Quote From: kdabam I've been visiting this site for about 2 months now and have thought about everyones comments long and hard. I finally realized that any type of discipline can become abusive. I chose not to spank because of witnessing it as a child. It's kinda like when you eat pizza and vomit. you never want to eat pizza again. I chose instead to be firm with my son, set limits, stick to them and find positive solutions. Now someone could witness me getting firm with my son and call it abuse. who knows. It's really all about how you are feeling at the time. If you are calm and cool than your technique is fine but if you are frustrated and mad than any thing can be abusive.
To me the lack of discipline is emotionally abusive because the child is not getting what they need to become constructive adults. They become out of control and cannot handle their own behaviors or think for themselves. They have low self esteem and later on in life have to enter therapy. How is that fair.
So many of the parent's on here say their kids are fine and they spanked. Because they showed their kids where the limit was their children didn't have to fight, kick and scream to find it. There was a clear example of where it was and that was that. It's the parent's that don't discipline and when their kids are out of control they resort to spanking them to get them to listen, now there is an example of where spanking can become abusive because it was done out of anger and not part of their parenting technique.
There is a happy medium to raising children and giving them the best we, as parents, have to offer. We hope something we said sticks with them when they are out on their own and have to make their own decisions. Parenting is not easy and doesn't get any easier as the years go on. It's a lifelong job and can get very exhausting. But at the end of the day we have these beautiful children who are learning and growing because of us. Keep up the good work!!
I have to add that making spanking illegal is really over the top. should they make yelling, swearing and ignoring illegal too? Those all can be abusive if used in the wrong way. come on people lets stop needing the goverment to take resposibility for humanity. If everyone takes responsibility for themselves and their children we will have a much healthier nation. Stop needing the excuses for our actions or lack there of.
I must say that I do agree with you but putting all this aside concerning spanking, I believe that before the government, or any one for that matter even starts thinking about this subject, they need to work on the system that is already in place, Childrens services is a big joke for the most part. Grant it, as in most organizations there are good people in it attempting to do their job but over all the system has and is failing so many families/children, believe me, I see it all the time. as I grew up in the system and I was abused in the home that the state placed me in, good grief, I would have been better off in my bio home, I may not have been bathed as a little child and I may not have had the proper nutrition, but I was never molested nor was I told I was stupid and would never make it in life cause no one would love me, that was done with the wonderful (?) help of the system. Now, I have a sister who is a bully, a drug addict, an alcoholic and she is gay with multiple partners, she has a daughter that was adopted by my aunt but went on an had 5 more children, they are now ranging from the ages of 21 down to 15, none of them has an education, the 20 year old is a prostitute and the youngest has a 13 month old, they all live in the same home which they constantly get evicted and even though there are 3, yes THREE SSI checks coming into the home but is gone within a week. The oldest cooks and cleans while mom is out partying doing her thing, The children themselves have called children services, a little slap on the wrist and guess who has ALL her children as well as a grand baby! oh yes, children services has even stepped in to pay electric bills for this family. o what a wonderful system we have in place! And just these two incidents have taken place in two different parts of this state. I have also worked with some children from my previous church, should I go into detail?? And what about the little girl (been years now) who was beat by her mothers boy friend and was hardly recognized by dad, she almost died in the hospital. This was a little girl in the first day care that I worked in, she started there when dad got custody FINALLY after a abattle with the system. I also know a family who had their children taken away becasue of dog scratches casued by the baby sitters dog and children services were not convinced even though there were witnesses, put a lot of stress onthis family and now the kids are home but in counseling. How many children have we all seen either on the news, in our own neighborhoods whereever who have fallen through the cracks? Yes, there have been some children/families saved but lets fix the system that is already in place instead of accusing innocent parents of abuse and those who are really abusing their children, whether it be physical, sexual, emotionally, whatever can be taken care of. Childrens services as far as I can tell have no guidelines for all social workers are different and it is all based on what that case worker thinks, It is about agenda, not guidelines. We can all sit and debate the subject of spanking all we want and so what if they make illegal or not, I personally really don't give a hoot, for I am a good mother to my children and they and every one who knows me agrees and it certainly shows in my children, The point here is the system is flawed and needs to be fixed and not based on opinions and accusations and agendas, I agree that ALL forms of discipline can become abuse and those abusers are the ones that the system needs to go after.
