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Topic : 08/15 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Number of Replies: 743
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, April 21, 2006, 10:19:03 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/26/06) If physical attraction gets you to the altar, what happens when your spouse turns ugly in your eyes? Michele says her husband, Carl, is embarrassed by her and looks disgusted whenever he sees her naked. Carl admits that if Michele looked this way when they met, he wouldn't have been attracted to her. What is causing Carl to feel this way? Can he look past the physical and reconnect with the woman he married? Then, Teri is newly married but asks her husband 20 times a day if she's hot enough. Why does Dr. Phil tell her she's playing with fire? And, Kenny wants his wife, Anita, to look hot, sexy and irresistible again, like she did when they got married seven years ago. Anita says Kenny tears her heart out when he tells her she will be beautiful when she loses weight. What's at the root of Anita's problem? Share your thoughts here.

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April 23, 2006, 8:35 am CDT

I take offense to this post

Quote From: purplepain

Sorry to say this but these kinds of women ( I haven't seen the show and I don't know them personally, but in a broader scope...) bring this hell upon themselves by marrying superficial men.

I hardly feel sorry for them. I have known a few women who are in situations like the ones discribed on this preview. They "bought" their men with their beauty, their currency is fading and there for so is the marriage.

I hate to be cruel like that but this is what happens to truely superficial people. Their relationships are hollow inside, empty, void...so when the beauty fades there is NOTHING THERE.

If you marry a man who is just all to proud of how you look and just all too happy to have "bagged a hottie" beware....

I usually don't take offense to posts, but to let you know I'm in a similar situation.  I've never been "blindingly beautiful"  (I'm cute, but not hot).  My husband's hasn't always been like this either.  We came together after being friends.  His attitude didn't change til after we got married.  He was a calmer person when he had  some "Weight around the middle".  It was til after he started hitting the gym, he became pretty much obsessed with his weight.  I've always been tiny (And underweight at times too when I had to deal with an illness and became underweight because i was tiny).  After he started that, he told me he would not be able to live with someone who accepted themselves and would be able to live as fat.   

"These  kinds of women" would apply to me, but not the stereotype that goes with it.  Sure, you might be right about some cases, but I'm sure it doesn't happen in all cases.   

 
April 23, 2006, 11:49 am CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: boardgames

I AGREE WITH THE SPOUSE THAT WANTS THIER MATE TO STAY LOOKING THE WAY THEY DID WHEN THEY GOT MARRIED, TO A POINT. WE ALL AGE AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT, HOWEVER IF YOU GET MARRIED AND GET SO COMFORTABLE THAT YOU PHYSICALLY CHANGE ALOT THATS WRONG. I AM A WOMAN,  MARRIED 23 YEARS, 5 KIDS, WORK SOMETIMES 60 HOURS A WEEK OUTSIDE THE HOME, HAVE USUALLY 6 TO 8 DIFFERENT SPORTS TEAMS GOING AT A TIME AND MAINTAIN OUR HOUSEHOLD WITHOUT ANY HIRED HELP. EVERYDAY, I SAID EVERY DAY I GET UP AND MAKE MYSELF LOOK THE BEST I CAN. EVERY DAY, 365 DAYS A YEAR I DO MY HAIR, MAKE UP AND CLOTHES! I MEAN WOULD YOU GO OUT AND BUY A $300,000.00 CAR TODAY AND PARK IT IN THE GARAGE ONLY TO WAKE UP 5 YEARS LATER AND 60 PAYMENTS GONE (BIG PAYMENTS) AND FIND THAT IT HAS TURNED INTO A FORD FESTIVA!!!! COME ON YOU WOULD BE MAD. THEN WHY IS IT ACCEPTABLE FOR THEM TO GET FAT BUT EXPECT THEIR MATE TO LOVE THEM ANYWAY?  I WATCH WHAT I EAT TO MAINTAIN MY APPEARENCE.  ALMOST EVERYONE I KNOW DOES NOT DO THIS, INCLUDING MY HUSBAND. HE DID THE "BAIT AND SWITCH" THING BIG TIME! WE HAVE SEPERATED A TIME OR TWO AND HE IMMEDIATELY WENT TO THE DRESSING NICE AND GOING TO FUN PLACES, THINGS HE WONT DO MARRIED TO ME. SO YEA I AGREE, IF YOU ARE CINDERELLA OR PRINCE CHARMING WHEN I MARRY YOU, YOU DAMN WELL BETTER BE EVERYDAY UNTIL.................WELL UNTIL.  

 So, your love is conditional?

Wow. I hope you never get disfigured in an accident, or have some disease or other malady affect your looks. By your standards, your husband should dump you if that happens.
 
April 23, 2006, 11:50 am CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: boardgames

I AGREE WITH THE SPOUSE THAT WANTS THIER MATE TO STAY LOOKING THE WAY THEY DID WHEN THEY GOT MARRIED, TO A POINT. WE ALL AGE AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT, HOWEVER IF YOU GET MARRIED AND GET SO COMFORTABLE THAT YOU PHYSICALLY CHANGE ALOT THATS WRONG. I AM A WOMAN,  MARRIED 23 YEARS, 5 KIDS, WORK SOMETIMES 60 HOURS A WEEK OUTSIDE THE HOME, HAVE USUALLY 6 TO 8 DIFFERENT SPORTS TEAMS GOING AT A TIME AND MAINTAIN OUR HOUSEHOLD WITHOUT ANY HIRED HELP. EVERYDAY, I SAID EVERY DAY I GET UP AND MAKE MYSELF LOOK THE BEST I CAN. EVERY DAY, 365 DAYS A YEAR I DO MY HAIR, MAKE UP AND CLOTHES! I MEAN WOULD YOU GO OUT AND BUY A $300,000.00 CAR TODAY AND PARK IT IN THE GARAGE ONLY TO WAKE UP 5 YEARS LATER AND 60 PAYMENTS GONE (BIG PAYMENTS) AND FIND THAT IT HAS TURNED INTO A FORD FESTIVA!!!! COME ON YOU WOULD BE MAD. THEN WHY IS IT ACCEPTABLE FOR THEM TO GET FAT BUT EXPECT THEIR MATE TO LOVE THEM ANYWAY?  I WATCH WHAT I EAT TO MAINTAIN MY APPEARENCE.  ALMOST EVERYONE I KNOW DOES NOT DO THIS, INCLUDING MY HUSBAND. HE DID THE "BAIT AND SWITCH" THING BIG TIME! WE HAVE SEPERATED A TIME OR TWO AND HE IMMEDIATELY WENT TO THE DRESSING NICE AND GOING TO FUN PLACES, THINGS HE WONT DO MARRIED TO ME. SO YEA I AGREE, IF YOU ARE CINDERELLA OR PRINCE CHARMING WHEN I MARRY YOU, YOU DAMN WELL BETTER BE EVERYDAY UNTIL.................WELL UNTIL.  

Because true love and true partnership not looks. I could see someone maybe being a little disappointed or something but that's life. Things change.

"Doing fun things" is different then gaining weight. If he changed in that he wasn't the same person he was before (not looks) then that is something. But his looks are superficial. If his gaining weight caused you to seperate then, sorry, you are a shallow person and you didn't really love him

I'm impressed that you can do all you do, 5 kids, 60 hours and 8 sports teams and you still look fabulous...not all of us have that unending energy to do all that. Maybe your expectations are extremely high.
 
April 23, 2006, 12:14 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: boardgames

I AGREE WITH THE SPOUSE THAT WANTS THIER MATE TO STAY LOOKING THE WAY THEY DID WHEN THEY GOT MARRIED, TO A POINT. WE ALL AGE AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT, HOWEVER IF YOU GET MARRIED AND GET SO COMFORTABLE THAT YOU PHYSICALLY CHANGE ALOT THATS WRONG. I AM A WOMAN,  MARRIED 23 YEARS, 5 KIDS, WORK SOMETIMES 60 HOURS A WEEK OUTSIDE THE HOME, HAVE USUALLY 6 TO 8 DIFFERENT SPORTS TEAMS GOING AT A TIME AND MAINTAIN OUR HOUSEHOLD WITHOUT ANY HIRED HELP. EVERYDAY, I SAID EVERY DAY I GET UP AND MAKE MYSELF LOOK THE BEST I CAN. EVERY DAY, 365 DAYS A YEAR I DO MY HAIR, MAKE UP AND CLOTHES! I MEAN WOULD YOU GO OUT AND BUY A $300,000.00 CAR TODAY AND PARK IT IN THE GARAGE ONLY TO WAKE UP 5 YEARS LATER AND 60 PAYMENTS GONE (BIG PAYMENTS) AND FIND THAT IT HAS TURNED INTO A FORD FESTIVA!!!! COME ON YOU WOULD BE MAD. THEN WHY IS IT ACCEPTABLE FOR THEM TO GET FAT BUT EXPECT THEIR MATE TO LOVE THEM ANYWAY?  I WATCH WHAT I EAT TO MAINTAIN MY APPEARENCE.  ALMOST EVERYONE I KNOW DOES NOT DO THIS, INCLUDING MY HUSBAND. HE DID THE "BAIT AND SWITCH" THING BIG TIME! WE HAVE SEPERATED A TIME OR TWO AND HE IMMEDIATELY WENT TO THE DRESSING NICE AND GOING TO FUN PLACES, THINGS HE WONT DO MARRIED TO ME. SO YEA I AGREE, IF YOU ARE CINDERELLA OR PRINCE CHARMING WHEN I MARRY YOU, YOU DAMN WELL BETTER BE EVERYDAY UNTIL.................WELL UNTIL.  

Wanting your spouse to look the best they can is one thing.....but calling your spouse names and making them feel like crap about themselves is another......that is verbal and emotional abuse!  If you make a person hate who they are they will just hate themselves and not care what they look like even more. 
 
April 23, 2006, 1:46 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: lillskr

I usually don't take offense to posts, but to let you know I'm in a similar situation.  I've never been "blindingly beautiful"  (I'm cute, but not hot).  My husband's hasn't always been like this either.  We came together after being friends.  His attitude didn't change til after we got married.  He was a calmer person when he had  some "Weight around the middle".  It was til after he started hitting the gym, he became pretty much obsessed with his weight.  I've always been tiny (And underweight at times too when I had to deal with an illness and became underweight because i was tiny).  After he started that, he told me he would not be able to live with someone who accepted themselves and would be able to live as fat.   

"These  kinds of women" would apply to me, but not the stereotype that goes with it.  Sure, you might be right about some cases, but I'm sure it doesn't happen in all cases.   

I'm sorry if I offended you. I should have made it clear that I was not talking about people who have obviously gone through some kind of change. You husband has obviously gone though some kind of crisis or he has a disorder or something.

If he was loving and you had a deep real relationship and he has suddenly become superficial and demanding beauty from you that you never possessed then he should see someone about that. His thinking has changed in some way.

I am talking about women who win their men by beauty and then get SHOCKED when their husbands stop loving them.
 
April 23, 2006, 7:22 pm CDT

Topic : 04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: purplepain

I'm sorry if I offended you. I should have made it clear that I was not talking about people who have obviously gone through some kind of change. You husband has obviously gone though some kind of crisis or he has a disorder or something.

If he was loving and you had a deep real relationship and he has suddenly become superficial and demanding beauty from you that you never possessed then he should see someone about that. His thinking has changed in some way.

I am talking about women who win their men by beauty and then get SHOCKED when their husbands stop loving them.
It's ok   :).  Just wanted to make it clear I wasn't just a stereotype (I'm happy you didn't mean all people in this situation).  Not sure what's been going on in hubby's head, but I'm not even overweight and it's starting.  It just puts alot of extra pressure on me and I want him to be supportive again.
 
April 23, 2006, 7:58 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: boardgames

I AGREE WITH THE SPOUSE THAT WANTS THIER MATE TO STAY LOOKING THE WAY THEY DID WHEN THEY GOT MARRIED, TO A POINT. WE ALL AGE AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT, HOWEVER IF YOU GET MARRIED AND GET SO COMFORTABLE THAT YOU PHYSICALLY CHANGE ALOT THATS WRONG. I AM A WOMAN,  MARRIED 23 YEARS, 5 KIDS, WORK SOMETIMES 60 HOURS A WEEK OUTSIDE THE HOME, HAVE USUALLY 6 TO 8 DIFFERENT SPORTS TEAMS GOING AT A TIME AND MAINTAIN OUR HOUSEHOLD WITHOUT ANY HIRED HELP. EVERYDAY, I SAID EVERY DAY I GET UP AND MAKE MYSELF LOOK THE BEST I CAN. EVERY DAY, 365 DAYS A YEAR I DO MY HAIR, MAKE UP AND CLOTHES! I MEAN WOULD YOU GO OUT AND BUY A $300,000.00 CAR TODAY AND PARK IT IN THE GARAGE ONLY TO WAKE UP 5 YEARS LATER AND 60 PAYMENTS GONE (BIG PAYMENTS) AND FIND THAT IT HAS TURNED INTO A FORD FESTIVA!!!! COME ON YOU WOULD BE MAD. THEN WHY IS IT ACCEPTABLE FOR THEM TO GET FAT BUT EXPECT THEIR MATE TO LOVE THEM ANYWAY?  I WATCH WHAT I EAT TO MAINTAIN MY APPEARENCE.  ALMOST EVERYONE I KNOW DOES NOT DO THIS, INCLUDING MY HUSBAND. HE DID THE "BAIT AND SWITCH" THING BIG TIME! WE HAVE SEPERATED A TIME OR TWO AND HE IMMEDIATELY WENT TO THE DRESSING NICE AND GOING TO FUN PLACES, THINGS HE WONT DO MARRIED TO ME. SO YEA I AGREE, IF YOU ARE CINDERELLA OR PRINCE CHARMING WHEN I MARRY YOU, YOU DAMN WELL BETTER BE EVERYDAY UNTIL.................WELL UNTIL.  

Well, I might not look like I did when I married my one and only 13 years ago but there has never been a reason for us to seperate and to me that says alot.........Sounds to me like you might have a slef image issue and as another poster stated, sounds like your "love" is conditional..........I don't do my hair andmake up every day, but I am still beautiful as far as my husband goes, and yes, I am active but when I feel like staying home and just hanging out with my family, I am not gonna dress up for it, but I am still beautiful as far as my husband is concerned, and I feel the same way about him, he has gotten some meat on his bones in the past 13 years but hey, I'm a good cook, what can I say LOL..............The thing that sort of makes me wonder about your post is the idea that your husband dresses nice and goes to fun places when you are seperated but he won't do these things when you are together? I apologize if I have misunderstood this but if this is the case, maybe you need to look at yourself in the mirrowr and ask yourself, why is this? Why is it that your husband doesn't want to look nice for you and go fun places with you but he will without you? I would definetly be doing self check here for that would definetly bother me if myhusband were to treat me like this...................Remember, love, true love, is unconditional and believe me, it is a wonderful feeling and experience.
 
April 23, 2006, 9:55 pm CDT

looks are only skin deep

I can see taking care of yourself, but what I feel people should remember is outside looks doesn't mean everything!  They should be thinking what's healthy.  In other words, you don't want someone that's bony, skinny and in poor health.  Also, you don't want someone to be obese, and unhealthy.  There's got to be a happy medium:)
 
April 24, 2006, 6:48 am CDT

Things Happen

There is such a double standard within this topic.   The man is usually mad when wifey gains weight--sorry fellas, carrying your kids isn't a non-stop party.  But let the man gain weight, the woman usually will not complain.  Sure I wish I looked like I did when I got married 7 yrs ago, but I don't, and neither does he--but we love each other UNCONDITIONALLY......GOD forbid something bad happens to Michele like the lost of her legs(not wishing this on anyone, just trying to prove a point)  Would Kenny leave her then, just because she wouldn't appear to be the same person he married.  I just thought the vows were supposed to mean something.  I don't remember them saying " I will........until you gain X amount of lbs--then I have to go".
 
April 24, 2006, 12:54 pm CDT

Not Hot Enough

i think all men thinks like that at one time or another. Because I am a very attrative lady , small 115 and my husband looks at other women and goes on porn site.but i know he loves,and we have a good marriage. so if your husband do not like the way you are, find some one else that will,do not put up with that bull s.There is some body at there that would love you for what you are.Go for it and you are worth it baby.
 
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