Topic : 08/03 Teen Wake-Up Calls

I have problems with cutting myself  since the 7th grade. I was molested since i was a toddler til I was 12 years old. I've been cutting for a year. My mom was there but as a single mother she didn't have the time to watch me 24/7. She works 2 jobs at 1 point 3. Let me let you in on a teenage world. GOING 2 THE SCHOOL CONSULEOR DOES NOT WORK. I was expelled because I had deppression which was not fair to me because in the state of georgia is AGAINST the law. I never got to say goodbye to my friends or my teachers. Medication doesn't work preety much nothing works. On top of that my dad is stalking me emailing me after i threated to call the police. I have gotten help but it never worked. About going to church. I go to church i have always went to church that is not fair to say that if u have problems like that it's because the never went to church. NOT TRUE! Not every1s pareants can sit there and watch there child. i bet you somebodys pareants work alot and can't always watch their child. So i don't think it's fair for people to sit there and say there's pareants aren't watching there kids. Not everybody has both of there pareants so the single pareant has to work harder then anybdy else  because they don't have anybody else to help out. So you can not sit hear and blame the pareants that are really trying. by the way i'm 13 years old.

 

I'm gettin' angry at Dr. Phil cuz he's not finding the real issue with these teens.It's always parents to blame cuz they spoil their children all tha time.They yell at 'em.They try to keep a conspiracy goin' in their families.Government don't know it.And Dr. Phil doesn't know it either "Don't judge what u don't understand" what's goin' on in tha family. These kids take drugs,alcohol,sex becuz these parents are in denial what they do so they jus throw them out.Parents has consequences to how they treat their children within tha homes.

I can't help but stress the importance of sunscreen if going out in the sun.  I am an oncology nurse and have seen too many young men and women die of melanoma.  Please tell the young girl who is tanning to stop!.  I would hate to see her have to go through those treatments.

My youngest son (will be 18 in December) has been in and out of the courts this past year on various charges related to marijuana or alcohol or shoplifting. Last October he was diagnosed (mental health through our HMO) with both bipolar disorder and substance abuse. The professionals focused on his bipolar disorder while he continued to abuse substances. We (his dad and mom) endeavored to both be both understanding of the disorder and also to be tough (firm about rules, grounding, loss of privileges, etc. when he blew it and letting him face the consequences of his actions, i.e., paying his own court costs).

 

When his prescribing psyche nurse told him she could not work to address a better combination of medication for his bipolar mood swings unless he agreed to substance abuse counseling, he went off his meds cold turkey and has been going downhill ever since. Most recently he was placed on probation and ordered to go through substance abuse counseling. His second appointment with the counselor, he came out and told me that therapist doesn't believe he has a substance abuse problem. Because our son will not sign a release for the therapist to talk with us (his parents), our hands are tied (HIPPA law) when it comes to letting the therapist hear a different side of the story. He has not (to date) signed a release for the therapist to talk with his probation officer. Our son has become a terrific manipulator and comes across as a "gentleman" with both his careful manner and articulate speech. I'm not sure the system will catch it!

 

That appointment was just two days ago. Yesterday he had a court-ordered random drug test. When work was over, he left with friends and he still hasn't come home. He called late this afternoon and I could hear the "party" still going on in the background. I don't know what else we can do as his parents but continue to hope he feels the consequences of his actions while also praying he won't die before that happens.

I hear on these message boards that the trouble with these teens is lack of parental control etc.  I have always been with my daughter..involved in her life ; with her sports........

Last year she began failing in school.  She was in grade 8..she was caught smoking pot during this year and trespassing on another school property.  That was the beginning of her spiral downward.  She entered grade nine, and in October 2005 she punched another girl straight in the eye..."an angry outburst" as she would explain after the incident.  From this point on she was suspended 9 times for fighting and defiance with teachers etc.  She was using alcohol, and pot and later I found out extasy too!!   The police were here all the time because she was a runner...and a few months ago I found out she is a cutter too; in  trouble with shoplifting and haning around a rough group...charged with theft and assault..she is 14!!!  In May of this year I had her sent to a residential treatment centre for young girls (13-17) who were experiencing behaviour and emotional problems.  She is doing much better.  She sees a psychiatrist who is looking for a biological problem (bi-polar etc) and she is currently on medication for mood swings perhaps caused by drug use or likely a chemical inbalance.  She is currently diagnosed depressed with moderate to severe anxiety.

 

My daughter had a relatively safe life.  She was well protected (no drinking or drugs in our home)......she did not come from chaos...like everyone thinks each teen who is acting out likely is doing so from what he/she has seen.  Not in my case.  Nothing was perfect, but she certainly had a calm life...her father and I divorced when she was 9 and this likely had something to do with her rebellion but when I look back, I truly believe she was depressed when younger and the doctors thought she was Ad/Hd....she was tested and was found not to be....so life went on...and then she went downhill.

 

She cuts her arm as a way to not feel "the pain" in her life ...."the pain" we still do not understand....she started this in school after seeing her friend do it...and now it is habit...attention seeking , I have been told, but also something not to overlook.

She has been clean from all street drugs and alcohol now for 50 days...something she is very proud of and so am I.  She is working hard to control her anger and irritability, something that is a struggle for her.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes these chidren come from good homes and sometimes from not so good..but if it is something biological it is not fair to pass the blame on the parents.

 

It was very hard for me to enter her into this treatment program (where she now lives), but she was out of control and I could no longer keep her safe...now I sleep at night knowing that my daughter is in good hands and working towards making her life much more enjoyable...she is making goals and reaching them..one day at a time...In closing , please keep in mind alot of this behaviour does result from low self esteem, something my daughter has as well...it is very sad indeed, and if anyone out there is in a similar situation, please feel free to email me at   jcollins88@cogeco.ca

I understand and it may help to talk.    

i was pregnant at age 15 and by age 18 i had two kids, this was because of my doing of course but i must say my mother really should have sat me down and explained things to me and given me the tools to make the right decisions because at age 18 one is not ready to be a parent. I am now 40 and my two kids are grown and one is now married. I instilled these tools into my boys because i couldnt let them experience the rough life i had with them. sex is not something you should be giving away at age 16 it is meant to be for the man or woman you marry it's is not a bargaining tool to make friedns and to fit in with the crowd and lets not forget sex does kill people esp. if unprotected. Children today need much more guidance than i personally needed when i was 16 because in todays society sex and drugs and violence are everywhere in our schools Parents wake up and help your kids, love and guide them in the right direction so they can live healthy happy productive lives. And when some one you know needs help they  are not getting at home then step up to bat and help them, cutting yourself is wrong and painful and no one should do that to their bodies no one deserves to be hurt no matter if they are hurting inside or not someone who does this is a suicidal threat and should be helped immedialetly!

i think your child needs to make new friends and to stop hanging out with the ones who are doing this. And my son did have adhd and the drugs they gave him messed him up so i took him off those now my son is perfect he is a college student and holds down two jobs. drugs are not always the answer. maybe she feels like her life is hopless and she needs to feel better about herself other things she needs to get into, sports, music, fun stuff that will help her grow into a young productive person. sometimes it is the feelings they cant deal with and they need help with that so therapy can help with that, she nedds to be fulfilled in something.

go get your child do not let him stay and party what is wrong with you he is only 17!!!! his next stiop will be prison. if ya love him stop it before it's too late

My son started "dabbling" with alcohol and drugs at the age of 15 in spite of discussions, warnings etc. that he was genetically predisposed to addictions, with both active and recovering alcoholics and drug addicts on both his dad's side and mine.  Without going into a detailed tale of woe, let me just say that he's now 22, and today I visited him in jail.  I wish our family had been given the treatment opportunity that Dr. Phil has provided for you and Allie to deal with the problem, hopefully getting both of your lives back on track before you have to live the nightmare that my life has been for the past 7 years, and continues to be.

 

Good luck, and God bless you both.  It won't be easy, but it is definitely worth it.

Do you have children?