Message Boards

Topic : 07/07 The Final Ultimatum

Number of Replies: 796
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, April 21, 2006, 10:15:01 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/24/06) Have you ever been so fed up with your spouse's behavior that you’ve considered giving him or her an ultimatum? Dr. Phil talks to guests who say their marriage is on the rocks, and they need help reconnecting. Barbara calls her stepdaughter, Ambreah, "a monster." She says she inherited “the little thing" when her husband, Ed's, ex-wife was in a tragic car accident. Ambreah no longer lives with them, but Barbara says if Ed brings her back into their house, she'll leave. Should Ed be forced to choose between his wife and his child? Then, Bobby, a country music singer, says his wife, Danyel's, jealous ways are pushing him to the brink. She curses out other women, checks his cell phone records and accuses him of cheating on her. Bobby says if Danyel doesn't stop her behavior, he's ready to go solo. Is Bobby giving Danyel a reason to sing the blues? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More July 2006 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
frustrated
July 10, 2006, 3:21 am PDT

Bringing two families together.

 We have an issue where my wife wants us to be one family, which is great, until it comes down to her kid.  I have 2 girls and she has one son and we both have custody of them full time.  I am constantly getting stepped on when it comes to her boy. We don't allow eating in certain rooms in our house...she allows him to eat in there.  I did finally manage to stop this one particular issue but its an ongoing battle.  I get over-ridden on several issues when it comes to him that I would never allow my own son to do.  I don't however (and I really make a point of this) interfere with her when she corrects my girls.  They usually need to hear it. We have been married 5 years now and i am getting very frustrated to the point that I just don't care anymore.  We did have her older daughter living with us and that was an even worse nightmare back then.  I have suggested so many times we need to go to counseling and she has even gotten the number of a good one from a couple from our church, but that was weeks ago and she still has not called them.  I am beginning to think she doesn't want to face the truth.  I am going to try and just go myself just so i can maintain some sanity.  At this point I would rather go back to being a single parent than deal with this.  I hope this serves as a heads up to some people that are thinking of combining families...make SURE you know who your dealing with.   

 

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
July 10, 2006, 3:45 am PDT

BYE-BYE BARBARA. WAKE UP, ED.

Saw this show in April. VERY VERY SAD. Barbara needed to go IMMEDIATELY and Ed needed a wake-up call. Still can't believe he allowed it to go on at all! Can't make myself watch this show again, but I do hope for an update soon.
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
July 10, 2006, 3:49 am PDT

Ed not "Sweet"

Quote From: saxwrecker

I used to work with Ed - couldn't believe when I saw previews to the show that he's going to be on it Monday. Ambreah is such a sweet little girl, I can't believe that he would let anyone talk to her this way.

"Sweet" is not what anyone should use to describe Ed. What he's allowed done to his daughter has no excuse. I saw this show in April and couldn't believe he wanted a wife and lover more than a daughter! He needed counseling. The daughter needed counseling (thanks to his choices) and Barbara needed to be kicked to the curb immediately. 

  

Additinally, "Sweet" men don't have affairs. They are "Selfish" men! (and vice versa). 

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
July 10, 2006, 3:58 am PDT

Are you serious????????

Quote From: bonniesue

you know i have read a lot of the postings. And so many people just shoot off at the mouth. You have no idea what Barbara has been through. And.. is this child 'her responsibility'. I say no. It is his. He needs to make provision for the child. And it seems obvious that he isnt capable. So be it. Why do you judge. There are mnay different kinds of families,. And yes, 6 year old girls can be manipulative and really cause damage. And fathers are not good at reading this. Even if the step mom leaves. he cant take the girl. Maybe she is more stable in the friends home. Bless there hearts for taking. her. Do not judge Barbara. I dont think anay of us are in a position to throw stones. i admire her honesty. She said she would leave.l She is not trying to take him away from his kid. I would love to talk to Her . I havbe lived what she is going through and perhaps the empathy ought to be with her position as well. We are all people and no, children do always come first. only in cases of abuse or potentiaol abuse. Otherwise the spouse comes first.!!

Barbara, if you are reading this please contact me. I would like to talk with you more.

Lady, when the woman admits she wants to "kill" the child (and really means "kill") than you should KNOW she has a huge problem. Did you TRULY watch the show with an open mind? 

  

I saw the initial show. I watched it objectively. There is NO question that Barbara has the problem. Barbara even admits it. The little girl is the victim. The husband is a selfish man who has chosen his cruel wife over his flesh and blood, an innocent child who didn't deserve all this pain. Sure, kids can cause problems in a marriage, but Barbara's actions and feelings go above and beyond acceptable.  

  

Barbara may be honest about her feelings, but they are SICK feelings. Her honesty doesn't make how she feels and act right. And, yes, childen should always come first when they are being harmed by someone. Barbara is an adult who can walk away. The child cannot. Barbara is making CHOICES to harm a child. The father OWES his child both physical and emotional safety! 

  

That poor child has had to deal with affairs at such a young age. Then she's had to deal with a father who professes to love her yet chooses his cruel, selfish wife over her.  

  

Barbara needs couseling and she needs to walk away from Ed and his child. Perhaps you can be a friend and join her in couseling.  

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
July 10, 2006, 4:06 am PDT

Sadly, many people hate children.

Quote From: lioness901

what i dont understand is how anyone can hate a child. i just dont understand how. i just dont get that at all. to me kids are just so loveing,cute and adorable. there great. i mean ya they make mistakes but dont we all???  

 

and that second couple. ya i belive they truly love each other and can work things out.  

Seliish, mean people can hate children!  

  

This woman got rid of a MOTHER's belongings while the little girl was having to deal with the "loss" of a mother to an accident. She had to deal with the knowledge of a betrayal (affair) on the part of her father and this woman who admits to hating her. She's had to deal with more than most of us deal with in a lifetime.  

  

The worst part, I suppose, is having to deal with a father who professes to love her but who chooses his new wife over her. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain and confusion in this child's young life.  


Dr. Phil was right on the mark with this one, but I doubt that Ed even wants to be with his daughter if it means losing his sick, selfish wife. Ed truly does not deserve his daughter. He and his new wife deserve eachother. 

  

Imagine all the problems this innocent child will have as an adult when it comes to emotional relationships. I doubt they'll be healthy. She'll have Ed and Barbara to thank for that. What two pitiful people!!! 

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
July 10, 2006, 4:17 am PDT

Please postpone children.

Quote From: prince93

Do you seriously think that someone should give up their wife for a kid?  If I had a wife I would not give her up for anything.  She would be number 1 in my life.

You're a real "prince" all right!  

  

If you father a child, hopefully you will love and protect that child. You will want that child physically and emotionally healthy. You will feel you owe that child since you decided to bring her/him into this world. 

  

As a father, hopefully you will love your child (and wife) enough NOT to have an affair. And if that affair ends your marriage, you will do whatever it takes to have an amicable divorce and not put your child in the middle of things. You will respect the mother of that child since at one point in your life, you loved her and you know your child loves her. 

  

If you do father a child, you will never ever allow a third party to come into your home and disrupt the life of that child, especially when that person admits to hating your child and wanting to hurt him/her. You will be mature enough, responsible enough, kind enough, and Christian enough not to allow your child to be treated badly. You will do the adult thing EVERY TIME and protect that child. 

  

People who are not willing to protect their children should not have children. It's THAT simple. If you are too selfish to put your child first before your every want, than please do not have children. 

  

If you watched the show, you know (deep down) that Barbara has REAL problems and Ed should not even WANT her. However, Ed is obviously selfish and emotionally sick and it's the child who is paying the price for his poor choices.  

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
July 10, 2006, 4:29 am PDT

07/07 The Final Ultimatum

Quote From: cathy5121

my situation.  our 35 year old son sives with us because he s schizophrenic. My husband wants him out.

If you know you have a great husband who is kind, compassionate, giving and HONEST, than you are hopefully listening to what he has to say. If he is not that type of person, than perhaps that's why your son is still with you. 

  

I have friends who were in the same situation as you (although I know for sure that they had a great marriage and respected eachother). Sadly, there comes a time when the care this sick individiual needs and the problems he creates become too overwheling for the average person.  

  

You are not an expert in schizophrenia. You do not possess the tools to deal with everything that accompanies the disease. If your poor son is taking too much from you and your marriage, than you need to seek other solutions. 

  

Call around (and also search the Internet) for local resources to deal with your son. Also seek information/referrals from the national agency that deals with the disease.  

  

My friends' son (age 42) now lives in a home with other needy adults. They see him often and they themselves are once again healthy. They were in deep trouble trying to care for this man in their home. They may love him dearly, but they were (and still aren't) equipped to meet his needs WHILE maintaining a healthy marriage. They felt very guilty at first, but now they see that it was the best possible decision for all parties involved.  

  

God bless you on your journey to find proper placement for your son. I cannot imagine your struggles...or your son's.   

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
July 10, 2006, 4:43 am PDT

Let's see how I would feel

Let's see.....Let's all put ourselves in this girl's shoes.... 

 

I have two parents who I think love eachother. My world is good. I feel secure. 

  

One day, I come home from school to learn that my father is having an affair with a woman who is not my mother. I don't understand it. I don't want it to be true. My mom's an emotional wreck because he marraige is falling apart (she tries to hide it from me, but I'm not stupid. I see things). 

  

A short time later, my loving mother (the person who's #1 in my life and my best friend) gets into an accident and can no longer talk to me or with me. She's gone. She exists, but she can't hug me or hold me or tell me what I should do with my young life. I feel alone. My father is wrapped up in his girlfriend. I have nobody now and I'm just a child. 

  

Soon after, Dad moves his girlfirend into the home. After one week, she takes down all the pictures of my mother, this mother of mine who I desperately miss and need. Those pictures helped me feel secure during such a turbulent time in my young life. Now they are gone and Dad's allowed it. He doesn't understand. Or he doesn't care. Either way, I am more alone now than ever. I need to grieve the loss of my mother. I need the help and love of my father. I get nothing. 

  

Next, this woman tells me she "hates" me and she wants to kill me. She doesn't even try to understand the pain I am in. She cares nothing about my feelings. She got what she wanted. She now has my father, our family home, my mother's photos gone and she has told me I need to go. She gives my father a hard time about me being there. She wants it all.....which means she wants mom and me gone from the home and my father's life forever. What did I do to her? I'm a child in pain. The wounds are so fresh and real.  

  

And what does my father do...this man who is the only tie to my past I have? Does he help me thru this difficult time? Does he put me first for a change? Does he stop this woman's cruelty? NO. Instead, he calls me a "brat" and lets me know he is going to pick between her and me. I'm not first in anything. I'm just in the way.  

  

Geesh, how would I feel?  I would feel alone, unwanted, unloved, incredibly sad, scared, lost and yes, a tad bit angry. Angry simply means I'm fearful. And after what I have had to go thru (the loss of my mother) and all the other crap dad caused (the affair, moving a woman in shortly after the accident, tossing out Mom's stuff, telling me I'm hated and she wants me dead, etc), how would YOU feel if you were me?????????? 

 

If you are a normal, caring, loving parent, you KNOW that Barbara and Ed are horribly cruel and/or misguided individuals and this child is paying the price. NO CHILD deserves this, no matter what she may or may not have done. She is not an adult. She is a child who was thrust into a world of loss, confusion and cruelty. God bless her; she deserves so much more out of life.  

 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
July 10, 2006, 8:59 am PDT

i hear you!!

Quote From: chefaimee

Until you have dealt with someone else's severly damaged child, do not judge. I have dealt with a child like this and it is pure hell. The fastest way to destroy a relationship is attempt to parent someone else's damaged child. Good luck Barbara!!! I know how difficult this is.
 yes, and especially if the father is clueless.
Anyone who thinks a 6 year old is purely innocent.  HAve never dealt with a child or parent child relationship that is twisted. 
This woman is not the villan, she is just on there saying she wants this dealth with and this is what she wants.  Does that make her evil.  You woman who are so vehement about 'children first' seem like a real sweet crowd. 
Its very unselfish to do what is best for children.  Which does not always mean keeping them in a sad lonesome life.  I think most of the 'child first' parents are thinking of there own insecurities and not what is really best for the child.
Maybe it is putting the child first by placing her somewhere stable.        Why the hell should he have her .  he obviously doesnt have a clue.  Thats why he is letting other people decide for him.  he loves barbara and she cant deal with the child.  Doesn not make her evil.  Its an perfectly workable arrangement.
 
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
July 10, 2006, 9:25 am PDT

Ed

You are the poorest excuse for a human being I have ever seen. You can't stay out of that woman's bed and she is so good at what she does, you would even send your poor motherless daughter away. 

  

As for the child listening at the door when you are at it, she is too young to be listening for what your mistress thinks she is. She probably feels left out if you are in bed a lot and is just looking for someone to give her some attention. 

  

You and your new wife (ex mistress) are supposed to be adults. The child is a child. Your obligation is to love her and make her feel welcome in this world. You have already done a lot of damage to her by sending her away. 

  

Send your new wife away and have conjugal visits with her away from your home. 

 
First | Prev | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | Next | Last