Topic : My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!

I deal with this same thing everyday, and posted almost the exact same thing yesterday before reading this one.  I wonder is it worth hurting our friendship to say something, but in the past I have made suggestions about just simply being consistant on discipline.  Being verbally stern can sometimes do the trick IF the child knows you will follow through with the punishment.  I am like you, I avoid visiting and definately going out in public with them anymore.  Sometimes, I feel resentment towards the child because of his behavior and I feel so bad for that, because I know who is the blame here.  My friend is like a sister to me and sometimes she will listen to me, and always says " I know, I know" but she never sticks to anything she says. If she  knew how outsiders looked at the child and how sometimes they call the child spoiled little brats and other things, would they re-think their way of doing?  I dont understand how a parent can let a child rule the household and think that nothing is wrong.  I dont think she should discipline "my" way or someone else's way, but discipline the way that works best---try something.  Like you, my friend has a 3 month old baby and this child jumps and yells and screams really close to the baby, which scares me to death to think he will hurt her.  Since she and I are so close of friends and she knows that I am not a person to really "judge", sometimes when I make comments about her ways, she doesnt take it personal, and sometimes she does......obviously it doesnt matter either way, the situation is still the same.  My child doesnt always mind either, and I sometimes find myself letting her "get by" with putting off homework, or picking up her things, but I do not let that go very far before I draw the line.  But to let a 4 or 6 year old tell you "no"!! and continually shake his head at you, still telling you "no" for anything you ask him to do that he doesnt want to do??  Come on here, everyone can see theres a problem with that.  Most always my friend has her child with her, every minute of the day when he is out of 1/2 day school, and finally the school realizes this and is disciplining him at school.  I asked myself the same question as you, what do I say or do and still hold the friendship because my nerves cant take the visits(its like  a zoo) and I can not even bare to be out in public for the embarassment. 

Good luck for both of us right?? Her husband isnt much help because he watches tv most all evening and occasionlly washes some laudry.  He works and she stays at home.  The grandparent of this child will not even keep him, because she says, its just too much for her.  I feel like before all is said, that it will take someone really hurting her feelings to get the point across or someone from the further outside stepping up and saying something.  They rarely listen to us as friends, but it takes someone higher up-as I call it to make her see it.  I do always remind her to watch Dr. Phil on days when they air shows about child discipline and households out of control, and she gets ill because she knows that I am insinuating she is like this.  hahahha   

Beating your child and spaking your child are two TOTALLY different things.  The law does not uphold beating but it does not say you cant spank or pop on the backside. Leaving brusies and permanent marks is not tolerated .Although some people believe that spaking is not the way to discipline, there are some that do.  I am not critical of those people IF they know where to draw the line--- obviously some do not. I was spanked as a child and I turned out to be just fine.  I was also paddled in school,I was not beat but I knew when I did something that was wrong that I would probably be spanked. I have a 10 yr old daughter who has been spanked very few times, never beat.  However, I do not believe that every wrong doing deserves being spanked....sometimes stern words will work.  Society can not discipline their kids anymore without being afraid of the law---this is not just my opinion but it is fact, because I see this everyday in my line of work.  I encourage all parents to discipline and teach(in a way that works) that there are consequences for wrong doing while their kids are young, and if you stick to what you do or say, then you WILL gain respect and make like easier for all of us. 

I know what you are going through, my daughter is with a very abusive man and when I witnessed some of his abuse on my grandchildren, I did call CPS and reported it because my daughter refused to defend the children. Well guess what, CPS investigated the complaint and did nothing about it and now I am no longer allowed to see my grandchildren. Haven't seen them in about 9 months and I wonder everyday what they are having to go through, so be careful when trying to intervene, it just may backfire on you.

should u lock a child in a room as disipline?

or shut the door when they go to bed even if they cry not to shut the door?

I have a problem I watch 2 children ages 3 & 4 yrs, about 40-45hrs a week, Their Mom diciplines them rarly or most times not at all. What can I do when they don't have any re-enforcment at home???  examples: the 3 year old girl throws tantrums and breaks things around my house like picture frames & toys, and when I tell her mom, she just kind of shrugs like oh well. The 4 year old boy like to tell the younger kids to do things there not supposed to be doing and then tells on them. Also they both have been caught doing inapproprate things with eachother.