.  My ten year old has ADHD and is very successfully treated with his medication.  He has been on maintenance for more than 2 years and does wonderfully.  His personality is still in tact, he does not "zone out" and he is extremely intelligent. 

  

My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years.  He is stepfather to both of my children.  He loves them very much and tries to do everything that he can to let them know that he loves them and wants what's best for them.  

  

The problem in this situation arises because of my parenting style.  I do not get on the boys, particularly the 10 year old, as much as I should for being disrespectful of me.  He does not follow my directions and almost always has something to say after I speak to him or after I have told him to do something.  For many years, I just did not realize that he was doing that, largely because  of the verbally abusive relationship I was in with his father.  I was desensitized what he was saying to me.  Now, I realize that he does it, but I feel that if I reprimand him every single time he does it, all I will ever do is reprimand my child. 

  

My husband is disgusted with the entire situation, to the point that he had threatened to leave because of the way that I allow my child to speak and act toward me.  I realize that I am not doing what I should, but I don't know what to do without feeling as if I am reprimanding my child every one of the precious moments that we have to spend together after working and schooling all day. 

  

Does anyone have any suggestions? 

You need to choose your battles as well as set guidelines and boundaries. Your children are old enough to understand about rules and consequences. You, your husband and your children need to sit down for a family meeting and discuss issues together (do this ahead of time with your husband), and then discuss with them that there ae some things in the home that need to change, discuss them as well as consequences and stick to them no matter what. You and your husband are a a team here and must work together right along side of your kids, be a team and do not let them play one paretn aainst the other. The changes may be hard for the kids but you need to get it in control now or it will get worse.
 
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jennife72
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November 29, 2005, 5:18 am PST

parenting style

Quote From: linusida

Your son feels safe with you.  

He know that you are there for him.  

That is why he talk back and disobey you and no one else. 

My children do the same thing to me, but not to anyone else. 

In public they are well behaved. Try not to give in to him when 

he is talking back to you or disobey you. Be stubbern. 

When he is with his father try to rest so that you can be calm 

and have a lot of patience when he returns to you. 

  

well thank you for the advice  

well i am not sure what i am doing wrong or if i am  

well what do you do when they do that  

i want him to stop to do this before he gets older  

any advice? 

  
 
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jennife72
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November 29, 2005, 5:19 am PST

disagree

Quote From: linusida

Your son feels safe with you.  

He know that you are there for him.  

That is why he talk back and disobey you and no one else. 

My children do the same thing to me, but not to anyone else. 

In public they are well behaved. Try not to give in to him when 

he is talking back to you or disobey you. Be stubbern. 

When he is with his father try to rest so that you can be calm 

and have a lot of patience when he returns to you. 

  

i sent you an reply and wanted to send you another reply  

i don't think feeling safe has anything to do with it  

if he feels safe why is he doing that  

i don't think i have a stern enough voice 

  
 
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anniecea
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December 14, 2005, 7:57 am PST

wilb baby

My son is 13 months old and is full of personality. Compared to my sisters baby who is 17 days older than chancey (my son) he is a really good baby but when he doesn't get his way he shows out and I mean bad! kicking, screaming, and crying. He throws his body backwards onto the hard floor hitting his head, or if I'm holding him he'll throw his upper body side to side almost fallin himself out of my arms. When I go to change his diaper he kicks me and tries to turn over on his stomach. I have to fource him to be still just so I can put a diaper on him. I've tried popping him on the butt, ignoring him while he screams ,and I've even put him in his room to let him cry it out so he want upset other people in the house who are tring to watch t.v. or eat dinner. His temper is so bad I hate to take him to friends houses because I'm not sure how to deciplin him. Got any advice? 
 
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jettav
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December 15, 2005, 8:52 pm PST

Your Parenting Style

Quote From: anniecea

My son is 13 months old and is full of personality. Compared to my sisters baby who is 17 days older than chancey (my son) he is a really good baby but when he doesn't get his way he shows out and I mean bad! kicking, screaming, and crying. He throws his body backwards onto the hard floor hitting his head, or if I'm holding him he'll throw his upper body side to side almost fallin himself out of my arms. When I go to change his diaper he kicks me and tries to turn over on his stomach. I have to fource him to be still just so I can put a diaper on him. I've tried popping him on the butt, ignoring him while he screams ,and I've even put him in his room to let him cry it out so he want upset other people in the house who are tring to watch t.v. or eat dinner. His temper is so bad I hate to take him to friends houses because I'm not sure how to deciplin him. Got any advice? 
probabky the best thing to do is to make sure he is in a safe spot and then ignore the tantrums, if you are consistent with this, he will eventually get the idea that you do not listen to tantrums, yelling and the sort. when he starts doing this, tell, him "I am not listening", and walk away. he is very young and consistency I think is the main key, I know it can be hard but it worked on my kids......When you are changing his diaper, do you give him a toy to play with or a mobile to look at? something that will get his attention while you are changing him may help, maybe try singing while you change him.
 
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debi33
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December 19, 2005, 12:36 pm PST

Son says he doesn't love me!

I am a stay at home, part time work at home, mom of a 6 year old boy.  My husband and I have tried to give him a purposeful and wonderful life.  Lately, he has begun telling me that "his feelings" tell him that he does not love me.  He says that he sees tall, pretty women with blonde hair and sometimes wishes they were his mother. When I try to ignore the comments he says it more. When I tell him how hurtful it is to say those things to me he laughs.  He is otherwise a very well behaved, kind and intelligent boy.  His Dad wants to punish him for these comments, but I want to know where they are coming from.  Any thoughts? 
 
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jettav
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December 19, 2005, 2:44 pm PST

Your Parenting Style

Quote From: debi33

I am a stay at home, part time work at home, mom of a 6 year old boy.  My husband and I have tried to give him a purposeful and wonderful life.  Lately, he has begun telling me that "his feelings" tell him that he does not love me.  He says that he sees tall, pretty women with blonde hair and sometimes wishes they were his mother. When I try to ignore the comments he says it more. When I tell him how hurtful it is to say those things to me he laughs.  He is otherwise a very well behaved, kind and intelligent boy.  His Dad wants to punish him for these comments, but I want to know where they are coming from.  Any thoughts? 

Who is the main disciplinarian in your home? If it is you, it could be the reason why he says these things. My daughter is four and she tells me she doesn't like me at times and she does the same with her daddy and it is usually when she is upset with us. MAybe try setting a time out just for you and him on a regular basis and see what happens. Maybe a special time out with mommy will help him to see how special he really is to you and of course telling him you love him on a regular basis is very imporant. maybe don't even say anything to him when he says those things to you and maybe he will stop saying them. Also one thing that I have done with my daughter is that after she says something like that, I tell her,"well, that is fine that you do not love me but I love you", and then go about your business. I have also made comments like," well, since you feel this way aout me, maybe daddy should be the one to take you (to waht ever the activity is that you had planned with him), my daughter is smart and realizes that daddy can't do alot of things that I do because of his work schedule and believe me, she changes her tune a little bit and we talk about things such as love and respect and that it is ok to have feelings and to be upset but when we say/do mean things to otehrs then it makes htose people being hurt not want to have fun with them, she doesn't say it too much but on accasions will which I think it is a normal thing for some kids, just be there for him and have open communication and in time I think he will quit saying that to you.....
 
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