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Topic : 08/15 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Number of Replies: 743
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, April 21, 2006, 10:19:03 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/26/06) If physical attraction gets you to the altar, what happens when your spouse turns ugly in your eyes? Michele says her husband, Carl, is embarrassed by her and looks disgusted whenever he sees her naked. Carl admits that if Michele looked this way when they met, he wouldn't have been attracted to her. What is causing Carl to feel this way? Can he look past the physical and reconnect with the woman he married? Then, Teri is newly married but asks her husband 20 times a day if she's hot enough. Why does Dr. Phil tell her she's playing with fire? And, Kenny wants his wife, Anita, to look hot, sexy and irresistible again, like she did when they got married seven years ago. Anita says Kenny tears her heart out when he tells her she will be beautiful when she loses weight. What's at the root of Anita's problem? Share your thoughts here.

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April 24, 2006, 2:34 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: parisfan

haven't seen the  show but from watching the show i am already scratching my head--what is wrong with a few people out there that cannot accept that their spouses can't always look like they are twenty something? yeah, sure you can try and be healthy and all but our bodys do 'change' as we get older it has been proven--it's called aging and it seems like real ignorance to me if you cannot accept some as is.

parisfan
Aging and putting on weight are two different things.  I've seen people that look better in their 40's then they did when they were in their 20's.  Putting on a lot of weight and trying to pawn it off as aging is nothing but a sad excuse in my eyes.
 
April 24, 2006, 5:53 pm CDT

We need to be comfortable in our own skin

We are all going to get old and wrinkled and whatnot.  I think if you have confidence in your self no matter what...it wlll shine through and be more attractive than any outer beauty.
 
April 24, 2006, 8:12 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Guys are a disgrace to human kind these days. There not real men, what happened to marring, loving and caring for you wife for life? Guys just don’t do that these days, marriage is a joke. If a woman were to do that all hell would break loose. No wonder teens grow up with such low self esteem because we are always shown that if u don’t stay small and pretty your man is gunna leave ya. So were constantly worried if were good enough. I don’t even know what that one guy is talking about how his wife is ugly, he needs to open his eyes and realize he isn't a speedo model either. Us woman love our men when they grow beer bellies, tons of body hair and foul odor. And the other guy complaining how his wife wants compliments, well if he’d actually show her some love, support, be caring, give her complements without having her to ask for them, then she would feel appreciated and wouldn’t complain. Guys think girls are so difficult the only thing they need to do is show affection, give complements and help her relax by rubbing her feet, do the dishes, clean or take care of the kids so she could have some me time so then she’ll be happy and have a fun time with him later.
 
April 24, 2006, 10:25 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: lillskr

It's ok   :).  Just wanted to make it clear I wasn't just a stereotype (I'm happy you didn't mean all people in this situation).  Not sure what's been going on in hubby's head, but I'm not even overweight and it's starting.  It just puts alot of extra pressure on me and I want him to be supportive again.
This might sound like a dumb question but have you just come out and asked him what's up?

I would just sit him down and as calmly as you can, just ask him directly "Why are you putting this pressure on me?"

But that's just me.

Maybe he wants you to feel as good as he does (he might be assuming that because he feels so much better that you will to, not taking into account that you don't feel as bad as he might have to begin with) and he thinks he's motivating you? Men can sometimes come off as very insenstive as we all know, but they think they are being helpful.

Some people get all excited about something and forget tact.
 
April 24, 2006, 10:35 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: outsider1

Aging and putting on weight are two different things.  I've seen people that look better in their 40's then they did when they were in their 20's.  Putting on a lot of weight and trying to pawn it off as aging is nothing but a sad excuse in my eyes.
The fact is that people DO gain some weight as they age. If you look at medical weight charts that are sorted by age, they do allow for a small weight gain as a person enters middle age.

I don't even think the woman on this show is fat anyway, I haven't seen it, but from the preview it just seems to me that she is victim to a bad case of celulite and her fat might just settle in her thighs and butt.  That just happens to people sometimes. Even some very thin people get chunky legs and behind. It's not her fault and it has NOTHING to do with what kind of a partner she is.

I find it shocking that a man in his 40's (I think that is how old this guy is) can't find sexiness in his wifes person. That kind of shallow behavoir is usually exhibited by teens. (Or should be.)
 
April 25, 2006, 4:09 am CDT

sounds so much like the show about Christy

Wow, this show sounds so much like the recent show about Michael and Christy.  I will repeat some of my comments from that show.  There is a double standard.  The husband can grow a pot belly and go bald. His wife is expected to stick with him.  The wife gains weight-god forbid-THIS is not allowed!!!  Hubby compares her to airbrushed, fake eyelashed,  and anorexic Hollywood.  He expects his wife to look like unrealistic magazine covergirls.  Shallow, shallow, shallow!  

   

Now, with all that said, I do believe that you should try to look your own personal best. Basic hygiene is a must-no excuses for not bathing or brushing your teeth and hair and for not wearing clean clothing.  I personally like to wear a little makeup, but it certainly is not overdone!!  For a spouse to stop loving his/her  spouse because of weight gain or aging is unacceptable to me and it would tell me that that love is conditional and shallow.  Name calling and other put-downs are totally unacceptable in my book.  

   

   

 
April 25, 2006, 4:19 am CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: jettav

Well, I might not look like I did when I married my one and only 13 years ago but there has never been a reason for us to seperate and to me that says alot.........Sounds to me like you might have a slef image issue and as another poster stated, sounds like your "love" is conditional..........I don't do my hair andmake up every day, but I am still beautiful as far as my husband goes, and yes, I am active but when I feel like staying home and just hanging out with my family, I am not gonna dress up for it, but I am still beautiful as far as my husband is concerned, and I feel the same way about him, he has gotten some meat on his bones in the past 13 years but hey, I'm a good cook, what can I say LOL..............The thing that sort of makes me wonder about your post is the idea that your husband dresses nice and goes to fun places when you are seperated but he won't do these things when you are together? I apologize if I have misunderstood this but if this is the case, maybe you need to look at yourself in the mirrowr and ask yourself, why is this? Why is it that your husband doesn't want to look nice for you and go fun places with you but he will without you? I would definetly be doing self check here for that would definetly bother me if myhusband were to treat me like this...................Remember, love, true love, is unconditional and believe me, it is a wonderful feeling and experience.
yea i guess my love is conditional. on the condition that he love and respect me enough that he doesnt get so comfortable and lax in his person and let his looks or his manners go. if he gets fat because he has a medical reason or had an accident thats one thing, but if he sits at the table and gorges himself and has no self control with his food thats another. so many women and men think, "i am married now so who cares". i dont believe in that. that is also the way my husband thinks about going out, "i am not looking for anyone might as well stay at home or do the family thing". thats great most of the time but come on i am married not dead. 
 
April 25, 2006, 6:32 am CDT

These men are unrealistic

Quote From: juliebgg

Wow, this show sounds so much like the recent show about Michael and Christy.  I will repeat some of my comments from that show.  There is a double standard.  The husband can grow a pot belly and go bald. His wife is expected to stick with him.  The wife gains weight-god forbid-THIS is not allowed!!!  Hubby compares her to airbrushed, fake eyelashed,  and anorexic Hollywood.  He expects his wife to look like unrealistic magazine covergirls.  Shallow, shallow, shallow!  

   

Now, with all that said, I do believe that you should try to look your own personal best. Basic hygiene is a must-no excuses for not bathing or brushing your teeth and hair and for not wearing clean clothing.  I personally like to wear a little makeup, but it certainly is not overdone!!  For a spouse to stop loving his/her  spouse because of weight gain or aging is unacceptable to me and it would tell me that that love is conditional and shallow.  Name calling and other put-downs are totally unacceptable in my book.  

   

   

These men see so much porn and model images consistently that they think it's easy for a woman to look that way and believe it should be so when they don't stop to think what having babies does to a woman's body. First of all, some women gain a lot of weight being pregnant and being pregnant forever physically alters your body, your spine and your lifestyle. So if you want her to look like a model or like a porn star, you take care of everything, give her a few million dollars and she'll run off to the plastic surgeon's office and sooner or later she'll leave your sorry butt anyway because you won't look good to her anymore!! LOL
 
April 25, 2006, 6:46 am CDT

don't pressure yourself

Quote From: lillskr

This quote is my topic.  I didn't get to finish it because he walked in the room.  Anyways,  the hard part of all this is that I recently got hypothyroidism (Which really slows down your metabolism), so I'm pretty scared of all this.  It's just too bad he had to tell me his rules because it makes alot of extra pressure, even though I want to stay at a normal weight.               

Obviously since he "walked in the room" and you stopped conversating,  you are keeping secrets from him and that's not healthy. If he sees what you think and what you have to say and flips out, there is something wrong with him! And as far as his "rules" go, I'd tell him I have my own rules and to go rule his own diet and let you take care of your own. People's bodies are different and we all need different foods at different times. My advice is for you to eat small amounts several times a day and to go walking. It will free your mind and give you time to think away from the chaos of life, making you less stressed out (which is also a cause of weight gain). Take care of yourself and quit worrying about him! That will change your life.
 
April 25, 2006, 6:55 am CDT

Men can be sweet

Quote From: swan7368

After having our first child (she is now 18months old) I am 30lbs heavier then I have ever been.  My husband loves me no matter what.  In fact it is me who tries to hide my body from him.  I was complaining about my stretch marks just the other day and he told me that anything that helped bring his daughter into this world is a beautiful thing....including the stretch marks!  How sweet can a man get?  He makes me feel so much better about myself....it is hard to imagine what it would be like if the one who is suppose to love you no matter what says horrible things about you and your body.
It's nice to see that some guys can actually be kind. A few weeks ago, I was complaining about my body and my hubby told me that  he loves me just as much as before and he said he has no complaints. In fact, he thinks I look better weighing 130 lbs. compared to 120 lbs.! He thought I looked too skinny 5 yrs ago when we met and he thinks I look healthy now. I am 5'3" and everyone agrees that a few months ago when I weighed 123 lbs. that I looked anorexic!! Beauty is about what you got inside and how you act on the outside.
 
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