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Topic : Your Parenting Style

Number of Replies: 142
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:48:44 pm
Author : dataimport
What is your parenting style, and is it meshing with your child's personality? Are you an authoritarian or a permissive parent? And is your child rebellious or passive? There's no magic formula, so use this message board as a tool to define your styles, problem-solve, find support and share ideas.

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January 11, 2006, 10:39 pm CST

think your on top, just wait.

Quote From: lunabar2

I think 1-2-3 is great....IF you use it right! Recently, I witnessed a mom at a grocery store counting. She reached 1, then 2. The child blithely kept misbehaving. She waited a bit then said, 2 1/2!! Kid didn't stop. Then she said 3!! And the kid grew a halo and stopped. Then the mom said, "good, now don't do it again."  

  

I encountered them again on my journey down the aisles and, what do you know! Kid's at it again, and the mom counts fresh from 1. 

  

When you reach 3, that's IT. Game over, man. If you use 1-2-3, be prepared to ACT once you reach three. The idea is that the kid stops BEFORE three. Otherwise it's just another lame empty threat. 

  

I'm more like jettav. I say ONCE, then I act. My son is 1, and tests limits a lot. I am always consistent, because I feel that this age is crucial. If I am on top of him now, it will make 2 and 3 that much easier. Even now, people remark how well behaved he is. If I say, No, he will usually stop, unless he's a tired grump. But when he doesn't stop, he knows Mom's not afraid to pick his little diapered bum up and carry him away and stick to her guns! 

  

I guess I'm more Authoritative, at least now. 1,2,3 year olds have no business negotiating or being included in a "democracy". When they are a little older, then I will be more apt to discuss the "whys" of my discipline, but no may still mean no. I think lots of parents have the order reversed, they want the Democracy right away when their kids are toddlers. Then they realize their kids are out of control, and try to become Authoritarian during the preschool years, but the kids don't take them seriously anymore. Do it in the right order, it's MUCH easier. 

 when my eldest daughter was 1 she too was very well behaved, always listend and she knew exactly what she was and wasn't allowed to touch/ do. she is now 22 months old and my god is she a testing little toddler. I dont know why she has all of a sudden changed, its like she woke up one day and decided to be norty from then on. I also thought the same as you, get them disciplined ASAP and stick with it and there should be no quams with it all. But i was wrong. Now not only am i trying to teach her right from wrong but also gentle and nice to her 8 month old little sister.  
 
January 12, 2006, 1:45 pm CST

We are responsible

       We are responsible for how are children act. It all starts in the home!!! I hear to many times I can not control my child. Every child will be tempermental at times but this is where we need to do some soul searching and realize we as parents need to set the example and TEACH our child the acceptable ways of behaving.  

        I also use 1-2-3-magic with many other methods. There are looks, tone of voice, sign language. I have a niece and nephew I am casaring for. A 4 year old and a 2 year old. There are many behavioral problems with the 4 year old. 9 months ago he could not stay on task to even eat dinner. Today he is learning to write his name and is enjoying life. Without going to into detail this child was a nightmare. He is involved with many agencies because of his behaviors. He attended headstart last year only to get kicked out because of his disruptive behaviors! Over the summer break I went full force into behavior modification and well we are now working on impulse control. He was the ruler of his home for 4 years. It will take a long time but I have faith that we will begin kindergarden without delay.  

       Some of the things I had to do was take all toys away from him. He learned very fast that I meant what i said. If he was to throw a tey he lost it. If he destroyed a toy well he had to do work outside to pay for that toy. Maybe it sounds mean to some people but where is any child going to learn what the value of a dollar is? FROM THE PARENTS. My husband and I work very hard in order provide for our family. I feel that children get a free ride in this society. They need to learn to earn a dollar. We as parents encourage a paper route and mowing grass for our 12 year old. She enjoys it and always has money! 

        A note on sign language, you do not need to be an expert (I know about 25 signs). My two year old niece was very delayed in speech. We started speaking and signing for simple words like food, drink, more, and puppy. After 6 months she improved from being 25% behind to 25% above! She loves to sign when she speaks. If you do not pay attention to her she will go by our oven and sign hot (for the praise of course).   

 
January 12, 2006, 6:09 pm CST

Matching Service in High School

Has any had experience with high "matching" fundraisers?   The kids fill out a questionaire related to personal preferences and dating attitudes.  Then they send the information - including each child's name and birthdate in to the company.  The company matches the kids in several areas and sends a report for each child. Then the school sells it to the student.  Basically the school sells your childs name to other students, and all without parental consent.  At least at our school parental consent was not required, and the parent were not informed.  How would it feel if the drug dealer in your hgh school ended up with your child's name on their list?  You have no control of who gets your name on their list.  Then they post a top ten in your school. Top ten in your grade at the school.   Also there is a corresponding eflurtz where a student can go to get the next 50 matches.  Then the organization has your child' name, his birthdate, and email.  Does anyone else think as a parent I have reason for concern?
 
January 26, 2006, 1:34 pm CST

two fighting sisters

my daughters 9 and 7.  they dont get along very well and i don't know what i should be doing or if i should be doing anything at all.  My oldest is Erika, and Abby is 7.  they are as un-alike as day and night.  erika is quick to snap at abby to stop doing something.  abby is constantly thinking that erika is doing something to her whether it be behind her back or to her face.  and when the other is simply asking a question they get a bad response because its almost as if its how they are programmed to act to each other.  very rarely do they speak in a nice tone to each other.  im scared it is too soon for this to be happening.  the other side to this is this.... they have different fathers.  abby arrived out of not so fortunate situation so i was still a single parent.  so to try to be fair to the other, for the first 4 yrs of abbys life, they were both treated as one so the other was not left out. they would get a present or two on the others birthday.  i am since married and we put an end to that when they were old enough to understand that thats just not how it works.  they shared a room until about 2 months ago.  and they usually rcvd  the same of everything. almost like twins now that i think of it.  but they aren't and they fight and it breaks my heart.  my question is, will they grow out of it? is there something more i should be doing? i am trying to check myself too in case they are getting it from me!  but i dont treat them the same. there is a lot of love in my home, its almost like they are so angry w/each other all the time.  do i force together time? i don't make them say goodnight to each other, maybe i should do that.   any suggestions? does any of this make sense? :-s
 
January 27, 2006, 2:41 pm CST

parents

 
February 9, 2006, 2:29 pm CST

What's sex? 5yr. old question!!!

 Driving home from daycare yesterday, my 5yr. old daughter asked me what sex was!!! I was a bit shocked, and wasn't quite sure how to approach it.  We're a very open family, but I didn't feel it necessary at this time to truly explain.  If someone else has lived this please let me know how you handled the situation!! Thank you for your comments :-) 
 
February 9, 2006, 5:37 pm CST

Your Parenting Style

Quote From: mamjigs

 Driving home from daycare yesterday, my 5yr. old daughter asked me what sex was!!! I was a bit shocked, and wasn't quite sure how to approach it.  We're a very open family, but I didn't feel it necessary at this time to truly explain.  If someone else has lived this please let me know how you handled the situation!! Thank you for your comments :-) 
My daughter just turned 5, something to look forward to? LOL. I don't think I would stress about it. Maybe say something like, well it is something that mommy's and daddy's (or grown up's) do and when you get old enough to understand, We will talk more about it. Also, maybe start watching and listening more as she is playing and interacting with other kids, being that she was on the way home from daycare, evidently she heard the word there, keep your eyes and ears open as kids do play out what they see and will repeat things, not trying to make the day care out being bad or anything, just remember kids comprehend more then we think they do and they do over hear things and soemtimes walks in on mommy and daddy, but like I said, I wouldn't stress over it.
 
February 15, 2006, 11:41 am CST

My Parenting Style

     I had two situations happens to me since I had my son one year ago. To start things off my son had extremely bad infant reflux and was on a very strict schedule of eating and napping. Well my in laws were watching my son on a Friday and then on Saturday were supposed to drop him off at 1:30 P.M. Well they never fed him and dropped him off at 3:30 P.M. without feeding the poor boy. 

  The second situation my in laws again were watching my son and one of there dogs almost bit my son. My mother in law says that the dog and my son just need to get to know each other. So she continued not to watch my son but let him crawl all over the floor with the dog and also play in the dog bowls.  

     My in laws don't listen me or there son about how we want our son raised. How can I get them to listen to us THE PARENTS? It has come down too not having my in laws watch our son! 

 
February 15, 2006, 6:38 pm CST

Your Parenting Style

Quote From: scoalepen

     I had two situations happens to me since I had my son one year ago. To start things off my son had extremely bad infant reflux and was on a very strict schedule of eating and napping. Well my in laws were watching my son on a Friday and then on Saturday were supposed to drop him off at 1:30 P.M. Well they never fed him and dropped him off at 3:30 P.M. without feeding the poor boy. 

  The second situation my in laws again were watching my son and one of there dogs almost bit my son. My mother in law says that the dog and my son just need to get to know each other. So she continued not to watch my son but let him crawl all over the floor with the dog and also play in the dog bowls.  

     My in laws don't listen me or there son about how we want our son raised. How can I get them to listen to us THE PARENTS? It has come down too not having my in laws watch our son! 

I agree with you not letting them watch him. Explain to them that until they can respect you and your desisions about how to raise him they wont be watching over him. That maybe the only thing that works.
 
February 17, 2006, 9:18 am CST

To good of a parent ?

    I have a 20 year old son and a 18 year old daughter and a 8 year old son all in which live with my husband and myself. I have raised my kids to be thoughtful and considerate of others and just be " GOOD " people. Well since they were born I have done everything for them from washing their clothes , cleaning their rooms and anything you can think of....I do it for them.... . I feel that as a parent I am suposed to be like a slave to them cause I am their Mom and its my job to do it.   I believe that in a sence I have made them   dissrespectful of things and inconsiderate of others and nothing has value to them. I thought I was being a good Mom by doing everything for them but I guess I did the oppisite by not making them appreciate things because to them ....everything is done for them so they dont care about anything. I know they love me but I feel they dont care about me or respect me. I have always put them first even over my husband and myself...Always !! They do what ever they want regardless of what we say cause they know that they are of age and that we cant do anything and they know that we wont kick them out cause we care about them and would worry about them ( excluding the 8 year old ).  My 2 oldest children have in my eyes become selfish and self serving. They hurt me so much and I love them...I dont know what to do. My oldest son is a pot head and my daughter is a selfish brat that always talks back to me. They wont listen to us and I dont know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
 
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