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Topic : Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Number of Replies: 2264
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:50:41 pm
Author : dataimport
Is spanking a necessary evil or can you discipline effectively without physical punishment? Sound off about spanking.

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October 27, 2008, 7:30 pm CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

***Kids who want to learn at my school often grow out of bad behavior and those who don't behave struggle to fit in and complete work. Problem kids at my school seem to disappear as the higher up we graduate the harder it is for them to learn.***
 
October 28, 2008, 6:07 am CDT

Me being honest.

It is illegal in Australia to spank children in schools and in public places.

 When I am at home yes sometimes I do spank,smack my children,only when nothing else works,and it also depends on what they have done,I also use time out,and also we have a naughty corner,and sometimes my husband will tell them that he will ring the naughty girls home or naughty boys home,and I will every now and then.

 If they are testing my patients with asking for things like chips or chocolate biscuites and I say no,they will argue and I will ignore them until they have given up and I hate to say it but it does work.

 I havn't had to smack my kids for a very long time,they are good kids,but it's like with every child they have their moments.

 The only way I think that it would be cruel is if they had bruising and marks left after their punishment,just like that child on your show.

 

 
October 28, 2008, 12:32 pm CDT

Spanking in Sweden!

In Sweden it is illegal to spank children. If you get reported by spanking a child in public, the person doing the spanking can be thrown in jail!

 

Spanking a child here is NOT tolerated and it is NOT considered in any way an adult behavior!

 
October 28, 2008, 7:24 pm CDT

cruel

This makes my absolutely furious to think that any parent let-alone a teacher would ever lay a hand on a child. It makes me sick! Under no circumstances do I believe that it is acceptable, none at all. In a situation where a child hit another child, and then as punishment you decide to hit your child what are trying to teach them? How is it logical or fair? This principal can also be applied for capital punishment, but I am not here to discuss that. As a 15 year girl, living in Australia I have a very good life. My parents have never laid a hand on me, and that is exactly the way that i will eventually raise my children. To think that you could send your child to school, knowing that they could be harmed is unacceptable. As their mother, father or guardian you have a responsible to your child, and if you feel like you can send them into an environment where they are in danger, than why on earth do you have that child in the first place. Many children and young adults get abused in households, so going to school can be place of refuge. Why on earth would students want to come to school knowing that they could be harmed in anyway, shape or form.

 

 
October 28, 2008, 11:15 pm CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: whitetk04

This makes my absolutely furious to think that any parent let-alone a teacher would ever lay a hand on a child. It makes me sick! Under no circumstances do I believe that it is acceptable, none at all. In a situation where a child hit another child, and then as punishment you decide to hit your child what are trying to teach them? How is it logical or fair? This principal can also be applied for capital punishment, but I am not here to discuss that. As a 15 year girl, living in Australia I have a very good life. My parents have never laid a hand on me, and that is exactly the way that i will eventually raise my children. To think that you could send your child to school, knowing that they could be harmed is unacceptable. As their mother, father or guardian you have a responsible to your child, and if you feel like you can send them into an environment where they are in danger, than why on earth do you have that child in the first place. Many children and young adults get abused in households, so going to school can be place of refuge. Why on earth would students want to come to school knowing that they could be harmed in anyway, shape or form.

 

Tell your parents 'thank you' from me for raising such an intelligent, well spoken young lady.

 

Well done Mom and Dad!

 
October 30, 2008, 2:49 am CDT

Shame

I can´t beilive its true, is it really so that so many parents say it´s ok to lay a hand on their child ??.. shame on you! I live in sweden and if anybody lay a a hand on a child- they will go to prison.... halleluja for that, Maby that´s something to all of you to think of! 
 
November 8, 2008, 7:26 am CST

Take a step

Spanking is cruel and unacceptable so we should do something about it, stand in their faces, and make them know that what they're doing will not be tolerated.

 
November 20, 2008, 1:39 am CST

Spank with your hand ONLY as a Last Resort

Spanking is a very touchy subject.  Personally, I hate the idea of spanking.  If a spanking is to take place, it should always be the last resort and should be done only with one's hand.

 

Why the hand the ask?  Because the use of an object, such as a belt, paddle or switch is just plain barberic!  Why would a loving parent want to use any item to discipline their child?  I know why, and the reason is selfish and immoral.  Anyone who has ever spanked a child with their hand knows that it hurts one's hand.  So, to take the pain away from their hand, the use an item, which in turn, inflicts more pain on the child.  Not to mention that it strikes fear in them.  Therefore, the use of anything other than the hand should be OUTLAWED and I dont care what YOU PARENTS who support the idea of spanking with objects thinks about it.

 

Think about it rationally.  If I hit an adult with a belt, I'd be arrested for assault.  So, why is it okay to hit a child with it?  All of you parents who think it's okay to spank your child with a "weapon" are barberic and down-right wrong!  Maybe someone should whip the hell out of you with a belt!  Newsflash, whenever I am in public and I see any parent going over-board on spanking their kids, I call the police.

 

But the question is Why?  Why spank your kids using a weapon?  To spare your hand the pain?  To inflict MORE pain on your child?  Maybe it's all of the above.  Bottom line, it's wrong.  I guarantee you this, to all who support my theory.  If the idea is Outlawed, making it illegal to spank children with objects of any kind, millions of parents would be outraged.  And, their outrage is further proof that they are barberic and apparently "enjoy" doing it.

 

PARENT WHO SPANKS WITH BELT:  Oh No!  We cant hit our children with belts, paddles or switches???  That's outragious!

 

Cant you hear one saying that?  They would be outraged that they couldn't hit their child anymore with a weapon!

 

Get real parents!  This is 2008!  We live in the new-age, not the stone-age! 

 
December 3, 2008, 10:45 pm CST

Unbelievable

Quote From: coachjoeh

Seriously!  No matter what you post next, I will not reply.  No matter what I say, you stick to what you think.  I have given examples of how you were wrong, yet you restate the same thing again.  So, here we go, one last time!

 

I just don't understand how someone like yourself can be sooooo against separating and making a statement like this.  You DID say you keep thinking how you can do it.

 

Once again, thinking about it and doing it - two different things.  Am I against separating?  Yes.  Do I think about it?  Sometimes.  Have I don't it?  No.  I'm against capital punishment too.  Yet when I see a story on the news about two teenage girls being molested and murdered, my first thought is, "Kill that S.O.B."   I'm against abortion as well.  But show me a woman who was raped and there is no way I would tell her to carry that child and be reminded everyday of what she went through.  We all have our beliefs, but we have to open our minds and see the other side as well.

 

What was the point here?  We both agreed we don't cheat.  Yes, I said "So far", but that doesn't mean I'm going to.

 

 

You ask what other outlet do you have and that you haven't cheated.  Yet!  I just stated I didn't believe in cheating in so many words.

 

Once again, what's the point here?  We are agreeing.  Not sure why you brought it up again.

 

I don't know about your mothers female inmates she counseled.  No disrespect to you or your mother but I was stating that not every woman that goes to jail has sexual contact with another inmate.

 

That was my point; you don't know about the female inmates she counseled, yet you still told wrote that the statement she make to me was not true.  I know you were talking about women you knew, but that's not how your response was written.  It statement my mother's comment was false.

 

I'm not a doctor of any kind.  Just because I make statements doesn't mean I can give a diagnosis.

 

 

I didn't say you could give a diagnosis.  You have said on one message she has been to the doctor and on the next it's I think she is bipolar.  I just don't really know which one it is.

 

Already answered.  But just so you can understand better, let me go into detail.  A couple years ago she had a complete breakdown at work and she ended up in the hospital.  The doctors there said their initial belief was that she was bipolar and prescribed medication for that.  Do I believe she's bipolar?  Yes.  Do I know for sure?  No.  These WERE doctors, NOT psychiatrists.  Is that clear enough?  Or do I need to explain even further?

 

You thinks it's weird that they would listen to their mom who tells them to call grandpa to make sure the get Christmas gifts?  They are kids.  They like getting presents.  Of course he will make the call.  However, do they want to listen to dad who says talk to this lady because there is a problem with your behavior?  (Of course I did not say that, but the kids knew why that person was there).  I'm not seeing a real comparison between the reactions.

 

 

You was the one who said... "Could you imagine making your 12 year old make a call so you are sure you will get money sent to the right address?"   My point is that you can make your kids talk to someone.  That is what they go to school for and I think it is very weird that they just refuse to talk to a professional that knows what they are doing.

 

Already answered this too.  I can't understand why you don't get it.  I'm making my answers as simple as I can.  Making a kid talk to someone to get things = easy.  Making a kid talk to someone who will tell them they are behaving badly = not so easy.  Do you really not see this?

 

Okay, so I leave my home and job in Florida to see my kids in Michigan.  (This is hypothetical of course since they are here now).  Once there I am caught and go to jail for 90 days.  Once I get out, I have no job, no money, nowhere to live.  What good am I to my boys at that time?  To you it may sound like an excuse.  To me it's reality.  If I were to go back, that's what would happen. Homeless, jobless, and broke, how can I be any good to my children?  Do I have visitation with them in my box?

 

 

YES and once you get out you go get you another job if that is what it takes to see your kids.  If my son was in another state I wouldn't care what I had to do or what I had to go through to see him I WOULD!  It is not that hard to find a job these days.  Go get you some help and get back on your feet. You try to make everything impossible when it's not! 

 

I really can't believe I'm answering this.  But it seems I have to.  First, do you know where in Michigan there were?  I lived there for many years.  It's lots of small towns in rural areas.  No, jobs are NOT easy to find there.  Even if they were, do you know many employers that will hire someone without an address?  Or a phone?  Because after I got out of jail, that would be my situation.  Nowhere to live!  Do you get that?

 

You are not putting your kids through you and you wife breaking up and getting back together more than once?  Who is then?  Who is the guy your wife keeps going back to?

 

Even when it's crystal clear you don't see it.  SHE just ups and leaves me.  We don't sit and talk and decide to separate.  I come home and she's gone.  Then 6-8 weeks later she comes back.  But you ask who's putting them through this?  Are you serious?   I don't believe I said she keeps going back to the same man.  This last time she took off with her boss.  I don't feel I have to explain this, but will so you won't bring it up.  My oldest boy told me that they helped each other with travel costs, that's all.  He swore to me, even though I believed otherwise, that the two of them never shared a bed.  Her boss always took the couch.

 

I would say that if my relationship got to the point where she did not want me to join her in any sexual activities, then I probably wouldn't still be around. 

You took this from a different forum all together and tried to turn it around on me.  Nice try.  This was a response to the question of what someone would do if they caught their partner masturbating to porn.  Someone asked "what if they didn't want you to join them".  What you pasted here was my response to that.  I have never been in that situation, so "NO", my relationship didn't get to that point. 

 

 

How did I take that from a different form?  How did I try to turn that around?  Please tell me?  Here is your original post!  Nothing taking out!

I would say that if my relationship got to the point where she did not want me to join her in any sexual activities, then I probably wouldn't still be around.  Honestly, if a relationship got to a point where one is engaging in any type of sexual activity and they come right out and tell their partner they don't want them there, then they have stayed together too long.  One of them should have left long ago.  You also told me that you haven't had sexual contact with your wife in ten months.  So yes you are in this situation.  You also watch porn and your wife does too so yes you are in this situation no matter how you want to look at it.    

 

How did you take it from another forum?  Because it's posted under a porn topic and this is about spanking!  Two different forums.  I have already explained how you turned it around.  But again, looks like I have to again.  My response was to a question, "What would you do if you walked in on your partner masturbating to porn?"   My answer was, "I'd join them".  The next question was, "What if they didn't want you to join them?"  That's when I wrote,  I would say that if my relationship got to the point where she did not want me to join her in any sexual activities, then I probably wouldn't still be around.  Honestly, if a relationship got to a point where one is engaging in any type of sexual activity and they come right out and tell their partner they don't want them there, then they have stayed together too long.  One of them should have left long ago. 

That was an answer to a hypothetical situation, not something that happened to me and my wife.  So NO, I'm not, nor was I ever in that situation.  I really can't believe I have to keep explaining this.

 

In a forum full of adults, I never really thought I would have to go into such detail to explain myself.  Sometimes I am reminded of Denzel Washington in the movie "Philadelphia".  "Explain this to me like I'm a four year old."

I didn't know I had to explain that one like you were 4 years old.  If you are on these boards and really wanting advice then tell the truth.

 

Wow!  You really missed this one.  But it helps me show why I wrote it.  When I said I am sometimes reminded of Denzel saying, "Explain this to me like I'm a four year old",  I meant that I feel like I'M the one explaining things TO four year olds.  NOT to explain it to me.  This is the THIRD time I have written the same thing.  Each time you don't get it!  Hopefully, breaking things down even more this time, you will.

 

I know I did not respond to every comment you made in you last post.  Honestly, I just don't have the strength to keep going with you.  I thought my answers were clear enough, but you just didn't seem to get it and kept restating the same things over and over.  If you didn't get it this time,  I'm sorry.  Because as stated in the beginning, I'm not continuing this with you. 

Wow!  I stay away from the “Spanking: Useful or Cruel” board on here because of all the infighting and spouting off and other childish behaviours (not to mention off-topic posts,) only to come back and see that not only has this board surpassed the 2500-post mark at such rapid speed, but also to read MORE “Gone With the Wind”-like posts full of copying and pasting passages from quoted posts with smart remarks in between.  And all courtesy of this CoachJoe dude and a gal named jodiewaller.  Seriously, where are the moderators when you need them?

 

Really, from the way you’ve been posting, it sounds like you “adults” are acting like children.  Drop your pants so I can give YOU a spanking!  LOL!

 

Seriously, CoachJoe, judging from your posts that I have read, it seems that you are a man of little patience and serious stress and frustration issues.  You say you have three children, all of whom are out of control, non-spanking punishments have rarely worked, how does the spanking work, really?  Combined with the problems you’re having with your wife, it seems that one (or both) of you needs parenting classes in the worst way.  Or here’s a better idea summed up in one word: Supernanny.

 

Could it be that your children are starving for one-on-one attention from you?  I think that’s what may help here.  Is there any need for you to be working all the time?  7 AM to 5 PM, instead of the normal 9 to 5, or 7 to 3?  Dr. Phil has always stated that if needs be, sell the house and live in a one-room shack with an outhouse to work less hours.  You say you have grounded them from Playstation, X-box and everything else; try selling some of those things, along with the television, and see if this helps cut back on electricity and cable bills.  If your children are acting out in this kind of manner, it’s more than likely because they’re craving for you to pay more attention.  A dog would touch your lap to let you know he needs you to take him out so he can use the bathroom.

 

And for goodness sakes, do something with your wife.  If she is always screaming at you and accusing you of stupid crap, then it’s obvious that the kids are picking up on this, taking cues from her, then something is wrong in the family, and it’s very likely that they don’t respect you because you won’t do anything about it.  You need professional marriage counselling, my friend, and you should go together.  If your wife won’t comply, go alone.  You will know from that if this marriage is worth saving.  If that doesn’t work, then maybe you need to consider separation and a good, inexpensive divorce lawyer who can help.  If it comes down to that, you need to be there for you boys as much as you can.  Again, spending some quality time with them when you can can and will help.

 

It doesn’t take a rocket surgeon to know that you’re in a severely dysfunctional family and you need help.  I hope you will heed this advice.  I will be praying for you.

 
December 19, 2008, 8:21 pm CST

Message to CoachJoe – if he’s still around

Well, it seems that not only are these old discipline boards dead, but apparently, some people have definitely ran this CoachJoe off the boards for good with his/her malicious anti-spanking preaching.  Let me tell you right now, that I would never get that vicious.  But I would like to ask CoachJoe (who seems to anally favour spanking) a very important question – do you have any children or know of any children with severe disabilities in both physical and mental endurance?  I’m talking about children with sever effects of cerebral palsy as well as Shaken Baby Syndrome and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

 

Now, I know I’ve posted this in the “Spanking Scandals” message boards before, but I see you also posted there, but you may not have seen my message, so this is for you.  Question: if you found out that your wife was drinking and drugging up her pregnancy so bad, and you learned the baby would come out severely retarded as a result, what would you do?  If you got so angry with one of your sons as babies, would you even think of shaking them so badly, that you would cause them to have brain damage?  I’m assuming you already know this, but that’s what Shaken Baby Syndrome is.  How would you respond if you were in this boat?  Any paediatrician in the country – maybe the world – will tell you that spanking this child even on the buttocks will be ineffective; not only will he not listen to you, but he will also be more stressed out – and probably more defiant –than before.  As a father who is obviously big on authority and expectations for children, this won’t be the result you’ll be wanting.

 

Google “Shaken Baby Syndrome” or “Fetal Alcohol Syndrome,” and you’ll find a wealth of information websites about these lifelong causes.  I’ve especially noticed that in websites for the former, they don’t have a section on discipline measures for children.  That’s because these children cannot comprehend right from wrong like normal children can.  It would be a better idea to get down to this child’s level and explain in a calming voice that was he did was very naughty, and that he should never do that again.  Or simply redirect him to something more constructive.  The only thing is you probably need to watch this child 24/7/365, as he needs round the clock care.  I doubt you’re the type of father who would be up for that.

 

If you’re interested, I’ve written two stories that combine corporal punishment with serious disabilities.  The first story is “Valerie.”  In this story, the title character decides to get her SBS-ridden son away from her husband, who spanks and beats the boy for chronic misbehaviour just because he has a parental point to prove.  (She heeds doctor’s advice, uses common sense and refuses to spank her son for this reason.)  When she wins sole custody in a quickie divorce, she moves to the big city and falls in love with a group of police officers, and they adopt her thinking, despite their own views on spanking. Unfortunately, she encounters people at work, and few family members (even in her beaux’s families) who apparently agree with her husband on this issue, and they criticize her parenting techniques.  Which side are you on?

 

You probably think this should be left up to the parents, but it isn’t wise to let your hunger for authority and order cloud your common sense.

 

I've also started a brand new novel project called "Broken Family Portrait."  It's about a cerebral palsic young man named Robin Callbeck (ne: Marchland) who uses his life experiences to become a controversial radio personality.  He has many physical and learning disabilities, including a brain filter that does not work, so he has a real problem with talking back to elders and peers.  Robin is a non-believer in family togetherness, and for good reason.  As a young child, he suffered physical abuse at his father's hands, and his mother only stays because of the begging of his family-obsessed older sisters, Abilene and Olivia (though Abilene is the worse one here.)  Mrs. Marchland divorces her husband anyway, and because she holds herself fully responsible for how her son turned out, obligates herself to be both parent and friend to him (which Robin prefers.)  She later marries a police officer who is also parent and friend to Robin.  As you can tell, Robin is anti-spanking, and this does not change after he becomes a parent.  Meantime, Abilene and Olivia are rude and disrespectful to their mother as the strive to break up the new family (a "fake family" as they call it) in pushing her to get back together with their real father.  When she refuses, they hold the divorce over her head, so to speak, as they do the same to Robin.

 

In the novel, Robin has the following experiences, among many others:

 

  • fights with high school student peers who claim that they were spanked and belted as often as Robin, who actually support this measure all the way.
  • loses his drivers license after a very short time when he is hospitalized, after a horrific car accident involving the wife and family of one of his stepfather's colleagues.
  • has a tumultuous marriage in which the wife constantly cheats on him with members of public authority and "men in uniform."  (She even sleeps with two of Robin's sisters' husbands, both of whom are in the military.)  DNA shows Robin is the father of her twin boys, but not her younger son, which leads to divorce.
  • deals with Abilene and Olivia's husbands, both of whom are a lot older than the sisters (this happens after their father dies), and who physically, verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse both their wives and children.  Robin ends up living with one of them after the divorce, when she bores a mentally retarded child born three months too early.  Both sisters refuse to leave because of their children, although Olivia begins to have trust issues with her husband.
  • embarks on a long tour of the United States as a result of his popularity, in which he takes along his children and sister that he’s living with.  Unfortunately, this results in her husband throwing Robin and his sons out, and they have to live with Robin's other older sister, Susan, and her husband.
  • makes friends with a young widowed father who is also anti-spanking because of a special needs child (following doctors' orders.)  When his friend is murdered by a pro-spanking couple who keeps threatening them, Robin soon learns of other related murders in other parts of the country, and makes a connection with the suspects.
  • gets confronted by the group of pro-spanking parents (four adult siblings and their spouses) whom he believes killed his friend and the other anti-spanking special needs parents a few years earlier.  This angry group gangs up and tries to kill Robin, but when he recovers, not only does it fuel his anti-spanking stance, he wants to see justice done to the pro-spankers.

I’ve posted both stories on the Internet, but can’t post the links because they won’t work.  You probably won’t see this, but if you do, and you’re interested, e-mail me at davewriter2003@yahoo.com and I’ll gladly send the stories your way.

 

As I’ve said before, these boards are probably dead now, so this message probably won’t get a single response.  But I’m sure you’ll have something to say about this.  And if you don’t reply, I’ll at least have the honour of posting the very last post in this section before these boards are closed to new posts forever.

 
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