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Topic : Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Number of Replies: 2264
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:50:41 pm
Author : dataimport
Is spanking a necessary evil or can you discipline effectively without physical punishment? Sound off about spanking.

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September 27, 2005, 7:14 pm CDT

TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE

Spanking children is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. It only teaches the child(ren) that violence is the right way to get what one wants. Violence is NEVER JUSTIFIED. Spanking should be illegal everywhere. I call spanking (and any form of corporal punishment, for that matter) a punishment that fits no crime. What I mean is that there is not a bad thing on God's great earth; in fact, not a bad thing in the entire universe that a child can do to deserve a spanking or other form of corporal punishment. Other forms of corporal punishment I have read and heard about include beating, scalding in hot bath water, and locking a child in his/her room. I heard about an example of the second form listed above. A few years ago, a couple of parents got the bright idea (and I mean that ironically) of scalding their then-3-year-old son in hot bath water after he defecated in his pants. It is just horrible how parents punish their children. Corporal punishment is NEVER JUSTIFIED. Parents need to find other (non-violent) ways to punish their children, like the stuff Dr. Phil suggests on this website.
 
September 28, 2005, 11:16 am CDT

joeys1986

Quote From: joeys1986

Spanking children is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. It only teaches the child(ren) that violence is the right way to get what one wants. Violence is NEVER JUSTIFIED. Spanking should be illegal everywhere. I call spanking (and any form of corporal punishment, for that matter) a punishment that fits no crime. What I mean is that there is not a bad thing on God's great earth; in fact, not a bad thing in the entire universe that a child can do to deserve a spanking or other form of corporal punishment. Other forms of corporal punishment I have read and heard about include beating, scalding in hot bath water, and locking a child in his/her room. I heard about an example of the second form listed above. A few years ago, a couple of parents got the bright idea (and I mean that ironically) of scalding their then-3-year-old son in hot bath water after he defecated in his pants. It is just horrible how parents punish their children. Corporal punishment is NEVER JUSTIFIED. Parents need to find other (non-violent) ways to punish their children, like the stuff Dr. Phil suggests on this website.

First of all, locking a child in his/her room is not corporal punishment. 

Second, the things you've listed above have nothing to do with a spanking, they are forms of abuse.  Spanking is a form of discipline, abuse is not.  Though Dr. Phil does not agree with spanking, when he had the family on that disagreed with him, he really had very little to rebuke them.  I understand an opinion that spanking is not for everyone, but as long as you are not abusing your child, you should take the necessary steps to help your child understand right from wrong.  You must always have positive, definite, and lasting results.  The fact that you have an angry emoticon is rather interesting to me.  Are you angry?  To be honest with you, anger is a secondary emotion to hurt.  Perhaps you feel hurt for the kids who are being abused?  How many children do you have? 

  

Spanking does not, in fact, teach a child that violence is the right way to get what one wants.  None of my children believe that and they have all been spanked.  You are right in saying that violence is never justified.  Spanking, IMO, will never be illegal everywhere.  That seems a bit far fetched. 

  

Have a GREAT Wednesday, 

Tselb2 

 
September 29, 2005, 6:00 am CDT

spanking or not

I think it depends on each individule person we all have our ways of disapline I dont hardly think a good swat on the butt as a last resort will kill your child or hurt them so badly they come out to be abusive adults.  its one thing to swat them on the butt a good one and another to beat on them No you shouldnt have to use a spanking BUT then there are times when you have gone as far as you can ,you have taken your time out to cool off you have taken privilages away ,grounded them or whatever and it still dont work  "trust me my kids are now 19 and 20" They are not abusive and think what I did was right . and as long as the spankings dont get out of hand and go into beatings then you and your child will be just fine , however whoever you are YOUR the only one that can decide what YOU think is right for your child   I took parenting classes "NO it dont mean I know any more or less than you" But I learned alot and would do it again in a heart beat if needed I refer other parents to go to them weather they do I have no clue but we all have different parenting styles and no one should be put down for the way they parent their child  "unless its abuse"  besides MY children were NOT born with instructions were yours ? well dont mean to make others mad but had to add my opinion  have a great day and enjoy your kids while they are young let them be kids and have fun like kids are suppose to take care Lori 

 
September 30, 2005, 1:23 pm CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: joeys1986

Spanking children is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. It only teaches the child(ren) that violence is the right way to get what one wants. Violence is NEVER JUSTIFIED. Spanking should be illegal everywhere. I call spanking (and any form of corporal punishment, for that matter) a punishment that fits no crime. What I mean is that there is not a bad thing on God's great earth; in fact, not a bad thing in the entire universe that a child can do to deserve a spanking or other form of corporal punishment. Other forms of corporal punishment I have read and heard about include beating, scalding in hot bath water, and locking a child in his/her room. I heard about an example of the second form listed above. A few years ago, a couple of parents got the bright idea (and I mean that ironically) of scalding their then-3-year-old son in hot bath water after he defecated in his pants. It is just horrible how parents punish their children. Corporal punishment is NEVER JUSTIFIED. Parents need to find other (non-violent) ways to punish their children, like the stuff Dr. Phil suggests on this website.

I agree with you. Spanking is never justified, I do hope it will be illegal in this country. But it seems to me that people here are more concerned about the parental right to spank then to protect our children from harm. There is other ways to discipline the children. 7 other countries in the world are doing just fine without the spankings. 

  

 
September 30, 2005, 6:32 pm CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: ulrika

I agree with you. Spanking is never justified, I do hope it will be illegal in this country. But it seems to me that people here are more concerned about the parental right to spank then to protect our children from harm. There is other ways to discipline the children. 7 other countries in the world are doing just fine without the spankings. 

  

At least I can say that my children are happy and maturing just fine and are developing and ahead of their age. They are fun loving and have a whole lot of respect for others, don't remember the last time I had to take them out of the store or restaurante casue of their behavior. I am a stay at home mom who is proud to say that she has good little ones and even for a child who has never stepped foot in a day care center is the most socialable , content and enjoys her environment both at home and preschool which she has only been in for a month. This describes my four year old and my little one is just like her in personality (just a little more stubborn LOL), they are both loving and compassionate towards others and just plains enjoy life, now this sounds like children who are being harmed!!!!!!!!! grant it, It has been several months since my oldest has had a swat on the bottom, my little one, can't even rememer, but they are well adjusted kids who know they are loved. Regardless of what some think, I personally don't have a probelm with those who spank and I know for a fact that my childeren are in a safe environment. I have been exposed to a lot of abused children (me included) and it has absolutely nothing to do with a swat on the bottom. Any form of discipline can end up in abuse if one is not careful, I saw a mother who kept putting her child in time out, not just sitting her there either, this happened for at least 20 minutes, the child crying and screaming, and the mother just picking the child up and sitting her on the chair with, and it was not easily done, that was abuse! and it is my right to discipline and teach my children right from wrong and no one has the right to tell me that I am abusing my children especially when it is based on opinion and not fact. Now, I am only basing this post on my experience and my children and I will back my self up along with any other parent who loves and cares for their children, regardless of their discipline techniques and those who abuse their children, do not need them
 
October 1, 2005, 12:47 am CDT

Disapline

there is a BIG difference between spanking as a last resort or BEATING or hurting a child in other ways I spanked my children as a last resort and they turned out just fine and they are NOT abusive they are GREAT kids out on their own and living a happy life I think I did pretty good I was spanked as a child and Im NOT abusive  I DONT beleive in BEATING or HURTING in ANY other ways  thats going way to far and that  needs to be turned in right away  good luck and take care Lori
 
October 1, 2005, 9:21 am CDT

a happy medium

 I've been visiting this site for about 2 months now and have thought about everyones comments long and hard.  I finally realized that any type of discipline can become abusive.  I chose not to spank because of witnessing it as a child.  It's kinda like when you eat pizza and vomit.  you never want to eat pizza again.  I chose instead to be firm with my son, set limits, stick to them and find positive solutions.  Now someone could witness me getting firm with my son and call it abuse. who knows.  It's really all about how you are feeling at the time.  If you are calm and cool than your technique is fine but if you are frustrated and mad than any thing can be abusive. 
  To me the lack of discipline is emotionally abusive because the child is not getting what they need to become constructive adults.  They become out of control and cannot handle their own behaviors or think for themselves.  They have low self esteem and later on in life have to enter therapy.  How is that fair. 
  So many of the parent's on here say their kids are fine and they spanked.  Because they showed their kids where the limit was their children didn't have to fight, kick and scream to find it.  There was a clear example of where it was and that was that.  It's the parent's that don't discipline and when their kids are out of control they resort to spanking them to get them to listen, now there is an example of where spanking can become abusive because it was done out of anger and not part of their parenting technique.
  There is a happy medium to raising children and giving them the best we, as parents, have to offer.  We hope something we said sticks with them when they are out on their own and have to make their own decisions.  Parenting is not easy and doesn't get any easier as the years go on.  It's a lifelong job and can get very exhausting.  But at the end of the day we have these beautiful children who are learning and growing because of us.  Keep up the good work!!

I have to add that making spanking illegal is really over the top.  should they make yelling, swearing and ignoring illegal too?  Those all can be abusive if used in the wrong way.  come on people lets stop needing  the goverment to take resposibility for humanity.  If everyone takes responsibility for themselves and their children we will have a much healthier nation.  Stop needing the excuses for our actions or lack there of.
 
October 1, 2005, 3:12 pm CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: kdabam

 I've been visiting this site for about 2 months now and have thought about everyones comments long and hard.  I finally realized that any type of discipline can become abusive.  I chose not to spank because of witnessing it as a child.  It's kinda like when you eat pizza and vomit.  you never want to eat pizza again.  I chose instead to be firm with my son, set limits, stick to them and find positive solutions.  Now someone could witness me getting firm with my son and call it abuse. who knows.  It's really all about how you are feeling at the time.  If you are calm and cool than your technique is fine but if you are frustrated and mad than any thing can be abusive. 
  To me the lack of discipline is emotionally abusive because the child is not getting what they need to become constructive adults.  They become out of control and cannot handle their own behaviors or think for themselves.  They have low self esteem and later on in life have to enter therapy.  How is that fair. 
  So many of the parent's on here say their kids are fine and they spanked.  Because they showed their kids where the limit was their children didn't have to fight, kick and scream to find it.  There was a clear example of where it was and that was that.  It's the parent's that don't discipline and when their kids are out of control they resort to spanking them to get them to listen, now there is an example of where spanking can become abusive because it was done out of anger and not part of their parenting technique.
  There is a happy medium to raising children and giving them the best we, as parents, have to offer.  We hope something we said sticks with them when they are out on their own and have to make their own decisions.  Parenting is not easy and doesn't get any easier as the years go on.  It's a lifelong job and can get very exhausting.  But at the end of the day we have these beautiful children who are learning and growing because of us.  Keep up the good work!!

I have to add that making spanking illegal is really over the top.  should they make yelling, swearing and ignoring illegal too?  Those all can be abusive if used in the wrong way.  come on people lets stop needing  the goverment to take resposibility for humanity.  If everyone takes responsibility for themselves and their children we will have a much healthier nation.  Stop needing the excuses for our actions or lack there of.
I must say that I do agree with you but putting all this aside concerning spanking, I believe that before the government, or any one for that matter even starts thinking about this subject, they need to work on the system that is already in place, Childrens services is a big joke for the most part. Grant it, as in most organizations there are good people in it attempting to do their job but over all the system has and is failing so many families/children, believe me, I see it all the time. as I grew up in the system and I was abused in the home that the state placed me in, good grief, I would have been better off in my bio home, I may not have been bathed as a little child and I may not have had the proper nutrition, but I was never molested nor was I told I was stupid and would never make it in life cause no one would love me, that was done with the wonderful (?) help of the system. Now, I have a sister who is a bully, a drug addict, an alcoholic and she is gay with multiple partners, she has a daughter that was adopted by my aunt but went on an had 5 more children, they are now ranging from the ages of 21 down to 15, none of them has an education, the 20 year old is a prostitute and the youngest has a 13 month old, they all live in the same home which they constantly get evicted and even though there are 3, yes THREE SSI checks coming into the home but is gone within a week. The oldest cooks and cleans while mom is out partying doing her thing, The children themselves have called children services, a little slap on the wrist and guess who has ALL her children as well as a grand baby! oh yes, children services has even stepped in to pay electric bills for this family. o what a wonderful system we have in place! And just these two incidents have taken place in two different parts of this state. I have also worked with some children from my previous church, should I go into detail?? And what about the little girl (been years now) who was beat by her mothers boy friend and was hardly recognized by dad, she almost died in the hospital. This was a little girl in the first day care that I worked in, she started there when dad got custody FINALLY after a abattle with the system. I also know a family who had their children taken away becasue of dog scratches casued by the baby sitters dog and children services were not convinced even though there were witnesses, put a lot of stress onthis family and now the kids are home but in counseling. How many children have we all seen either on the news, in our own neighborhoods whereever who have fallen through the cracks? Yes, there have been some children/families saved but lets fix the system that is already in place instead of accusing innocent parents of abuse and those who are really abusing their children, whether it be physical, sexual, emotionally, whatever can be taken care of. Childrens services as far as I can tell have no guidelines for all social workers are different and it is all based on what that case worker thinks, It is about agenda, not guidelines. We can all sit and debate the subject of spanking all we want and so what if they make illegal or not, I personally really don't give a hoot, for I am a good mother to my children and they and every one who knows me agrees and it certainly shows in my children, The point here is the system is flawed and needs to be fixed and not based on opinions and accusations and agendas, I agree that ALL forms of discipline can become abuse and those abusers are the ones that the system needs to go after.
 
October 1, 2005, 6:42 pm CDT

I couldn't agree more

Quote From: jettav

I must say that I do agree with you but putting all this aside concerning spanking, I believe that before the government, or any one for that matter even starts thinking about this subject, they need to work on the system that is already in place, Childrens services is a big joke for the most part. Grant it, as in most organizations there are good people in it attempting to do their job but over all the system has and is failing so many families/children, believe me, I see it all the time. as I grew up in the system and I was abused in the home that the state placed me in, good grief, I would have been better off in my bio home, I may not have been bathed as a little child and I may not have had the proper nutrition, but I was never molested nor was I told I was stupid and would never make it in life cause no one would love me, that was done with the wonderful (?) help of the system. Now, I have a sister who is a bully, a drug addict, an alcoholic and she is gay with multiple partners, she has a daughter that was adopted by my aunt but went on an had 5 more children, they are now ranging from the ages of 21 down to 15, none of them has an education, the 20 year old is a prostitute and the youngest has a 13 month old, they all live in the same home which they constantly get evicted and even though there are 3, yes THREE SSI checks coming into the home but is gone within a week. The oldest cooks and cleans while mom is out partying doing her thing, The children themselves have called children services, a little slap on the wrist and guess who has ALL her children as well as a grand baby! oh yes, children services has even stepped in to pay electric bills for this family. o what a wonderful system we have in place! And just these two incidents have taken place in two different parts of this state. I have also worked with some children from my previous church, should I go into detail?? And what about the little girl (been years now) who was beat by her mothers boy friend and was hardly recognized by dad, she almost died in the hospital. This was a little girl in the first day care that I worked in, she started there when dad got custody FINALLY after a abattle with the system. I also know a family who had their children taken away becasue of dog scratches casued by the baby sitters dog and children services were not convinced even though there were witnesses, put a lot of stress onthis family and now the kids are home but in counseling. How many children have we all seen either on the news, in our own neighborhoods whereever who have fallen through the cracks? Yes, there have been some children/families saved but lets fix the system that is already in place instead of accusing innocent parents of abuse and those who are really abusing their children, whether it be physical, sexual, emotionally, whatever can be taken care of. Childrens services as far as I can tell have no guidelines for all social workers are different and it is all based on what that case worker thinks, It is about agenda, not guidelines. We can all sit and debate the subject of spanking all we want and so what if they make illegal or not, I personally really don't give a hoot, for I am a good mother to my children and they and every one who knows me agrees and it certainly shows in my children, The point here is the system is flawed and needs to be fixed and not based on opinions and accusations and agendas, I agree that ALL forms of discipline can become abuse and those abusers are the ones that the system needs to go after.
 I think you are misunderstanding me here.  I wasn't talking about dcf just the other posts about making spanking illegal.  I too have seen the system fail, many times.  I friend of mine was quite happy living with his grandmother, his mom wanted him back, the state gave him back and the next week he was found, beaten bound and dead in a closet.  Oh wonderful system.  I spent the rest of the school year looking at the empty seat next to me and  wondered why ( I was only 11).  I am a mandated reporter.  I have had to report families for abuse.  None of them were helped.  They just pulled their kids out and left the state.  So now they got no help from the state or from us.  who pays.  The children.  I have no need to debate this subject.  I have come very far from the last go around I have had on this subject.  I just wanted to say that this site helped me see this subject clearer and has helped me out as a mom.  Take care
Karen
 
October 1, 2005, 7:38 pm CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: kdabam

 I think you are misunderstanding me here.  I wasn't talking about dcf just the other posts about making spanking illegal.  I too have seen the system fail, many times.  I friend of mine was quite happy living with his grandmother, his mom wanted him back, the state gave him back and the next week he was found, beaten bound and dead in a closet.  Oh wonderful system.  I spent the rest of the school year looking at the empty seat next to me and  wondered why ( I was only 11).  I am a mandated reporter.  I have had to report families for abuse.  None of them were helped.  They just pulled their kids out and left the state.  So now they got no help from the state or from us.  who pays.  The children.  I have no need to debate this subject.  I have come very far from the last go around I have had on this subject.  I just wanted to say that this site helped me see this subject clearer and has helped me out as a mom.  Take care
Karen
I do understand and again I highlighted your post casue it was the last post, sorry about that. Just didn't think about the way I was posting. any way, I am on the same page as you.
 
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