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January 16, 2006, 4:48 pm PST

Could go either way.......

There is a fine line between a spanking and a beating....... and that is where the cruelty would enter. What I mean by that is if the parent has exhausted all ample avenues of discipline, then a spanking is at hand. However, if the spanking turns into an outright beating, not only is that cruel, but it is also illegal! (As it should be, of course.) Spanking, as a form of discipline won't be useful, either, If spankings are becoming a regularity. So I would always use spankings as a last resort, and only occassionally. Otherwise, there are so many things that a parent can take away from a child and have them earn back, so as to deter away from spanking as much as possible.

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jettav

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January 19, 2006, 9:43 am PST

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: toniarenee

There is a fine line between a spanking and a beating....... and that is where the cruelty would enter. What I mean by that is if the parent has exhausted all ample avenues of discipline, then a spanking is at hand. However, if the spanking turns into an outright beating, not only is that cruel, but it is also illegal! (As it should be, of course.) Spanking, as a form of discipline won't be useful, either, If spankings are becoming a regularity. So I would always use spankings as a last resort, and only occassionally. Otherwise, there are so many things that a parent can take away from a child and have them earn back, so as to deter away from spanking as much as possible.

parents who love, care and respect their kids will do right by them and their kids will sense their love for them and will want to make the right choices in life, they may fail at times, but when they know that they are loved and respected by their parents then chances are they will succeed, and children with parents who communicate with their children will gind that their children will comfortable in communicationg with them aboout their feelings and issues. My soon to be 5 year old has absolutely no problem coming to me if she is sad, or got her feelings hurt by me or any one else, she knows that she can talk to me about anything and I pray that she will always feel this way as she grows older and all. Believe me, if a parents has all these good qualities plus so much more, their children will be able to express to them what is working and not working with them, they may not be able to come right out and use the correst wording but kids are smart and have a way of communicating what they need to. It is just a matter of wheter or not we, the parents are listening and respecting our kids enoough to change what we need to and being loving and consistent...................

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jettav

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January 19, 2006, 9:58 am PST

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: orionxavie

I think the reason why i feel guilty is because I want them to have more than i Got growing up I really dont know, I have not bought anything for myself in 5 years unless it is necessary. I feel so guilty buying myself stuff, I think Jeez here I am buying this and the kids could have such and such.. And the kids know it, they know that whatever they want they get, its like i am rewarding them when they are good or bad. And I know that this is a cycle that i have to break now. And you are 100% right.. I really need to smarten up and be more firm, and be the parent. Nothing in your replies can offend me, it looks like I am going to need help with this whether I like the replies or not.

I understand what you are saying with wanting your children to have more then you, believe me, I grew up with nothing and abused! But one thing from my own experience with growing up, that I really didn't have discipline or love in my life, maybe a littel but not enough and what little I did have was not consistent. I can almost bet that your children wants discipline and boundaries and all, I remember as a 16 year old going to church and particiapating in the youth activities, we were taking a field trip and were given permission slips, well, for some reason, they were short on the slips and my Pastor looked at me and said, "Georgetta, I know it will be ok for you to go, we have all your info on file so we are not goingt o give you one", well, though I didn't say anything, my heart sank. Yep, I wanted a permisssion slip to take home for my grandma to sign which, she did end up signing one, I just got mine a little later. though, I couldn't really pin point it at that point, I needed the confirmation that some one cared about who I was and where I was, I didn't have that. Thankg God, I was a good kid and never got in trouble!..Love and respect your kids and set those boundaries and though they may not like you for a a bit or say something mean, whatever, don't take it personally, I can bet that that will appreciate you for it in the end................ and I say go out and treat your slef once in a while, I am not one to buy me stuff, but I sure do take my self out at times and treat myself to lunch, nothing like going into a nice quiet restaurante, sitting in a corner all by my self and reading a little something. I like walkint he mall as well, just spending time with ME as well as some alone timew here I can read and pray and reflect on life itself, do something for your self and come home and brag about what you have done. I do LOLLLLLLLLLL, it isnothing for me to come home and some one ask me what I did with my time, I will say something like, " I went for a walk and got me some good tortilla soup and a salad from Max and Ermas and it was deliciooooooooooooos, they all just laugh at me and life goes on, of course hubby supposrts me 100% and that does help. Taking time for you will help you to be an even better mom then what you are, it's like getting a fresh start, don't get discouraged, take one day at a time and be there for your self as well as the others, follow through and be consistent with your rules and the more you do it the better things will get and in time every one will get used to it, No need to feel guilty, your kids need to learn that all people, including mom's need a ;little pampering at times, we all have needs and desires, even mom's so that is something that you need to teach your kids, Every once in a while, I have to remind my soon to be 5 year old that life isn't all about her LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL

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renagade

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January 24, 2006, 7:14 pm PST

Fine line ???

Quote From: toniarenee

There is a fine line between a spanking and a beating....... and that is where the cruelty would enter. What I mean by that is if the parent has exhausted all ample avenues of discipline, then a spanking is at hand. However, if the spanking turns into an outright beating, not only is that cruel, but it is also illegal! (As it should be, of course.) Spanking, as a form of discipline won't be useful, either, If spankings are becoming a regularity. So I would always use spankings as a last resort, and only occassionally. Otherwise, there are so many things that a parent can take away from a child and have them earn back, so as to deter away from spanking as much as possible.

I was spanked as a child - best thing for me. I don't believe a parent should exhaust all avenues. If the child is really being disobient then several good whacks to the backside should be done. I do agree that spankings should not be the norm. I was spanked about 8 times from the age of 6 to about 9. These however were Majors and I really did cross the boundaires. They were hard and fast right then and there.

I know what you mean tho for fine line - and I think part of the thing is culture - some believe spanking should go this far and other believe that it's too far. The reason I feel it should be done right then and there is to make the child 'know' that they have crossed the line.

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wv_mom3

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January 28, 2006, 5:09 pm PST

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

I beleive that spanking is a useful tool in discipline. I was raised that way and I don't beleive there is anything wrong with it as long as you stay in the right boundries, don't ever spank a child when your angry, and also if you think another method would work better for a certain situation ,try it first. Some children just don't respond to "time out". Of course I'm not an expert and everyone makes mistakes, but I do my best with my children and I just want them to grow up to be productive citizens. But it really makes me angry when you have these people who just flat out judge what others do and say your abusing your kids just because you tap them on the rear and set them down. I do beleive some people may cross that fine line, but for the most part parents who spank their kids aren't trying to hurt their kids, but help them.

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peggyrn

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January 28, 2006, 6:04 pm PST

Child Abuse

Last week a football coach paddled 20 boys for minor offenses. This happened in a Mississippi middle school. It is a week later, and there are multiple boys with softball size bruises on them from the paddling incident. This is not about "spanking", this is pure and outright abuse. Do you all know that the US is the only industrialized nation that uses corporal punishment in schools? I am the biggest advocate for accountability and disicpline in schools, but NOBODY, and I mean nobody, has the right to hit a child with a wooden plank and bruise them. What I am beginning to see is a pattern of abuse in several school systems, and no consequences for the adults who hit and bruise children. Abuse is abuse, whether it happens in the classroom or a living room. A parent would have the child removed from the home if he or she paddled or belted a child and bruised them, a week later, the child is still bruised. Why are teachers protected?

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terrific98

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February 3, 2006, 7:27 pm PST

children do as we do not as we say!

Quote From: peggyrn

Last week a football coach paddled 20 boys for minor offenses. This happened in a Mississippi middle school. It is a week later, and there are multiple boys with softball size bruises on them from the paddling incident. This is not about "spanking", this is pure and outright abuse. Do you all know that the US is the only industrialized nation that uses corporal punishment in schools? I am the biggest advocate for accountability and disicpline in schools, but NOBODY, and I mean nobody, has the right to hit a child with a wooden plank and bruise them. What I am beginning to see is a pattern of abuse in several school systems, and no consequences for the adults who hit and bruise children. Abuse is abuse, whether it happens in the classroom or a living room. A parent would have the child removed from the home if he or she paddled or belted a child and bruised them, a week later, the child is still bruised. Why are teachers protected?

I will say that I am against spankings. I am against hurting children period. I live in Florida and I do not think in the public school system paddling is still allowed. My daughter is six years old. She just started kindengarden this year but has been in preschool since she was 2 1/2 yrs-old. I have always checked in all of the schools that my daughter attended (both private and public) to make sure that there was no fine print anywhere allowing anyone to put there hands on my child. If a school did have such a policy my daughter would not be attending that school. If my daughter was one of the children mentioned above. I would probably be a single parent right now because my husband would be in jail for "spanking or paddling" the coach himself. I wonder if the coach would like to "learn a lesson" by being hit. If it is illeagal to assault (assault: to physical touch another person without permission) a stranger why is it ok to "spank" the most precious gift that has ever been given to you. How does hitting your child when you do not like what they did teach them anything. The only thing it teaches them is to be afraid of their parents and that hitting people is ok when you get upset with them. I am sorry but nobody will ever convince me that a 5 year old understands that you hitting them because you love them. No they know you are mad at them and that is why you are hitting them. Most parents that I know that spank (and I do have friends that do so) still want to believe that children will do as they are told not as they see. Well, I do not know when people are going to get it through their heads. Kids do what they see not what they are told. My child knows the rules and the consequences if she breaks the rules. But my child also knows that no matter what she does mommy and daddy (her protectors) will never harm her in any manner. We do not yell and scream and we do not hit. We take the time to explain why we set certain rules. And yes this is not the quickest method or the easist especially at young ages but parenting is not easy. Nor is parenting quick we have the rest of our lives. We would rather have to take 30 minutes explaining a rule. Or having to explain the rule more than once, than to not want to take the time because we have so much more important things to do with our time other than talk to our children and in return physically and emotionally hurt our child. We do not teach our child fear we teach her right from wrong. No I was not hit as a child. However my husband was and he said he would never hit his child. When he is asked what spankings taught him his reply is one of two things 1. nothing of importance. 2. not to do the samething agian because he would get "spanked" agian. In my opinion dicipline is suppose to teach you right from wrong not violence. The worse thing I have heard out in public is children crying and begging their parents not the hit them as they are being drug outside or into the bathroom to get a spanking.

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blueidmom

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February 5, 2006, 6:05 pm PST

remember me??

Hello everyone my name is jennifer and my husband and i were on Dr. phils show entitled "what type of parent are you?" I was concerned about how harsh my husband was on my kids and was looking for help..... Dr. Phil gave great advice to both of us and sent us home with the book " Family first." Awesome book.... Long story short my now ex husband wasn't willing to change his life pattern to help our kids grow up to be heathly children so now i am facing it all alone.. He is not in there lifes a whole lot any more he has moved to a different state and has not had contact with them. but , thur it all I have tried to show them the love and support that they need in this time of there life... They all want me to date again but i haven't found anyone that i am comfortable with or am comfortable thinking " how will he be with my kids?" I won't let another man hurt my kids , I wouldn't let there dad i won't let anyone!!! jennifer

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jdrabble

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February 11, 2006, 7:03 pm PST

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

i am not an anti spanking parent though i do believe it should only be used as a punishment when your child has dont something that is really terrible. i have 3 kids 2 are my step kids a boy aged12 and a girl aged 8 and my own who is 21months. and i have only ever had to spank my children 4 times, not each, thats all up. i prefer time out and to use encouragement of good behaviour, there are so many ways to discipline your kids rather than spanking but i believe that kids need to know who is boss, and it certainaly isnt them!!!!

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jdrabble

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February 11, 2006, 7:16 pm PST

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: jennife72

well i don't want to have to spank my son or anything

but sometimes when you have tried everything and are getting tired of the disobedience

then you have to use other options

i think i am getting persucuted because i popped my son in the mouth because he said i was a bad mommy

when i was telling him to do thingsand he wasn't doing them

it is not like i punhed him with an open fist or anything or knocked his teeth out

my fiance's grandmother had did that to his son before for smarting off and they said she shouldn't have done that

that a spank on the bottom would be enough

and she said well the smart words did not come out of his butt

thanks

i totally agree, as long as you arent abusing your child then i see no reason why it would be wrong to teach your child a lesson like that.

i believe its each parent to their own method of discipline and nobody has the right to say you are a bad parent because you chose to spank your child, i dont believe in giving kids hidings so that they end up bruised, but a smack on the bottom never hurt anyone.

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Topic : Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Could go either way.......

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Fine line ???

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Child Abuse

children do as we do not as we say!

remember me??

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?