Message Boards

Topic : Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Number of Replies: 2264
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:50:41 pm
Author : dataimport
Is spanking a necessary evil or can you discipline effectively without physical punishment? Sound off about spanking.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

August 23, 2005, 5:04 pm CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: jettav

Hope every one is doing well. Things are going well with my family. Will be going on vacation here in a few days and I for one am looking forward to it, 10 days with no phone calls or ringing door bells. :) Enjoy the rest of the summer every one.
meant to say eVeryone, not eeryone, hehehe.
 
September 2, 2005, 12:20 am CDT

I'm on the wrong board

I'm being attacked by a sadistic group who I stood up to here. You obviously consider  

beating with hard objects til children scream to be spankings. I saw people who didn't  

hit that hard destroy people and ruin them. A lot of people too. So you are either ignorant  

of large groups of people or are sadists wh rationalize the real impact ,now or in the future.  

I'm 60 and never saw any control from it just the Adult lives ruined and entirely often.   

Have some of you changed your views or are you different ones now.  Lying about the  

impact harms a lot of people. People have actially criminally neglected and left children  

with felons a lot in the last few years. They could do better there but violence is not what you  

pretend. It is mostly destroying children mentally or brutalizing physically.  They need  

drugs after you tramatize them and prevent communication of emotional statis.   

This may be a get a long board but your group in the real world are sadists. When they   

get drunk they hit on people including spouses with boards. They are Powermad manic harrassers.  

I never found a level that was fit to do. Shame on you for lying in such tramatizing areas.   

The creaps actially discuss how to scare kids out of their mind for perfect control.( to drugs or crime). Well if this group is promoting violence as harmless they like to beat people for pleasure  

so it isn't my group. No human feeling group be dammed!   

   

   

 
September 2, 2005, 8:23 am CDT

I AM COMING ON STRONG BUT

Quote From: susan876

I'm being attacked by a sadistic group who I stood up to here. You obviously consider  

beating with hard objects til children scream to be spankings. I saw people who didn't  

hit that hard destroy people and ruin them. A lot of people too. So you are either ignorant  

of large groups of people or are sadists wh rationalize the real impact ,now or in the future.  

I'm 60 and never saw any control from it just the Adult lives ruined and entirely often.   

Have some of you changed your views or are you different ones now.  Lying about the  

impact harms a lot of people. People have actially criminally neglected and left children  

with felons a lot in the last few years. They could do better there but violence is not what you  

pretend. It is mostly destroying children mentally or brutalizing physically.  They need  

drugs after you tramatize them and prevent communication of emotional statis.   

This may be a get a long board but your group in the real world are sadists. When they   

get drunk they hit on people including spouses with boards. They are Powermad manic harrassers.  

I never found a level that was fit to do. Shame on you for lying in such tramatizing areas.   

The creaps actially discuss how to scare kids out of their mind for perfect control.( to drugs or crime). Well if this group is promoting violence as harmless they like to beat people for pleasure  

so it isn't my group. No human feeling group be dammed!   

   

   

I AM COMING ON STRONG BUT SO MANY HITLER DEMON SPOUSE-BASHERS WERE  

MADE WITH CRIMINAL CONTEMPT FOR ALL LIFE ON EARTH, BY VIOLENCE, THAT RESPECTING  

THEM IS CONTEMPT FOR DECENT PEOPLE, WHO MEAN NO HARM TO OTHERS. IT  

MAKES IT AWFULLY HARD TO SURVIVE IF YOUR NOT A MONSTER. THAT WAS AT ORANGE  

AND RED LEVELS. TOO MANY FOR ME TOO PROMOTE VIOLENCE. WHY AREN'T THERE ANY  

NONVIOLENCE PEOPLE ON THIS SITE AND WHY DO YOU ASSUME CHILDREN WHO ARE  

BAD ARE TREATED NON-VIOLENTLY. I NEVER FOUND THAT TO BE TRUE. PEOPLE RUINED  

THEM AND THEN IGNORED EVERYTHING THEY DID PRETENDING THEY WERE TREATED  

TO WELL. THE ADULTS ATE THEIR SPOUSES AND ALWAYS BASHED THEM, WERE SCREAMERS  

AND BULLED CHILDREN WHO BEHAVED, AS WIMPS. VIOLENCE IS NOT ONLY OVERRATED  

BUT A HORRIBLE VICE. THE ADULTS HAD RAGE PROBLEMS THAT RUINED EVERYONE. NIGHTMARE  

   

 
September 3, 2005, 2:13 am CDT

ummm..

Quote From: susan876

I AM COMING ON STRONG BUT SO MANY HITLER DEMON SPOUSE-BASHERS WERE  

MADE WITH CRIMINAL CONTEMPT FOR ALL LIFE ON EARTH, BY VIOLENCE, THAT RESPECTING  

THEM IS CONTEMPT FOR DECENT PEOPLE, WHO MEAN NO HARM TO OTHERS. IT  

MAKES IT AWFULLY HARD TO SURVIVE IF YOUR NOT A MONSTER. THAT WAS AT ORANGE  

AND RED LEVELS. TOO MANY FOR ME TOO PROMOTE VIOLENCE. WHY AREN'T THERE ANY  

NONVIOLENCE PEOPLE ON THIS SITE AND WHY DO YOU ASSUME CHILDREN WHO ARE  

BAD ARE TREATED NON-VIOLENTLY. I NEVER FOUND THAT TO BE TRUE. PEOPLE RUINED  

THEM AND THEN IGNORED EVERYTHING THEY DID PRETENDING THEY WERE TREATED  

TO WELL. THE ADULTS ATE THEIR SPOUSES AND ALWAYS BASHED THEM, WERE SCREAMERS  

AND BULLED CHILDREN WHO BEHAVED, AS WIMPS. VIOLENCE IS NOT ONLY OVERRATED  

BUT A HORRIBLE VICE. THE ADULTS HAD RAGE PROBLEMS THAT RUINED EVERYONE. NIGHTMARE  

   

 If you read all the messages there are many non-violent people.  Many loving and warm parents who want what is best for their children.  You have some ego to think that peoples responses are an attack on you.  Or at    least that is how I am interpretting it.  I am fairly new to this site and so I don't know everyone to well.  It sounds like you went through alot.  I suggest that rather than projecting your inner "demons" [so to speak] onto others that you take some time and look with in and find a way to heal. What ever you went through is over.  Not forgotten certainley.  It is time to forgive those who hurt you and yourself.  Live the rest of your life free of fear.
I only hope the best for you.
 
September 8, 2005, 4:47 pm CDT

Im young but i dont agree with spanking

I am only 16 years old but even as young as I am I completely disagree with spanking a child. I have to say I dont agree with spanking because of the way it took over my father and i ended up being abused and now have to take weekly consuling. Im not saying every parent is like this or that any parent that does spank is abusive. What I am saying is that its better to be safe than sorry. Whenever I look back on the times my father called spanking I dont see a loving lesson I see a cruel act of a parent taking out emotions and frustrain out on a child for something that child did that the parent didnt like. I realize this is coming from my own feelings from my childhood, but sometimes it seems like parents dont understand how damaging spanking really is to a child, even harmless spankings. It really takes a toll and even if it doesnt show up in their behavior right away it is the reason some kids drop out of high school or do drugs. Granted even kids who have never been spanked in their lives also do this but the majority is kids that were abused or spanked as a chid so parents i would really really think the next time you go to spank your child, just stop and think 'how will this affect my child in the future'? The answer could be horrifiying! 

 
September 9, 2005, 6:57 am CDT

A Point of View

To anyone who reads this I wish to convey my point of view with the intent of not offending anyone... 

  

 

  

  

 

It is not the words 'spanking or Abuse' that is the issue here... 

  

 

  

  

 

It is the ACTION and AFFECT of a raising hand that is the issue... 

  

 

  

  

 

As adults we underestimate the learning ability of a child and the sub conscious minds ability of recall... 

  

 

  

  

 

The sub conscious mind is a very powerful part of our minds and as we develop into adults it is what we are primarily lead by...it's likened to the CPU in our computers...there are many research papers and web sites on this subject. 

  

 

  

  

 

If we can teach children to feed themselves, dress themselves, and perform all the functions of human behaviour then it can be said we can teach them to raise their hands when they are frustrated, angry or otherwise.  Children and adults have the ability to recall as it termed in psyche terms...Learned Behaviour...

  

 

  

  

 

Children of today are very intelligent and teaching them Positive Behaviour as opposed to Non Positive Behaviour is a Challenge and like all jobs, parenting requires research, reading and trial and error. 

  

 

  

  

 

I don't personally agree with 'Raising a Hand' at a Child or at an Adult...only in self defense...hence the reason I study with respect Martial Arts...for the purpose of Self Defense...and the techniques used are blocking not striking.  

  

 

  

  

 

I don't condemn anyone who spanks their child I see it as learned behaviour and as a form of communication that can be unlearned or adjusted at the persons discretion...free will and choice.   

  

 

  

  

 

I see it like this Hands are for Holding, Helping and Healing...we can put any label on it...to me touching another person to adjust a behaviour feels wrong...and at 35 I have learned to communicate verbally and I even know when to walk away and compose myself...I taught myself self control and have researched and still do human behaviour and the complexities of them…ie…learning styles, communication, special needs..etc etc having come from a background where I discipline was not gentle and education and understanding of our differences was very much the opposite... 

  

 

  

  

 

Yes I was spanked, then slapped and it got worse then it was my emotions and my mind...unfortunately some parents don't know when to stop, it also confused the words...'I love you' and lead me into many relationship with 'abusive' partners until I sought counseling and healing and broke the pattern.  Through my journey I have learnt forgiveness, understanding and acceptance that what happened to me was through learned behaviour and others’ individual issues that had not been dealt with.  What saddened me the most was the loss of TRUST... 

  

 

  

  

 

We are all different in many ways; some are more sensitive than others and you NEVER know the sensitivity level that lies below the surface of anyone you meet or bring into this world.  Out of respect children generally don't say much or talk back, sometimes  also it's in fear of being struck again...Some children will block out hurt feelings associated with physical discipline and this can and generally will surface at some stage later in their adult life…and that can come in many forms…

  

 

  

 

One person may give a quick pop on the backside and the person who received the pop…may pop a little harder at the next and so on and so on…too think we know children and how they will act as adults or what their definition of a hard or soft spanking is saying they are ‘us’(the adult raising them)…when in true fact…they are their own person…you are as much of a stranger to them as they are too you…(I wouldn’t like a complete stranger to touch me because they were having difficulty communicating with me…it’s not something I would appreciate)  regardless of how well you teach a person…each human has free will and choice and once we all know we have that anything can happen…I am in mind set of teaching a child to know themselves, not be a clone of who I am simply because they can’t be…it did take two too make them…a child who knows themselves has personal power…and learning respect for others and their differences is very important and goes a long way in building relations and TRUST with others…

  

 

  

 

I will leave it here and wish you all well with your parenting…Children are wonderful, they have so much to teach us…as it is said…we are all teaches and we are all students…age doesn’t enter in the equation of human growth and learning…we all have something to offer…being conscious and aware can be very rewarding and also very confronting…all mis-takes are forgivable…we are all human and all doing the best we can…

  

 

  

 

With Kind Regards and Peace

  

 

  

 

Sugajazz 

  

 

 
September 10, 2005, 5:19 pm CDT

stay strong

Quote From: ambad15

I am only 16 years old but even as young as I am I completely disagree with spanking a child. I have to say I dont agree with spanking because of the way it took over my father and i ended up being abused and now have to take weekly consuling. Im not saying every parent is like this or that any parent that does spank is abusive. What I am saying is that its better to be safe than sorry. Whenever I look back on the times my father called spanking I dont see a loving lesson I see a cruel act of a parent taking out emotions and frustrain out on a child for something that child did that the parent didnt like. I realize this is coming from my own feelings from my childhood, but sometimes it seems like parents dont understand how damaging spanking really is to a child, even harmless spankings. It really takes a toll and even if it doesnt show up in their behavior right away it is the reason some kids drop out of high school or do drugs. Granted even kids who have never been spanked in their lives also do this but the majority is kids that were abused or spanked as a chid so parents i would really really think the next time you go to spank your child, just stop and think 'how will this affect my child in the future'? The answer could be horrifiying! 

 You have a good head on your shoulders and amazing wisdom for your age.  I'm sorry for what you have went through but keep your head up, do your best and don't ever give up.  Keep your goals in close sight.  My childhood was similar and I struggled for a long time with life.  But with many years of counseling I am finally finding my way out of the tunnel.  It's good that you are starting to realize how what had happened to you is affecting you and you are getting help to try and put the pieces back together.  Good luck!
 
September 10, 2005, 6:18 pm CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: ambad15

I am only 16 years old but even as young as I am I completely disagree with spanking a child. I have to say I dont agree with spanking because of the way it took over my father and i ended up being abused and now have to take weekly consuling. Im not saying every parent is like this or that any parent that does spank is abusive. What I am saying is that its better to be safe than sorry. Whenever I look back on the times my father called spanking I dont see a loving lesson I see a cruel act of a parent taking out emotions and frustrain out on a child for something that child did that the parent didnt like. I realize this is coming from my own feelings from my childhood, but sometimes it seems like parents dont understand how damaging spanking really is to a child, even harmless spankings. It really takes a toll and even if it doesnt show up in their behavior right away it is the reason some kids drop out of high school or do drugs. Granted even kids who have never been spanked in their lives also do this but the majority is kids that were abused or spanked as a chid so parents i would really really think the next time you go to spank your child, just stop and think 'how will this affect my child in the future'? The answer could be horrifiying! 

I am sorry for what happened to you. abuse is a terrible thing and unfortunetly it happens to alot of children whether they are spanked or not. Abuse definetly comes in many forms and all parents/adults need to realize this and just becasue one may not spank their children does not mean they are not capable of abusing their children. Also not every one who was abused as a child become abusers and for that I am thankful. Coming from an abusive background myself, I understand how it can affect a person even into their adult lives. I think whether a parent spanks or not, they need to ask themselves if the discipline they are using is effective in teaching and guiding their children. I for one believes in love and discipline and becasue I know my children and want the very best for them, I have found things that work to help them to make the right choices, I am one who has made mistakes with my children and not afraid to admit it but the discipline techniques that I use in my home is working and I thank God daily for the wonderful, well mannered children that I am blessed with. They are loved and happy and how they respond to me, and others and how they act within their own environments, says alot on what goes on in our home, How I treat my children in public is how I treat them at home for I know that my children are loved and well cared for, and thankfully I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Parents who abuse their children are a disgrace to society as well as to other parents, they certainly do give a bad name to parenting. Kids who drop out of school and/or on drugs are usually kids from unstable homes as well as one parent homes, How they view life in general and sometimes peer pressure is the reason why some go this direction, attitude definetly plays a part in all this as well and definetly kids from abusive homes will go this direction and of course what some views as abuse is different then what others think so of course spanking could be viewed as abuse by some so they decide on the negative way of life. Whatever the case, There are definetly many forms of abuse and I believe that how we view our child hoods could determine how we live our lives as adults. For me personally, as a victim of abuse, I chose to be different, I dealt with it and chose a different path for my life, I will never ever abuse my children, they will always know that they are loved. When my 4 year old comes to me and tells me that she loves me and that she is happy that God chose me for her mommy, and when she tells her teachers at church that she has the best mommy in the world, and when she is drawing her little pictures and it shows a happy family, then I know that I am doing a good job. Doesn't sound like you had this kind of love and respect in your home and that makes me sad as I know exactly how you feel. But you can live a completely different kind of life and not follow those foot steps, strive to be the best that you can be in life and make the right decissions for you and your future family. Life is good and many things in this life can damage our children, I personally pray and ask God for His guidance and wisdom in raising my children, for He is the greatest source out there and I can honestly say that my children are growing and maturing in great ways and I will continue to pray that they will always feel the love and care that is in our home and that they will make the right choices for their lives. My prayers and thoughts are with you as you deal with your hurt, abuse and as you think about your future. Don't let the abuse destroy your life as some do. I agree that abuse takes a toll on children, as it certainly did me, but thankfully I had wonderful christian mentors who loved and cared for me and I was smart enough to reach out and get the help that I needed and I did the work to heal and I am now a successful wife and mother with an education and great life. How we communicate and respond to our children will definetly leave an impact on our children and this is why we do the things we do in our home, we are communicators and discipliarians here and we listen to each other, we work together as a family and this is why we are a well put together family and why the love shines in our home. Not perfect but loving and caring.
 
September 11, 2005, 6:28 pm CDT

WOW

wow...is all i have to say about all of these things i read on here.... 

heres my story... 

im 17 years old and as i child i was spanked...i have three older brothers...we ALL were spanked...my father was abused as a child...he would NEVER "hit" us...all three of my brothers are in college...im a senior and am ready for college...so spanking does not affect the brain...it affects ur feelings...it hurt my feelings when i was a child to be spanked and i saw how it hurt my parents to have to do it...i see no good in yelling at a child...what does that teach a child..that its ok to yell...just threatening them and not doing anything about it just tells them that they can do it again...nothing will be done for their wrong doing...there is a clear difference between spanking and abuse....there are many definitions for the word abuse...
  1. To use wrongly or improperly; misuse: abuse alcohol; abuse a privilege.
  2. To hurt or injure by maltreatment; ill-use.
  3. To force sexual activity on; rape or molest.
  4. To assail with contemptuous, coarse, or insulting words; revile.
  5. Obsolete. To deceive or trick

now if u find the definition for the word spanking it will say... 

  1. Informal. Exceptional of its kind; remarkable.
  2. Swift and vigorous: a spanking pace.
  3. Brisk and fresh: a spanking breeze.
  4. Used as an intensive: a spanking clean shirt.
  5. A number of slaps on the buttocks delivered in rapid succession, as for punishment.

take that and let it sink in 

  

 
September 15, 2005, 9:54 pm CDT

Mental Abuse

Quote From: lissajane

wow...is all i have to say about all of these things i read on here.... 

heres my story... 

im 17 years old and as i child i was spanked...i have three older brothers...we ALL were spanked...my father was abused as a child...he would NEVER "hit" us...all three of my brothers are in college...im a senior and am ready for college...so spanking does not affect the brain...it affects ur feelings...it hurt my feelings when i was a child to be spanked and i saw how it hurt my parents to have to do it...i see no good in yelling at a child...what does that teach a child..that its ok to yell...just threatening them and not doing anything about it just tells them that they can do it again...nothing will be done for their wrong doing...there is a clear difference between spanking and abuse....there are many definitions for the word abuse...
  1. To use wrongly or improperly; misuse: abuse alcohol; abuse a privilege.
  2. To hurt or injure by maltreatment; ill-use.
  3. To force sexual activity on; rape or molest.
  4. To assail with contemptuous, coarse, or insulting words; revile.
  5. Obsolete. To deceive or trick

now if u find the definition for the word spanking it will say... 

  1. Informal. Exceptional of its kind; remarkable.
  2. Swift and vigorous: a spanking pace.
  3. Brisk and fresh: a spanking breeze.
  4. Used as an intensive: a spanking clean shirt.
  5. A number of slaps on the buttocks delivered in rapid succession, as for punishment.

take that and let it sink in 

  

violence is mental abuse and for some Physical brutalizing. It destroys love,trust hope,positive. 

It is physically torturing kids mentally& emotionally, often to an emotional breakdown.It is  

accumulated spankings and burnout . If you were hit twice it would hurt your feelings. You can't get 

affection starved kids in a well of pain, for years, that requires drugs to climb out if you just hurt peoples feelings. It is preventing survival emotionally (mental Abuse). It also causes Spousal  etc. 

I also keep seeing overkillout there. Hitting with hard objects. The consciousless relatives were 

done that way. I'm glad you did alright but I have read thousands of similar descriptions and ruination. It is why people take the time to bring up details. But not everyone has the same experiences so they don't comprehend  it. I am actually one of a trillion people. I am being attacked 

by a vicious neighbor lately so I came on. But I think this site has people who had a better life 

and they think i am rare or just exaggerating ,but I'm common out there. This show is inciting battering out there from rough people.  Too a violent people. Ok I'm glad you all did better and can live in a safe world. But several generations showed me that It goes bad fast.Spanking is using the wrong word. The impact of violence is Mental abuse and emotional burnout that requires years to recover from often. That is why a lot of people are anti-violent. 

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Next | Last