Topic : Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

In my family , my husband and I have three reasons to administer a spanking.  

1. Life and Death situations - running into a busy street, putting metal in the electrical outlet.  We want the children to understand right away that this was a serious action and to not EVER do it again. 

2. Lying.  Plain and simple. We will not tolerate any lying. 

3. Complete defiance. If I say "Come here, please." and my child looks at me, smurks, and runs off in the opposite direction.  Or "Stop jumping on the couch." And they continue to do so.  It shows a lack of respect and must not be allowed.  

Please note, children are always learning life lessons from pain. They burn their finger on the stove...they remember not to touch it.  They run too fast down a hill....they fall down and skin their knee.  What we are doing is administering that  bit of pain so they will remember the consequence of that action.  In fact, in my house, we call them "reminders".  

We do not "punish"- that denotes a "I'm gonna get you for that" kind of attitude. 

I am saddened by the stories that give spanking a bad rep.   

I do believe, in spite of the misinformed "spankers", that spanking can be a very useful tool in training a child.  It is not a last resort effort done in anger or frustration, it does not teach your children to hit, nor does not cause your children to be fearful of you.  

I do not view 

My four siblings and I were spanked growing up.  My dad was a military man and spanking and yelling was just how he did things.  I never really thought there was anything too wrong with it and always thought I would spank my own children.  Now that I am a parent (two boys ages 2 and 5 months) I realize that there are other ways to do things.  When I look at those beautiful, innocent, loving faces, I cannot imagine spanking them.  Do children learn from receiving spankings?  Probably, but as a byproduct they learn other things:  it's okay to hit, when mom/dad get mad they spank me, it's okay for mom/dad to hit but not me.  How confusing it would be to be trying to figure out this world and have such mixed messages thrown at you!  My oldest son turned two in August and has never been spanked.  That being said, he is also very well-behaved.  I don't have the problems with defiance and temper tantrums that many parents face with this age.  There are other ways to discipline children that are more effective than spanking.  If I can teach,train, set limits for and socialize my children without purposefully inflicting physical pain on them, I will.  

Boo,  

If your boss thought you were doing something dangerous and hit you would you learn something?  

If your spouse lied to you about how much money he/she spent today, would you give her a good one on the bottom?  

Why do you think it is OK to treat a child in this manner but not an adult. Children only learn respect by being respected. There are many other ways of disciplining a child. Taking away a privilege or time out work well.  

Here is some news for you: Pain is not necessary for learning to occur. Inflicting pain on children in the name of teaching them is cruelty.  

When spanking is administered incorrectly it is very bad.  But when you spank a child with love you are doing them a favor.  When my son directly disobeys me I first call him over to me, explain what the misbehavior is, explain what the correct behavior would be (he is only 3 but as he gets older I will have him help me in this area by having him tell me what he thinks the correct thing to do would be!), then swat his bottom one time.  I then give him a hug and tell him I love him very much and that it is my job to teach him to behave.  He has never tried to hit me, he doesn't go into a tantrum, He doesn't hit others.  I have spanked him in a loving way.  I care enough about my child to take the time to discipline him correctly.  And yes, I do use time outs too.  There is a time and place for everything. 

For all of those who overdramatize how a spanking scars a child, GET REAL!  Myself among millions of people who were spanked as children aren't scarred and haven't grown up abusing their children.  I've discovered that most people who disagree with spankings weren't just spanked, but abused so they tie the two together.  Most abusers have truly been abused.  Their parents or someone in their lives went beyond discipline and into abuse.   

I don't agree with spanking a child out of anger, and I do believe that some kids you just talk to and they get right.  But for some, spanking is a necessary tool.  There are many kids out there who didn't get spankings and they are spoiled brats who disrespect their parents.  As parents we have to walk in love and balance when disciplining our children.  There is a time (when not angry) and a method. 

You wrote: 

"I just don't see where the spanking is necessary.  I have two children - a five year old boy and a 3 year old girl.  Neither I nor my husband have ever found the need to spank them to get our point across to them.  Respect your children and let them show you that they are capable of LISTENING to you!" 

The fact that you say you just don't see where the spanking is necessary is key.  If you don't see it necessary to spank, then don't.  Some people feel it is necessary for their children to demonstrate behavior that is appropriate.  I have never spanked my children in anger, frustration, or any other emotion, for that matter, and they have responded precisely the way I thought they would.  As long as I get positive, definite, lasting results, then I believe the discipline I am using is working.  

Spanking is not absent of respect.  I have always respected my children and they have me.  I do let them show me what they are capable of.  I wouldn't consider myself a good Mom if I didn't.  In fact, they have shown me many things they are capable of that I really didn't think they were until they demonstrated it.  However, if I am not getting positive, definite, lasting results from a form of discipline, then it is my job to find the one that gets those results, whatever that might be.  The key is positive, definite, lasting results.  :) 

Take care, 

tselb2