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Topic : Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Number of Replies: 2264
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:50:41 pm
Author : dataimport
Is spanking a necessary evil or can you discipline effectively without physical punishment? Sound off about spanking.

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June 22, 2008, 4:37 pm CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

       I think spanking is Cruel. I think people turn to it out of frustration and not knowing what else to do...............
 
June 26, 2008, 4:46 pm CDT

Spanking should be criminal

As a person who was hit repeatedly in my childhood, I applaud you Dr. Phil, for speaking about it. The only thing that beatings did to me is show me not to trust parents. Even at a young age, I could not show or accept any kind of affection from my parents, especially my mother as she was the spanker. I still have a relationship with them as I decided, when I got older to let it flow under the bridge and since they are at an advance age, there is no good reason to hold a grudge. The only thing that I told myself is that I would never put my hand on another human being in anger.

 

I can boast that my 10 year old son was never spanked by either myself nor would I accept my ex-wife to do so. He is well advised that if anyone would lay a hand on him that he is to tell me immediately and I'll deal with that.

 

He is very well disciplined and is a testament that learning respect is not at the end of a stick. I welcome your attempts to put this subject to light Dr. Phil and when I see shows that deal with the topic I always feel repulsed by some guest who try to justify this form of accepted molestation.

 

I am 50 years old and I still feel some effects from my childhood but I'll be damned if my child would be in any way exoised to this.

 

Keep up the good work!!

 

A concerned father

 
July 17, 2008, 8:18 am CDT

Discipline

Physical violence is not the answer to dicipline.  When a child is really young, tapping on their fingers and saying no, is okay.  Notice I said 'tapping' and not slapping.  Once the child understands'yes' and 'no', is when even the tapping stops.

 

The biggest problem with discipline is not from the child, it is from the parents.  The discipline must start when the child is very young.  The discipline is administered according to age and both parents must be in agreement.  The very first time parents disagree about a discipline act, the child will immediately know, to divide and conquer.  Each child is different, so discipline is subjective to the child.  Little Mary likes cookies, and you just made some cookies.  You tell Mary, "do not touch these, they are for Billy's birthday party."( Billy is a neighbor's child. ) Now, Mary starts to look at the cookies, oh, they smell so good, there are so many of them, Mom won't miss one cookie.  Mary starts to walk around the table, her eyes glued to those cookies.  She gives in to temptation, takes one and goes to the opposite end of the house, so Mom won't see her eating it.  Her hands get messy from the chocolate chips, and she has chocolate around her mouth.  Mary's Mom calls her.  Mary, not realizing there are tell-tail signs she's had a cookie, she goes to her Mom. Mary stands there, obviously the evidence is on her face and hands.  What does Mary's Mom do?  After all, Mary disobeyed her Mom.

 

Mom, talks to Mary, at Mary's level.  Explaining that when Mom says 'no' she means no, and Mary needs to do as her mother tells her.  So, what kind of punishment should Mary recieve.  She's just a child, what would make Mary think twice about disobeying Mom again?  No ice cream?  No favorite tv progam? Mom needs to know what Mary really, really likes to do or eat.  The discipline for eating the cookie she's been told not to, needs to be age related to the child.  So Mom tells Mary, "you cannot watch Sesamie Street this afternoon".  Now, Mary by the time Sesamie street comes on, will have forgotten about, not being able to watch it.  Mom should never forget what she tells Mary her punishment will be.  Mary sits on the couch, getting comfortable to watch Sesamie Street.  Mom comes in and turns the tv off. 

 

Mary goes wild, throws a tantrum etc., this is the time that Mom, will have to talk to Mary what discipline and punishment is.  That when she (Mary) disobeys her Mom or Dad, she will have a price to pay.  This time it is, no Sesamie Street.  Of course Mary is going to cry, sob and it's going to break Mom's heart.  Mom needs to remember, when Mary was born, all Mary knew was to cry to get attention, to communicate, someone needs to come feed her, change her diaper, do something.  So, it is only natural for a small child to cry.  Let them cry, even sit in Mom's lap and cry. Mom can softely explain to Mary how the system of Parent and child works.

 

As Mary gets older, she understands more, her discipline severity will increase (remember it's never physical). By the time Mary reaches 4yrs. old, she should know and understand that when Mom or Dad says 'no', she needs to obey, because if she doesn't, she (Mary) will have to pay the price.  Once a child knows that her parents will do what they say they will do, the job of discipline will decrease.  The child will start to respect their parents, and the parents will begin to trust the child.

 

All children learn by experience, and they don't know what hot means, until they get burned.  They are inquisitive, they want to know 'why' about everything and will certainly try to outsmart their parents in everything.  The parents must be one step ahead of the child, be patient with the child, explain why to the child (at the child's level), as often as necessary for the child to understand. 

 

Discipline does not start at 6yrs. old, it starts as soon as the child understand what 'no' means.  The discipline is administered according to the child's age.  Grounding a 3yr. old won't work but it will for a 6yr. old.  Parents, just remember "say what you mean, mean what you say" and follow thru, start at an early age and you will have far less behavior problems.  You will have children who will grow up and understand they are responsible for their actions, even as teenagers and adults, there will always be a price to pay for their actions.  Also, the reward system works the same way.  Reward a child for doing the things they should do.

 

The star system works well, for a small child, one star will get an extra cookie, two starts will get an ice cream etc.  As they get older, their reward will be different.  By the time they are are 6-8yrs. old, rewards should not be necessary.  Their ultimate reward is, they have obeyed their parents and they can live life without being disciplined, and pretty much get and do what they want.  Parents, do not slack off on dilligence of discipline, no matter how old the child.  When the child is old enough to leave the nest, they then will be on their own, and pay their own price for those mistakes.  Never feel sorry about disciplining your child, and back off.  If you back off, you certainly will be sorry you didn't discipline your child.

 

 

 

 

 
July 19, 2008, 11:24 am CDT

spanking has it's place

When my children were little 2-4  I did spank them for doing dangerous things like running into the street. When I say spank, I mean pat them on the butt and show how concerned you are about what they've done, after I patted them, I'd cry and hug them, to show them how upset I was at what they did. I didn't use this form of punishment very often.. just when it was really important for their safety. When they were old enough to understand words, I stopped this, because it wasn't needed. Kids (above the age of 4 or so) know when you're unhappy with what they do, you don't have to beat them to show it. The important thing is that they understand.  Spanking is a tool that needs to be used in a caring way, always let your children you care about them, that is so important
 
July 20, 2008, 1:42 pm CDT

to spank or not

 I raised three kids to adulthood giving plenty of spankings. They are my life, my joy. I have an 18 year old and a 12 year old whom I barely tolerate because dad wouldn't / don't allow spankings or any form of discipline. I raised the first three as a single mom and full time student and we are super close. My last two kids make me HATE being a mother!  My last two kids have treated like s*** on their shoes from infancy, I was never able to mother them. My first three kids have done well in their lives, I expect my youngest to end up in jail.
 I honestly believe lack of spankings is why society sucks today, kids do NOT respect authority, why there is so much violence.
 I didn't get spanked more then twice that I can remember & I rebelled. My first three got a lot of spankings and not one of them rebelled. I would have rather been spanked and got it over with then be lectured for hours like my mom disciplined me.  
 
July 21, 2008, 3:11 pm CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: supermomof5

 I raised three kids to adulthood giving plenty of spankings. They are my life, my joy. I have an 18 year old and a 12 year old whom I barely tolerate because dad wouldn't / don't allow spankings or any form of discipline. I raised the first three as a single mom and full time student and we are super close. My last two kids make me HATE being a mother!  My last two kids have treated like s*** on their shoes from infancy, I was never able to mother them. My first three kids have done well in their lives, I expect my youngest to end up in jail.
 I honestly believe lack of spankings is why society sucks today, kids do NOT respect authority, why there is so much violence.
 I didn't get spanked more then twice that I can remember & I rebelled. My first three got a lot of spankings and not one of them rebelled. I would have rather been spanked and got it over with then be lectured for hours like my mom disciplined me.  

Gooooooodnight, why so grumpy?

 

 

 

I was spanked and whipped my entire childhood.  I continued to rebel well into my adulthood.  I still at 48, have little respect for my mother.  While I do love her now, she was clearly a woman who's only means of punishment were HER out of control at the end of a belt or her hand.    It did nothing but fill me with intense hatred and rage towards her as a child and then as a teenager.  Took me many years to move on as an adult.    

 

 I've said it before and I'll say it again.  If you spanked your children when they were growing up they're screwed up in some way as adults.    Can they hold a job very long, do they drink too much, yell too much, over weight, have anxiety attacks, do drugs,  have a poor self image and/or a low self esteem, constant stress, suffer from depression,  fear of large open spaces, lack confidence, cry easily, fear socializing, irrational fear of flying,  keep dating the wrong men/women, have poor judgement, road rage, fly off the handle easily, etc..........?

 

Don't kid yourself.    Before you pat yourself on the back, know this.   Hitting a child changes who they were meant to be in *some* way.    

 

 

In *some* way.  

 
July 21, 2008, 9:24 pm CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: supermomof5

 I raised three kids to adulthood giving plenty of spankings. They are my life, my joy. I have an 18 year old and a 12 year old whom I barely tolerate because dad wouldn't / don't allow spankings or any form of discipline. I raised the first three as a single mom and full time student and we are super close. My last two kids make me HATE being a mother!  My last two kids have treated like s*** on their shoes from infancy, I was never able to mother them. My first three kids have done well in their lives, I expect my youngest to end up in jail.
 I honestly believe lack of spankings is why society sucks today, kids do NOT respect authority, why there is so much violence.
 I didn't get spanked more then twice that I can remember & I rebelled. My first three got a lot of spankings and not one of them rebelled. I would have rather been spanked and got it over with then be lectured for hours like my mom disciplined me.  
"I would have rather been spanked and got it over with then be lectured for hours like my mom disciplined me."

Yeah...geeze...why bother spending so much time raising your kids, when you can just hurt them and be done with it! Am I right?!

(That was sarcasm by the way.)

And, guess what? It's not one or the other. You don't have to hit your child AND you don't have to spend countless hours lecturing. Kids don't listen for hours anyway.

So, are you saying you did spank your first 3 kids but not your last two?
 
July 23, 2008, 7:38 pm CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: supermomof5

 I raised three kids to adulthood giving plenty of spankings. They are my life, my joy. I have an 18 year old and a 12 year old whom I barely tolerate because dad wouldn't / don't allow spankings or any form of discipline. I raised the first three as a single mom and full time student and we are super close. My last two kids make me HATE being a mother!  My last two kids have treated like s*** on their shoes from infancy, I was never able to mother them. My first three kids have done well in their lives, I expect my youngest to end up in jail.
 I honestly believe lack of spankings is why society sucks today, kids do NOT respect authority, why there is so much violence.
 I didn't get spanked more then twice that I can remember & I rebelled. My first three got a lot of spankings and not one of them rebelled. I would have rather been spanked and got it over with then be lectured for hours like my mom disciplined me.  

I raised three kids to adulthood giving plenty of spankings. They are my life, my joy.

Because you spanked them?

I have an 18 year old and a 12 year old whom I barely tolerate because dad wouldn't / don't allow spankings or any form of discipline

Barely tolerate? That is just sad... for you and the children.  No discipline is just as harmful as spanking

My last two kids have treated like s*** on their shoes from infancy,

from infancy??? How is that even possible? Please explain.

My first three kids have done well in their lives, I expect my youngest to end up in jail.

Done well as far as you know. EXPECT  the youngest to end up in jail? Again, sad. Nothing like giving them a label to live up to.

I honestly believe lack of spankings is why society sucks today, kids do NOT respect authority, why there is so much violence.

I believe it has to do a lot more with the lack of parenting, 'checked out' parents... THAT sucks! Children live what they learn... violence, disrespect...

I would have rather been spanked and got it over with then be lectured for hours like my mom disciplined me.
Spankings and/or hours of lecture are not the only choices.

 
July 29, 2008, 4:32 am CDT

All Kids are Different!

I don't believe that spanking your kid is a bad thing but it's all on how you go about it. I don't believe in giving more than a swat on the behind. That being said, I do not believe all children need to be spanked.  All children are different and some kids will have a point driven into them by talking to them other kids do need a swat to get the point across. My sister and I were spanked growing up. We were both completely different.  If my mom told her what she did was wrong, that alone would have her in tears not wanting to do it again. If I did something wrong, my mom would try telling me and I could have given a hoot less.  I was a child that didn't get the point across until I was swatted.  One day we were in the grocery store parking lot and my mom had a grip on my hand because I always would take off running with no regard for my safety I ended up getting my hand loose and sure enough, out in front of a car I went. My mom paddled me good that day and after that, I always looked when I went to cross the road. I never found this abusive my mom said that she would rather have my rear end hurting for a while than have me hit by a car.  My mom is the best mom out there and her spanking me we out of love - she never spanked or swatted me for something unless it was serious. 
 
August 6, 2008, 10:15 am CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: supermomof5

 I raised three kids to adulthood giving plenty of spankings. They are my life, my joy. I have an 18 year old and a 12 year old whom I barely tolerate because dad wouldn't / don't allow spankings or any form of discipline. I raised the first three as a single mom and full time student and we are super close. My last two kids make me HATE being a mother!  My last two kids have treated like s*** on their shoes from infancy, I was never able to mother them. My first three kids have done well in their lives, I expect my youngest to end up in jail.
 I honestly believe lack of spankings is why society sucks today, kids do NOT respect authority, why there is so much violence.
 I didn't get spanked more then twice that I can remember & I rebelled. My first three got a lot of spankings and not one of them rebelled. I would have rather been spanked and got it over with then be lectured for hours like my mom disciplined me.  

I understand the frustration you've endured: while I have not been a mother before (at 18? hell no, but no offense to others who do- I'm not ready), I see the way my sister interacts with my parents in that light.

 

I don't like that my sister misbehaves, and I don't like that my parents sometimes move to using the belt on us...at 17 and 18 years old. I've got scars from my beating, and I become nervous whenever it seems my sister is likely to get a beating.

 

 

************

The 18 year old is almost a non-issue, simply due to the age. Start pushing him/her to get an apartment, a roommate, live at college, etc. THEN: they're off your back.

 

The 12 year old is trickier: start taking things away from him/her. If they misbehave, they can't see their friends this weekend, can't get on the computer this evening, can't get that new (item), etc. As soon as s/he sees that you mean business, they'll play your game.

 

Spaking aren't necessary any longer.

 

 

Good Luck.

 
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