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Topic : My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:50:18 pm
Author : dataimport
Other people's parenting can be a total nightmare. How do you cope? Share your stories.

 
jenoc99
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April 5, 2006, 9:48 am PDT

neighbor's bratty kids

Quote From: momofadh

I have a friend who is also my neighbor that does not discipline her children when she is at my house.  Her kids will come over destroy my kids room and them when they are asked to help clean up they will just leave or throw a fit so that there mom gets mad and takes them home.  Then my children and I are left to clean there mess.  I am at my wits end because I do not know what to do.  Should I stop letting them play here? Should I end the friendship with my neighbor.  I have already redone my house to accommodate her children so that they don't mess anything else up.  It really makes me mad when I spend all day cleaning and she comes over for five minutes and her kids have completely destroyed my house again.  I have thought about downsizing the amount of toys my kids have in their room but do not believe that it is fair to make my kids suffer because of her kids and her lack of discipline. Some one please help me 

  

Thanks 

  

You shouldn't have to punish yourself or your kids because of your neighbor's lack of diciplining her children. In my opinion, you should pull away from this friendship. You will feel much better about the situation once you are out of it! By staying in this friendship, you end up with stress and more housework.. doesn't sound like a very healthy friendship, does it? The least she could do is offer to pick up after her kids. Definatly keep your distance!!
 
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jaras500
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April 13, 2006, 6:34 am PDT

My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!

Quote From: momofadh

I have a friend who is also my neighbor that does not discipline her children when she is at my house.  Her kids will come over destroy my kids room and them when they are asked to help clean up they will just leave or throw a fit so that there mom gets mad and takes them home.  Then my children and I are left to clean there mess.  I am at my wits end because I do not know what to do.  Should I stop letting them play here? Should I end the friendship with my neighbor.  I have already redone my house to accommodate her children so that they don't mess anything else up.  It really makes me mad when I spend all day cleaning and she comes over for five minutes and her kids have completely destroyed my house again.  I have thought about downsizing the amount of toys my kids have in their room but do not believe that it is fair to make my kids suffer because of her kids and her lack of discipline. Some one please help me 

  

Thanks 

  

I know exactly what you are going through and I am also at my wits end.   In my case I've confronted the mother about the situation and she has tried to correct the problem but the child is still continuing to break toys at our house and trash my daughters room without cleaning the messup afterwards.   My husband thinks I should hide most of the toys when the friend comes over to play so they don't get broken but why should I revolve my life around a child who shows no respect towards my daughter or her belongings.  The next step I'll probably have to take is to supervise the friend when she is playing with the toys and if she breaks something intentionally I'm sending her home and she is no longer welcome in our house.  If this keeps up my daughter is going to windup with a room full of broken toys and nothing to play with. 
 
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lchris0307
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April 13, 2006, 10:52 am PDT

Outta control 4 yr old

ok so my 4yr old daughter is what i would consider outta control and i don't know what to do. Just about every morning i wake up to our house being trashed because she gets up  sometime during the nite or very early morning and gets into things, mostly food. she gets into the refridgerator and food pantry and helps herself to whatever she wants leaving the wrappers and food all over the house. She'll eat things like a a whole loaf of bread, whole bags of cheetos, whole boxes of pop tarts, whole packages of cheese slices??? she doesn't just eat a few of something it's the WHOLE thing. She eats meals regularly throughout the day also but her world seems to revolve around food, she will start to cry and say she's she hungry and wants to eat, less than an hour after a meal??? everytime i even walk in to the kitchen for anything she'll say things like are you making me food??  She is normal weight and height and i have no idea what is going on with her. I have tried time-outs, talking to her about it, yelling, spanking, taking away previliges, she always says she's sorry and won't do it again but the next day it's the same problem.  she also gets into other things like my make up hairspray and other toiletries, which are now locked away from her, I feel like if i want to keep anything without her "ruining" it i need to lock it up and i don't want to live like that! Anyone know what is going on with this, does she have some kind of eating disorder at 4 or is she just a brat??? Plz help!!
 
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jenoc99
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April 13, 2006, 11:14 am PDT

Four year old daughter

Quote From: lchris0307

ok so my 4yr old daughter is what i would consider outta control and i don't know what to do. Just about every morning i wake up to our house being trashed because she gets up  sometime during the nite or very early morning and gets into things, mostly food. she gets into the refridgerator and food pantry and helps herself to whatever she wants leaving the wrappers and food all over the house. She'll eat things like a a whole loaf of bread, whole bags of cheetos, whole boxes of pop tarts, whole packages of cheese slices??? she doesn't just eat a few of something it's the WHOLE thing. She eats meals regularly throughout the day also but her world seems to revolve around food, she will start to cry and say she's she hungry and wants to eat, less than an hour after a meal??? everytime i even walk in to the kitchen for anything she'll say things like are you making me food??  She is normal weight and height and i have no idea what is going on with her. I have tried time-outs, talking to her about it, yelling, spanking, taking away previliges, she always says she's sorry and won't do it again but the next day it's the same problem.  she also gets into other things like my make up hairspray and other toiletries, which are now locked away from her, I feel like if i want to keep anything without her "ruining" it i need to lock it up and i don't want to live like that! Anyone know what is going on with this, does she have some kind of eating disorder at 4 or is she just a brat??? Plz help!!

How long has this been going on? Is it new behavior? My advice is to call her Dr. and explain this behavior. There is a possibility that she could have an eating disorder, so it would be best if you found out as soon as possible, that way you will be able to deal with it sooner rather than later. You said that you put your toiletries where she can’t get them, have you considered doing the same thing with food? That is also a measure that you should take. She is normal weight and height for now, but if this continues, that could change. This is about her health and well-being, so don’t hesitate to contact her Dr. as soon as possible. When you ask her why she does this, what does she say? Is it possible that she is sleep walking and eating at the same time? That’s another possibility. I wish you the best!! 
 
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jenoc99
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April 13, 2006, 11:19 am PDT

Out of control child

Quote From: jaras500

I know exactly what you are going through and I am also at my wits end.   In my case I've confronted the mother about the situation and she has tried to correct the problem but the child is still continuing to break toys at our house and trash my daughters room without cleaning the messup afterwards.   My husband thinks I should hide most of the toys when the friend comes over to play so they don't get broken but why should I revolve my life around a child who shows no respect towards my daughter or her belongings.  The next step I'll probably have to take is to supervise the friend when she is playing with the toys and if she breaks something intentionally I'm sending her home and she is no longer welcome in our house.  If this keeps up my daughter is going to windup with a room full of broken toys and nothing to play with. 
I know it irritating to have to put away the 'good' toys before this child comes to your home, but, the alternatives are to either ban her from coming over, or, keep tolerating her destructive behavior. It wouldn't take that much effort to put your daughter's 'special' toys away before this child comes to your home, and the results would be worth it, don't you think? Don't hesitate to be right there while this child is playing (again, I know, annoying thing to have to do!!) and send her on home the very moment that she breaks something. As a parent, you want your own children to have respect for other people's property and to be respectful in general- so why tolerate this behavior from other people's kids? You shouldn't feel that you have to.
 
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huntk80
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May 10, 2006, 7:49 am PDT

am I over reacting

I have a friend/neighbor who has 4 children. Her oldest which is 10 has on a number of times taught my 8yr old son sex related jokes,comments,etc.I do not allow my son to watch things on t.v. that may contain sexual content. She allows for her son to watch these things. Well the other day my husband took our 3yr old to a birthday party and he ran around the party yelling the cock. When we asked him where he heard it from he said from the 10 yr old in question. Now my problem is now he is teaching my 3yr old nasty things and she dont seem a problem here. So now because she thinks I'am overacting and accusing her son of this my children are not allowed to play with them.I just want to know if i'am making to big a deal of this or if she is in the wrong.( I dont need my sons running around tying to do things with the little girls around here or anywhere). 

Please Help!!!!!!! 

Thanks 
 
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stimpy
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May 10, 2006, 11:33 am PDT

Fiance's parenting skills

 I am getting frustrated at my fiance's parenting skills. He loves his kids (15 and 18) very much and they know that.  but he can't ever tell them NO.  If he tries to tell them NO about something, they scream, slam doors, and basically throw a 2 year old tantrum and then he ALWAYS gives in.  We are scheduled to get married this fall, but his 15 year old daughter lives with us and it is getting to the point that I am ready to say, "Let's forget it"!

My kids are grown (20 and 22) and on their own.  I was a pretty strick displinarian.  They were allowed to do things with their friends, etc... but if they did something they knew that they new was wrong they were disciplined.  I talked to my daughter the other day and she told me that she would have been in so much trouble for some of the things the 15 year old is pulling and getting away with,

Dad doesnt want to make waves, he is afraid she will want to go and live with her mom.  Well, she is going to have to learn that "WE DONT ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT IN LIFE".  We have had many many discussions on this subject but nothing ever happens.  Just don't know what I am suppose to do (if anything?!?!?!?!)
 
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stimpy
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May 10, 2006, 11:39 am PDT

My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!

Quote From: lchris0307

ok so my 4yr old daughter is what i would consider outta control and i don't know what to do. Just about every morning i wake up to our house being trashed because she gets up  sometime during the nite or very early morning and gets into things, mostly food. she gets into the refridgerator and food pantry and helps herself to whatever she wants leaving the wrappers and food all over the house. She'll eat things like a a whole loaf of bread, whole bags of cheetos, whole boxes of pop tarts, whole packages of cheese slices??? she doesn't just eat a few of something it's the WHOLE thing. She eats meals regularly throughout the day also but her world seems to revolve around food, she will start to cry and say she's she hungry and wants to eat, less than an hour after a meal??? everytime i even walk in to the kitchen for anything she'll say things like are you making me food??  She is normal weight and height and i have no idea what is going on with her. I have tried time-outs, talking to her about it, yelling, spanking, taking away previliges, she always says she's sorry and won't do it again but the next day it's the same problem.  she also gets into other things like my make up hairspray and other toiletries, which are now locked away from her, I feel like if i want to keep anything without her "ruining" it i need to lock it up and i don't want to live like that! Anyone know what is going on with this, does she have some kind of eating disorder at 4 or is she just a brat??? Plz help!!
 I agree she may have an eating disorder.  My cousin did the same thing when she was little. She is now 40+  and has a major weight problem. She would eat regularly at the table and then once everyone was in bed she would get up and just gorge herself.  And her parents never did anything except to belittle her in front of anyone that was around, spank her, etc.... and that actually made it worse.

So I would advise she be taken to a doctor there could be a real underlying medical issue.

Good luck!
 
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dolphinkez
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May 10, 2006, 10:25 pm PDT

Frustrating People

Hi, This is about a person I know not a friend just someone I know. These people dont discipline their kids at all. They have 2 grown up kids and a child who is 13. The 13 year old is on medication for ADHD. I'm not a doctor or anything close to it. But I know bad parenting skills when I see them. I have to say I am not mother of the year either. But this kid has no boundries at all. He can go where he likes to do what he wants. He has been the victim of bullying and is a bully himself. He doesnt pick on kids his own age but harrasses little girls my daughter being one of them. Any time the parents get notified of this they ask their son about it and he lies, and of course the mother especially believes him and puts the blame either on the informant or the child. But when this boy is the victim they step in. This boy is so antisocial towards others and has no respect for woman at all. His mother has always treated him like a baby and his father just yells and scream at him. I dont believe this child has ADHD. because even on the medication he still acts the same way. I also think these drugs that are given to him arent given correctly because the mother usually stops them suddenly in the school holidays. These peoples other son who is grown up has had the same type of parenting and has been in trouble with the police and of course its not the boys fault he got into trouble (but it is). They dont make their kids be accountable for their actions at all.   

I think doctors need to give these kids a propper test before prescribing drugs for ADHD and ADD here in Australia too many kids are on these drugs when in fact its the parenting skills that need looking at . There is a lot more I could say but its hard to descibe on paper.  
 
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poetkitty
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May 11, 2006, 3:46 am PDT

My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!

Quote From: huntk80

I have a friend/neighbor who has 4 children. Her oldest which is 10 has on a number of times taught my 8yr old son sex related jokes,comments,etc.I do not allow my son to watch things on t.v. that may contain sexual content. She allows for her son to watch these things. Well the other day my husband took our 3yr old to a birthday party and he ran around the party yelling the cock. When we asked him where he heard it from he said from the 10 yr old in question. Now my problem is now he is teaching my 3yr old nasty things and she dont seem a problem here. So now because she thinks I'am overacting and accusing her son of this my children are not allowed to play with them.I just want to know if i'am making to big a deal of this or if she is in the wrong.( I dont need my sons running around tying to do things with the little girls around here or anywhere). 

Please Help!!!!!!! 

Thanks 

I do not think you're over-reacting at all! It's very hard to try to raise our kids according to our values and have them undermined by their contact with others. You can talk to your son about respect - and how it means treating people nicely, in ways that don't make them feel uncomfortable and that part of respect is using polite language and not talking about private things in public. At 8, I think he should be able to understand this.You can say that there are correct words for sexual things {if you want to go there} and body parts and that other words are disrespectful. You can say that {10 year old in question} isn't respectful and because of that you don't want them to play together. You might also mention that while the 10 year old may get attention for his racy behaviour, it's not the kind of attention that is good. You don't want your son to get the same disapproval from other mothers that you feel towards your neighbour's son. As a mother you absolutely need to step in and prevent this. If you decide in the future to allow the boys to play together, you should try to supervise them closely and set the ground rules firmly.
 
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