Topic : 08/15 "You're Not Hot Enough"

I'm in tears over this episode.  Not so much that her husband treats her that way, but b/c I know exactly how she feels.  I have been dealing with eating disorders since I was 17.  And when I met my husband I was 125 and thrwoing up after everything I ate/drank/ and if I smelled something that seemed as though it would taste good... I would throw up.  It was a horrible part in my life.  But I was skinny.  I am 5.4.  I had my son six months ago, and during that time I gained 70 lbs.  I finally felt as though I could eat again, well I had to.  And my body not being use to food I blew up like a balloon.  I had a c-section, and they say it's harder to lose weight.  Mainly for the most part you can't exercise as exsevive as I would like b/c I feel tearing and stretching and pain from my scar.  Of course there is just more to this problem than just my weight, but I do feel the lady about how nothing, no matter how hard you try is not good enough. 

Okay, so here's my problem.  My husband is repulsed by me.  He hardly sleeps in the same bed as me.  I've lost 30 lbs.  I'm 168 now.  I will be fine with 140.  but constatnly I am being called lazy, ugly, fat, chunky, chubby, desgusting, unattractive, all with in five mins.  No matter what I say, he is right.  And it truely breaks my heard to read how everyone's husbands are so supportive and so re-assuring.  And mine is sitting here (by the way, he's gained maybe 5 lbs since I meet him) calling me such obscene names over 50 times a day.  

I don't know what I'm trying to say from this... I thought that from watching the show it would help me.  But I guess I'm too far gone into my depression of my self image that everything Dr. Phil said just went in ear and out the other.  But to all of you that have supporting husbands, hold on to them.  B/c there are more and more disrespectful men out there that care only about how hot thier wives look.  No matter if it does break them down until they are nothing.  

<3  

Alright Mister Broad Shoulders .............   

Number One .. Take a look in the mirror, buddy.     

Number Two .. Your wife couldn`t  be  more beautiful.  Healthier weight, sure.  But beauty?  She has it in spades ............   

Number Three ..  Take a longer look in the mirror, buddy.   

Number four .. Grow up and get over yourself.   

After watching the first part of this show and reading the rediculous postings here I feel I needed to toot my own horn and bring it back to earth. As a woman I do want to look my best for my husband - I want him to see me as beautiful, gorgeous, desirable. But I refuse to be a wife who has to maintain a "status quo" in order to be loved and wanted. I am not going to allow myself to be used as a trophy or a punching bag. We are all looking for unconditional love - the sad thing is that we never look for it in the right places. True love is unconditional and cannot have stipulations. We all need to get our eyes off the "I want you to look like..." and see people for who they are and what they can offer outside of physical looks. Looks fade even if you work on looking good. Eating the right foods, exercise, and true joy in life help to keep us feeling and looking young, but I refuse to spend my life trying to reach a standard that I had no part in setting. My worth comes from what I have to offer - not what I look like. If someone doesn't have respect for me as a person based on my looks, I know that I am a better person than they are - your worth is not baseed on how flat your stomach is or how "hot" you look. It comes from who you are not what you look like. We need to change the degree that we look at the physical and focus more on what trully matters in this life.  

    This makes me sad and mad all at the same time. So what Michele's legs aren't perfect! Mine were shapely and sexy in my teens. I even won some awards for them. Since then I inherited a varicose vain. And along with every child I had I gained spider veins. But that wasn't the kicker. I now have a puckered lightening bolt shaped scare on the back of my upper thigh from level 4 melanoma.  

     I guess what I'm really saying is where is the true importance? Looks, feelings or life? 

So Kenny, your wife didn't turn out to be a super model?  From the looks of that house you're living in, you didn't turn out to be Donald Trump, either.  You're lucky Anita gained a little weight, otherwise she probably would have left your ugly self for someone better looking and richer. 

Michele.  You are drop dead gorgeous.  Skinny thighs are so far down on anyone's list of important assets you should forget all about them.  I once weighed 110 pounds and my husband still found me unattractive.  My self-esteem was so low I didn't even think I was important to my child.  I left them both and it took me years to become a mentally healthy woman again and to repair the damage done to my child.  Now I'm married to a man who thinks any weight I gain is cute "fluffy fat"!  It's not you, it's him. 

This may not help totally, but weight training is a VERY effective method for body sculpting.  While you are working through your self image and marriage issues, why not try doing a leg routine 3 times a week with weights.  I know it doesn't just make my legs look wonderful.  Somehow, using my will and force against a dead weight gives me a real emotional boost, too.  And seeing the greater and greater weights that you can use is very affirming. 

An Open Letter to Carl,  

     How dare you? Your wife has finished one career, started on another (yes, motherhood is a full-time career) and you're worried about her LEGS? She has given you a beautiful family, and is a beautiful woman. What would happen if Michele lost a leg in as accident? Would you only be disgusted half as much? What if you were burned over 70% of your body in a horrible accident? Do you think Michele would only love you 30% as much? Women don't forget hurtful thinks that men say, so remember that when you're sick or in need, she is the one that you're going to turn to. If you continue on, she won't be there to turn to.  Take a long look in the mirror Carl.  If you think Elle MacPherson is coming knocking on your door, I've got some oceanfront property in Arizona that's for sale.  

I have been married for almost 17 years yes i was over weight for awhile i had a car wreck and everything went down hill after that i ended up having gasrobypass in jan 06 i have lost 72lbs already in 3 months now my hubby wants to touch me but before he tell me i was fat and ugly and never took me anywhere now he wants to go places with me and i dont want him to go. i think our married it getting worst it just hurt me so bad becasue i know what he thought about me and now he wants me but i dont know if i want him  

please help me  

I completely understand the desire to have your spouse or partner REMAIN attractive.  Wouldn't we all love to have a very attractive partner?  However, what constantly surprises me on this topic is how women are held to this standard when men can gain 25-50 lbs. and no one sees that as an issue at all.  I noted that the wedding photos of Carl and Kenny looked vastly different than they do today, yet their changes are not even MENTIONED.  

Considering that women have a higher degree of hormonal changes and influences, childbirth and generally a more sensitive metabolism to weight gain, why is our society STILL holding them to a higher standard than our married men?   

I see this as a "couples" issue.  If the couple wants to be healthier, appear healthier, than it is something that they can do together.  A healthier regime wouldn't hurt either of those men.