Message Boards

Topic : My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!

Number of Replies: 164
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:50:18 pm
Author : dataimport
Other people's parenting can be a total nightmare. How do you cope? Share your stories.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

May 13, 2006, 9:27 am CDT

My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!

Quote From: tldenny

I baby sat my friend's little boy until a few weeks ago when I requested that they start bringing milk, juice and snacks for him.  I have three children of my own and my boys go through about 2 gallons of milk, more juice and snacks weekly.   She and her husband absolutely refused to bring anything for him.  They said because they were giving me $100 per week I should buy it all. 

  

They would bring a cup of water with him, in a diaper soaked through that he slept in, the same dirty clothes he had worn the day before, no change of clothes, no bath,  nothing.  Poor little guy is so sad.  They work weird hours, sometimes he was at my house until after 11 pm  and they would let him stay up until he fell asleep in the floor and then they'd leave him there the rest of the night.  They sleep during the day while the baby plays alone in the apartment, I mentioned they should not do that, she said nothing would happen.  The worst he would do was climb up on the bathroom sink and turn on the water.  The baby is 18 months old, what if he slipped, cracked his skull and bled to death while they slept I asked, she said that wouldn't happen.   

  

What do you do with people like this? 

  

I'm almost certain that he is mildy autistic, have a friend with an autistic child, little guy had many characteristics but when I spoke with the mother and mentioned she might want to have her pediatrician test him, she called me a myriad of awful names, told me I was an idiot and continued the horrible treatment of her son.  Expecting me to sit by and watch.  I knew when I asked them to bring drink and food that they would refuse, maybe that is why I did it.  I should have reported them to CPS but she has been a friend for a long time, I know her parents and can not bring myself to call.  I worry about him every day, I see babies and wonder if he is in a safe place and okay.  I want to call her mother but I am certain she has been told how awful I am.   

  

What to do in Texas. 

Just an FYI ~ all professionals, including child care (licensed and nonlicensed) providers , who are working with children are mandated reporters of suspected neglect and abuse.  They have only 24 hours to file a report of the suspected abuse or neglect with the Child Protection Agency or the local police department.

It is more common to have the child care provider provide the food and the parents provide the diapers, toiletries, and changes of clothing.  The food can be deducted as an expense to offset your income for tax purposes.
 
May 13, 2006, 9:34 am CDT

My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!

I was so excited to see this topic when I logged on today.  I just had an experience last night with ny sister in laws son.  He has absolutley NO discipline.  He gets to do whatever he wants when he wants.  Last night we had a birthday party for my two year old son.  My nephew is three.  I would have liked for my son to fully experience his birthday party.  Instead my nephew took it upon himself to open the gifts and to blow out the candles.  No matter how many time I told him that it was not his birthday party it was Tanner's she would never interject and back me up.  I have never let either of my kids dominated his birthday party and I think my kids deserve the same respect.  I understand that a party is exciting for all the kids that are there but when a gift is open and my son doesn't even get to see it before the box is ripped open and the toy taken away and my nephew is claiming that it is his and taking it home is just ridiculous!!  I wish she would take the time to teach him a little bit of respect for other children and a little bit of self control.  Wow, is this ever a great place to vent frustration like these!!
 
May 13, 2006, 11:21 pm CDT

My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!

Quote From: pjsell

THERE IS A VAST DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "HITTING" and "SPANKING"!  Starting off with intent!!!
But who draws the line?  How do you know when you've crossed that line? And I think intentions for for nothing when it comes to any kind of hitting. 
 
May 14, 2006, 1:34 pm CDT

starting at 6 he was calling his mom a bitch

my friend usse to live across the street from me, she is a great friend, now lives 20 minutes away she has a 7 yr old and a 4 yr old.   when she moved in i as like finally someone i can talk to.  but as time went on and we got to know each other it got worse. i heard many times the older boy swearing at her calling her a bitch, telliong her to shut the f up and more. i had to go over at one time to take him to school and help get him dressed and was kicked in the process.  the worse was my 4 yr old girl, he was mean to her, was fine when thy played by them selves but when the yunger boy,(who she liked better) would play he was awful, he pushed and shoved her down, and told them that they should kiss and  have the younger boy touch my girls privates, good thing he didnt, me and my friend had many arguments over his behavior.  i feel bad cuz my daughter misses the younger boy very much they was best friends, but am relutant to take her up there around the older boy. tough decisions for me, and even tougher to keep telling her no.
 
May 14, 2006, 1:38 pm CDT

My parents did that WITHOUT spanking

Quote From: pjsell

My son is 30 now with children of his own and he is self-disciplined and knows about boundaries because when he was misbehaving he was warned and then is he continued, he got a spanking...not a beating...a spanking.  It certainly gets their attention and if punishment isn't unpleasant and swift they can get the upperhand pretty quickly. 
And I do too. Why couldn't You????
 
May 14, 2006, 2:13 pm CDT

My Friend/Relative Won't Discipline!

Quote From: jennife72

well i have a 7yr old and i have spanked him on occasion 

probably more than i should  

sometimes when i do that he will say that doesn't hurt  

what am i to do?  

he has a smart mouth on him 

 and i am a single parent  

  

It's obviously not working. I already knew that. Try other things like taking away priveledges & praising good behavior. 

  

 
May 14, 2006, 8:04 pm CDT

spanking

Quote From: tambryan

And I do too. Why couldn't You????
If an adult came up to you and hit you, you would not hesitate to have them charged with assault. So why do parents and certain other adults think that it is okay to lay a hand on a child all in the name of discipline. Assault is assault whether it comes from a stranger or a family member. If you learn one thing from Dr Phil it should be that there are other alternatives to having to physically beat your child.
 
May 14, 2006, 9:34 pm CDT

Husband's neice

Quote From: flu626

My husbands niece has a 9 yr old daughter. She is mean and hateful. She's a bully, and her mother supports, even encourages the behavior. I have heard  the mother  tell her ,"If they do anything to you (talking about my children) beat the snot out of them." I have even heard her tell the child to "hit them as hard as you can". The biggest problem is that the child knows alot about sex. She made sure to tell my 6 yr old all about it too. I understand kids being curious, believe me, but those two were caught playing "house". When they were asked about it, my son said that the little girl showed him how to play the game.  I took the time to find out exactly what happened and explained why he couldnt play that game and had to explain sex years before I had planned. The girls mom flipped out and said my tiny 6 yr old made her big 9 yr old do it and wouldnt even discuss the matter with her child until I let her know that if she didnt want to find out the truth maybe a child therapist would. Finally we talked to the girl and asked her the truth. She said that my son made her, my son said she was lying and finally she admitted that she showed him the game. I asked how in the world she know that much about the birds and bees. She is 9 and sleeps in her parents room, and has her whole life. No wonder she is so savvy in the ways of the world. As of now my children are not allowed to play with her anymore, and I let her mother know that if she was going to encourage bad and dangerous behavior, to keep her child away. I hate to be that way, especially with family but my family is my main concern.
What does your husband think/say/do about this behavior?
Its best to keep this kid AWAY from your children... sex abuse is sex abuse, whether its from a kid your own age, an older kid, or an adult , it leaves a lasting impression and can effect them forever. Its such a crying shame that girl is sleeping in her parents room and obviously seeing/hearing things she shouldn't be.
 
May 14, 2006, 9:37 pm CDT

Not a tough decision

Quote From: amanda252

my friend usse to live across the street from me, she is a great friend, now lives 20 minutes away she has a 7 yr old and a 4 yr old.   when she moved in i as like finally someone i can talk to.  but as time went on and we got to know each other it got worse. i heard many times the older boy swearing at her calling her a bitch, telliong her to shut the f up and more. i had to go over at one time to take him to school and help get him dressed and was kicked in the process.  the worse was my 4 yr old girl, he was mean to her, was fine when thy played by them selves but when the yunger boy,(who she liked better) would play he was awful, he pushed and shoved her down, and told them that they should kiss and  have the younger boy touch my girls privates, good thing he didnt, me and my friend had many arguments over his behavior.  i feel bad cuz my daughter misses the younger boy very much they was best friends, but am relutant to take her up there around the older boy. tough decisions for me, and even tougher to keep telling her no.
Don't look at this as a tough decision- look at this as the right decision! Sometimes, the right decision is the hardest decision to make, only because the wrong decisions are very easy to come by and don't take much thinking/planning! You are doing the right thing by staying away, don't doubt yourself for one moment. You know that the older child has issues, and you need to protect your own child from being victimized. How discusting that this other kid already wants to fondle other kids, and then to lie about it, and nearly get away with it! She is working on being a master manipulator. No, no no.. don't feel bad about this decision at all... you are looking out for your child's best interest, and you are doing the right thing!! No regrets!
 
May 14, 2006, 9:44 pm CDT

Trying to decide

Quote From: tldenny

I battle with myself daily on this, it's a horrible decision to have to make.  I know what the system is like, it frightens me almost as much as him being at home with his parents.   And the father scares me, they would know it was me, and he is a very volatile man.  I have three children, I can't put them in harms way either.   

  

My husband says that I am out of it now, but I don't feel like I am when I think about the child every day.  Even my 13 year old daughter said once that they did not deserve the baby.  A 13 year old, self absorbed teenager said that, it's pretty obvious. 

  

Still trying to decide. 

  

If you were to call child protective services, it doesn't automatically mean the child will be taken away! Please remember that... and even if the child is taken away, the parents would be required to take parenting classes, anger managment classes, etc., and they can get their baby back... hopefully they could go to parenting classes and anger management and keep their baby. If you don't call, you could end up regreting it forever, especially if you were to find out something happened to that baby. This child is helpless, defensless, he needs someone to care about him. I urge you to be that person!! Please remember, calling a social service agency does not mean the baby will be taken away- it means the wheels will be put into motion for this family to get real help, and that is exactly what they need. The parents need to be taught how to be parents, and they need to be told by professionals what this baby needs. He is too precious to be tossed away like he doesn't matter. My heart just aches knowing there is a little 18 month old baby out there right now, sitting in his dirty clothes and diapers asleep instead of in his cozy bed. *sigh* please reconsider!!
 
First | Prev | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | Next | Last